A. We live in a WORLD where it’s so easy to become CALLUSED and INDIFFERENT.
1. We are bombarded daily with news of TRAGEDIES, VIOLENT ACTS, and SUFFERING PEOPLE.
COMMENT:
Living SANELY in such a WORLD often necessitates developing a certain amount of THICK SKIN. Unfortunately, THICK SKIN and a HARD HEART are often confused with one another. And as a result, you can find HARD, UNFORGIVING people everywhere in our SOCIETY. Sadly, their HARDNESS has made them CYNICAL and BITTER.
2. The TRUTH of the MATTER is, however, there are some SITUATIONS that cannot be FIXED.
COMMENT:
You cannot UNSAY a DEMEANING remark. You cannot UNDO the THRASHING that you INFLICTED on the KID that you BULLIED back in SCHOOL. You cannot TAKE BACK the ADULTEROUS RELATIONSHIP with your NEIGHBOR. You cannot make a CHILD walk again
that you PARALYZED while DRIVING under the INFLUENCE.
And we can say “I AM SORRY” until our face turns blue, but that still doesn’t EASE the HURT, UNDO the DEED, or REPAIR the TURMOIL that we caused.
B. This is when those of us who have been DEEPLY HURT by another must make a DECISION.
1. We either decide to FORGIVE the person who committed the OFFENSE against us or HARBOR
BITTERNESS toward the person.
a. How have you been HURT by SOMEONE?
ILLUSTRATION:
It may be that in your MARRIAGE your SPOUSE has WOUNDED you deeply. He or she may have taken ADVANTAGE of you in some way, or has been UNFAITHFUL to you, or PERHAPS has HURT you deeply by other things SAID or DONE against you that you’re having DIFFICULTY
FORGIVING.
Some of you carry the WOUNDS of ABUSIVE parents—PARENTS who through VERBAL or EMOTIONAL or maybe even PHYSICAL abuse, inflicted WOUNDS that to this day you carry around, ADVERSELY affecting all your RELATIONSHIPS. Perhaps even to this day you’re still TRYING to live up to their EXPECTATIONS, striving to PLEASE them, hoping that one day you’ll
be the FAVORED child that you never could be GROWING UP.
Maybe you were HURT by a PASTOR who BETRAYED a CONFIDENCE. A so-called FRIEND might have BERATED you on SOCIAL MEDIA. A CO-WORKER threw you under the BUS that got you FIRED.
b. Deep WOUNDS come from many places. We have all been HURT by somebody.
2. And although it is not EASY, we are commanded to FORGIVE.
a. Ephesians 4:32 (READ and COMMENT)
b. Colossians 3:13 (READ and COMMENT)
c. Matthew 6:14-15 (READ and COMMENT)
COMMENT:
God takes FORGIVENESS seriously, and so should we. Our own forgiveness depends on it.
MESSAGE:
COMMENT:
Philemon is the shortest book that the Apostle Paul wrote. This short letter, along with Philippians, Ephesians and Colossians are known as the Prison Letters, written while Paul was in
CHAINS under house-arrest in Rome.
It is a personal LETTER written to a man named Philemon because he had been WRONGED by his servant named Onesimus whom had, it is widely believed, STOLEN MONEY from him and then RAN AWAY to Rome.
I. THE URGING OF FORGIVENESS- Philemon (READ)
A. Although the word “FORGIVE” is not used even once in this letter, this little book is all about finding
FREEDOM THROUGH FORGIVENESS.
1. Paul introduced himself in this letter as a “prisoner of Christ Jesus…”- v. 1.
a. This is during the same period he wrote the book of Philippians, that we had been studying for
the past 6-weeks.
b. Paul is a PRISONER of Rome under house-arrest, chained to two Roman guards around the
clock. Nothing is different.
c. He is able to have visitors, so Timothy, among others, is or has been with him at this time. He mentions Timothy because he, too, is known by Philemon.
2. We also learn in v. 1 that “Philemon is a dear friend and fellow worker” of Paul’s.
a. He lived in the small town of Colossae, with a population of about 25-30,000 people.
b. “The church of Colossae met in his house”- v. 2.
COMMENT:
Since Paul also sends greeting to the CHURCH, we assume that even though this LETTER is personally addressed to Philemon, the apostle wanted it READ to the church. This letter
contained lessons about acceptance and forgiveness that he wanted the entire church to HEAR
c. We learn in v. 19 that “Paul personally led Philemon to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.”
COMMENT:
No doubt there was a special bond between Philemon and Paul forged not only by their FRIENDSHIP, but by the fact that Philemon was INDEBTED to Paul for SHARING with him the
GOOD NEWS of Christ.
d. Obviously, Philemon was a man of some MEANS.
-He had a HOME large enough for the Colossian church to meet. (Not a large church!)
-He was also a SLAVE-OWNER. (Not everyone could afford a slave.)
COMMENT:
There is no Scripture, that I am aware of, that ABOLISHES slavery. And at no time did any PROPHETS or PREACHERS or TEACHERS or APOSTLES attack SLAVERY. Slavery was so INGRAINED in the Roman culture that it would be nearly IMPOSSIBLE to stop it except through
a CHANGED HEART. In fact, many Christians were former SLAVES.
