Games People Play
Pt. 3 - Battleship
I. Introduction
This game is old. In fact, although the version you and I are probably most familiar with which was released in 1967 by Milton Bradley and included the plastic boards and pegs, it is believed to have been played, in some version, back in 1890 and also by Russian Soldiers before World War 1. It was first commercially released in the US in 1931. This game has been computerized and even spawned a movie in 2012 called "Battleship." For some reason I absolutely loved this game and I loved hearing the famous line when I successfully figured out where the opponents ship was located . . . "you sank my battleship!" Remember the concept. 2 players set where they couldn't see where the opponent’s grid and each person would place their little plastic battleships on the grid. Then each person would take turns calling out a location on the grid to try to hit one of the opposing ships. Once a person's fleet of ships is sunk, they lose.
Remember we said last week that relationship management is life management. Relationships are the single most influencing and impacting factor in our lives. You can't escape them. You must learn to navigate them. So, we have talked about managing access and providing equal love but not equal access. We have talked about maintaining balance between isolation, friends and assignments. We have talked about authenticity . . . being real is essential to having fruitful relationships. Today I want to wrap this up by dealing with a subject that is going to require some maturity on your part. You can't read into what I am saying and come to the conclusion that this applies to every relationship. I am only addressing this because I think too many of us are not equipped in this area and we need some understanding. So, please don't wrap your agenda or your hurt feelings into what I am saying and feel like I am giving you permission to apply this just so you don't have to deal with other people. I am just trying to give you some understanding is special but also common relationship issue.
Text: Genesis 13:1-2, 5-12 (MSG)
So they left Egypt and traveled north into the Negeb—Abram with his wife, and Lot, and all that they owned, for Abram was very rich in livestock, silver, and gold.
Lot too was very wealthy, with sheep and cattle and many servants. But the land could not support both Abram and Lot with all their flocks and herds. There were too many animals for the available pasture. So fights broke out between the herdsmen of Abram and Lot, despite the danger they all faced from the tribes of Canaanites and Perizzites present in the land. Then Abram talked it over with Lot. “This fighting between our men has got to stop,” he said. “We can’t afford to let a rift develop between our clans. Close relatives such as we are must present a united front! I’ll tell you what we’ll do. Take your choice of any section of the land you want, and we will separate. If you want that part over there to the east, then I’ll stay here in the western section. Or, if you want the west, then I’ll go over there to the east.” Lot took a long look at the fertile plains of the Jordan River, well watered everywhere (this was before Jehovah destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah); the whole section was like the Garden of Eden, or like the beautiful countryside around Zoar in Egypt. So that is what Lot chose—the Jordan Valley to the east of them. He went there with his flocks and servants, and thus he and Abram parted company. For Abram stayed in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain, settling at a place near the city of Sodom.
I need to remind you before we break this account down that we have talked on numerous occasions about how we are supposed to make each other stronger. Bear one another's burdens. Carry one another to Jesus. Believe for one another. Rally to one another. However, there are certain relationships that sink us rather than strengthen us. And I want to show you from this account a couple of things that we need to learn to successfully navigate this.
Notice that both Abraham and Lot were being blessed! The text says both were blessed. Both had increase in herds. Increase in wealth. Increase in family. However, we read the statement that says the land couldn't support them both. This town wasn’t big enough for the both of them. The indication that there was a problem was division. Abraham and Lot's men start lobbing bombs at one another. They are in conflict.
So, Abraham approaches (there is a lesson that ties to Jesus' teaching in Matthew when He says leave your gift at the altar and go deal with offense/division. So, we can't walk away in silence or sulking.) and works out a solution.
Here is what I want you to hear today . . .
To correctly navigate relationships, you need to know that sometimes . . .
The solution in some relationships is space.
Abraham and Lot realize that they only way they are going to survive this and still remain in relationship is to create space between them.
Sometimes what God removes from your life is just as a significant blessing as what He places in your life.
