When we meet each other, what are the first questions we usually ask? How are you? And how do we normally answer? “I’m fine, how are you?” and then answering with what we have been doing, or how we have been physically speaking, not necessarily with what we have been thinking about, experiencing spiritually or emotionally. Most of us tend to only share our deepest emotions with those closest to us, people we trust.
Today, we are going to be talking about emotions. Because God created us in His image, He created us with emotions which are an inherent part of our being. Our emotions are intricately linked with thoughts, beliefs, and judgments which are at the core of our hearts or person. God sees us as a whole person - you cannot divorce how you think from how you feel (Prov 23:7). As we grow physically and mentally, hopefully our emotions mature and develop at the same time so that we learn to respond to various situations in an honest, yet appropriate way, guided by and established in truth. This is what we call emotional intelligence or EQ. Proverbs is teaching us how to develop a healthy EQ so that we can properly assess what is happening and then respond accordingly.
Prov 15:18 says,
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger and patient calms disputes (AMP).
For example, how do we handle conflict - we can either respond to confrontation or attacks on our character, by retaliating and making things much worse or as an emotionally intelligent person can be cool-headed and patient which can disarm the dispute. Why do we need God’s wisdom?
Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are those who hold on to her (Pro 3:17-18 NASB).
In the next few weeks in the book of Proverbs, we will discover how living wisely or foolishly can have negative or positive emotional consequences, for yourself and for others around you. If we respond to life’s challenges with godly wisdom, we will be blessed spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Our emotions are...
Designed by God
Damaged by Sin (but as new creations when we submit ourselves to God our emotions can be)
Delivered by Truth
Our emotions are:
1. Designed by God
There are numerous references regarding emotions, both God’s and human emotions throughout the Scriptures. God, who created our emotions, certainly has emotions of His own. Consider the following passages:
God rejoices over His people (Isa. 62:5)
He is grieved by sin (Ps. 78:40; Eph. 4:30)
He is angry with those who are stubborn and rebellious (Ex. 32:10)
He has compassion on those who love Him (Ps. 103:13). And Jesus was moved with compassion on the large crowd that was waiting expectantly because they were like sheep without a shepherd (Mark 6:34). So it says He started teaching them many things.
He hates sin (Pro 6:16)
He loves us with an everlasting love (Isa. 54:8; Ps. 103:17)
God doesn't just want us to know what He thinks about us but wants us to know how He feels about us. He doesn’t just want us to know we are loved but He wants us to experience His love to the fullest. How do we experience His love and compassion? Through the Holy Spirit who pours out God’s love to our hearts, from other Christians, being in the body of Christ, through friends and family and through an ongoing relationship with the Lord.
God speaks to us through the Word, and His Spirit speaks to our spirit to stir us up mentally and emotionally, in order to move us, not manipulate us into action. When God created humankind, He gave us a full range of emotions. God designed these specific emotions for specific purposes and functions. It is through His Word we learn how our emotions can function in a healthy way. Understanding God’s design and order for emotions is an essential pre-requisite to understanding when our emotions are functioning appropriately or inappropriately. Let’s never think that just because we feel something honestly and effortlessly and sincerely that it is always right.
When we hold the Word up to what we are experiencing emotionally, we can naturally and correctly speak of any given emotional response as being warranted or unwarranted, rational or irrational, realistic or unrealistic, sensible or foolish. God gives us practical wisdom and guidelines for living physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy lives. One Hebrew scholar said,
An emotionally healthy person enjoys physical well-being and that well-being affects our demeanor and is reflected in one’s appearance (Prov 15:13). On the other hand, destructive emotions (like envy and greed) can destroy one's inner peace and can be destructive to others (Prov 15:30).
Our emotions are complex. One minute we can be grieved at the loss of a loved one, yet thankful for the time you had with them and rejoicing that you will see them in heaven. But let's be honest, because of the Fall, we do not always think the right things and our emotions do not always respond to situations and people in appropriate ways. Have you ever noticed that? Which brings me to my second point, we need to recognize that our emotions are…
2. Damaged by Sin
The Bible makes clear that we are broken people living in a broken world. As a result, our emotional responses will not be perfect, at least not this side of heaven. Sam Williams, professor of psychology at Southeastern Seminary put it this way,
Sin infects our whole being and every capacity or faculty has been tilted away from God. Our emotions are no longer naturally oriented in such a way that they contribute to honoring, loving, and obeying God. Instead, our emotions have become self-serving, our affections idolatrous, and our passion is for our own glory rather than His.
Because of our sin nature, all of us fight some type of emotional battle. Some of the most common causes of damaged emotions stems from being rejected or broken trust. The more severe cases stem from physical and or emotionally abusive relationships, etc. All of us struggle with damaged emotions like anxiety, fear, depression, defensiveness, stubbornness, shame, lust, impatience, insecurity, envy, etc.
