Let's start today by simply reading Ephesians 6:1:
Children, obey your parents [in the Lord].
For this is right.
Children, obey your parents. How should you obey them? Paul says, obey them "in the Lord." [I'LL PROBABLY TAKE THIS SECTION OUT WHEN ACTUALLY PREACHING. THIS SERMON IS WAY TOO LONG. BUT I'LL KEEP IT IN FOR READERS). Actually, Paul MAYBE says "in the Lord." If you're reading the NRSV, you'll see a footnote in your Bibles here, and that footnote tells you, " Other ancient authorities lack in the Lord." We have lots of early copies of Ephesians, and other NT books, and they sometimes disagree with each other.
This doesn't need to freak us out, but what happens sometimes is that we aren't quite sure what Paul wrote.
Either Paul wrote, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord," and 7 of our very early copies of Ephesians somehow didn't include that. They took it out for some reason. Or, Paul simply wrote, "Children, obey your parents," and some of the very early copyists read this and gave it a little more force-- "obey your parents in the Lord."
Most of the time, when we have issues like this with our NT, where we aren't quite sure what someone actually wrote, it looks a lot like this. It's not an issue that makes a huge difference in how we read a passage or understand it. I don't think it needs to make us less confident in the Bible.
Here, the most likely explanation is that Paul simply wrote, "Children, obey your parents, for this is right." And shortly after people began copying his letters, someone added "in the Lord."
So. Paul's opening command to children is very simple. "Children, obey your parents." Paul then strengthens this command with a "for" statement. The reason you need to obey your parents is because this is "right." This word "right" could just as easily be translated "righteous." Actually, it's usually translated as "righteous" elsewhere (Romans 3:10; Romans 5:7; 1 Timothy 1:9).
This word, "righteous," is basically a relational word. When you act rightly toward someone within the context of your relationship, you are righteous. We are in a relationship with God, right? When we give God what we owe him, given our relationship to him, we are acting righteously toward him. We are acting rightly (Romans 2:13). God is also righteous. When God gives us what he owes us, because he has made a commitment to us, God acts rightly-- righteously (Romans 3:26).
Children have an obligation to live rightly in relationship to their parents, and give them what they are owed. And this obligation, is first of all, to obey. So when children obey their parents, they are living righteously. They are living rightly.
Paul then continues, in verse 2, with a second command.
Honor your father and mother,
which is the first commandment with a promise,
in order that well with you it may be,
and you may be long-lived on the earth.
What does it mean to honor your parents? It means to live in a way that brings honor to them. When we put it this way, this is complicated. My wife, Heidi, is from Jamestown. And half of Jamestown knows that Heidi is the daughter of [name]. Whenever she does or says anything in Jamestown, people see her as [name's] daughter. And she either brings honor to them, or she brings shame to them. Heidi is supposed to live in a way that brings honor to them.
If you find yourself bad-mouthing your parents, you are dishonoring them. You won't always agree with your parents. There are things about the way your parents do things that bother you. And this is especially true if you have a job, like farming, where you work with them. When you disagree with them, if you think you have to disagree with them, do so in a way that still respects and honors them. Honor your parents.
Paul doesn't talk here about in-laws, but I see no reason why this wouldn't apply to them as well. When you married your spouse, you took on another set of parents. You need to live in a way that honors them as well. It's possible that you struggle with your in-laws. Lots of people do. Your in-laws maybe do lots of things very differently, and have very different perspectives on things. But you need to live, and talk, in a way that honors them. If you are bad-mouthing them to other people, you are dishonoring them. And if you are bad-mouthing them to your spouse, you are putting your spouse in a terrible spot. Your spouse has to honor his/her parents. So they are going to get defensive. Their parents' honor is at stake. Honor your in-laws.
The other thing that honoring your parents means is taking care of them in their old age. As our parents age, they begin to need more and more help physically. It's harder for them to do the basics of life-- laundry, cooking, shopping. And then, it gets harder for them to do even more basic things, like showering, or getting up out of a chair. It's hard to see your parents age. Or it should be. But as you watch them age, you know, because you are God's holy people, that you have an obligation to them. You will take care of them, as best as you are able to. If there are widows in the church, that need our help, we will do our best to take care of them. But the primary responsibility for the elderly falls on you, their children.
