THE LOVE ABOVE ALL LOVES
Uses of the Word Love in the world today
1. Eros (Romantic Love) - This is the love shared between a man and woman who are attracted to each other and is quite often connected with sexual behavior.
2. Phileo (Brotherly Love) - This is the love shared between two friends who are almost as close if not closer than brothers.
3. Storge (Parental Love) - This is the love that parents have for their children and is often so deep that it is in no way connected with the behavior of the child.
4. Agape (Unconditional Love) - This is the love that God has for mankind and is distinct from all other loves in that it is in not connected with the behavior of the person being loved. It is love from a loving God.
The Bible may not specifically mention all of the above loves, but evidence of these loves can be found in the Bible, and there’s much we can learn from them, so let’s take a look at a few examples of these loves.
1. EROS - This is the love shared between a man and woman who are attracted to each other, and quite often is connected with sexual behavior.
We need to firstly establish that this love by itself is not evil but is rather a God-given love that was meant to be expressed between a husband and wife. However, this love, if not fully understood and expressed as God intended for it to be, it can result in expressions of lust that are often confused or explained away as love.
This love does not have much of an emphasis on the person being loved, as it has on the person expressing this love. Left to itself, it can be a rather selfish love.
BOTH EROS AND AGAPE IN THE BIBLE
When Eros is governed by God then it makes for a happy marriage, where expressions of love are within moral bounds and holy in God’s sight. Such is a marriage where God is at the center of each of the spouses’ lives, and so they enjoy their sexual relationships as it was intended by God to be enjoyed. But when Eros is not governed by God, then the result is sexual immorality before marriage and even outside the confines of marriage, both of which the Lord does not approve of, as is goes against His holy nature and His plans for marriage in the first place.
All those who married and had children together experienced this love and expressed this love for one another in ways that God had intended for them to express – in the bounds of marriage.
When we express erotic love within the confines of marriage, we are in the will of God, and there’s nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. In fact, it is God who gave us the appearances we possess that attracts us to one another, and the emotions that we feel for one another. But it’s only when we deviate from God’s plan for the expression of this love within the confines of marriage that we end up rebelling against God Himself and we begin to experience, guilt, fear and shame.
Abraham and Sarah
Abraham and Sarah are a good example of a couple for whom the Lord was God in their lives, and they experienced an amazing marriage as a result. We also see times when they side-lined God in their lives and how they had to face the consequences of their actions.
Joseph and Mary
In our day, when pre-marital sex is not only permissible and not frowned upon, but even celebrated, it’s wonderful to see how Mary remained a virgin though she was engaged to Joseph and he did not have sexual relations with her until after he was married to her, and she gave birth to Jesus.
EROS SANS AGAPE IN THE BIBLE
David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11)
David deviated from the confines of his marriage, and violated another man’s marriage, when he lay with Bathsheba. Then, in an attempt to cover up his sin, he tried to make believe that the child Bathsheba had conceived was by her husband Uriah, and when his repeated attempts failed, he then plotted the murder of Uriah, the rightful husband of Bathsheba, thereby bringing upon himself, fear, guilt and shame (Read Ps.51). Though David repented of his sin, he had to bear the wrath of God, who took the life of his child born by adultery to Bathsheba.
Amnon and Tamar (2 Samuel 13)
This is yet another story of a wrong expression of erotic love between a man and a woman. Surprisingly, this too had to do with David’s family. It was his son Amnon who fell in love with his half-sister Tamar, but she was not aware of his feelings towards her, and he tricked her into getting forcefully raped by him. Once he had his pleasure satisfied, he hated her more than how much he loved her earlier. What he had was not love, but rather lust.
If we don’t confine eros love to marriage alone, it will result in sexual immorality, adultery and a lot more to cover up these sins.
2. PHILEO - This is the love shared between two friends who are almost as close if not closer than brothers.
This love, when in its purest form, is an amazing expression of love between friends, and is at a level that’s a lot deeper than erotic love, as it’s not a selfish love, but has the interests of the other person in mind.
It’s wonderful to see this love in existence in today’s world, where friends are willing to do anything for one another, out of sheer love for one another.
As is the case with eros love, here too, we can find both healthy and unhealthy expressions of this love, both in the times of the Bible and even in our world today.
