Games People Play
Pt. 1 - Red Rover
I. Introduction
It is without a doubt a hall of fame worthy playground game! It is a perennial favorite. It was in fact on of my favorites because even though I was small, tiny in stature I was quick and in a very short amount of space I could generate enough speed to break through the interlocked hands of my classmates. Lest I make assumptions about your level of expertise in this great playground game. I need to remind you of the basics of Red Rover, Red Rover.
Two teams of people face off over short distance and lock hands. One team picks out their targeted foe and starts the chant - red rover, red rover let slow poke ______ come over. Oh, slow poke would determine where he thought there was the weakest connection and run into the locked hands to see if he could break through. If in fact, he did have the speed and strength necessary to break through he could pick one of the people whose arms he broke through to go back to his original team. If he was unsuccessful in breaking through, then he joined the team that was able to keep him out. The object was for one team to be illuminated by removing all their players but one.
As I grew older, I learned to appreciate the strategy of the game because you to carefully consider who to call out and if you were called out you had to strategize about your best chance of breaking through was. Honestly, as I grew older, I also learned to hate this game because as we got bigger and stronger the more painful it was to try to repel someone's attempt to break through.
The single most significant impacting force in our lives is relationships. Relationship management is life management. This is true spiritually because our relationship with Jesus impacts us eternally. On this side of eternity, it is the relationships in our lives that determine our quality of life and the trajectory of our life. Show me your friends show you your future.
I think the issue we have is that a lot of us come to church to be taught how to do spiritual things but can’t seem to manage relationships! You can win spiritually and lose relationally. And the truth is Jesus didn't just want us to win spiritually. He was constantly showing us how to win relationally. I think that He recognized that relationships would cause us to live in purpose or live in pain! So, He knew that it is important to figure out how to play the game properly.
So, let me tell you that in order for you to win in relationships you must learn to be a Red Rover Expert.
The entire premise of Red Rover is keeping people out or letting them in. We must learn to let the right people break in and to keep the wrong people out. I want us to examine an encounter Jesus has where this is illustrated.
John 9:1-6, 13-14, 28-34 (NLT)
As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us. The night is coming, and then no one can work. But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.” Then he spit on the ground, made mud with the saliva, and spread the mud over the blind man’s eyes. He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” (Siloam means “sent”). So the man went and washed and came back seeing!
Then they took the man who had been blind to the Pharisees, because it was on the Sabbath that Jesus had made the mud and healed him. Then they cursed him and said, “You are his disciple, but we are disciples of Moses! We know God spoke to Moses, but we don’t even know where this man comes from.”
“Why, that’s very strange!” the man replied. “He healed my eyes, and yet you don’t know where he comes from? We know that God doesn’t listen to sinners, but he is ready to hear those who worship him and do his will. Ever since the world began, no one has been able to open the eyes of someone born blind. If this man were not from God, he couldn’t have done it.” “You were born a total sinner!” they answered. “Are you trying to teach us?” And they threw him out of the synagogue.
Jesus encounters a man and John informs us that this man was blind from birth. Everyone assumes that the man is blind due to sin . . . either his or his parents have done something wrong. The disciples say this, but Jesus declares that this man's blindness has been allowed to reveal God's glory. Jesus heals the man. The people see a once blind man now sighted and take him to the religious leaders who don't like the fact that he was healed on a Sabbath. They even drag his parents into the inquiry. Finally, they throw this man out of the temple because he wouldn't agree with the issue they had with Jesus for healing on the Sabbath.
I want to point out a couple things of note from this account and then give you a couple Red Rover pointers.
So, notice that this man is identified as man that has been blind since birth. Also notice that the man himself regurgitates the believed, oft repeated, position of the day that, "Ever since the world began, no one has been able to open the eyes of someone born blind." So, since this was the belief of his community and religious leaders somewhere along the way this man has become settled, set in, comfortable with, accustomed to and doomed to a sightless life. Everyone around him has apparently concluded that blindness since birth is the final prognosis. In other words, no one has been allowed to break through his blindness and sight less life. There was no one in his life who could crash through the lines of limited vision. There was no one that would challenge his condition. Remember, I told you if we are going to win in relationships and therefore win in life, we must determine who to let into our life and who to keep out.
So, here is the million-dollar question . . . how do we know who to let in and who to keep out?
1. Let people in that see you better than you see you.
So, from this account we can learn that we need people in our life that make us hungry!
