Last week we began what I hope will be a regular podcast on the topic of grief. Grief is a reality and will generally affect all of us at some time or another. Grief is not limited to the death of a loved one. We grieve the loss of many things such as our dreams when they are shattered; the loss of a job we loved; a lifestyle; loss of a friendship; loss of a marriage; and of course, the loss of a loved one to death.
Last week we talked about the “Good Mourning” when a loved one passes. Grief and mourning are, in fact, hard for us. Yet, good can come, especially in helping us develop a closer relationship with God. Today I want to continue thinking about the loss of a loved one and some practical pointers in dealing with that loss.
Please remember that if you or a loved one is dealing with grief and loss, I would encourage you to seek out a support group of some type where you can go and let you emotions and thoughts flow. GriefShare is a good one. Your church may have its own. When you are ready (and only you will know when) that group may be a significant help to you.
In the passing of a loved one, there are many action points to take. Some of these are a natural response to the loss. Some of these are intentional steps of faith. All in all they will be helpful.
Take time to reflect on and weep over your loss. In Genesis 23:1-2 (NKJV) we read of Abraham’s response at Sarah’s passing. The writer states:
Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah. 2 So Sarah died in Kirjath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.
Don’t you wonder what went on in Abraham’s mind when he mourned Sarah’s passing? They had lived together for many years. They had the special child of promise in Isaac. Some scholars believe that when Abraham returned from Mount Moriah in his obedient attempt to sacrifice their son Sarah heard the news and it caused her death through stress.
Perhaps that was the case. Maybe Abraham even felt some guilt for her passing. Nonetheless, Abraham would most likely have reflected on his life with Sarah and how the hand of God had been seen in her life as well as his.
He bought the cave of Machpelah in what is now Hebron. He buried Sarah there and later he and other Patriarchs and Matriarchs would also be buried in that place. Today it is a special, holy place to Jews. They come and visit the site of their common ancestor, Abraham.
I know we generally associate “godly sorrow” with repentance and it is right to do so. I also see godly sorrow in believers who lose a loved one. You see, God knows the sting of that loss. None of us can say to God, “You don’t know how I feel.” He certainly does. As God in the flesh, Jesus experienced loss and grief at the tomb of Lazarus. As the Father of all, God experienced the loss of His Son at the cross.
One thing for sure, we can know that He knows how we are feeling in times of loss. Hopefully, we will respond to our losses with Godly sorrow, a sorrow reflective of His. Thomas Brooks once said:
Godly sorrow is a gift from God. No hand but a divine hand can make the heart soft and tender under the sight and sense of sin.
The entrance of sin into the world brought death. We have been dealing with it since just after the sin of the forbidden fruit in the Garden. Throughout our lives we sometimes forget that we, too are going to die. We, like Adam and Eve, forget that we are totally dependent on God. We forget that we are not able to control much of anything. In our haughtiness we act arrogantly toward God as though we don’t need Him. Then the day comes when our world falls apart. Godly sorrow softens our hearts and makes them tender toward Him and others.
So we reflect and we weep. It’s normal. It is God-like. It is necessary for our own well-being. So, weep and do not be ashamed of your tears. The wise man stated in Ecclesiastes 3:4 (NKJV) that there is :
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
You certainly weep because of the loss you feel. You may also weep because of the uncertainties ahead. We sometimes fear being alone. We fear dealing with things for which we are not equipped. When my newly widowed mother took her car to the dealership for repairs she was “ripped off” by an unsavory shop manager because she did not really know what her car needed. After that one of my brothers would take her car in whenever it needed repair. But tears flowed when my mother realized she had been deceived and was alone in dealing with it.
There is only so long we can deal with the pressures of life alone. God says that He will be our Helper. He will come when we seek Him. Psalm 34:4 (NKJV) reads:
I sought the LORD, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
Our time of grief empowers our relationship with God. It is also necessary for the well-being of others. Have you ever noticed that when you go through an event, good or bad, that it makes you more aware of what others are feeling when they go through a similar one? J.H. Jowett once said:
"God does not comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters."
Helping others does not sound comforting when we are in the midst of our own turmoil and sorrow. We feel the severity of the pain of loss and literally cry out for relief. But, there is a glimmer of hope even in the midst of mourning. That hope is that we will improve to where we can comfort others.
That is the nature of God and a nature He put into us. As selfish and self-serving as some people seem to be, most people want to help others. Jesus Himself said in Mark 10:45 (NKJV):
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
That quality is in us. Remember that one day you will be the answer to a prayer for help to someone that is feeling what you are feeling today.
Remember:
Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)
Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 56:8 (NKJV)
Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?
Revelation 21:4 (NKJV)
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;
Keep The Light of Godly Sorrow Burning!
