The 5 Love languages
Physical Touch
May 15, 2022
He gives you flowers, which are really nice, but what you really want is a one on one, soul to soul, heart to heart conversation. She gives you a hug after a hard day’s work, but what you really need is a delicious home-cooked meal. He gives you great back rubs, but what you really want is someone to clean up the house. She asks you about your day and wants to know every detail, but all you want is someone to give you a hug and cuddle for a bit.
Maybe that describes you and your relationship right now. Maybe that’s part of the past. Sometimes we think we’re the problem. Sometimes we’re made to think that it’s us, and not somehow the fact that we’re miscommunicating love on a very basic level and that’s hurting our relationships.
The problem isn’t your love – it’s your love language! According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, just as we speak different languages - - - there are also different love languages.
We’re now on week 4 of our 5 week series and I hope it’s been beneficial for you. Maybe you know your kids a little better, or you’re learning more about your spouse or significant other and the ways to show them love according to their needs, and not yours. Maybe you’ve learned more about you, and that’s great!
I’m going to say this and maybe step on a few toes. If so, then sorry, but not really! This series is meant to help us learn to love better. So, if you still don’t know you’re love language, it’s time to learn it. If you don’t know your spouse or kids love language, it’s time to find out. If you don’t have access to the internet to take the quiz, then let us know and we’ll set you up at church and you can take it.
We want you to learn to love and be loved better. God loves us through each of the 5 love languages and has uniquely designed us to receive and give love. It’s vital to know, so that you can love better. And spouses, don’t ask your mate to guess. Because if they’re wrong, that’s embarrassing. Just say, ‘hey, honey, I took the love language quiz and my love language is . . .’
Normally, we give love the way we receive love. If you’re into Acts of Service, then that’s what you try to do. If you’re all about receiving gifts, then you like to give gifts. So, sometimes we will be stretched to give love in a different way, especially if everyone in the house has different love languages. It can make life a little crazy, but it’s worth it.
So, if you have not learned your love language or the love language of your kids or those who are really close to you, take the love language quiz. It’s in your bulletin and on the screen.
www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes
So far, we’ve looked at - - -
Words of Affirmation – For some, they best receive love through what we say and how we say it. Finding love through kind and encouraging words.
Quality Time - love through presence. Being with another person, giving them your undivided attention. It can be doing something together or just being together with no distractions.
Receiving Gifts - Gifts are a tangible, symbolic expression of love. We remember the love of the other person when we look at or use the gift. They don’t have to be big and expensive, but are reminders we were thought of.
There are 2 more to go. Next week we will look at Acts of Service. Today, we’re going to look at PHYSICAL TOUCH.
This is one of the most fundamental ways that we show love. It’s one of the easiest. We don’t even have to say anything. Have you ever stood with someone who is grieving. There are no words to say other than “I’m sorry for your loss!” But it’s that hug, it’s the touch on the arm, it’s the firm handshake which communicates your presence and love.
A great deal of research has been conducted on physical touch for babies. They’ve learned that babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who have not.
They’ve gone to orphanages where babies were not held very much, but given proper nutrition, they found they didn’t grow as well, they had emotional issues and some actually died due to lack of physical contact.
Research indicates that holding hands reduces stress. So, next time you’re having a disagreement at home, go and hold hands. Actually, as crazy as that sounds, that may be a great idea.
We see sports teams holding hands before a game, hugging one another in victory and defeat, we see fist and chest bumps and high fives. Touching is vitally important.
Jesus used physical touching to show love and move through barriers as we’ll see in a few minutes. I also want to add something . . . physical touch should always be appropriate.
In any gathering there will always be some who have experienced inappropriate touch. That’s not what this is about. It’s showing healthy love through healthy touch. And if you’ve been down that road, I really hope you’re finding or found healing. And I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through and hope you can use your pain as a means to bring healing and hope to others.
Jesus believed in physical touch. When you read the Gospel stories about Jesus, I think you’ll be surprised at how often He touched those who were sick. It’s really cool, because Jesus broke all of the Jewish social and religious rules to demonstrate that He was God. He brought healing to those who were outcasts, when in reality they should have been banished, as well as Jesus because He became ceremonially unclean.
It didn’t matter if you were a disciple, a prostitute, dead, a leper, bleeding, a hunchback, demon possessed, young or old, Jew or Roman or slave.
None of it mattered. What mattered is that you came to Jesus in faith.
Besides the moments when parents brought their children to Jesus and He laid His hands on them, listen to these other instances from the Gospels - - -
14 And when Jesus entered Peter's house, He saw Peter’s mother - in - law lying sick with a fever.
15 Jesus touched her hand, and the fever left her, and she rose and began to serve Him. - Matthew 8:14-15
5 Then Jesus poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around Him. - John 13:5
6 When the disciples heard this, they fell on their faces and were terrified. 7 But Jesus came and touched them, saying, “Rise, and have no fear.” - Matthew 17:6-7
40 Now when the sun was setting, all those who had any who were sick with various diseases brought them to Jesus, and He laid His hands on EVERY one of them and healed them. - Luke 4:40
31 Then Jesus returned from the region of Tyre and 32 they brought to Him a man who was deaf and had a speech impediment, and they begged Jesus to lay His hand on him.
