Our sermon this morning is entitled, “Overcoming the Bitter Root.” Bitterness can be defined as harboring resentment and unforgiveness in our heart toward another person. Bitterness is also defined as, “extreme enmity,” “a grudge,” or “hatred.”(1) The meaning of the word bitter itself is, “sharp or biting to the taste.”(2) Therefore, when we harbor bitterness in our life it is like eating from a “bitter root,” and when we partake of bitterness we can feel the bite and the sharpness in our heart.
The bitter root of bitterness is extremely deadly and poisonous. Just listen to the many descriptive definitions of the word bitter: “Sharp to the feeling; piercing; painful; that makes to [hurt]; as a bitter cold day or a bitter blast; painful to the mind; calamitous; afflicted; distressed; mournful; and expressive of misery.”(3) Bitterness is so destructive to our life, and yet many of us hold on to it like it is all that we have.
Bitterness is the result of not forgiving someone whom you feel has hurt or wronged you. It comes from clinging to bad memories, or bad experiences, from the past and not letting them go. Many times bitterness gives rise to vengeance. We harbor a grudge against another person and we refuse to speak to him, thinking that we are getting back at that individual; but in reality, the only one whom we are hurting is ourselves, for bitterness eats at our heart and soul like a deadly cancer. It has been said, “Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”(4)
The only cure for the poison of bitterness is forgiveness. Even so, C. S. Lewis commented, “Everyone says that forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”(5) This morning, we will see that forgiveness is not just an idea, but a necessity in overcoming the chains of bitterness; and we are going to take a close look at Romans 12:17-21, and elaborate on the necessity of forgiveness.
There are “five keys” we need to comprehend and grasp in order to be set free from the pain of bitterness through forgiveness. These five keys are actually “five commitments” that we need to make before God. So, if you are eagerly awaiting the secret to overcoming that gnawing sensation you have from harboring ill and bitter feelings about someone, then let’s dig into God’s Word!
The Commitment to Not Be Vindictive (v. 17)
17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.
The first commitment in overcoming bitterness is “the commitment to not be vindictive.” In Proverbs 24:29, we are admonished, “Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work’.” So, are there any good reasons why we shouldn’t take revenge? Well, there are actually “three” very important ones.
The “first reason” is found in 1 Peter 3:9, which says, “[Do not] return evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.” The first reason why we should refrain from vengeance is because God doesn’t seek revenge on us. Rather, to those of us who have sought forgiveness through the blood of Jesus Christ, we are called to receive a blessing from God, not His vengeance and wrath. So, we should return a blessing to others instead of vengeance, because God’s desire is to bless us.
The “second reason” why we should refrain from vengeance is because the bitter feelings associated with the desire to take revenge can result in great spiritual and emotional turmoil.
A little boy was sitting on a park bench in obvious pain. A man walking by asked him what was wrong and the young boy said, “I’m sitting on a bumble bee.” The man urgently asked, “Then why don’t you get up?” The boy replied, “Because I figure I’m hurting him more than he is hurting me!”
How many of us handle forgiveness like this little boy? We endure pain for the sadistic satisfaction of believing that we are hurting someone else more than they are hurting us. When we get off the bench of unforgiveness, both parties can begin to realize relief from their pain.(6)
The “third reason” why we should refrain from vengeance is found in Matthew 5:23-24, which says, “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
In reference to these verses, Jay Adams says, “It seems clear that Christ considered an unreconciled condition between brethren a hindrance to the proper exercise of worship. For this reason He stressed the priority of reconciliation over worship. The priority is expressed in terms of urgency.”(7) If we have bitter feelings toward a brother or sister in Christ then we can’t worship the Lord properly until we are released of those ill feelings; therefore, vengeance is a barrier to worship.
