Father’s Day 2022
Ephesians Series
CCCAG, Father’s Day 2022
Scripture: Ephesians 5:21-6:4
Early in my military career I had a guy in my unit named Ross. Ross was always in trouble with the NCO’s and other leadership in the unit. He would always question orders, be disrespectful, and try to dodge work and doing his duty to the squad and platoon. One day, he mouthed off one too many times and the company commander put him up for a field grade article 15 with consideration to take him to court martial.
Eventually, they found him guilty of refusing to obey lawful orders and disrespecting his chain of command which would have gotten him time in Leavenworth military prison. He managed to plea bargain it down to a lesser sentence of a general discharge from the military because of his inability to adapt to military lifestyle.
What Ross never learned is one of the principal things that is wrong with our world today. Let me show you what it is.
Close your eyes-
I’m going to say a word, and I want you be honest with yourself and judge if you have a visceral, negative reaction.
Submission
How many of you can honestly say, “I don’t’ like that word? I’m a free person- a free American living in a free country and I don’t submit to anyone.
‘Merica!
That reaction is the reason our country and world is in such chaos, is because everyone hates that word. It’s the same reason everyone is turning away from Christ
Many believe this idea of submission is antiquated. “We don’t do that anymore”
And I know we always want to put at the world outside of the church as the source of everything bad- and blaming it definitely has its place.
But it’s not the primary reason that we are seeing this rebellion.
It comes from a concerted effort that began in the 1960’s to break down the family. Now the world and the forces of darkness have had their role in the destruction of this vital cornerstone of human existence.
Premise- However, a large part it that destruction came from a lack of biblical submission to authority, and that authority is first experienced in and through the family.
As we finish up our series on the book of Ephesians, I want to explore how that submission beings in the home and sets up a framework in which we can learn that vital biblical, Godly, and moral attribute and to live it.
Let’s read the scripture for today before breaking it down-
Ephesians 5:21-6:4
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Prayer
I said a few moments ago that the reason the world and even the church is in such a mess is a lack of understanding and living under submission. I used the example of a soldier I knew that got kicked out of the army for not learning that lesson and living it as a member of the military.
But it’s not just about rank and authority. I know that this idea of submission can be uncomfortable… make us want to puff out our chest a little and say, “I’m not submitting to anyone!”
But that’s not God’s way.
Let me begin to biblically define this word- Submission is about humility- realizing that there are things that are larger than yourself. It will mean being willing to put your immediate wants and desires aside to make sure that thing is put first in your life.
We do this every day with our jobs.
We do it every day when we obey traffic laws.
We do it every day when we don’t drink the Drano under the sink- because someone in a position higher than we are in chemistry said, “If you drink that, you will die horribly”
But for some reason, we fail this in our
home relationships,
our church relationships,
and even our friendships.
Pretty much every intimate human relationship problem can be traced back to a lack of submission and humility toward someone else.
That is why the bible says here in Ephesians-
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Before Paul builds a framework for the family, he teaches the principle of the family- mutual submission.
How do you have mutual submission? Isn’t someone in charge?
Bad Example-
What happens when a parent has a horrible day at work, comes home, yells at their spouse, yells at their kids, kicks the cat, and storms into the bedroom slamming the door?
In 30 minutes, that parent comes out of the bedroom, looking very tired and sheepish, and apologizes to the kids, the spouse, and gets the cat some tuna.
What did they just do?
Submit themselves to their family. Even though they are at the head of the family, they put aside their immediate feelings, wants, desires for the sake of everyone else in the home, and tried to restore the sense of safety and oneness that should be in every household.
That word submission in the Greek language means to “put oneself under” or to “elevate someone higher than oneself”
It strongly ties in with obedience as you can’t obey something unless you place yourself under it’s rule.
But the bible says to submit to one another.
I learned early in my Christian life when we were in a church without a pastor. The board invited some guys who showed leadership in the church to start coming to board meetings and seeing how they were making decisions as part of a leadership discipleship program. I was assigned one of the members of the board, named Dennis, who would mentor me.
One time we were talking about a pretty heated topic, and there was absolutely no agreement about what to do, and voices were rising, and people were forming two different camps based on the two options when one of my fellow student leaders spoke up, and quietly gave a 3rd option that was a compromise between the two, and actually the best idea yet. The entire room went silent, and everyone leaned back in their chairs for about 30 seconds, and nodded their approval of the idea.
That amazed me a bit and I asked Dennis about it after the meeting when we went out for some coffee.
