John Balguy, an English divine and philosopher once remarked: “Whoever is wise is apt to suspect and be diffident of himself, and upon that account is willing to "hearken unto counsel,” whereas the foolish man, being in proportion to his folly full of himself, and swallowed up in conceit, will seldom take any counsel but his own, and for that very reason, because it is his own.” Matthew 17:5 reminds us: “He was still speaking when, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him.”
Diffidence is defined as modesty or shyness resulting from a lack of self-confidence. It can include such things as timidity, self-consciousness and self-effacement. Diffidence can be harmful to how we perceive ourselves and our stature in life. It can make a person feel worthless and cause significant mental problems of insecurity.
There is a concept that: “The grass is always greener on the other side.” This can relate to many situations in life including the prospect of emigration to another country, possibly starting a new career or can even involve an element in romancing. Some would argue that the attractions of another, such as one’s appearance, charm, personality and the like, are often more appealing than their own charisma. Others would disagree and believe that this is a fallacy because one is in control of their own life and life is what you make it.
A story is told of a 25-year-old single man who had always wanted, but had never managed to attain, an attractive girlfriend. His occupation was defined as a watch repairer. He owned a small shop in the seaside town of Cleethorpes, located in North East Lincolnshire.
His father had been a watch repairer for most of his life and when he retired, had passed the business on to his son to give him a valuable start in life. The father had taught him all he knew. He had a good understanding of the intricate workings of watches and was considered an expert in his field. This knowledge had taken him several years to acquire. However, he had little self-esteem as he considered himself plain in looks. Robert Walpole, a British statesman and Whig politician once remarked: “Persons extremely reserved are like old enamelled watches, which had painted covers, that hindered your seeing what o’clock it was.”
He considered that his nose was not perfectly shaped, his teeth could have been whiter and as to his ears, he felt, that these were so large and probably more suitable for catching rain rather than performing the intended function of hearing. When he spoke, he often had a nervous stammer that was caused purely by a significant lack of self-confidence.
To him, the grass always appeared greener on the other side. Actually, this was unrealistic reasoning as he was over-critical of his looks. He believed that these thoughts were the reasons why he lacked his essential asset in life, a girlfriend. 1 Peter 2:1-5 confirms: “So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation - if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”
There is a renowned saying that: "Two things are two sides of the same coin." This suggests that there are always different ways of looking at the same situation. One person's perspective or opinion will be totally different to another's. Although he didn't accept it, he actually was quite good-looking.
He was of slim build, with fairly good teeth, a pleasant personality and good manners. There was a nightclub situated on the seafront which often catered for special nights specifically for single people. As this was one of the few places around where he stood any chance of meeting someone new, he regularly attended the venue. Unbeknown to him, he often appeared very attractive in the eyes of girls. Many would watch him constantly during the evening and hope that he would approach them to ask for a dance. His lack of confidence was so apparent, that it had become a pitiful waste of a reasonably good-looking person.
A personal friend had once informed him that a black and dense cloud appeared to be hovering over a well-presented person. He needed to have more confidence in himself as it was apparently sadly lacking in him. Hebrews 12:1 reminds us: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”
He was often envious of other men, as it appeared that they attracted girls with ease. To him, others merely had to look at a girl for them to become interested in the man. The men had all the chatter needed to make a good impression. They were never lost for words or stammered as they tried to utter them. Confidence always prevailed.
His yearning in life was to find the perfect girl to be proud of. He had never possessed one as he was extremely shy with girls. Once, he was at the usual nightclub and noticed a beautiful girl dancing by herself on the dance floor. He tried in vain to obtain the necessary courage to approach her and ask her to dance, but he knew deep within, that this was an impossible task for him to undertake. He just let the moment slip by.
He would become so nervous that he was unable to string a sentence together without stammering. Besides, he had two left feet, so how on earth could he impress her? Rejection by the girl was inevitable, there was no possible other outcome in his mind. One mistake that he consistently made in life was that he failed to realise that no one is perfect. Most people have minor imperfections however insignificant they may appear to another. If one takes the time to study them, they would become obvious. The likelihood, at the end of the day, was that he was as attractive as the next man and should have had very little fear in life regarding a future positive relationship.
On one particular evening, much to his surprise, a girl who was in the nightclub suddenly approached him and sat down next to him. She introduced herself as Sylvia and asked his name? He replied: "Jonathon." She informed him that she had seen him several times before and had hoped that he might have approached her to ask her for a dance. She then took it upon herself to take the lead and asked him if he would care to dance? He readily agreed and together they took to the floor.
They immediately identified that they were perfect dance partners. Jonathon suddenly realised that this girl was very easy to talk to. He didn't feel nervous as he usually did and found that his words just flowed from his mouth without a single noticeable stammer. He informed her that dancing with her felt so natural to him and that he had become totally relaxed in her company. She agreed that she felt the same way.
He suddenly realised that the grass is not always greener on the other side, it was quite green and lush on the side that he was also. Following the success of that evening, they began to see each other regularly and three years later they married in a small, but quaint church to start a new life together as a couple clearly in love. Isaiah 40:8 confirms: “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”
Amen.
