Introduction:
A. As you know, we are preaching through the “one another” commands of the New Testament as we try to grow in our ability to have relationships God’s way and be the church as it ought to be.
1. Today we are going to talk about “bearing with one another.”
2. Lord willing, in a later sermon we will talk about “bearing one another’s burdens.”
3. Even though those two commands sound similar, their meaning is really quite different.
4. To help someone “bear their burden” is to help them carry a burden and to help them manage their struggle – which certainly is an important thing for us to be doing.
5. Today, however, we want to talk about bearing with one another.
6. In this case, the word “bear” means to tolerate one another, to patiently endure each other’s idiosyncrasies and weaknesses.
7. Does bearing with each other sound like an easy thing to do? Well, that depends on who we talking about – can I get an amen on that?
B. Well, let me begin by saying that I have some good news for us this morning, and I have some bad news for us. Let’s start with the good news.
1. The good news is that everyone who puts their faith in Jesus is going to heaven. Praise God!
2. The bad news is that all of us have to travel to heaven together!
3. I like the old saying that goes like this: “To live above, with saints we love, that will be glory. To live below, with the saints we know, that’s quite a different story!”
C. Let’s be honest: Sometimes we find it hard to get along with each other.
1. Like the story told of the little boy who was sitting on the front steps looking very upset when his father came home.
a. His father asked him what was wrong, and the boy said, “Well, just between us, Dad, I’m having trouble getting along with that wife of yours.”
2. I heard another story about a little girl who was being forced to eat alone at a small table in the kitchen as part of her discipline for disobedience.
a. As the rest of the family sat at the other table trying to ignore the young girl, they heard her pray, “I thank you, Lord, for preparing a table for me in the presence of my enemies.”
D. Truth be told: Satan doesn’t want us to get along with each other.
1. He wants us to become annoyed, upset and out of sync with each other.
2. Healthy relationships require hard work and a lot of grace.
3. Relationships are very vulnerable and can rupture quite easily.
4. Our idiosyncrasies can easily become irritants and our unity can unravel.
5. If you Google “annoying people,” like I did, then you will find a website dedicated to listing the things that people do that are annoying.
a. Even though the website is called “101 Kinds of Annoying People,” the list now contains 129 things that people do that are annoying. I’m sure we could add to the list!
b. Thankfully, when I Googled” annoying people, my picture didn’t show up!
6. Here’s a few samples from the list of 101 Kinds of Annoying People: Annoying people are…
a. The people who got picked first for sports teams in elementary school.
b. People who wear so much perfume that there is a visible cloud of it around them.
c. People who have taken it upon themselves to cheer up the world, whether the world wants to be cheered up or not.
E. How many of you have seen the movie called “The Fellowship of the Ring?”
1. Ben Farleman loves that movie and would be thrilled that I’m mentioning the movie.
2. When he was a teenager, he would often encourage me to do a sermon series about the trilogy.
3. The movie, The Fellowship of the Ring, is based on the first book in J.R.R. Tolkien’s three volume epic novel The Lord of the Rings.
4. The story takes place in the fictional universe called Middle-earth.
5. The story is about a young Hobbit named Frodo has been entrusted with an ancient ring that is an instrument of absolute power and corrupts whoever possesses it.
6. Frodo must embark on an Epic quest to the Cracks of Doom in order to destroy the ring.
7. Frodo gathers together a fellowship of friends to help him with this quest.
8. The motley crew is made up of hobbits, humans, a wizard, and an elf.
9. The group must not only fight external enemies, but must also deal with internal dissension caused by the corruption of the ring.
10. Along the way the fellowship is fractured by selfishness and abrasiveness, and the mission’s success is compromised.
11. If you want to know the rest of the story, then you’ll have to watch the movie or read the book!
F. But doesn’t Tolkien’s story sound a lot like the challenges that we face as “the fellowship of God’s people” as we attempt to carry out our quest to do the Will and Works of God in this world?
1. We are forced to deal with external enemies and evils, as well as internal ones.
2. That’s why we need to heed the instructions of Paul found in Ephesians 4:1-3.
3. Let’s read those verses again: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Eph. 4:1-3)
4. Let’s spend the rest of our time this morning trying to understand and apply Paul’s commands.
5. There are four things that stand out to me about bearing with one another found in these verses.
I. Bearing with others is part of living a life worthy of our calling.
A. We are instructed to live a life worthy of our calling.
1. Jesus is the One who has called us and made our calling possible.
2. We must learn to live a life worthy of Jesus and the example He has left us.
3. When we look at the way Jesus handled and treated people, we see how he was able to bear with them.
4. Keep in mind that Jesus is absolutely perfect, and yet He puts up with all the rest of us who are absolutely imperfect! How’s that for bearing with others?