I mention this because some of you are wounded, wallowing in pain, disillusionment and want to force fellowship with someone that will result in both of you are sunk.
Both individuals are being blessed, but separation has to take place. Sometimes ghosting is gifting. They were all up in your business and now they are nowhere to be seen. They used to call every 30 seconds and now you haven't heard from them in 30 days. Too many of us start forcing relationship when all that is really taking place is safety is being provided by space.
God does a different kind of math than we do. Sometimes addition comes by subtraction. There are seasons in life that if you don't experience subtraction, then you will experience distraction. Abraham and Lot are surrounded by real threats, real adversaries and if they are distracted by their relationship issue, then they will be destroyed. If they had stayed connected, then they would have played right into the hands of the enemy.
I want to remind you that God will never take anything away from us that we need. He will, however, take things away from us that we want. that we rely on, that we trust more than Him. Some of us are fighting separation in destructive relationships because we trust those people more than we trust God. The relationship was a means that God used to get you to travel to a certain place in life. But now to get to the final destination you must allow space. They got you to this place, but they can't take you any further. It forces us to wrestle with whether we trust transportation more than God. You can usually spot the end of the season because although they once brought peace, now they produce chaos. They used to draw you closer to God, but now they cause you to get your eyes off of God. They used to make you better, but now they are causing you to feel bitter. Relation ships can sink! What now? It forces you to answer whether you trust the ship or trust the Savior.
Notice what God does in this example. He removes someone Abraham was affectionate for but not responsible for.
So, in order for you to manage some relationships you are going to have to allow space! Both parties are still being blessed but at a safe distance.
This account teaches us a great lesson . . .
We must learn to make an adjustment before there’s a problem.
You have to get out of range. You may not be completely out of relationship, but you have to get out of range. The major problem with the board game is that you couldn't move your ship once the game began. You had to just sit and hope you didn't get sunk. As the shots landed closer and closer you couldn't maneuver to safety or take steps to avoid destruction. You just had to endure it.
For some reason a lot of us act like we have to just stay in range. We must learn to adjust! Our approach must be like Abraham's . . . I’m making adjustments not because I don’t like you. I’m making these adjustments because I love you and I don’t want our relationship to be ruptured completely. Lot's choice brought him pain. Abraham rescues him later. So, there was still relationship, but I just can't sit here and let your choices sink me in the process. I am a real friend I won't sit idly by and support your destruction of you and let that destruction bleed onto me. But what I will do is adjust so that I am positioned for my safety but also positioned for your rescue.
I also want you to notice that Lot chooses the best land. I don't have time to mess with this, but Abraham is so committed to keeping the relationship intact and He trusts God so much that he allows Lot to seemingly mistreat him. Lot didn't prefer Abraham over himself. Abraham didn't fight for his preference. He didn't sacrifice his relationship to gain comfort. Why? Because Abraham trusted God to take care of him if he acted righteously. Too many of us want to fight for ourselves and in the process, we step into God's lane. We want to war for ourselves. We want to sing this is how I fight my battles on Sunday . . . indicating that we will stand still and praise . . . then on Monday we revert to Facebook, pulling strings and power plays. However, if we would stay in our lane, act in obedience then God will operate in His lane and I can stand still and see the salvation of God. I don't have to pull strings or work angles. He will bless me!
Space is godly and it is a gift.
Not saying give up on them just telling you to give space. Some of us need to get space and some of us need to give space. This is how folks in a body that are divinely assigned to one another can learn survive seasons of tension. Rather than leaving and taking your baggage to another body just adjust a little. Get out of range a little. Stay connected so you stay blessed but get out of range. This is how you maneuver through difficult family and friend relationships. I want them blessed but sometimes for them to be blessed and for me to be blessed there is going to have to be space! I don't want you to sink me and I don't want to sink you. So, I adjust to give you the space I need!
Give me some space! I will give you some space.