BOTH PHILEO AND AGAPE IN THE BIBLE
Christian Friends who have the Lord at the center of their lives will demonstrate both Phileo and Agape in their truest and most healthy forms. They will be supportive of one another like iron sharpening iron (Prov. 27:17), will spur one another on to love and good works (Heb 10:24), they will encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11), and more. Barnabas is a good example of a person who expressed both Phileo and Agape.
Jonathan and David
A beautiful example of Phileo love is seen in the relationship between David and Saul’s son, Jonathan. Jonathan was actually set to be the heir to the throne of his father King Saul, who of course was jealous of David, and sought to kill him on several occasions. But Jonathan, no sooner he saw David, after the killing of Goliath, developed a close, friendly relationship with David. In fact 1 Samuel 18:1 says, “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
Again it says in 1 Samuel 18:3-4, “Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt.”
Jonathan’s love for David was so strong that he was willing to not have the throne and actually preferred David to be King after his father. He said in 1 Samuel 23:17, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Even my father Saul knows that.”
This is a beautiful example of Phileo love in its purest form. That’s how relationships amongst friends was meant to be, and it’s refreshing to see that such relationships still exist even today, where friends are willing to do anything for one another, just because they love each other deeply.
Barnabas
In Acts 9:26-27, it says of Paul “When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.”
PHILEO SANS AGAPE IN THE BIBLE
When there is an unhealthy expression of Phileo, there can never be an expression of Agape. When friends begin to use friendships as a means to meet their selfish desires, and Agape is absent, it can eventually lead to a perversion, where the two people hurt each other in the process, and completely dishonor God as well. This is not always initially obvious to all concerned and around but will eventually become obvious for all to see.
Sodom and Gomorrah
Men were not mean to have unhealthy relationships, but healthy relationships with other men, and likewise women with women, but in Sodom and Gomorrah, things took an ugly turn, where people of the same gender had sexual relations with those of their same gender and brought upon themselves the wrath of God, resulting in their entire towns being burned with fire from heaven. In fact the name Sodomy, referring to homosexuality came from the place Sodom.
This was a case of Eros without Agape, and wherever there’s Eros without Agape, there’s only perversion, and that’s what homosexuality is – a perversion.
Judas
Though Judas was one among the 12 Apostles personally chosen by Jesus, he had personal, hidden agendas, known to no one but Jesus. His mind was on money, and he even helped himself to the money bag that Jesus put him in charge of. It says of him in John 12:6, “…He was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.” When he found that he was not getting enough of what he desired, he decided to betray Jesus, and guess for what? An amount equivalent to 3 months wages. He maintained a good relationship with Jesus and the other disciples, but did not understand, and therefore express Agape.
3. STORGE (Parental Love) - This is the love that parents have for their children and is at most times so deep that it is not dependent on the behavior of the child.
Storge is one of the most powerful loves that humans have for one another. This love by parents for their children begins right after conception and only grows stronger with time. This love is usually hardly dependent on whether or not the child is worthy of the love. This love can have selfish intentions at times, where the only person being served is not the child, but the parent, but this is more the exception than the rule.
As with the above two loves, there can be both healthy and unhealthy expressions of this love, that will have corresponding consequences. Let’s look at a few examples of this love from the Bible.
BOTH STORGE AND AGAPE IN THE BIBLE
When Storge and Agape come together, it makes for a healthy home, where parents are loving to one another, to their children, they love God, and live a life of faith in the Lord. But when there is only Storge and no Agape demonstrated by the parents, there are dire consequences that will be faced by both the children and the parents.
Abraham
Abraham is a great example of Storge love in operation in his parenting. Firstly, we see him as an obedient person who obeyed God when He asked him to leave his land and go to the land God would show Him. It’s this kind of obedience that perhaps was what his Son Isaac picked up from and learnt it so well that as a young boy, he was willing to lay himself on the altar as a sacrifice, before the angel of the Lord stopped Abraham from sacrificing him.
In parenting, more is caught than taught, so when Abraham modelled obedience, it was caught by his son Isaac.
Hannah
Hannah was another good example of a combination of Storge and Agape in the Bible. She asked God for a son, and promised that if God gave her a son, then she would give him back to the Lord all the days of his life, and that a razor would never be used on his head. She kept her word and gave Samuel to the service of the Lord, and he ended up becoming one of the most powerful prophets in the Bible.
STORGE SANS AGAPE IN THE BIBLE
Rebekah and Jacob
“Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Genesis 25:28)
Each of the parents had their favorites. While Isaac loved Esau because he ate the food he brought from hunting, Rebekah loved Jacob instead.
