Instructions for Christian Living Series 2
What does the Bible say about relationships?
Selected verses
Hey Good Morning everyone- Today we continue in our series Instructions for Christian Living.
Prayer-
We have laid some groundwork and discussed what it looks like to be a Christian.
We know that is not just a word for a group of people
It is a person who follows Jesus and who desires to want to be more like Jesus than who wants to look like the world.
In fact, if you are a longtime Christian and you look more like the world than Jesus, you are missing out what Jesus wants to do in your life.
There is new life in Jesus and it has to be intentionally lived out daily in our lives.
2 Corinthians 5:17- “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come.”
We saw that we are not to live our lives like we used to live but be the new creations that God has created us to be.
Our identity has changed and our lives should be changed. If that is not happening, it is not that the Lord does not want to do it, it is probably that we are not letting go of the things that He desires to take out of our lives.
I want us to look today at relationships.
We saw how we should be living in our relationship with the Lord.
He has to be first in every part of our lives.
He is priority and He does not take second place in our lives.
So knowing our relationship with Him… how does that affect how we live and interact with each other?
Relationships are complicated because there are so many different kinds of relationships. We do not act the same in every kind of relationship.
Contrary to society rules, the married are not in the same relationship as those who are dating.
The engaged couple is not in the same relationship as ones who are casually dating.
Your relationship with your parents is not the same as the love for your siblings.
Your cousins are not in the same relationship as your best and closest friends.
Acquaintance should not be the same as your best friends.
Someone you just met does not move into a trusted relationship because there has to be time to earn that kind of relationship.
You get the point,
It is complicated because society wants to mix it all up and moves way to fast to move people into wrong relationships and heartache and hurts come when you have moved someone into a relationship and privileges that they have not earned yet or been committed too.
There are reasons God says there has to be a ring on that finger to enjoy the privileges of marriage and have the blessing of heaven on that marriage.
So let me make this clear that as a believer, you are held to a different standard than the world places on itself.
The believer lines up with what the word of God says and the world lines up with what they want and if it goes against the word of God it is justified in their mind as a choice.
Let’s look at God’s word and what God says to believers that want to follow Jesus and maintain proper relationships.
Even from the beginning with Adam and Eve God has said that any relationship that is to remain strong and focused must be with God as the center of it.
Genesis 2:18-25-“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. ...”
Out of the heart of God relationships are born. Notice it is from the heart of God and not man because man’s heart can be tainted and taken away from what God intended for us to be in a right relationship with each other.
God joins companionship of a man and a women in fellowship with each other.
To the man and women who long for an intimate and physical relationship comes intimacy and a bond that God Himself says he puts together and no man should break apart.
It is a commitment that is intended to be until death would break them apart.
It is not intended to be with multiple people at the same time and not to be without marriage and a commitment to each other.
That piece of paper is important to God because you were standing before God and witnesses that you have pledged your life to each other and will remain pure to each other.
He says that we are not to be unequally yoked (believer with unbeliever) because marriage is hard enough without having two different opinions pulling you into different directions.
A lot of time a believer believes that they can change a person. In some cases that is true but they should be changed before marriage because more times the unsaved move the believer away from God instead of the other way around.
Marriage relationship between a man and a women is a secrete thing in the eyes of God. It is not to be taken lightly and it is not to be abused by selfish behavior that can destroy lives and the relationship… and it is always to be under the authority of Christ.
Can you understand that if you get that wrong that all other forms of relationships will be affected!
Illustration-
In 1970, I was 13 years old and my brother was 11 going on 12. My grandparents were interested in buying a small cottage on the Fox River outside of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I was not there but my brother was and he has told the story so many times that I feel like I was there. The realtor had quoted a price to my grandfather and as they were walking around the property said that “Everything on the property was included in the price” my grandfather continued walking the property and said- “is that wheelbarrel mine? Yes it is- write it down. A few minutes later, is that shovel mine? Yes, write it down. It quickly became apparent to the realtor that my grandfather understood the word everything but wanted it to be written down.
Listen to these words- John 1 “Through him all things were made, without him nothing was made that has been made. In Him was life, and that life was the light of humanity.”