The Commitment to Being a Peacemaker (v. 18)
18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
The second commitment in overcoming bitterness is “the commitment to being a peacemaker.” In Matthew 5:9 Jesus told us, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” So, how can being a peacemaker result in being blessed? Well, in Matthew 7:12 Jesus said, “Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them.” So, we see here, that if we don’t want other people to take revenge on us, then we should not take revenge on them. It’s that simple. We then receive the blessing, or benefit, of not being the target of someone else’s vengeance.
And if you desire to have peace in your own life, then give peace away to others. In reference to receiving peace in our own heart, Joyce Meyer says, “Give away what you want to have.”(8) So, the principle here is that if we want to have peace, then we need to be giving away peace. But if we desire spiritual turmoil then we will keep shoveling out revenge, and our heart will become full of pain from the poison and bitter root of bitterness. One reason for being a peacemaker is that it provides us with the added benefit of peace in our own heart; therefore, once again fulfilling Jesus’ words of “blessed are the peacemakers.”
The Commitment to the Justice of God (v. 19)
19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
The third commitment in overcoming bitterness is “the commitment to the justice of God.” This commitment will come about once we understand two realizations.
The “first realization” is that vengeance belongs to God alone. Verse 19 is derived from Deuteronomy 32:35-36, which says, “Vengeance is mine, and recompense; their foot shall slip in due time; for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things to come hasten upon them. For the Lord will judge His people and have compassion on His servants.”
There is going to come a day of judgment for all mankind. We can be certain that on that day, all of the wrongs done against us and all of the wrongs committed against God will be dealt with according to God’s justice and God’s plan. Because of this reality we can rest assured and confident that the correct punishment will be allotted.
The “second realization” that we must understand is that God knows what is best. God spoke in Isaiah 55:8-9, saying, “‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts’.” These verses clearly indicate that God knows what is best in all situations we encounter in life, even concerning judgement.
When we seek revenge it is because we think that we know the best course of punishment for the person with whom we have a disagreement. When we do this, we are taking the control away from God and telling Him that we don’t believe He knows what is best; that we don’t have the faith to believe that He will take vengeance as He has said in His Word.
In committing ourselves to the justice of God, we are saying that we are going to step out of the way for the wrath of God to take place. Let’s get out of the Lord’s way! When we take revenge then we are in His way, prohibiting Him from taking vengeance according to His will.
The Commitment to Plan and Repay Good (v. 20)
20 Therefore if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.
The fourth commitment in overcoming bitterness is “the commitment to plan and repay good to your enemy.” We read in 1 Thessalonians 5:15, “See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.” The best way I can relate Romans 12:20 to you is with the old expression, “Killing them with kindness.” Revenge should never be our motive, but when we show kindness toward those who despise us it burns them up, like having hot coals heaped upon their head.
This idea of heaping coals of fire on one’s head is derived from Proverbs 25:21-22. These verses state, “If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; for so you will heap coals of fire on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”
Scholars have made numerous connections between the writings in the book of Proverbs and some of the proverbs from Egypt. In ancient Egypt there was a ritual performed “in which hot coals carried in a basin on the head would cause the guilty to repent. If that is the basis of [this] Proverbs quote, then the application would be that love . . . will bring about shame and thus repentance in the enemy.”(9)
When we have a disagreement with someone else and we decide to be kind to the other person instead of being vengeful; then that, in essence, causes us to be without spot or blemish. However, if we are being vengeful then our enemy could look at us and see all our faults, and feel justified in being angry with us. But if we are kind, then the other person can’t find any real fault in us, and he will lose his justification for his wrong behavior.
If he continues to be angry, even though we are kind, then he will be forced to realize that he is the one with the problem; and he will have to either deal with his problem or run away from it. If he refuses to deal with his sin, then he will live in bitterness, turmoil, and anger, and eventually be consumed by his sin as with hot coals.
The Commitment to Overcome Evil with Good (v. 21)
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
The fifth commitment in overcoming bitterness is “the commitment to overcome evil with good.” If the other person’s bad attitude generates within us a bad attitude as well, then we are allowing that person’s evil to overcome the good found within us. We are admonished here not to be overcome by the other person’s evil.