B. As I mentioned earlier, bearing with people means to be forbearing, to show tolerance for, and to make allowances for each other’s faults.
1. There is no doubt about it – God wants us to love all people – even those ones who are hard to love.
2. And there is also no doubt about the fact that some people are easier to love than others.
3. Some people refer to difficult people as VDPs: very demanding people, or very draining people.
4. Other people refer to difficult people as EGRs: extra grace required people.
C. Now let’s make an important clarification: we are not talking about bearing with people’s sins.
1. It is not God’s will that we accept or tolerate the sins of our brothers and sisters in Christ – sins must be repented of not tolerated.
2. Rather, bearing with each other is about extending grace and patience to those who are wired differently than we are.
3. We are called to endure the everyday frustrations of living closely with and working cooperatively with others.
4. This is a central part of learning to live a life worthy of our calling and it can’t be avoided.
5. We are called to love and value all people – those we like a lot and those we don’t like as much – those who are easy to get along with, and those who are hard to get along with.
II. Bearing with others requires humility, gentleness and patience.
A. Humility is such an important aspect of being able to bear with others, because in humility we remember that each of us are far from perfect and others are also bearing with us.
1. Humility is a soberness of mind which springs from a true estimation of ourselves.
2. In all honesty, most of us have no idea how irritating we may be at times to others and just how much grace others extend to us on an on-going basis.
3. Pride says, “I’m the best thing since sliced bread and everybody likes me because there is no reason for them not to.”
4. Humility says, “I realize that I’m just as peculiar as the next person. We are all different and imperfect. And I want to be aware of how I might be irritating to others so I can change.”
B. Coupled with humility, we need to express gentleness and patience.
1. When we are tempted to be impatient with others, we need to keep in mind how patient God and others have been with us.
2. And with regard to gentleness, we need to keep in mind how we like to be treated – most of us like to be treated gently.
a. Directly and gently can go hand in hand, but it’s tricky.
3. I think it would be helpful for us to have a mantra of “be gentle and patient” (repeat).
4. I like the story told of the man who was at a supermarket with his baby, and the baby was in the shopping cart and was crying loudly.
a. A woman nearby noticed that all the time the baby was crying the man kept calmly saying: “Keep calm, Albert. Keep calm, Albert.”
b. Finally, in admiration for the man’s patience with the screaming child, the woman walked up to the man and said: “Sir, I must commend you for your patience with baby Albert.”
c. The man corrected her, “Actually I’m Albert.”
5. Our mantra needs to be “David, Keep calm. Be gentle. Be patient.” (insert your own name!)
C. Another thing that helps me to be more patient with others is to try to understand where they are coming from.
1. The old saying is true that goes something like “you’ll never understand a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes.”
2. All people are the way they are because of the experiences and difficulties of their lives.
3. So, let’s cut people some slack and recognize that we seldom have the whole story.
4. It’s easier to be patient and gentle with people when we know and understand more about them.
5. Bearing with each other requires humility, gentleness and patience.
III. Bearing with others requires forgiveness.
A. Bearing with one another and having a forgiving spirit are synonymous concepts.
1. Look at what Paul wrote to the Colossians: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col. 3:13)
2. Unfortunately, some people carry grudges against others for years – how miserable and tragic!
3. And how out of character for a follower of Jesus.
4. How can a believer hold a grudge against someone when Christ has canceled their own debt of sin?
5. This is the key: forgive others as the Lord forgave you.
B. Forgiveness is one of those difficult and painful subjects that we wrestle with.
1. Many of us have been deeply hurt by others and we don’t feel like forgiving them or feel that we can’t forgive them.
2. What we must realize is that forgiveness must never be controlled by our feelings.
3. If we waited around to “feel” like forgiving others or until we “feel” that we can forgive others, then we may be waiting a long, long time.
4. That’s why forgiveness is command by God and why it is not based on feelings.
C. Forgiveness is the decision to intentionally release the bitterness and anger about the matter.
1. We may not be able to forgive and forget, but we can forgive and choose not to dwell on it.
2. We may not be able to choose the emotions we feel when we remember how a person hurt us, but we can choose to remember our decision to forgive.
