Dr. Bradford Reaves
Crossway Christian Fellowship
Hagerstown, MD
www.mycrossway.org
Watch this message at: https://mycrossway.churchcenter.com/episodes/142734
Ephesians chapters 5 and 6 and the importance of walking a Spirit-filled life. This is all a result of what God has already done for you through Jesus Christ. As a result of God’s blessings, we are called to live in distinction from the rest of the world. In Chapter 5, Paul calls on us to walk in purity, putting away all crudeness and immorality (Eph 5:1-4) (this will become more significant today). He goes on to tell us to be awake in Christ and alive in the Spirit, not giving into drunkenness, but to be people of a lifestyle of worship (Ephesians 5:18-19). And last week we discussed the distinction of a Christian marriage that is based on mutual submission, with the husband and wife each having a unique, God-given role in the marriage and family (Ephesians 5:22-33). Today we continue down this path with the discussion of the Distinction of the Christian Marriage.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1–4)
I find it interesting that when the apostle Paul talks about being Spirit-filled, the first relationships that he develops is marriage and family, and then he tacks on the end how we get along with employers and employees. The emphasis on Spirit-filled living is about marriage and the family.
There are three primary commands that Paul lays out for the family to follow: Children obey, Fathers bring your children up in the discipline of the Lord, and don’t provoke your children to anger (Ephesians 6:4). It is just that simple and that direct biblical instruction. Children have one duty, and that is to give to their parents' obedience and honor. Parents have one duty, and that is to give their children discipline and instruction in the Lord.
However, the family is absolutely devastated in America today. There are breakdowns of the family unit at alarming levels coming in from all sides. It is a satanic movement that seeks to dismember the family unit.
The family had always been under attack by Satan from the very beginning. But it seems since the 1960’s the assault on the family in our Western culture in increased in intensity. The heart of this assault, I believe, is to keep families out of the church and away from God’s grace.
A study once disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72% of their children remain faithful. If only Dad, 55% remain faithful. If only Mom, 15%. If neither attended regularly, only 6% remain faithful. The statistics speak for themselves - the example of parents and adults is more important than all the efforts of the church and Sunday school. Junior sports have done more damage to families than most other constructs of society.
There are other things that are leading to the demise of the family.
-The ’60s and the sexual revolution because people can pursue their physical satisfaction without being married, and society doesn’t look down on that anymore.
-The women’s liberation movement, in which women have tried to take the upper hand and treat men poorly.
-The homosexual revolution has undermined the holiness of the marital union.
-We have produced a generation of selfish and self-centered people whose only concern is their wants, rights, and desires.
-The onslaught of pornography has perverted the minds of men and statistically when a man is addicted to porn, children are more likely to become sexually promiscuous.
-Then there is the fatherless epidemic because of all the sexual perversion we allow in our society. Men who leave women alone after impregnating them.
-Women who then wish to abort these children in the name of convenience, because they want the freedom to be sexually active outside of marriage without bearing the responsibility of the results of that behavior.
Forty-four percent of the population of adults in America are unmarried. Only 50 percent of households have a married couple in them. Fifty-six million American adults have always been single, and another 44 percent were married and are now single, by death or divorce. Since the year 2000 - the most common household type in the U.S. is a person living alone. Young adults emerging into the world are choosing to get married (if they get married) much later in life and many will cohabitate with their partner before they do get married. As a result, nearly half of all children born in America do not have both a mother and a father raising them in the home.
?Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127:3–5)
Children are a blessing from God. They are not commodities or inconveniences. They are precious and made in the image of God. But they are also not the center of the universe. They are entrusted to you by God. Your job as a parent is to teach them to be holy, God-loving people. That’s your God-given mandate as a parent.
What has happened is that children have become the centerpiece of the family. It used to be that the parents determined the family structure and values. But now, both parents are absent and working, so you have a child-centered home. Kids are left to be raised by the schools, the media, or even other kids to learn values. That’s contrary to how God designed the family and it’s impossible to pass down biblical values that way. That’s the job of the parent and the child is to be obedient - submissive - to the parent.
?Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (Ephesians 6:1)
The Greek word, “tekna”, means offspring. and it references small children through young people before they start their own adult life and Paul is referring to those that are old enough to understand what it means to be obedient to a parent and the Lord.
Paul is echoing a foundational command from the 10 Commandments. “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12).
“Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15)
“Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, 2 that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. (Deuteronomy 6:1–2)
For anyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother; his blood is upon him. (Leviticus 20:9)
Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, 9 for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck. (Proverbs 1:8–9)
And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:52)
Now Jesus was fully human. He emptied himself of his Divine limitations to come to earth, yet remained fully God without sin. From here we see four categories in which children need to grow as Jesus also grew.