1 Timothy 5:3-8
3 Honor widows who are really widows. 4 If a widow has children or grandchildren, they should first learn their religious duty to their own family and make some repayment to their parents; for this is pleasing in God’s sight. 5 The real widow, left alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day; 6 but the widow[b]who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. 7 Give these commands as well, so that they may be above reproach. 8 And whoever does not provide for relatives, and especially for family members, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Honor your parents. Honor your grandparents. If you do this, Paul gives you two promises.
in order that well with you it may be,
and you may be long-lived on the earth.
If you want your life to go well, and live a long life, honor your parents.
Verse 3
And fathers, don't make your children angry,
but bring them up in discipline and instruction.
Paul now turns to address fathers. I don't know why he doesn't include mothers here. I'm tempted to guess, but it would just be a guess. In this verse, Paul uses a point-counterpoint set. What this means is that the first command, "Don't provoke your children to anger", acts as a frame for understanding the second command. The second command is more important, but we won't read it correctly unless we read it within the frame the first command gives.
So let's start with the frame. "Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger." Paul has already talked in Eph. 4 about anger. Anger is a dangerous emotion. Paul wrote, "Be angry, and don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't leave an opening/opportunity to Satan."
Fathers, you have to parent in a way that doesn't make your children angry. If you are harsh with them, or unreasonable, or constantly critical, or abusive... there are lots of things you can do that will provoke your children to anger. Don't do this. Don't provoke them to anger. Don't make them vulnerable to Satan. Surely, this isn't what you want for them.
So that's the frame. We keep that in the back of our minds. Now we get to the second part, which is almost always more important.
"Don't provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in discipline and instruction."
Fathers, you have a responsibility to your children. You have to raise your children in a particular way, with discipline, and with instruction. You can't ignore your children. You can't neglect your responsibility. You can't leave this to your wife, or to the church. Bring your children up in discipline and instruction.
I think it's at this point we need to bring the frame back into view. When some of you hear about the importance of raising your children with discipline and instruction, you immediately think like you're an army sergeant running a boot camp. Discipline! Instruction! And who cares about their feelings!
What Paul is saying here, is that you can raise your children with discipline and instruction, in a way that doesn't provoke them to anger. I think I can say this even more baldly: If you are disciplining or instructing your children, and they become angry with you, you are parenting wrong. You need to think about how you are talking to them, and what you are doing to them, and why.
This brings us to verse 6, where Paul writes to slaves.
Slaves, obey the according-to-the-flesh lords,
with fear and trembling,
in the sincerity of your heart,
as to the King,
not with eye service
as people-pleasers
but as slaves of the King,
doing the will of God, from the heart/soul,
with a good attitude serving,
as to the Lord,
and not to people,
knowing that each of you, whatever good he may do, he will receive/get back from the Lord,
whether slave
or free.
None of us are slaves. We are either employers, or employees. So how are we supposed to read these verses about slaves? For those of us who are normal employees, I think these verses resonate with us. We understand that things are different for us than slaves, but these verses pack a crazy punch. I think if we feel the force of this, we are reading these verses correctly.
Most of us, at one point or another, struggle with bad attitudes at work. We think our bosses expect us to work too hard, for too many hours, for not enough money. But we know-- and our bosses know-- that most of us really aren't stuck in our jobs. If your boss makes you miserable, you can always quit. You can walk out the door, and show them (!). You can stick it to the man.
But if you're a slave, you're stuck. Some types of slavery are worse than others. In Rome, some slaves were given a great deal of honor and responsibility, and lived better than free people. And people voluntarily sold themselves into slavery at times, either because they needed to in order to survive, or with hopes of moving upward socially. Slavery didn't even have to be for life-- you could sell yourself into slavery for a few years, and then be freed at the end of that time.
Reading these verses maybe feels awkward to you, but you have to understand that in a world without food stamps, and without much opportunity to advance in life, slavery isn't necessarily a bad thing. If I was starving to death, and I had a wife and 5 kids at home, and they were starving to death, I would do whatever I needed to do to provide for my family and myself. I'd totally sell myself into slavery. And if my kids were starving, and I could sell them to someone who would provide for them, it'd rip my heart out. But I can't let them die.
