TAMAR & AMNON: IS IT LOVE OR LUST?
“1 After this Absalom the son of David had a lovely sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. 2 Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her.” 2 Samuel 13:1-2.
Tamar was the beautiful daughter of King David and Maacah. Her half-brother Amnon, became obsessed with her. As the firstborn, Amnon was heir apparent to the throne.
The Bible condemns relationships between any children who share a parent as incestuous. Yet Amnon was blinded by his desires. He longed for Tamar so much that he became a lovesick. In any case, she was out of his reach. As a royal princess and a virgin, Tamar was closely watched. She could not go outside unless accompanied by other women and guards. But Amnon had a friend and cousin, named Jonadab, who advised him to feign illness and have the king send Tamar to his sickbed to prepare food. Unaware of their plot, David sends Tamar to attend to Amnon. Kneeling before him, she prepared delicious cakes. Amnon then sends all his servants out, forcibly takes hold of her, and pleads, “Come lie with me, my sister”. Yet Tamar resisted him. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, Amnon just wanted satisfaction. He wasn’t concerned about Tamar. So he overpowered and raped her.
When Amnon had finished satisfying his sexual desire, his feelings for Tamar suddenly changed. “Love" turns to intense hatred. Now he was repulsed by the sight of her. Despite her request not to shame her further, he commands his servant to send “this one” out. Amnon treated Tamar as if she was trash to be taken to the dumpsite. Lust turns people, things, and even ideas into objects to possess or acquire to satisfy a craving. Amnon violated Tamar sexually and then again by sending her away in disgrace. Tamar was never the same. Her life was deeply scarred. Hatred and vengeance set in. Tamar’s brother, Absalom kills Amnon.
“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22.
Are your thoughts constantly drifting toward someone who is not your spouse? Do your thoughts about another focus on the pleasure you believe you can derive from that person? Are you building a fantasy relationship in your head with someone you need to leave alone? If so, think about their needs, their family, and the hurt that would result from your ungodly desires. Lust is a strong desire often confused with love. It is deadly. It seeks to use another person for one’s satisfaction, release, or gain. It must be resisted and avoided at all costs.
Amnon was caught in the entanglement of lust and his end was disastrous.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.” 1 Corinthian 13:4-8.
Amnon did not love Tamar; he was only attracted to her for what he could get. Lust often masquerades as love. It may draw us to a person—but it isn’t the same thing as love.
What is the difference between love and lust? Lust compels a person to seek to acquire something contrary to God’s will. It is a longing desire; an eagerness to possess or enjoy. Lust is the counterfeit of love. True love is a commitment to seek what is best for the other person. It doesn’t demand; true love gives. True love isn’t self-centered; it's self-giving. True love waits. Lust is not patient and not kind. True love trusts. Lust is temporary. Love is forever. Lust hurts; love heals. Lust does not last; love grows with time. Lust exploit, hurts, and ruins. It is disastrous, but love cares and does not expect anything in return. Lust manipulates others to meet one’s own needs. Love adds value to the other. Lust takes. Love is giving. Love is generous and sacrificial. Love seeks to add value, cherish, and honor. Lust is selfish. Love is selfless. The focus of lust is self; the focus of love is others. Take time to think and pray through these things and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with His love!
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” Exodus 20:17.
If you covet something or someone, that is lusting in the heart. It is not just about looking at the opposite sex, it is coveting what you don’t have. It is a passionate desire to have what someone else has. Any ungodly desire for anyone is lust.
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:8.
So, how do we overcome the temptation to lust?
1. We begin by developing a proper relationship with God.
2. Admit your weaknesses to God. Don't try to fight the battle of lust on your own. Go to God and ask Him for help.
3. Separate yourself from people, materials, and circumstances that will harm you.
4. Pray about it.
5. Accept God’s grace and ask for forgiveness whenever you view someone in an impure way.
6. Be occupied. Idleness can cause lustful thoughts. When we have too little going on in our lives, we tend to be more susceptible to evil influences. Be hard-working. Be diligent. Be industrious.
7. Understand that lust and temptation are a battle of the heart. Proverbs 4:23.
8. Develop and exercise self-control.
9. Renew your mind daily. Focus on God's Word and allow Him to remove your lustful thoughts and actions.
10. Resist and flee. Perhaps the best advice is to run! Don't allow lust to linger in your mind. Get far away from situations and influences that threaten to trap you. Prov. 5:8; James 4:7-8.
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” John 15:13.
The greatest display of love was revealed at Calvary. This is the kind of love God had for us when He sent Jesus to die for our sins and bring us back to Himself. Have you invited Jesus into your life? If you want to give your life to Jesus and start a new relationship with God, you can pray this prayer right now: Father, I come to You today. I know I am a sinner. I believe that Jesus died on the cross to save me and He resurrected on the third day. I repent of my sins and forsake them. I confess Jesus as my Lord and Savior and surrender my life to Him today. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for saving me and making me a child of God. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer, you are now a child of God. Open your heart to God’s love daily. He will give you the strength to overcome them. Be constantly in the Word. Grow in love.
“12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. 13 And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.” Romans 6:12-14.
PRAYER:
1. LORD, deliver me always from lust and godless company, in Jesus’ name.
2. Dear Father, forgive me, for the times I look upon others to desire them lustfully, in Jesus’ name.
3. O LORD, create in me a clean heart so that I might yearn for You, in Jesus’ name.
4. Holy Spirit, help me to stand against lust and sexual sins, in Jesus’ name.
5. LORD, give me the will to avoid that which would lead to sin, in Jesus’ name.
