I’ve had the privilege of doing a lot of weddings over the years. I often tell couples to expect things to go wrong during wedding ceremonies. A couple stand out to me.
• During the most sacred part of one ceremony, I asked the couple named Ben and Jen to repeat their vows. When I turned to the bride, I accidently called her “Bennifer” (this was during the time Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were referred to by that name). Everyone started laughing loudly, I turned bright red and became discombulated. It’s the only wedding I’ve done where the bride leaned forward with a big smile on her face and comforted me, “It’s OK, pastor. It’s OK.”
• Another memorable wedding began with the bride and her bridesmaids on a pontoon boat making their way across a lake. It was a very windy day and the lake had whitecaps. I’ll never forget her holding on to her veil as her hair was flying everywhere. She wasn’t smiling but I started laughing. When the boat finally reached the dock where the groom was, the bride stepped out of the boat…and fell into the lake. Unfortunately, I got the “church giggles” and received a glare from the wet wife-to-be.
As a pastor, it has been my joy for over 25 years to watch fretting fathers escort their eager daughters down the aisle. I’ve been the nervous father of the bride four times. Incidentally, I used to laugh when I watched the movie, “The Father of the Bride,” but I don’t find it very funny anymore.
I’ll never forget asking Pastor Tim for advice for our first wedding because I knew he officiated at the weddings of his children. My biggest concern was that I would cry like a baby walking my daughter down the aisle and then not be able to perform the ceremony. In his incredible wisdom, Pastor Tim said, “OK. Here’s what you do. Get up real early on the day of the wedding and come to church by yourself. Walk down the aisle as if you’re next to your daughter and get all your crying out.” I told him I would do that and then I asked, “Did that help you?” He smiled and said, “No. Not at all.”
A couple years ago, I sat down and wrote out a summary of biblical marriage. Because of other responsibilities, I don’t do weddings right now, but this is what I’ve stated at the beginning of weddings I have officiated:
Thank you for gathering for worship as we witness this man and woman make a covenant commitment in marriage before our Triune God. We live in a culture that dismisses marriage as an irrelevant relic of tradition. The spirit of our times has vigorously sought to dilute the sanctity of marriage through its condescending disregard, disrespect, and redefinition.
But the truth is, marriage has never found its worth or definition from any society or culture because marriage is the exclusive design of God’s personal genius. It has withstood the test of time and will continue to endure as a living memorial of God’s gracious provision for His creatures, remaining an institution created in His perfect wisdom and established by His infinite power.
Someone said it like this. Marriage is…
• Rooted in creation.
• Reiterated throughout Scripture.
• Repeated by Jesus himself.
• Representative of the love Jesus has for His church.
• Reflective of the gospel.
The Bible begins and ends with a wedding. In Genesis 2, God Himself presented the first woman to the first man and presided at the first wedding. As the second Adam, Jesus performed His first miracle at a wedding in John 2. Revelation 19:7-8 points to a future wedding filled with worship: “…For the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure.”
Here’s a one-sentence summary of where we’re headed: Marriage is made in heaven, but it matures on earth.
Recently, in his Breakpoint Commentary, John Stonestreet shared some good news and some bad news. The good news is divorce is at its lowest rate in 50 years. The bad news is marriage is at its lowest point in 150 years. According to a Pew study, barely half of U.S. adults are married and nearly 4 in 10 believe marriage has become obsolete as an institution.
BTW, if you’re single, it doesn’t mean something is wrong or you are somehow “less than.” Please forgive us when we put pressure on you to get married, or make disparaging comments, or tease you, or just leave you out of things. Forgive us as a church for the times we’ve made you feel second class or unimportant. That’s wrong. And we must stop. We must do a better job helping you live out your singleness with single-minded devotion to the glory of God.
Our main idea last week was how a man on mission is all about ministry and a man of valor values all life. We learned how God called Adam to live on mission for His glory in five different ways – He gave him a place, a purpose, permission, a prohibition, and punishment. We’ll see today how God also gave him a partner.
Let’s stand and read Genesis 2:18-23: “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’”
The teaching of Scripture on human origins and of marriage is foundational to the rest of the Bible. In Mark 10:6-9, Jesus quoted from Genesis to show how God created humans as male or female and marriage as exclusively between one man and one woman: “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Marriage is made in heaven, but it matures on earth. As we unpack our passage, first we’ll see there’s a problem in paradise. Second, we’ll discover God’s provision of partnership.
1. A problem in paradise (18-20). God created Adam, breathed life into him and put him in a garden with a job to do: “to work it and keep it” (verse 15). But in verse 18, God says there’s a problem in paradise, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.” This is a remarkably abrupt statement by God. In the Hebrew construction, “not good” is placed at the beginning of the sentence for emphasis.