On one occasion, Isaac, was trying to bless his favorite Esau in secret, but Rebekah overheard it and devised a plan for her favorite son Jacob to cheat Esau of his blessing. This is not a healthy parenting style, but it’s so prevalent in many a home even today. Sadly, there are consequences that will be faced by both the parents and the children later on in life.
Eli
Eli was a priest in the house of the Lord, and he had 2 sons who were notorious for their bad behavior. They ate food from the sacrifices that was not supposed to be eaten by them, and they also committed sexual immorality with the servants at the door of the tabernacle. Eli, instead of correcting them and restraining their evil behavior, was rather mild in his rebuke of them, and hence their evil behavior continued. God spoke to Eli through a man of God, who not only told him that God was about to punish his family but also gave the reason for the punishment - Eli honoured his sons more than he honoured God.
Eli was an example of a parent who put Storge before Agape. On the one hand it looked like Eli was serving God as a priest, and that seemed like Agape in operation perhaps, but on the other hand he was giving more importance to his sons, which was Storge sans Agape. He was putting them before God.
Merely loving one’s children, and giving in to them, and their every demand, without disciplining or discipling them, is in effect saying that leniency is more important than discipline, and that they are more important to us than God. When this happens, not only will such parents face the consequences of their careless parenting, but they also live to bear the consequences of their poor parenting.
AGAPE (Divine Unconditional Love) - This is the unconditional love that God demonstrated for mankind and is distinct from all other loves in that it is in not connected with the behavior of the person being loved. God loves because He is loving, not because we deserve it. This love was evident all through the Bible but was made manifest in a very powerful way through the life, death, burial and resurrection of Jesus on our behalf. Jesus Himself said, “Greater love has no one than this than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:13). Unlike the other loves, there is no unhealthy expression of this love, but perhaps a possible pretense of this love, which will eventually be brought to light for all to see.
AGAPE IN THE BIBLE
• Jesus
All through his ministerial life, as recorded in the Gospels, we see Jesus demonstrate Agape through his teachings, miracles, interactions with people and reactions to people as well. The Sermon on the Mount as recorded in Matthew 5-7 is all about us demonstrating Agape in our lives as believers. The ultimate demonstration of Agape was on the cross when He took the death penalty for the sins of the whole world.
• The Apostles when they preached despite being persecuted
When one faces opposition, the natural reaction is to stop doing whatever it is that’s giving rise to the persecution, but in Acts 5:12-42 we see how all the apostles, despite receiving a beating for preaching about Jesus continued preaching the Gospel only because the love of God constrained them to do so. They not only praised God for counting them worthy of suffering for the name of Jesus, but also counted themselves worthy of suffering for the name of Jesus.
FAKE AGAPE IN THE BIBLE
The Pharisees, Scribes and Religious Leaders
They were supposed to be spiritual leaders of the people of Israel, but they were filled with evil and selfish desires, with no love for anyone. They used the spiritual authority they possessed over people to control them and use them to meet their own needs. They were not led by God’s Word but rather by their own beliefs and traditions.
There are times when people fake agape for selfish reasons. It seems like one of the easiest ways to earn a good name is the bad way, thought this is a short-term achievement. This is never worth the effort, because even though one does not face the consequences of one’s pretention as quickly as did Ananias and Sapphira, they will eventually, and albeit too late for repentance.
Ananias and Sapphira
In Acts 4:32-37, we read, “All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. 33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all 34 that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales 35 and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.
Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means “son of encouragement”), sold a field he owned and brought the money and put it at the apostles’ feet.”
When Ananias saw this kind of generosity, they seem to have thought it was a way to earn a good name for themselves and they devised a plan to deceive the apostles. We read the account of this in Acts 5:1-11. They paid dearly for the act of deception.
Of all the above loves, it’s quite obvious that Agape is the best possible love and needs to be the over-arching of all loves. When Agape is present, it makes the expressions of all other loves beautiful and what they were mean to be.
While the above is a beautiful and healthy possibility, there are also unhealthy combinations of these loves. Let’s explore these healthy and unhealthy combinations further.
Conclusion
Let’s make it a point to get our loves in the right perspective. Let’s keep Agape Love at the center of all other loves. When we do that, we will find that all other loves will be demonstrated in a healthy way, resulting in overall healthy relationships, and thereby God will be glorified in the process.
