It’s all about Jesus: Colossians 4
Scott Bayles, pastor
Blooming Grove Christian Church: 11/13/2016
During the rehearsal for her wedding a nervous bride was having a difficult time remembering all the details. Her kind pastor took her aside at the end of the night and said, “When you enter the church tomorrow, you will be walking down the same aisle you’ve walked down many times before. Concentrate on the aisle. And when you get halfway down the aisle, concentrate on the altar. And, when you reach the end of the aisle, your groom will be waiting for you. Concentrate on him. Focus on the aisle, then look at the altar, and finally, lock eyes with your man. That’s all you have to do.”
That seemed to help a lot, and on the day of the wedding, the beautiful but nervous bride walked flawlessly down the aisle. But people were a bit taken aback as they heard her repeating these words during the processional, “Aisle, alter, him. Aisle, alter, him. I’ll alter him.”
That bride probably had a number of well-wishers. Many of us get married with the goal of altering our future spouse. Ashley called it training.
These last few weeks we’ve been surveying the book of Colossians, which is all about Jesus! Jesus is the center of the history and ought to be the center of our lives as well. In the first chapter, Paul describes who Jesus is and his supremacy over everything. In the second chapter, Paul assures us that we can find fulfillment and completeness in Jesus. Then in chapter three Paul begins to describe the All-About-Jesus life and by the time we reach the end of this chapter, we come face-to-face with the reality that if we’re serious about following Christ, Jesus will alter our lives.
Paul begins the second half of chapter three, saying, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17 NLT). In other words, everything we do should be done for Jesus. He then goes on to outline three areas of our lives that ought to be lived to the glory of Christ.
So if you have a Bible or an app on your phone, open it to Colossians 3. The first area of our home lives the Paul addresses is our marriage partnerships.
• PARTNERSHIPS
He writes, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18-19 NLT).
This command for wives to submit to their husbands has been both confusing and challenging for many contemporary families. For many it offends our modern sense of equality. But let me try to make sense of this command for you.
First, it’s important to note that husbands are also commanded to submit to their wives. Elsewhere, Paul writes to husbands and wives, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 NIV). Remember, it’s all about Jesus. So out of reverence and respect for Christ, husbands and wives ought to submit to each other. That is, we respect each other and place the other person’s wants and needs above our own.
However, men are only instructed to submit to their wives once, whereas women are reminded to submit to their husbands four or five times. Similarly, wives are never commanded to love their husbands, while husbands are commanded to love their wives multiple times. I’m convinced there is a very good reason for this. I believe God is reminding us over and over what our spouse needs from us.
Countless psychologists and marriage counselors will tell you that most women’s number one emotional need in marriage is love—affection. What you don’t hear nearly as often is that men crave respect and admiration just as deeply.
The problem is we often get into a negative cycle. When a wife feels unloved, she has a tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. A few years ago, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah co-wrote a book titled Love & Respect. In preparation for the book, they asked 7,000 people this question: “When you are in a conflict with your spouse do you feel unloved or disrespected?” 72% of the women said, "unloved," while 83% of the men said, "disrespected."
Research reveals that during marital conflict a wife most often reacts when feeling unloved and a husband reacts when feeling disrespected. It’s no wonder then that the Bible says, “every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33 GNT).
Men are most powerfully motivated by respect. Marriage and family therapist, Mark Gungor, writes, “So what is it that men want? In a word, men want respect. That means a man wants to be held in esteem and to be shown consideration and appreciation—even when he makes mistakes. He wants to be seen as a hero, especially in the eyes of his bride. He needs someone to believe in him when the odds are stacked against him.” Ladies this works in your favor, because when he feels he is being looked up to as the ‘head” of the household, he will automatically allow his wife to become the “neck”—she will be able to point her man in the right direction.”
Similarly, women are emotionally fueled by love. According to Dr. Willard Harley, “to most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval; vitally important commodities in her eyes.” Husbands, we can show affection in countless ways: a hug, a greeting card, a bouquet of flowers, an invitation to dinner, holding hands, opening doors, taking a walk together, or just saying (texting) the words “I love you.”
Please remember that your spouse does not have to earn your love or respect. They don’t have to deserve your love or respect. Rather, Christian wives respect their husbands because of Jesus. Christian husbands love their wives because of Jesus. It’s out of reverence for Christ that we show affection and admiration for our spouse.
But the marriage partnership is just the first relationship Jesus ought to alter. Next, Paul talks about our parenting.
• PARENTING
At every age, children present parenting challenges, don’t they? With infants, parents have to cope with physical exhaustion from sleep deprivation and the non-stop cycle of feeding, burping, cleaning, and comforting a fussy baby. During the toddler years, parents have to deal with an opinionated little person who is simultaneously trying to figure out the world and run it. The school years introduce academic and social challenges, and parents have to figure out how to support and guide kids while also setting sensible limits. With teens and tweens, concerns about academic and social challenges may intensify, and teenagers can be so moody and dramatic. And even when the children grow up and move out, parents face the job of staying connected with their kids and continuing to offer godly counsel about major life decisions.