That said, slavery wasn't most people's dream for their lives back then, and it isn't now. If I was a slave, I'd have two main thoughts. First, my life stinks. Truly. Second, my life doesn't matter. If I'm a slave, I wonder what difference my life makes to God, and to the church, and to anything that really matters. You can try to sell me on this lofty vision of God's call, and God's one holy family, but what does that have to do with me, a slave?
Some of you maybe view your work in basically the same way. You have a job, that you don't love, and you find it frustrating and meaningless. Maybe, as a result, you've job-hopped from one dead-end job to the next. Or maybe you are just grimly hanging on until you can retire. But either way, you view most of your life as wasted time. You work 40, 50, 60 hours a week, but life for you is really about something else. Some hobby, or interest.
Some of you understand that Jesus has given each of you a ministry-- a job-- to build up the church. And you take this responsibility seriously. You tell people, "I work construction during the week, but-- and you are quick to say this-- I lead worship on Sunday mornings, or I teach Sunday school, or I help with YFC, or I do pulpit supply occasionally. Your job is just your job-- it's what pays the bills so that you can serve God.
For a few of you, maybe, you take this responsibility, and privilege, seriously enough that your normal job really bothers you. You know you could do so much more in life, if it wasn't for that 9-5 gig that takes up all your time.
For others of you, work is something you endure as you wait for evenings and weekends. Not because you have this burning desire to serve God in some way, but because that's YOUR time, to distract yourself, amuse yourself, and somehow make up for the drudgery of work. But every week, Monday comes. And you hate your job.
Whichever of these two groups you find yourself in, the reality is that most people don't view their jobs as having any eternal significance, or really mattering. Ministry is something you do here (at church), or in evangelism, or who knows what. But work is really it's own separate thing. And, truthfully, you think work is a waste of time.
If this is what you think, what does Paul say to you? Ephesians 6:5:
"Slaves, obey the according-to-the-flesh lords."
Paul gives slaves one main command. "Obey." "Obey your earthly lords." At [my place of employment], we are all told, "Work as directed." If your boss tells you to do something, and it's not wrong, do what you're told.
Now, all of us who have had kids know that there's lots of ways to obey. When you tell your kids to do something, there's LOTS of ways they can obey. They can stomp off pouting, doing it. They can do it incredibly slowly, acting like it's nearly impossible. Or like it's total agony. They can whine and complain.
When we watch our children "obey", we marvel at this display. It's terrible, for sure. But impressive, in its own way.
So what does it really mean to obey?
Paul has one main command for slaves: obey. But Paul then builds on this, over and over. He makes a huge thing over this. Paul has to do this, because he knows that slaves don't want to obey. If we don't want to obey, we should understand why slaves would struggle with a bad attitude. So as we read this, we should ask ourselves two questions. How should slaves obey? Second, why should slaves work this way?
Slaves, obey the according-to-the-flesh lords,
with fear and trembling,
First, work with fear and trembling, knowing they can discipline you. Your bosses are far more limited in what they can do to you than a master would be to a slave, but a powerful supervisor can make life absolutely miserable for you. Fear them. Know what they can do to you.
Second, work in the sincerity of your heart. When you are at work, you don't pretend to work. You don't do as little as possible, as slowly as possible. When you are at work, work.
Third, work as to the King. Your boss is not a perfect human being. And you maybe don't get along with your boss very well-- or maybe you do. I don't know. But when you are working, work as though your boss is King Jesus.
The fourth explanation of how to work is complicated. It's hard to break this down very far.
Work
not with eye service, as people pleasers,
but as slaves of the King,
doing God's will from the heart/soul,
with goodwill serving,
as to the Lord,
and not to people.
Work is not about currying favor, winning office politics, trying to look good. When I'm working, I'm supposed to view myself as Jesus' slave, doing God's will from the heart. I serve with goodwill, wanting what's best for the company. And I work as though I'm working for the Lord Jesus, and not my supervisor. I work for the Lord Jesus, not [my place of employment].
When I work this way, I'm obeying God. I'm living as a child of the light. I'm walking worthily of my calling.
This brings us to verse 8:
Work as slaves of the king,
knowing that each of you, whatever good he may do, this he will receive/get back from the Lord,
whether slave or free.