This is fascinating because six times in Genesis 1, after each major creation event, God looked at what He created and said, “It is good.” In verse 31, after surveying everything He made, God declares, “Behold, it was very good.”
In this expanded account of the sixth day of creation, God suddenly says something is not good, which has the sense of incompleteness: “It is not good that the man should be alone.” This is not saying creation was not good, but the condition of Adam’s aloneness was not good. Observe this is God’s conclusion, not Adam’s. Adam never complained about being alone, but God saw his need and created the solution. Marriage is what God says it is, not what society, social media, tech companies, corporations, culture, theologically liberal churches, or the courts may say.
As we’ve been learning in our Back to the Beginning series, when God says it, that settles it!
The word “helper” is not a demeaning term but refers to “a helper answering to him; a complement, a completer, a corresponding partner.” A “helper” is one who supplies what is lacking in another person, one who is “like, but opposite him.” In Psalm 46:1, this word is used of God Himself: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
This helper is a perfect “fit” for him, which literally means, “like what is in front of him.” Eve will be Adam’s corresponding counterpart and perfect partner. She was like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle now completed.
God made Eve to be a perfect fit physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. God proactively provided a partner to solve Adam’s isolation as one who could work beside him on the tasks God entrusted to him.
Having said that, we might expect the next verse to say something like, “So God created Eve.” Instead of immediately matching Adam to a marriage mate, God assigns Adam a huge zoology project. God sees the need for Adam to have a helper, but He delays until Adam sees his need. Have you noticed God often makes us wait so we’ll appreciate what it is He wants to give us? Some of you have been waiting a long time for something. Hold on to this truth: While we wait, God is doing something wonderful.
In verses 19-20, Adam is told to give names to all the animals God had created. It’s interesting how God named everything on the first three days but held off on naming the animals because He wanted Adam to do it. Would you note there is no mention of evolution here? Adam never doubted God as the intelligent designer and benevolent creator: “Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast…” The word “formed” means to, “design, shape and fashion.” Then God “brought” each one to Adam so he could name them.
Inviting Adam to this parade of animals was God’s way of putting Adam through some premarital preparation. God wanted him to learn two main things.
• Training in leading. God called Adam to be a leader since the ability to name is the action of leadership as stated in Genesis 1:28: “…and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” By naming the animals it gave him a sense of order as he put them into different categories.
• Training in loving. Another purpose of this parade was training Adam to be a lover. As Adam surveyed all the animals, he saw Mr. and Mrs. Aardvark and at the end of the day, when he finally named Mr. and Mrs. Zebra, he was no doubt feeling empty and alone.
For every animal, there was both male and female. Everyone had a partner, but where was his? God was creating within Adam a gnawing hunger for a life mate, a need God would soon meet in the creation of Eve. Adam needed to feel the need in his life for a wife but first he needed to become a loving leader.
Look at the end of verse 20: “…But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” Adam is forlorn as he discovers for himself in verse 20 what God already knew in verse 18. He lived in paradise with everything his heart could want – a bunch of pet animals, a good career, outstanding food, and a sinless relationship with God. But he felt alone in a crowded garden and wondered if the day would ever end. By the way, do you know why this first day was so long? Because it had no Eve!
Marriage is made in heaven, but it matures on earth.
2. God’s provision of partnership (21-23). In verses 21-23, God addresses Adam’s need for completion: “So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man He made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’”
Again, we see how God takes the initiative, this time giving Adam some divine anesthesia so He can surgically remove a rib. When I had shoulder surgery, there was a separate anesthesiologist and a separate surgeon in the operating room but here God takes on both roles.
The word for “made” is “to build or construct.” As a sculptor, God carefully shaped her into someone who perfectly matched the man. Adam was formed, while Eve was made. Eve was literally made for Adam, a perfect match made in heaven.
I like how the commentator Matthew Henry puts it: “She was not taken from Adam’s head, that she should rule over him; nor from his feet, that she should be trampled on by him; but she was taken from his side, that she might be his equal, from under his arm, that she might be protected by him, near his heart, that he might cherish and love her.”
Eve was fashioned from Adam not to be identical, but to be complementary. They were similar, but not the same. She was made from his rib to show him she was a part of him, not a lower creation. We could say it like this: man was only half of God’s plan for human life and the woman was the glory and crown of His creation! The narrative makes clear that Adam and Eve are stronger together than they could be apart.
One time in Sunday school the teacher was teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when he learned how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor moaning. Alarmed, she asked, “Johnny, what’s wrong?” To which the boy responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m gonna have a wife!”
Verse 22 tells us God “brought her to the man.” As the ultimate matchmaker, God presented Eve to Adam. This is the same word used in verse 19 to describe how God “brought” the animals to Adam. I wonder if God said something like, “Hey, Adam, look over here. You forgot to name one creature!”