However, Paul did write about how MASTERS were to TREAT their SLAVES with KINDNESS, FAIRNESS and Christian LOVE and how SLAVES were to be LOYAL and RESPECTFUL to their MASTERS. Although SLAVES were considered PROPERTY, those who
had Christian Masters were, for the most part, treated well.
COMMENT (cont):
Interestingly, SLAVERY became a model of Christian LIVING. Paul would often refer to himself as BOND-SERVANT or SLAVE of Christ—one who was devoted to His Lord and Master.
e. We will see throughout this LETTER that Paul had nothing but GOOD to say about Philemon and his family’s Christian WITNESS and EXAMPLE. This is not a letter of REPRIMAND, but only of AFFIRMATION of Philemon’s character.
3. Onesimus was a SLAVE owned by Philemon.
a. Although there is no indication that Philemon mistreated Onesimus in anyway, he decides to
RUN AWAY.
COMMENT:
This was a very serious VIOLATION of Roman Law. Rome forbade the HARBORING of FUGITIVE SLAVES, and professional SLAVE-CATCHERS were HIRED by their OWNERS to
TRACK them down. Once CAUGHT, the Latin letter “F” for FUGITIVE would be burned into their FOREHEADS to notify others, just in case they RAN AWAY again.
It was then at the DISCRETION of the SLAVE OWNER to DO what he wanted with the RUNAWAY SLAVE, but under Roman Law they could be severely BEATEN or even put to DEATH.
b. Not only did Onesimus RUN AWAY, but Paul infers that he had STOLEN MONEY from
Philemon- vv. 18-19.
COMMENT:
Now, Onesimus was not a Christian. Even so, it is DOUBTFUL that Philemon, a man of God, would have been CRUEL to him in any way.
Undoubtedly, Philemon demanded that Onesimus do the WORK that was ASSIGNED him, and may have even been REPRIMANDED if he didn’t do the work WELL. (Much like what your BOSS would do to you if you didn’t follow his or her INSTRUCTIONS.)
But for whatever reason, Onesimus decides to RUN AWAY, and, in the process, STEALS from his Master.
c. If you are RUNAWAY that doesn’t want to be FOUND, you head to a place where you can HIDE in PLAIN SITE. So, Onesimus heads to Rome, with a POPULATION close to a
MILLION people. (Quite a change from his small home town of Colossae.)
COMMENT:
While there in Rome, he somehow comes in CONTACT with the Apostle Paul who, even as with Philemon, shares with Onesimus the GOSPEL and leads him to Jesus Christ.
B. The underlying question in this letter is: “Philemon, are you willing to FORGIVE Onesimus for all
the HURT and HUMILIATION that he has CAUSED you?
1. Have you ever been confronted with a similar question?
a. You may have asked yourself: “HOW CAN I FORGIVE WHEN IT HURTS SO MUCH?”
b. The answer is, WE CAN’T!
COMMENT:
It is not within our NATURE to FORGIVE, especially when we’ve been HURT. We are able to FORGIVE only because “We have been FORGIVEN through Christ”- Ephesians 4:32.
2. I believe it is safe to say that there is no one here without SIN—am I right about that?
a. There are SINS in our PAST—things that we have DONE or SAID that have been so HURTFUL that we wished to God that we could TAKE BACK, but we can’t.
b. But if we have REPENTED of those SINS and have GIVEN our LIVES to Jesus Christ in BAPTISM – WE ARE FORGIVEN.
2. Hebrews 8:12- God says of His children whom have given their lives to Christ, “For I will forgive
their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”
COMMENT:
God will never bring up that AFFAIR. He will never REMIND you of what you SAID and DID in ANGER. He won’t make you RELIVE the HURT you caused your FAMILY during the times you were DRINKING.
Whatever WICKED or EVIL thing we have done in our LIFE TIME, God through Christ has FORGIVEN us. And, therefore, Paul said we are able to FORGIVE those who SIN against us—who HURT us.
II. UNDERSTANDING FORGIVENESS
A. What FORGIVENESS is NOT
1. FORGIVENESS is not a FEELING.
a. The truth is, there are times when we do not FEEL like FORGIVING the person who has
WRONGED us—including the person who comes to us asking for our FORGIVENESS.
ILLUSTRATION:
Sometimes we are like the little girl whose mother, in an attempt to CALM her down, said, “Now, Allison, your LITTLE brother said he was SORRY for BREAKING your DOLL so I hope that you’ll FORGIVE him.”
“All right,” Allison says reluctantly, “but I’d FEEL more like FORGIVING him if I could
SMACK him first.”
b. Whether we FEEL like it or not, we are COMMANDED to forgive those who SIN against us. This may not take away the HURT, but prayerfully it will begin the HEALING PROCESS.
2. FORGIVENESS is not EXCUSING. (What do we often say when someone says, “I’m sorry”?)
a. Excusing says, “That’s okay!” and implies “What you did really wasn’t wrong.” or “You
couldn’t help it.” IT IS NEVER “OKAY” WHEN SOMEONE DOES US WRONG!!!
b. In fact, Jesus said that we are to “REBUKE those who SIN against us”- Luke 17:3a.