I asked “Dennis, I was really surprised when someone at my level spoke to someone at your level and you guys took his idea instead of one of your own.” (military mindset)
Dennis told me, “The most important thing in a church meeting is for everyone to recognize when God is speaking. God doesn’t need an elder, pastor, or board member to speak, remember He used a donkey to correct a prophet. We just need to be sensitive to hear HIS voice and submit to HIS word no matter the vessel He uses to deliver it.”
That should be true in all aspects of life- submission to the voice of God.
We need to learn to hear HIS voice, and to submit ourselves to it, no matter who is speaking it out.
This is why If we don’t master this idea of mutual submission, then submission in the church or in the home is a hopeless cause.
With that in mind, let’s move onto God’s structure in the home.
Now today is Father’s Day, so I have to include this next verse, but ladies stick around because I’m going to pick on the men in a minute-
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Men love this verse! I once was doing marriage counseling where a couple was arguing in front of me and the guy yelled out this verse and said, “I’m Jesus to you!”
I said, “You better read the rest of the chapter before applying that to her, because until you are willing to die for her joy and happiness you aren’t being Jesus, your being the other guy”
In other words, men, you need to give your wives something to submit to.
Look at the language here- “Submit yourselves to your husbands AS YOU DO TO THE LORD”
So men, if you are being a tyrant in the home, and trying to use this verse as a hammer to beat your wife into something that looks like biblical submission- you are wrong, and you are in sin.
The wife’s submission here is a gift that she gives to the husband as he follows Jesus.
I’m gong to speak in general terms for a moment, recognizing I’m using a stereotype that isn’t always true-
1. In varying levels, God has wired men to need control and to be in charge.
2. Women are more wired by God to be agreeable and people pleasing.
Again, a little stereotypical, but largely true.
This is why God set up the family like this- so that the children can see mutual submission, obedience, and love between the parents and hopefully how it’s modeled in the church.
Again, it starts with wives being in submission first to Christ, then to their husbands.
Now as promised, let’s look at the men’s side of this
Most men want to point to this and other scripture which walk about female submission the marriage, without reading the entire context and the rest of the story that shows them what they must due to earn that submission-
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husband’s ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Men, you have to give an account one day for the spiritual condition of your wife.
And before you think I’m going to be really hard on you, I’m preaching to myself here as well.
Did you love her as Christ loved the church?
Think about what Jesus did for us, are you doing that for her?
Are you spending time each day covering her and the rest of your family in prayer?
Did you put aside your own needs and desires to care for her? Even when she asked for a shoulder rub only?
Did you ask her to participate in things that violated her conscience and did damage to her spirit? Remember- that’s God’s daughter before she is your wife.
God wants his daughter treated well by the men that he gave them. In other words-
God wants you to present her to himself, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Let me remind you- What is the most used biblical analogy to describe Jesus’ relationship to the church?
Marriage- husband and wife. Jesus is the bridegroom, we are the bride, and HE is coming back soon to take us to heaven and experience the Wedding Supper of the Lamb.
Or, as one of my favorite songs by Phil Wickam says-
When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful
(You’re Beautiful, by Phil Wickam)
So men, on this Father’s Day, let’s remember that the burden placed on us is much greater than that of the women, and show them Jesus so that their submission will be pure, Godly, and bring great joy not only to themselves, but to the Father.
Finally, we see the final plank in the family- children, in the beginning of chapter 6
Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Men, Paul got a final jab at us in the last verse- not only are you responsible for your wife, but for your children. This is something not talked about a lot because it always seems it’s the woman who spends the most time with the children, and in particular when it comes to their spiritual upbringing.
But men, this is also our responsibility. We need to be the ones that take that time to train our kids. It doesn’t just have to be a formal bible study or devotional time at home, although that is also a good thing.
It can be time spent together talking to them, letting them express themselves open and honestly.
Do things that they like to do, even if you don’t like it.
Be a father to them, so that they can see THE FATHER clearly.
Finally on this father’s day, I want to put a challenge out to you men-
Become men of prayer.
Finally,
The gifts I’m giving you today reflect that ideal.
The coffee cups represent that first time in the morning- your first fruit time if you will- that time you usually stare at a screen. Instead of catching up on Facebook, spend time face to face with the bible and prayer. Even if it’s just 15 minutes a day it will change your life, the spiritual atmosphere in your home, and set your day up for spiritual success.
The second is a keychain. It’s to remind you that when you leave your home, you are a representative of Jesus- live accordingly. Pray as your pulling out of the driveway that your thoughts, actions, and word reflect HIS love, mercy and character to the world.
Prayer
Presentation of gifts and prayer.