In this outdoor wedding ceremony, as the Father of the bride, God walked Eve down the aisle and gave her away to Adam. From this narrative we learn God planned the human heart for love and companionship. The only thing man brought with him out of the Garden was marriage.
God created a partner for Adam from his own flesh to meet the needs of his hungry heart. Don’t miss the fact that Adam never put in a work order for how his wife should look or what she would be like. He just slept, leaving it all to God.
The original Hebrew helps us see he was pretty pumped up when he woke up. The phrase, “This at last” means something like, “Here now, this is it! At last! All right! This one!” Keil and Delitzsch, two German scholars, believe Adam’s expression was one of “joyous astonishment!” I think he really said: “Wow! Oh, baby! Where have you been all my life? Do you come here often?”
I’ve been accused of using too many “dad jokes,” and on occasion, I even repeat some I find especially funny. I don’t want to do that again, but I can’t help it…in his exuberance, Adam called out, “Whoaaaa! Mannnnnn!” which is where we get the word wo-man. Sorry. Not sorry.
Now he knows he is not alone. Isolation has given way to relationship, partnership, and completion. The phrase, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man” is a poetic expression of ecstatic delight because Adam has found one who perfectly corresponds to him. The word “bone” means of the same substance and “flesh” refers to his body. She was like him and yet she was different because she was “taken out of man.”
This is the world’s first love song and was the first utterance from a human being before sin entered the world. Instead of complaining about his wife, he complimented her lavishly. Guys, I hate to say this, but we should probably learn from Adam and recite some poetry like he did.
During our Growth Group Wednesday night, Laura Anderson recounted an interaction between her parents who have been married for 64 years. Believe it or not, her dad’s name is Ken and her mom’s name is Barbie. Her mom recently broke her hip, and her dad suffered a stroke and is now on hospice. Since they are in separate nursing facilities and because of her mom’s surgery, this was the first time they saw each other in about 5-6 weeks.
As her mom came rolling into his room in a wheelchair, Ken waxed poetic: “My Barbie, my Barbie…Barbara Skelton, will you marry me? One lifetime is not long enough to be married to you.” I told Beth I’m going to start saying this to her and she told me I need to come up with something original.
It’s difficult for us to see because this is really a Hebrew pun. The name “Adam” referred to mankind, but Adam is not called a man until there is a female counterpart. In the Hebrew “Adam” changes to “ish” when the woman is brought to him. And she is called “ishsha,” (which means “to be tender”) because she was taken out of “ish.”
Adam is saying something like this, “This is my counterpart and my companion. She will help me make the world into a garden.” We could say that “ishsha” has her origins in “ish.” Man and woman find themselves in the reflection of the other.
Why wasn’t Eve made from dust? I think it was to show Adam she was part of him, equal to him, and not a lower creation. Both are made in the image of God. Husbands and wives are the same, and yet different. We can be united, even while not uniformly the same. We have equal value but different roles. More about that next weekend.
I can relate to how Adam felt when I first met Beth. I had surveyed all the girls on campus during my first semester at Moody Bible Institute “and there was not found a helper fit for me.” When I saw Beth for the first time, I broke out into Hebrew poetry and loudly declared, “Whoaaaa! Mannnnnn! We’ve been created for each other…where have you been all my life? One lifetime is not long enough to be married to you.” That’s not exactly how it went.
Marriage is made in heaven, but it matures on earth.
The Bible gives at least six purposes for marriage. Ponder them as we wrap up today and if you’re married, make note of an area you need to grow in.
1. Procreation. Genesis 1:28: “And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.’” Malachi 2:15 says, “Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring…”
2. Pleasure. Genesis 2:24: “And they shall become one flesh.” Listen to what a husband says about his wife in Song of Solomon 1:15: “Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves.” When his wife writes about her husband, she breaks out into poetry in Song of Solomon 2:16: “My beloved is mine, and I am his.”
3. Partnership. Genesis 2:18: “I will make a helper fit for him.” Malachi 2:14: “She is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
4. Purity. Gary Thomas writes: “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” 1 Corinthians 7:9: “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
5. Picture of Christ’s love. God intends for the marriage relationship to reflect the love Christ has for the church. Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Just as Eve came from Adam’s side, so too the Bride of Christ comes from the wound made in the side of the second Adam, Jesus Christ.
6. Proclamation of God’s glory. Since marriage is from God, it is for His glory. Marriage is designed by God to display His glory in a way no other event or institution does. Malachi 2:15: “Did He not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?” Isaiah 43:6-7: “Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”
I often tell couples they should only get married if they can serve the Lord more fully married than if they were to remain single. Marriage is meant to be a platform to live out God’s purposes for His glory.