We need to overcome his evil with the good that’s found in us through the love of Christ. We need to be ready to forgive the other person, even if they won’t forgive us. Don’t allow the other person’s grudge to result in you being enslaved by bitterness just as he is. Overcome his evil with good. Forgive, even if the other person refuses.
I would like to point out some important facts about forgiveness that will help us avoid being overcome by evil. First of all, it has been said that, “Many reconciliations have broken down because both parties have come prepared to forgive and unprepared to be forgiven.”(10) So, the “first point” in avoiding evil is to be humble enough to admit your own faults.
If you think you are trying to overcome evil with good by forgiving the other person, then be ready to hear him tell you that he forgives you as well. Some of us would like to use forgiveness as a weapon to make the other person feel that they did all the wrong, and when we utilize forgiveness in this manner we are being overcome by evil. So let’s be willing to admit our own faults when we meet for reconciliation.
Ivern Ball said, “Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don’t want the other person to forget what we forgave.”(11) The “second point” in avoiding evil is to let go of what the other person did, and leave it in the past where it belongs.
If you tell someone that you truly forgave him, then don’t bring up what that person did wrong ever again. Don’t go around reminding your former enemy of how wonderful you are for forgiving them. If you say that you have forgiven someone, and yet you keep bringing up the past issue, then you really haven’t overcome evil with good; but rather, evil it getting a stranglehold on you, mocking your attempt at showing goodness and mercy.
Time of Reflection
So, this morning we have learned “five keys” or “five commitments” that we need to comprehend and grasp in order to be set free from the pain of bitterness; and here they are:
1.) Instead of taking revenge we should choose to bless others, for God’s desire is to bless us; 2.) we should be peacemakers if we ever hope to have any peace in our own life; 3.) we should trust the Lord’s judgment and get out of His way, so He can do what He knows is best; 4.) we need to repay our enemies with good so they won’t have an excuse to blame us, and so they will be forced to deal with their own issues; and 5.) we need to make certain that we are not overcome by evil, by being too proud to admit that we are wrong, or by reminding the other person of how wonderful we are for forgiving him.
Forgiveness is the central issue here. If we can ever learn to forgive others, then we will be set free from the bitterness in our heart.
In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus said, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” We have already discussed how we need to bless others, for God’s desire is to bless us; however, we should also forgive others, because God wants to forgive us.
If you have refused to forgive someone whom you feel has wronged you; then this morning, I want to encourage you to make reconciliation with that individual. If you do, then you will both experience freedom in your heart as you begin to feel God’s forgiveness wash over you.
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior this morning, I want to encourage you to ask God’s forgiveness for the sins that you have committed against Him, and for living your life apart from Him for so long. I also want to invite you to receive the Lord’s forgiveness as well.
Once you ask God’s forgiveness and admit that you believe that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross can atone for your sins, then you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders as you are set free from the pain of sin; and even the pain of bitterness. So, how do you come to know Jesus and receive God’s forgiveness? Romans 10:9 says, “If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”
NOTES
(1) Noah Webster, “Bitter,” 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language (San Francisco: Foundation for American Christian Education, 2002).
(2) Ibid.
(3) Ibid.
(4) Ron McManus, minister.
(5) Raymond McHenry, McHenry’s Quips, Quotes, and Other Notes (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1998), p. 105.
(6) Kent Crockett, The 911 Handbook (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1997), p. 43.
(7) Jay Adams, Competent to Counsel (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970), p. 225.
(8) Joyce Meyer, Secrets to Exceptional Living (Tulsa: Harrison House, 2002), p. 147.
(9) Kenneth Boa and William Kruidenier, “Romans,” Holman New Testament Commentary (Nashville: Broadman and Holman, 2000), p. 377.
(10) Michael P. Green, Illustrations for Biblical Preaching (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1997), p. 152.
(11) Raymond McHenry, McHenry’s Stories for the Soul (Peabody: Hendrickson, 2001), p. 118.