If you work hard, with a good attitude, as though working for Jesus, with goodwill, trying to please Jesus-- if you do all this, you have a promise here. Whatever good you do, Jesus will repay you with good. Jesus will do good for you. You will get some type of reward from Jesus for your hard work. Does Paul mean Jesus will repay you on earth? Or is this a heavenly repayment? Paul doesn't expand on this. I'm not sure. Really, it doesn't matter.
The important thing is that when you work hard, doing good, Jesus sees your work, and he will repay you with good.
These verses should be a huge encouragement to many of you. If you are working rightly, work isn't a waste of time. Work isn't spiritually irrelevant. Work is a major part of how you obey God. When you are at work, working rightly, you are doing God's will. You are serving your King. And King Jesus is watching you, and he will repay you for all the good you do at work. This is true for you, regardless of where you work. You maybe think that farming doesn't have anything to do with obeying God. It does. You can obey God at work. You can obey God by being a good stay-at-home mom. Any job you have, approached rightly, can be done in a way that makes God happy.
Some of you here are lords-- supervisors. Paul has much less to say to you, but if anything, it's actually more challenging. Verse 9:
And the lords, the same things do for them,
giving up the threat,
knowing that the Lord of both them and you is in the heavens,
and there is no partiality with him.
What does it mean that lords are supposed to do the same things? Slaves were told that whatever good they do, Jesus will repay them with good. Jesus will do good for them.
"Lords" are supposed to do good to the slaves, just as slaves do good to the lords. There's maybe one supervisor in a 100 that goes to work and thinks to themselves, "I wonder what good I can do for my employees today."
"Lords" are supposed to do good to their employees.
Paul then expands on what it means to do good by saying, "giving up the threat." This is probably the hardest line in the entire letter. How can you effectively supervise people without threatening them? I say that, not trying to be sarcastic at all. For real. If you're running a company, or supervising, and your employees have rotten attitudes and are lazy, what exactly are you supposed to do to them? You have to threaten, right? Apparently, there's a better way to motivate people. You can talk to them without threatening them. Does this mean you can't ever fire people? I don't think so. But you have to give up the threat. If they mess up, correct it/them without threatening.
So, finishing the section on lords off:
"and the lords, the same things do for them,
giving up the threat,
knowing that the Lord of both them and you is in the heavens,
and there is no partiality with him.
You may be the lord-- lower case L--at work, but all of us share one Lord in heaven, and he treats us all the same.
The Lord Jesus doesn't care if you're a master or a slave. He repays all of you on the same basis.
So as you sit there, thinking about how to treat your employees, know that you have a boss in heaven who is watching you. Do good to them, without threatening them, knowing that you have a supervisor in the heavens, and he treats everyone the same. He doesn't care that you're a sup.
When we talked about husbands and wives, I said that the most important trick to hearing those verses rightly, was obeying the verses addressed to you. That still holds true here. If you are children, you need to hear the command to obey and honor your parents. Those are your verses. If you are fathers, you need to hear the command to not provoke your children to anger, but raise your children in instruction and discipline. Employees, serve your boss like you are serving your Boss in the heavens. And bosses, do good to your employees, giving up the threat. As you go, think about your verses, and how God wants you to live at work.
And be encouraged-- don't lose sight of this. Your work is not irrelevant. A major part of what it means to walk rightly with God, to walk as children of the light, is living rightly at home and at work. You can obey God, and do God's will, and please God, at home and at work.
Work and family don't keep you from serving God. They are where you do most of your service to God.
Translation:
Children, obey your parents [in the Lord].
For this is right(eous).
Honor your father and mother,
which is the first commandment with a promise,
in order that well with you it may be,
and you may be long-lived on the earth.
And fathers, don't make your children angry,
but bring them up in discipline and instruction.
Slaves, obey the according-to-the-flesh lords,
with fear and trembling,
in the sincerity of your heart,
as to the King,
not with eye service
as people-pleasers
but as slaves of the King,
doing the will of God, from the heart/soul,
with goodwill serving,
as to the Lord,
and not to people,
knowing that each of you, whatever good he may do, this he will receive/get back from the Lord,
whether slave
or free.
And the lords, the same things do for them,
giving up the threat,
knowing that the Lord of both them and you is in the heavens,
and there is no partiality with him.