1.) Wisdom -mental capacity
2.) Stature - physical capacity;
3.) Favor with men - social capacity;
4.) Favor with God - that’s the spiritual capacity.
So, parents are to come alongside their children to increase their mental capability, increase their physical strength, develop socially, and finally develop spiritually. This is the biblical mandate for parenting and children are to “obey their parents, as unto the Lord.” That means that the obedience your child is to show you is under the authority as if it was from the Lord. Then the Apostle Paul repeats the sixth commandment:
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Ephesians 6:2–3) Paul was specifically addressing children here, but I believe this is a timeless command.
For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’
Your relationship with your parents is different as you get older and become an adult, but your honor for them should never change. That honor may be showing them forgiveness for the pain that was caused in your life by your parents. (Matthew 15:4)
Here are some simple ways you can show honor to them:
Tell Them You Love Them
Show Appreciation. Let your parents know that you understand what they do for you and your family.
Do a Chore for Your Parents.
Listen to Their Stories. Ask your parents to tell you about what life was like when they were a teenager.
Ask Them for Their Opinion.
Speak Well of Your Parents. Whether in public or private, make sure to keep your parents in high esteem
Be Aware of Your Reactions
Plan Time with Your Parents
Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? (Hebrews 12:9)
Paul also says that this is a command with a promise of a long life. An obedient child that honors their parents, will be a child that enjoys a rich, full, quality of life. That is the promise of God. That means that your life won’t be cut short by some divine discipline. You’ll live a full life within the purpose of God. How do you get your child to do that? Discipline.
On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense. (Proverbs 10:13)
Whoever robs his father or his mother and says, “That is no transgression,” is a companion to a man who destroys. (Proverbs 28:24)
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
Do you see how this all comes together? Christ is the head over all the family with Fathers as the head of the family submitting to the will of God and leading the family into the will of God. Wives, submit to their husbands. Husbands are to love their wives as much and in the same manner as Christ loves the Church. Children are to submit to their parents and all of this gives glory to God. But there is one more aspect to this order:
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
The word fathers in English, but the Greek term pateres can also mean, parents in general. But there was a Roman law called the Patria Potestas, which basically said, the father had absolute power over his children to the point of life and death. A Roman father had so much power over his family that he could sell any family member as a slave. Unwanted babies could be thrown outside to die. Seneca wrote, “We slaughter a fierce ox, we strangle a mad dog, we plunge the knife into the sickliest cattle, children who are born weak and deformed, we drown.” That’s the world - that’s the Mediterranean world of the New Testament era. That’s not too far from where we are again today.
Into that world comes this instruction from the Word of God. The children are supposed to obey their parents in the Lord, and parents are to take their role given to them by God so seriously that they will not provoke their children to anger. This was counter-cultural.
They took a sampling of children between the ages of five and six, and they did surveys of those children and the homes they were in, and out of that, they predicted delinquency. They said there are four necessary factors to prevent delinquency:
1. The father’s fair and consistent discipline.
2. The mother’s presence and supervision in the home.
3. The evident affection between the father and the mother.
4. The family’s cohesiveness as a unit.
In his book “Christian Child-Rearing and Personality Development” Paul Meir said there are 5 essential elements that must be a child’s home for a healthy upbringing: 1.) Love that is dominating the atmosphere, 2.) The discipline that is consistent and fair, 3.) Consistency in standards, principles, responses, rules, and reactions, 4.) Parents do not expect children to live up to standards they themselves can’t keep, 5.) The Father is the head of the home.
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)
The verb provoke – parorgízo - is an intense form to make angry. It means to create an irritation that angers, That is revolutionary in our society, but it’s been outlined in the Bible this whole time. There’s a delicate balance here, because you have to exercise authority, exercise discipline, establish standards, discipline can be corporeal - you spare the rod, you spoil the child. However, you must find a balance in your discipline that does not exacerbate your children to a point of frustration and anger. That is every parent’s quandary of finding that very fine line.
"An exasperated child is one who has a right to be provoked because of the incongruities between a parent’s stated beliefs and that parent’s actual behaviors"
Children need to be built up, not torn down and discouraged. Discipline should always be used to build them up. In other words, discipline is training by rules that are rewarded by rewards and punishment. They also need to be rewarded, and receive approval, especially from their parents. They need clear boundaries to move in and grow, but where they are also free to make mistakes and explore and not be strangulated to the point of resentment.
One writer put it this way: “If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate it. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to trust. If a child lives with approval, he learns to accept himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns how to find love in the world.”
One last thing. It is your responsibility as a parent to introduce them to the gospel and the person of Jesus Christ so that they fall deeply in love with Him.
? “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:4–7)