33 And taking him aside from the crowd privately, Jesus put His fingers into his ears, and after spitting touched his tongue. - Mark 7:31-33
I could go on, but I hope you get the point that Jesus touched people, and we could go on about other stories in the Bible about healing and compassionate touch.
We also learn that healthy physical touch triggers the release of certain hormones associated with pleasure and bonding as a couple. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone, and it is released along with the rest of the feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine. So, there’s physiological benefits as well.
I want to share a story about something Jesus did for a woman which broke so many Jewish rules and traditions. It’s a story which occurred in Luke 13 - - -
10 Now Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath.
11 And behold, there was a woman who had a disabling spirit for 18 years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself.
12 When Jesus saw her, He called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your disability.”
13 And Jesus laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. - Luke 13
The way Luke wrote this shows this wasn’t just some arbitrary illness or disease. This was a spiritual issue. That’s why Luke states she had a disabling spirit. Something more than osteoarthritis or some other spine disease was going on.
This story tells us so much about Jesus. In the end, the Jewish leaders were angry that Jesus healed someone on the Sabbath. But that’s not the only thing He did.
Somewhere in the middle of His message, Jesus stopped teaching and called out to this woman. Somehow He saw her through the crowd of people and . . . and this is really cool - - - He called her to come forward. Verse 12 says - He called her over
We need to understand that this was unheard of. People would have been shocked at His request of this woman. The temple was not set up like our sanctuary. The men were separated from the women who were separated from the Gentiles. Let’s take a quick history lesson of the way the Temple was designed.
Look at this picture (of the Temple separation between men, women, gentiles)
In the Temple the women were not seated with the men. The men were in the inner court. The women were in the middle court. And Gentiles were in the outer court. So, Jesus would have seen her through the gate that separated the courts.
He was only chastised for healing her, but it was probably shocking for the men when He called this woman forward. She must have been paralyzed not knowing what to do.
Yet, Jesus reached out to her. It’s the same way as He calls to us as well. It’s His proclamation in Matthew 11:28 - - Come to me. Come - all of you who are weary and burdened. Come to me. Come to the front. Don’t be afraid. Don’t worry what others will think.
She may have stood there, frozen for a period of time. What do I do? Jesus was asking her to go where no woman of that day was supposed to go — especially a woman like her, bent and crippled. If you were crippled like that for the past 18 years, then the people assumed you were being severely punished for some sin in your life.
So, she begins to move forward. Maybe Jesus meets her part way. She’s heard the call of the Master and she’s excited and nervous at the same time. She strains her head to see where He is. She moves to the sound of His voice.
I can picture Jesus moving towards her, reaching out His hand - - - to take hold of it in a gentle, yet powerful display of God’s power. As the ruler of the synagogue argued with Jesus, Jesus calls her a daughter of Abraham, meaning she is entitled to be healed. She is a child of the covenant; she is an heir to the promise. She came stooped over in the shape of a question mark and leaves standing in the shape of an exclamation point!
I think we can all identify with the Bent Over woman. Some may be in physical pain, some may be crippled by fear; others disabled by exhaustion, and still others hobbled by grief. At some point in life, we all know what it is feels like to be spiritually bent over. We have all struggled.
You may have come to worship this morning in the shape of a question mark, but my prayer is that you will leave in the shape of an exclamation point. You may have crawled in, but may you walk out like the bent over woman – head held high, arms raised, praising the goodness of God.
There are so many different things that can be communicated through physical touch. The language of physical touch is unique because so much can be communicated and understood by a simple touch.
A touch can communicate
the emotion of love.
It can say I’m attracted to you.
It can say you are valued and accepted.
A touch communicates security and assurance.
It can say I’m sorry.
A touch can communicate compassion or sorrow.
A touch can say ‘thank you’
For me, one of the great scriptures of the Bible is one we often miss. In Genesis 2, we read - - -
5 When no bush of the field was yet in the land and no small plant of the field had yet sprung up —
for the Lord God had not caused it to rain on the land, and there was no man to work the ground,
6 and a mist was going up from the land and was watering the whole face of the ground —
7 then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. - Genesis 2:5-7
This is a whole other sermon. But I’ll hold off today.
But think about it . . . When we talk about physical touch, we see God doing that first hand. We see it in the beginning. We see it when Jesus touched so many people . . . .
but we also see it in the gift of creation. Think about this last verse - - - God formed man doesn’t mean God spoke us into existence, He formed us and He breathed His Spirit into us.
The Hebrew meaning of the word formed means God was like a potter, getting His proverbial hands dirty. He is the master builder and creator. He formed us from the ground in the greatest hands on display of power ever. And then God breathed life into us. God brought life into us . . . and the psalmist tells us
let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
So, we do that, we praise the Lord for giving us life, for creating us, forming us in the womb, knitting us together in a manner which we marvel at. The gift of life is ours through the power of God.
His Spirit comes to rest upon us. That’s another of the gifts God has given us. When Jesus ascended He sent the Spirit so that we would never be separated from God. He would always be with us as our Comforter, peace giver, counselor and more. God has blessed us as we are created in His image, and that is wonderful and powerful and it’s a reminder that you are most definitely worthy of His grace, mercy and love.
Know that God cares about you in every way throughout your entire being ---
your heart your spirit your mind your body