3. Forgiveness is the intentional decision to not seek revenge, but to leave it in God’s hands.
4. Forgiveness is the intentional decision to not allow the incident to imprison us in the past.
5. The people who have a forgiving spirit are those who choose to do so and ask for God’s help to do so, and the people who have an unforgiving spirit also choose to do so, but without God’s blessing – it is a choice.
D. Forgiveness is very difficult – and is mostly impossible without God’s power.
1. Forgiving someone who hurt you may be the hardest thing you will ever do.
2. I like the story about the man started to cross the street one day.
a. As he stepped off the curb, a car came screaming around the corner toward him.
b. The man tried to hurry across the street, but the car swerved toward him in that direction.
c. So he turned around and headed back toward the original side, and the car changed direction and headed toward him again.
d. The man was so scared he just froze and stopped in the middle of the road.
e. The car barely missed him and screeched to a halt next to him.
f. The driver rolled down the window and to the man’s surprise, the driver was a squirrel.
g. The squirrel said to the man, “See, it’s not as easy as it looks, is it?!”
3. Well, forgiveness is not as easy as it sounds either.
4. In truth, we can’t do it without God’s help through the fruit of love that comes from the Spirit.
5. Forgiveness is an expression of love for God, for ourselves, and for others.
E. Another important thing to keep in mind is that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
1. Some Christians feel bad about themselves because they think they haven’t truly forgiven someone because they haven’t been reconciled with that person.
2. Here’s the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation: Forgiveness only requires one person to offer grace, but reconciliation requires the other person to ask for grace and receive it.
3. God unilaterally offers grace and forgiveness to all people through Jesus, but not everyone asks for it and then accepts that grace, and therefore, not everyone is reconciled to God.
4. It is God’s will for us to forgive people and move forward whether or not those we forgive admit that they need our forgiveness, ask for it, and then accept it.
F. Let me say one more thing about forgiveness – it is good not only for the offender, but it is also good for the offended.
1. Lewis Smedes said: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner was you.”
2. Bearing with others requires forgiveness.
IV. Bearing with others preserves unity among believers.
A. Look at Ephesians 4:3 again: “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
1. Patience, forbearance, forgiveness and peace are not automatic - they involve deliberate acts of the will and a whole lot of effort.
2. Refusing to bear with others creates disunity, which weakens and destroys the church.
3. I am committed to putting into practice the admonition from Paul in Romans 12:18, “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Conclusion:
A. What are some practical steps we can take in order to bear with one another in love?
1. First of all, acknowledge that we likely make it hard for others to bear with us.
a. When we take a good look at ourselves, are we willing to acknowledge our own weaknesses and idiosyncrasies?
b. When we realize that others are likely working hard to bear with us, then it should make us more willing to bear with them.
2. Second, we can consider why we have difficulty relating to and bearing with certain people.
a. We can ask ourselves why we struggle to relate to them.
b. We can ask ourselves “what is it about him or her that makes us annoyed or angry?”
c. Are these things just a matter of personality quirks? Are they simply preferences?
d. Could it be that they are too much like us?
e. Are the things we don’t like in them the very things we don’t like in ourselves?
3. Third, we can pray about the situation.
a. We can ask God to help us to see people from His perspective.
b. Perhaps we should ask God to change us, before we ask God to change them.
c. Prayer makes a difference and brings change, but we might be surprised by what change it brings.
4. Finally, we can make an effort to act appropriately and lovingly toward the person.
a. If need be, we can let go of a grudge and forgive them for the thing they have done.
b. We can try to better understand who they are and why they are the way they are.
c. We can also try to better understand who we are and why we struggle to bear with them.
d. We can look for some way to act positively toward the person or serve them in some way.
B. There’s a poster that reads: “Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing…It requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.” How true!
1. In one Peanuts cartoon, Lucy said to Snoopy: “There are times when you really bug me, but I must admit there are also times when I feel like giving you a big hug.”
2. Snoopy replied: “That’s the way I am…huggable and buggable.”
3. And I guess that’s also true of all of us…we are both huggable and buggable.
4. May God help us to bear with one another in love for the sake of the church’s unity, peace, and purpose!
Resources:
Building Up One Another, by Gene Getz, Victor Books, 1981.
“Bear With One Another” Sermon by Brian Bill, SermonCentral.com
“Forgiving Others” Sermon by Alan McCann, SermonCentral.com
“Bear with One Another” Sermon by Jonathan McLeod, SermonCentral.com
“To Err is Human; To Forgive Divine” Sermon by David Dykes, SermonCentral.com
“Bear With One Another” Sermon by David Owens