COMMENT:
FORGIVENESS is the opposite of EXCUSING. The very fact that FORGIVENESS is needed and granted indicates that what someone did was WRONG and INEXCUSABLE.
Forgiveness says, “We both know that what you did was wrong and without excuse. But since God has forgiven me, I forgive you.”
c. Because FORGIVENESS deals honestly with SIN, it brings a FREEDOM that no amount of
EXCUSING could ever hope to PROVIDE.
3. FORGIVENESS is not FORGETTING.
a. How many times have you heard someone say or a minister preach, “We are to FORGIVE
and FORGET”?
COMMENT:
There are some WRONGS committed against us that we will NEVER forget, and the Bible doesn’t DEMAND that we do so. God is very realistic about our FORGIVING others. He knows that there are some HURTS that have produced DEEP SCARS that will always be there.
b. This MISUNDERSTANDING is derived from a misuse of the passages quoted earlier of God
saying, “For I will forgive their wickedness and will REMEMBER their sins NO MORE.”
COMMENT:
This passage does not say that God FORGIVES and FORGETS. Our omniscient God does not have AMNESIA when it comes to our SINS. He has INSPIRED many WRITERS to RECORD the SINS of His people. Instead of FORGETTING, He chooses not to REMEMBER.
c. There are some HURTS we will never FORGET, but when we FORGIVE we are also
CHOOSE not to REMEMBER the OFFENSE. How do I do that?
- I will not bring it up again.
- I will not use it against you. (“Love keeps no record of wrongs”- 1 Cor. 13:5)
- I will not talk about it to others. (Not going down to the coffee shop and gossip.)
- I will not dwell on it. (“Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ”- 2 Cor. 10:5)
- I will not allow it to hinder our relationship.
B. What is FORGIVENESS?
1. FORGIVENESS is a CHOICE. We DECIDE or CHOOSE to FORGIVE.
a. Instead of choosing to be “ANGRY and BITTER and HURTFUL”, Paul said we are to choose to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you”- Ephesians 4:32.
b. The Greek word Paul uses for FORGIVENESS means to “LET GO, RELEASE, or REMIT.”
It is used elsewhere in Scripture in reference to CANCELING a DEBT.
ILLUSTRATION:
A person OWES you a great sum of MONEY, but you RELEASE him from the DEBT and mark it “PAID in FULL”. And by so doing, you don’t DECIDE a year from now to COLLECT.
He OWES you nothing, and it’s never to be BROUGHT UP again.
c. It’s the same thing when we FORGIVE those who SIN against. The debt is PAID IN FULL.
2. Now please understand that FORGIVING others does not come without SACRIFICE.
COMMENT:
When you CANCEL a DEBT owed to you, that MONEY doesn’t MAGICALLY reappear in
your POCKET. It’s GONE. You can’t SPEND IT. You have to ABSORB the COST.
In the same way, FORGIVENESS requires that you ABSORB certain outcomes of another
person’s SINS and RELEASE this person from LIABILITY of PUNISHMENT.
There may be other CONSEQUENCES that a person may have to FACE because of his SIN. But as it concerns you and me—the DEBT is WIPED CLEAN.
3. God CHOSE to SEND His Son to the CROSS to PAY for the DEBT of our SINS.
a. “Jesus ABSORBED the COST of our SINS on that CROSS”- 1 Peter 2:24.
b. We don’t DESERVE it, we cannot EARN it, nor can we ever REPAY it—but God CHOSE to
CANCEL the DEBT of our SIN—to FORGIVE us through His Son Jesus Christ.
c. We have the same CHOICE concerning those who SIN against us.
CONCLUSION:
A. On September 6, 2018, Dallas Police Officer, Amber Guyger, shot and killed Botham Jean while he was sitting in his APARTMENT eating ICE CREAM.
ILLUSTRATION:
Coming home from work, Officer Guyger mistakenly parked on the wrong level of her apartment parking garage thinking it was the floor on which her apartment was located.
She headed down the hall to what she thought was her apartment, and when she tried putting her key in the LOCK the door was ajar and opened. Thinking that an intruder had broken into her home she came in with her gun drawn and shot to death Bothan Jean who was sitting on his OWN couch in his OWN apartment eating ice-cream while watching television.
On October 3rd of this month Officer Guyger was sentenced to 10-years in prison for second degree murder. It was determined by the JURY that since Bothan was not a THREAT to the officer, she could have easily cleared up the matter with a few questions instead of immediately FIRING her weapon.
Botham was a WORSHIP LEADER of the Dallas West Church of Christ. Fellow members described him as “a man of service and purpose, who loved everybody.” He didn’t deserve to DIE.
B. I think we would all AGREE that this is a HURT that would be difficult to FORGIVE.
ILLUSTRATION:
During Officer Guyger’s sentencing, the JUDGE allowed the family of Botham to speak to the officer sharing their GRIEF. When Botham’s 18-year-old brother Brandt got on the stand to say his piece, an amazing thing happened. (VIDEO)