My grandfather understood, but for clarification, he wanted it written down.
Jesus made clarification about what a relationship should look like but for clarification he has written it down for us so that we cannot do a self clarification but go by the written word of God as our definition just in case ours does not match his, we know which one is accepted and which one has been misinterpreted.
2004 study showed that the average person has about nine people close to them beside family.
Out of the nine about 4 were considered good friends. Women have a slight edge with friends.
About 2% of people say they have no friends.
I believe that we are in a cultural shift because of Covid-19 and the framing of isolation and the talk of keeping your distance from people you know and encouraged to stay away from people that you do not know and people who have not received proper vaccination creates a vacuum for making and maintaining friends and acquaintances.
I know that there are a lot of people who do not have friends like the old television sitcom friends where Joey, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe are involved in your everyday events.
So very quickly what do we know from God’s word about friends and leading up to a deeper relationship of marriage?
We all need friends- we were not designed by God to be in isolation and be a loner.
We do not all need spouses but we all need friends.
If your spouse if you have one is not in your best friend, there is a problem.
If you lump them all together from acquaintances to best friends, you are putting your self in danger of a disaster.
ALL FRIENDSHIPS ARE NOT THE SAME
We must be intentional and working on friendships. They must be identified and know who you can talk too and who is just an acquaintance.
Intimacy and I do not need to clarify that is to be between a husband and wife and when the friendship goes beyond that and you are not married, you are in for hurts and hang-ups and consequences… or you will cause others to have hurts and consequences and God cannot bless a relationship that is outside of His holy words of direction for our lives.
As I close I want us to think about our lives and it don’t take long to realize that having relationship with people no matter at what level of intimacy is risky.
It takes risk to invest your life in someone and pour out your heart and you make yourself vulnerable.
It is risky but is worth it. It is why we have to do it under the direction of the Lord because it is not hurt proof as we all know.
If we want to do it right, it has to be under the direction of the Lord and it is the Lord that puts blessings on our relationships and we are trusting Him to help us and comfort us as we have our hurts and problems with those relationships.
Hurting people hurt people- there will always be hurts involved unless you live in a bubble and that is not healthy.
AS many of you know with the death of my wife Becky that I have been faced with situations and emotions that I have either never felt before or I am now dealing with that I have not had to for a long time.
Just because you lose a spouse that you have had for a long time does not change God word on how relationships work.
I can say that in all our years of marriage that the sanctity of the marriage and the relationship that we had was ever before God and no one moved into that intimate spot that was reserved by God for her.
It did not change the dynamics of our relationship and it does not change how I proceed in future relationships at any level of friendship.
God word is true and we must line up with it at all times and all situations,
Intimacy is to be between a committed couple in marriage and there is no biblical basis for friends with benefits
Everything has boundaries.
To have a friend you need to be a friend
In committed friendships, forgiveness covers a multitude of sin. You cannot wear your feeling on your sleeve.
Did you ever have someone who you just rubbed shoulders with and it was like sandpaper against your skin! It is because you are so different you have not found common ground-
I’d Like You More If You Were More Like Me:
Illustration-
The Two Hats
A man started a company and built it into a very large enterprise, and was planning to hand over the reins to his son at retirement. One day, he was walking through the factory and observed his son angrily berating an employee in front of other employees. He looked at his son and motioned for him to come to his office. “David,” he began. “I wear two hats around here. I am the boss and I am your father. Right now, I am going to put my boss hat on. You’re fired.
You are done here. I will not have that kind of behavior in my company and will not ever tolerate employees being treated that way. I have warned you about this kind of thing before, and you are still doing it. So, I have to let you go.” Then he said, “Now, I am going to put on my father hat.” After a moment’s pause, he continued. “Son, I heard you just lost your job. How can I help you?”
WAYNE DYER
Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person.
R. KENT HUGHES
On the most elementary level, you do not have to go to church to be a Christian. You do not have to go home to be married either. But in both cases if you do not, you will have a very poor relationship.
HENRY WINKLER
Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
DALLAS WILLARD
Wrong ideas about God make it impossible for us to function in relationship with one another.
Prayer-