But here’s what Paul says about the parent/child relationship: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:20-21 NLT).
He starts off saying Jesus is happy when children obey their parents in everything. Can I get an amen? Not only is Jesus joyful, but every parent on the planet is pleased when children obey their parents in everything.
This is a recurring command all throughout Scripture, by the way. The Bible says, “My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction” (Proverbs 1:8 NLT). And again, “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do” (Ephesians 6:1 NLT).
A family is not a democracy. The parents need to be in charge. God has placed parents in authority over children. So it’s not just your own authority you’re establishing; it’s God’s.
If we make kids the centerpiece of the family, we teach them that they’re the center of the universe, that their happiness reigns supreme. Nothing could be further from the truth. Too many pampered kids get out into the world and are shocked that the world does not revolve around them. They’re princes and princesses at home but peons in real life, and they can’t handle it. The best preparation for the real world is a home in which the children are valued family members—but not the be-all and end-all.
Kids need parents to be parents. They want parents to be parents. Their displays of power and rebellion are tests of your willingness to parent them. If you don’t establish your parental authority, no one else will. Not the schools, not the media, certainly not their peers. Don’t be afraid to take charge in your home. What you say goes. But your authority must be a healthy one.
Paul tells fathers not to embitter or discourage their children. He elaborates on this idea elsewhere, saying, “And now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice” (Ephesians 6:4 TLB).
Your authority as a parent needs to be a display of love more than power. So how does that look in real life? It’s different for everyone. Parenting is more of an art than a science. You’re going to make mistakes. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. It’s not X’s and O’s on a chalkboard, not arrows and straight lines. Sometimes you go with your gut, but the goal is always the same: teaching your children to love the Lord, to put others first, to be givers and not takers, and to realize that it makes a difference how they conduct themselves.
So kids, obey your parents. Parents, encourage your kids. Finally, in addition to our partnerships and parental relationships, Paul also talks about how Jesus affects our professional relationships.
• PROFESSIONS
As Paul continues, he actually addresses this next section to Christian slaves. Slavery was the accepted way of life in Paul’s day and most homes had slaves in them, so this fits in the general section of how to live out our faith in the family. The Colossian church no doubt had slaves and owners as members. In fact, church was probably the only place in that society where slaves and free people would gather together without distinction.
While Paul did not call believers to overturn the institution of slavery, these verses helped to bring about change from the inside. The Roman Empire ultimately lost its commitment to slavery as the gospel penetrated further into the culture and more and more masters and slaves started treating each other like brothers and sisters in Christ.
While there are not exact similarities to the workplace, I think we can apply this passage to our jobs. So here’s what Paul says:
“Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Colossians 3:22-24 NLT).
In short, no matter what you do—do it for Jesus! It’s all about Jesus, right? That includes our professions. Two common mantras in our culture today are: “I hate my job” and “My boss is a jerk.” According to a Gallup poll, more than half of the U.S. workforce (or about 70 million employees) either are just enduring their job or actively hate where they work. With that level of dissatisfaction, it's no surprise that we hear so many negative comments—either in personal conversations or through social media. In other words, if you don’t like your job, welcome to the club. Most wage earners dread Monday, dream of Friday, and drag through every day in between.
What’s God’s solution?
Do it for Jesus! Regardless of what we do for a living, we are working for God. Our real boss/manager/owner/CEO is Jesus Christ! Your career consumes half your life; shouldn’t it glorify Christ? Don’t those forty to sixty hours a week belong to him just as much as the one or two you spend in church? Paul thinks so.
Martin Luther King Jr. agreed. He once said about this verse, “If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, go out and sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures. Sweep streets like Handel and Beethoven composed music. Sweep streets like Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say, here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well.”
Amen?
When we begin doing our jobs for Jesus, don’t you think your boss will notice it? Don’t you think your fellow employees will notice it? If you’re lucky, Jesus might just rub off on your co-worker too.
Conclusion
When Jesus is the Lord of your life, it affects your whole life—your marriage, your family, your work ethic, everything. Out of reverence for Jesus, husbands ought to love their wives and wives ought to respect their husbands. Out of reverence for Jesus, children ought to obey their parents and parents ought to bring their children up in loving discipline. Out of reverence for Jesus, in whatever we do, we ought to work at it with all our hearts, as if we were working for Lord, not for people.
Next week, we’ll wrap up our study of Colossians.
Invitation
In the meantime, maybe you could use some help with one of these areas of life. Maybe you need a little more Jesus in your marriage partnership, your parenting, or you profession. If so, you’re welcome to talk with me about it—you can pull me aside, call me at home or simple come forward now while we stand and sing.