I have been reading through a book called, The Emotionally Healthy Leader by Peter Scazzero with a friend of mine. Scazzero refers to damaged emotions as shadows and states, Shadows are those untamed emotions, less-than-pure motives and thoughts that, while largely unconscious, strongly influence and shape your behaviors. It is the damaged but mostly hidden version of who you are.
We know the shadows are there, and we try so hard to keep them under control. But these shadows come out when we are under pressure, when we get hurt, are disappointed or tired. They may show themselves in obvious ways like outbursts of anger, irrational behavior and defensiveness, or subtlety in overachievement or perfectionism. The question is - why we are feeling this way, what is behind our reaction? What can we do to stop these destructive patterns? How can we develop healthy emotions? How can we be changed deeply?
I know I have talked about this illustration from Gary Smalley before, but it is a practical one about emotions being like warning lights on the dashboard of our lives. When a warning indicator lights up on our car’s dashboard, the problem is not the light itself. We could put tape over the light or take a hammer and break the lightbulb, but that doesn’t solve the problem. The purpose of the light is to tell us that something under the hood is not right.
Dr. Gary Smalley explains that negative emotions like anxiety, fear, unhealthy anger, or prolonged depression are actually gifts from God, because they often reveal to us that something in our hearts is not right, that something in our souls (that is our total being) needs attention, healing, care, restoration.
Erickson said:
The Christian who desires to be spiritually healthy will give attention to such matters as diet, rest, and exercise. Any attempt to deal with people’s spiritual condition apart from their physical condition and mental and emotional state will be only partially successful, as will any attempt to deal with human emotions apart from people’s relationship to God.
Depending on the level of damage, the healing process may take years. Even if your family and friends can’t fully understand the terror, the aloneness, the pain, and the abuse that you may have experienced, Jesus knows and understands. He wants you to know you are not alone, that He will be with you through the whole process of healing. There is hope for every person who turns to Jesus for healing. Which brings us to my 3rd point, Jesus wants you to be...
3. Delivered by Truth
Because our emotions are intricately linked to our thoughts, beliefs, and judgments, our spiritual and even physical health, it is important to be self-aware. I’m not talking about being self-absorbed but about having a healthy balance in life. If you want a healthy body, you have to eat healthy food and exercise. If you want healthy emotions, you need to feed your mind with truth and exercise your faith.
The point that Erickson is making here is that our emotions will only be truly healthy if we have a genuine relationship with God and His Word. This isn’t merely talking about going to church or Bible study and fellowshipping with people but is talking about having an authentic and intimate relationship with God.
Our minds control our will, our emotions, and direct every action of our lives. That is why it is so important to have the mind of Christ. His truth identifies where we need to be healed. There are people with chemical imbalances, cerebral impairment and mental deficiencies who don’t have control over their minds or emotions and may need psychiatric care and medicine to help them to control their thoughts and there is no shame in this. But even a person who suffers from these maladies can experience God’s love, be renewed in their minds, and delivered by truth.
Think about this:
Jesus lived for us, in our place, the perfect human life, with every emotion in close alignment with the heart of God. And here in the book of Proverbs we have his wisdom for our emotions—our squally emotions, our negative emotions, our dead emotions, our distorted emotions, our upset emotions, our excessive emotions. We need the emotional life of Christ, and he wants to give it to us.
Growth in sanctification brings deliverance to our emotions. When we change the way we think, we change the way we feel. The sanctification of our intellects not only involves growth in wisdom and knowledge. Sanctification means we intentionally identify every useless, godless, discouraging thought that comes into our minds and bring it into obedience to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). In other words, no matter what the thought is or where it came from, God has the final say. When we do this, we will find that our thoughts are more and more the thoughts that God himself imparts to us in his Word.
Here are some questions for you:
Do you take time to talk through your feelings with God? Do you share your anger, fear, sadness, disappointments as well as your joys with God?
Do you have a healthy awareness of your untamed emotions (your shadows)?
Are you honest with God, yourself and a few significant others about your wounds, weaknesses, struggles, doubts, and hurts deep beneath the surface of your life? Do you allow others to speak truth to you in those areas?
Do you take the time to ask hard questions to yourself even when you are fearful of where the answers might lead?
Practically speaking, have you thought about what you are feeding your mind? What do you wake up to, what do you go to sleep with, what are you listening to, what are you looking at?
Instead of being held captive by the past, what people have said or done to you, are you willing to walk with God and take responsibility for handling your emotions?
Remember, our emotions were designed by God and though they have been damaged by our sin or the sins of others, Jesus wants to deliver our emotions by giving us the wisdom and the power to respond to situations in an honest and healthy way, guided by and established in truth. Jesus wants to bring health and healing to every area of our being - Like Prov 4:20-22 advises us, let His words penetrate deep into our heart because they bring life to those who find them and health and healing to the entire body.
