It is interesting to note that in John 21 two different kinds of love are being presented. The first two times Jesus says “Lovest thou me more than these,” He is using the Greek word agape for love; the third time He uses the Greek word phileo. All three times Peter uses the word phileo. Does it matter that the Greek words are different? Does it make a difference in our understanding of this passage?
In order to best understand the difference between the two Geek words agape and phileo (which both refer to love), we should look at these Greek words as they appear in the gospel of John. The words tend to mean varying things depending on the context of the verses they are in.
Let’s analyze agape first. This word is found multiple times in John’s gospel. Thayer’s Greek-English lexicon helps us to understand the different meanings.
John 11:5—“Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.” Here agapao means “to have a preference for, wish well to, regard the welfare of.” Jesus deeply cared for Mary and Martha in this way.
John 3:16—“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Here agapao means “of the benevolence which God, in providing salvation for men, has exhibited by sending His Son to them and giving Him up to death.”
John 3:35—“The Father loveth the Son, and hath given all things into his hand.” Here agapao means “of the love with which God regards Christ.” It is a very strong fatherly love.
John 12:43—“For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.” Here agapao means “to take pleasure in the thing, prize it above other things, be unwilling to abandon it or do without it.” We can conclude with this that agape love is not a divine love as some believe.
John 13:1—“Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.” Here agapao means “concerning the unique proof of love which Jesus gave the apostles by washing their feet.”
From these verses, I would conclude that agape love is a deep-rooted love, whether it is for something good, such as the Lord and service, or for something bad like pleasures of this world. Phileo love, on the other hand, is quite different.
The word phileo in some form appears throughout the gospel of John (see John 5:20; 11:3, 36; 15:19; 16:27; 20:2; 21:15-17). Thayer says concerning this word that it means “to love, to be friendly to one.” It is a love that develops from friendship.
Now we come to distinguishing these words. Thayer notes, “As to the distinction between agape and phileo: the former. . . properly denotes a love founded in admiration, veneration, esteem. . . but phileo denotes an inclination prompted by sense and emotion.”
Is the passage in John 21 significant when it comes to the words agape and phileo? Carson states that the different Greek words used here don’t make any significant difference. Leon Morris believes it was John’s habit of using variation with words without real difference of meaning. However, if you go through the epistle of I John, the words “love” and “loveth” appear 42 times. But get this: every time those words are used it is with the Greek word agape. Every single time. If the Apostle John truly used variation in his writings, why didn't he use it at all in this short epistle which contained the concept of love so frequently?
So what’s the answer? I think we can figure it out.
When Jesus asked Peter, “Lovest thou me,” the first two times He said it with agape, but the third time He used phileo. Peter responded all three times with phileo. Peter was being emotional. Jesus was asking if Peter respected Him and admired Him, but Peter was simply answering with an emotional response, so the third time Jesus asked using the emotional love—phileo.
Thayer goes on, “…love as an emotion cannot be commanded, but only love as a choice.” Jesus was trying to get Peter to the point of not just responding with an emotional response, but actually choosing to love the Lord out of respect and admiration. I believe Peter was a very emotional person.
Let’s look at a few instances of Peter’s emotional outbursts
Mark 9:2-6. Fear is an emotion, and here Peter was afraid, which caused him to speak out without even thinking. He couldn’t stay quiet and just watch; He had to say something.
Matthew 26:33-35. Peter was adamant that he would never forsake nor deny Jesus. No doubt he said this to look tough in front of the other disciples because we know when the big test came, he failed. He was simply being emotional.
Matthew 26:69-75. Peter’s emotions get the best of him as he denies Christ three times. Notice that each denial gets worse.
CHOICE VS. EMOTIONS
Love is a choice, not an emotion. I believe this is the best definition of love: “the willing, sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of another without thought of return.” When we see it like that, love is clearly a choice. Emotions can drive us to say we love someone, but actual love is determined as a choice. God is the best example.
John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
God’s love for the world was not emotion-driven; He chose to love, and Jesus chose to come and die.
Our emotions can be fickle. Ex: crying during a movie. God does not want us to have this fickle kind of love for Him.
In John 21, Peter is still being emotional. Jesus tries to get him to that level of love out of admiration and choice, but Peter is caught in his emotions. The third time Jesus brings it down to his level with an emotional love. Aren’t you thankful that Jesus will meet you where you’re at? But He doesn’t want you to stay there. Living by your emotions is no way to live.
Application: Jesus is asking you the same question tonight. “Lovest thou me more than these?” More than what? More than anything! Is your love for the Lord based on emotions, or on a choice? You might think it’s not that important right now, but a time will come when emotions won’t be enough. When your finances are a mess, and you lose your job, and your family is hurting, and your health is failing, and that relative dies, and your problems are compounded, and those temptations from the devil won’t stop, AT THAT MOMENT! Do you love Jesus? Emotions won’t cut it.
Fifty days after the resurrection, the church is empowered by the Holy Spirit. On the day of Pentecost, the 120 people who had met together began speaking in tongues, giving witness to the Jews of God’s amazing power. Many were amazed, but some were confused. Peter takes the opportunity to preach and make the matter clear. As a result of his boldness, 3,000 people are saved! Later Peter and John are used to heal a cripple, and Peter once again takes the opportunity to preach, and 5,000 more are saved.
Because of this, Peter and John are persecuted by the religious leaders, but Peter does not back down. He boldly tells them, “Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved” (Acts 4:12). This boldness startled the leaders. Despite opposition, the church continued to grow. The gospel was proclaimed. Miracles became reality. Acts 5:15 tells us, “Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the streets, and laid them on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of Peter passing by might overshadow some of them.”
Persecution continued as some were thrown into prison. Yet an angel opened the prison doors and they went and taught in the temple. When confronted again by the religious leaders, Peter and the other apostles said this, “We ought to obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29). They could not be stopped, teaching and preaching Christ daily in the temple and in every house.
God also used Peter to bring the gospel to the Gentiles through an incident with a man named Cornelius. This must have been a shock to Peter, yet he willingly obeyed. Cornelius and his whole house were saved. Later Paul would become the apostle to the Gentiles, but God used Peter as the apostle to the Jews. History tells us that Peter was martyred for the Lord by being crucified. However, Peter did not want to die as His Savior had, so he was crucified upside-down. He believed he was unworthy to die in the same fashion as Christ.
The Peter in the book of Acts seems much different than the Peter in the gospels; this is because he was living by choice and not emotions. Peter chose to love the Lord, and that love made all the difference. It was no longer a fickle love; now it was a firm love which could not be shaken.
CONCLUSION
How do you love the Lord? Do you have agape love for God, or phileo?
Matt. 22:37, “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”
Mark adds strength to this list. This is a command, so obviously it’s a choice.
—Heart: your emotions
—Soul: your innermost being
—Mind: your thoughts
—Strength: your service
A. W. Tozer made this statement about loving God: “When you have met God in the loneliness of your soul, and you and God come to the point where there is nobody else in the world, that is the passion for God we need today. That is the kind of love I need to have for God. I will never be able to love other people in the world until I have mastered my love for God—a passion for God that nothing can diminish.”
Peter is remembered for putting his foot in his mouth, but do you remember what John is known for? John was called “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” Obviously, Jesus loved all the disciples, but out of them all, John had a firm love for Christ. It took a little longer for Peter, and in the end, all the apostles had that firm love. I don’t doubt that you love the Lord tonight, but ask yourself, “In what way do I love the Lord?” It’s either choice or emotions.