The blind man was comfortable with blind until Jesus came along and made him hungry for sight.
We need someone who sees our blindness and makes us recognize it and want different.
We need to let people in that bring clarity. They bring sight. They bring knowledge. They refuse to allow you to settle for blindness in any area. They refuse to be comfortable in your sickness. We all settle into blindness in some area of our lives. We become comfortable in our own issues and others become comfortable in our issue. We become comfortable in wilderness rather than pushing for the Promised Land. It will take someone who can see us more clearly than we can see us to help us see us clearly. They aren't called blind spots for nothing. We become convinced of the finality of our own flaws. Too many of us have become functional in dysfunction because we have become comfortable in darkness. We need someone to help us to see that it can be different than it is right now. Someone to speak to us and spark desire for sight, health, breakthrough. These folks help you see you better than you are right now, so they spark desire in you for more. They are sent by Jesus to break through our comfort zones and satisfied places and they call us to the better version of us.
Some of us are so comfortable with issues that are killing us - bad purchases, bad relationships, bad attitudes, bad behavior and we need someone to step in and say it doesn’t have to be this way!
We have to come to this place where we can say, "red rover, red rover let a truth teller come over!" And when they come into our lives, we have to let them in. Grant them access. Too often we ask for God to send someone to help us with our issues, we ask for them and then when they arrive, we resist. God sends folks who have insight, correction, discipline, grace, wisdom but too many of us keep rebutting them, rejecting them and refusing to let them break into our world. They were sent to be in your camp, but they can’t be in your camp if they can’t get into your camp.
2. Let people in who do more than just identify an issue.
Let those in who can fix the issue.?Notice it was Jesus followers who could spot the issue but didn't know how to fix or even offer to fix the issue. They are experts in spotting the issue but no idea how to fix it. We must keep those kinds of folks out or we end up hopeless and helpless and we remain blind. Every one of the religious leaders in this account could point out that the man was blind. They could spot the issue. They could pinpoint the problem. However, they couldn't help. Jesus was the only one who did more than just say that man is blind. He steps in and brings sight!
There are some people we let in who just spot what's wrong, but they have no answers. They never have any solutions. They have no ability or intention of assisting. They just like to point out faults and problems.
Too many of you have a lot of problem spotters in your life. Red Rover, red rover let a problem solver come over.
Open your life to folks who can actually do something to fix what they see is wrong. If someone can spot that you have money problems but can't help you dig out debt, set a budget or balance a check book then don't let them in. But if they can spot the financial issue and help you find a solution let them in. Same is true in relationship issues. This why you don't allow someone that has never had a successful relationship to advise you on your relationships. This is true spiritually. You don't just need someone who just tells you need to grow, change but never models growth or change. I have to fight these people off when it comes to this church. There are self-appointed church experts everywhere that tell us what we are doing wrong but can't tell us what to do to get it right! So, I have to be careful about who I let in.
3. Keep people out who prefer your blindness more than they prefer your sight.
The religious leaders threw this man out of the temple after he has been healed. They were good with him as long as he was blind. They didn't bother him at all when he was disabled. Now he is miraculously healed and they never celebrate this sight. Instead, they throw him out when he was whole.
A good indication of whether someone should be allowed access in your life is how they handle your growth. How do they handle your success? How do they handle your improvement? A lot of times we keep people in our lives who attack us when we are getting better. They are more comfortable with us messed up. They don't know what to do with us put together.
4. The bottom line is that we must earn to set boundaries.
To win you can't let everyone in . . . equal love but not equal access. To win you can't keep everyone out! Some of us don't win because we let everyone in. Others in this room don't win because you won't let anyone in! Learn the lessons that this account teaches us. You have to be able to determine who should be granted access and those who should be denied access based on what they do when they get in. Do they bring your expectation, hunger levels up? Do they help you desire more? Let them in. Do they just point out what is wrong? Keep them out. All they are doing is increasing your darkness. Do they point out what is wrong and have answers on how to fix it? Let them in. Are they more comfortable with you messed up, broken than they are when you are making improvements? If so, lock your hands tight and keep them out. Your sight. Your healing. Your health. Your freedom depends on this skill! Like this man . . . choose your sight, your freedom over fitting in with folks that only want to keep you bound so they can keep their comfort.
If you are going to win in relationships then, you must become a red rover expert!
