INTRODUCTION
• I have always said and believed that when I get the opportunity to preach, I do not preach at people; I preach from how the Word works on my heart and life.
• In other words, when I am working on each message, the Word is working on my heart also.
• None are probably more accurate than the subject we will explore in our Book of Proverbs- The Ways of the Wise series.
• Anger is probably one of the most destructive and deceptive emotions we deal with in life.
• Anger is deceptive in that we can fool ourselves into believing we have the righteous anger that Jesus displayed when He turned over the tables of the corrupt money changers in the Temple.
• Since, at its core, anger is not a sin but can lead to sin, it is easy to excuse or rationalize our constant state of anger.
Ephesians 4:26 (CSB)
26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger,
Psalm 4:4 (CSB)
4 Be angry and do not sin; reflect in your heart while on your bed and be silent.
• If we are not careful, we can try to say our anger is righteous, keeping us from dealing with the issue.
• Anger is also destructive. Here is an extreme case.
On Mother's Day of 1987, Percy Washington killed the wrong woman. Washington and his wife, Corene, had been married for 29 years before separating the previous year.
The 61-year-old retiree became angry with his estranged wife and accused her of taking advantage of him.
He bought a shotgun the day before and went to her church with the intent of murder.
When the morning worship service ended, Washington waited for his wife to get in her car.
He then leveled his shotgun and fired through the windshield.
But since Washington wasn't wearing his glasses, he shot a woman who he mistook for his wife.
Fannie Watson was driving a similar car so he just assumed she was his wife.
After being arrested, Washington said, "I'm sorry about the other woman.
I meant to kill my wife, but I forgot my glasses."
Anger leaves us blinded to reality regardless of whether or not we wear corrective lenses, and it will ultimately hurt innocent people. McHenry’s Stories for the Soul, 2001, p.13
• I used to struggle a lot with the issue of anger.
• It did not take much to set me off, particularly if I lost at something, ANYTHING!
• There are moments when I still have some struggles with anger; however, God has been gracious to me, and those moments are few and far between.
• So when you hear the message today, this is one of which I can speak from personal experience.
• I hope that if you struggle with anger today, you will pay particular attention today.
• If you are blessed enough not to have this struggle, I hope you find some tips to help you help others who have the battle.
• Let's turn to Proverbs 14:29 to begin this morning.
Proverbs 14:29 (CSB)
29 A patient person shows great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.
SERMON
Dealing with anger requires you to:
I. Control your emotions.
• I like how the passage is translated in the NASB, and the NET, among others.
Proverbs 14:29 (NET) — 29 The one who is slow to anger has great understanding, but the one who has a quick temper exalts folly.
• The phrase, patient person in the CSB can be confusing, although it reflects the text's meaning, just not quite as clearly as the NET.
• In its literal sense, the Word PATIENT means, "SLOW AT BEING ANGRY."
• The Word in Hebrew is APH.
• APH is rooted in the concept of someone so angry that their nostrils are flaring.
• Some things make us angry, and denying that would be futile.
• But it is vital to approach anger slowly and not let it run wild, like a bull in a china shop.
• This is why the proverb states that whoever is slow to anger has great understanding.
• When we can see our problems in light of the larger plan of God's working in history, we can move more slowly.
• Not everyone can see how God can take something bad and turn it around for their good (Romans 8:28).
• But someone who understands how God operates in this world will be slower to get angry because they will be on the lookout for God at work.
• When we face people and situations, we have to learn to control our emotions.
• I cannot tell you how many times I have struggled with this, and the result was I looked foolish.
• When a quick-tempered person shows no control over his anger, he displays his folly for all to see.
• The quick-tempered person is "one who is short of breath," possibly indicating the rapid breathing of one who is angry.
• From personal experience, a quick-tempered person is so because there is some deep-rooted hurt and anger which needs to be addressed.
• The deep-rooted issues cause one to go on the offensive quickly.
• Also, it can be very dangerous to be associated with one who has a violent temper, who can blow up at any moment.
• Verse 29 reflects the person with a quick temper lacks good sense.
• We have seen some famous people who were ultimately brought down because of their short fuse.
• Former Indiana Basketball coach Bobby Knight comes to mind.
• His temper ultimately leads to his dismissal.
• His success allowed him a lot of latitude with his issues, but finally, he could not win enough games to make his embarrassing temper excusable for the University.
• Had he not won many games, he would have been fired years before he was.
• One who is patient or slow to anger shows great understanding or good sense.
• When we let our emotions control us, we will not only make poor decisions, we will look foolish, and we will damage relationships with those around us.
• One thing that will help us control our emotions is trusting that God has our back.
• When we know that God is with us, we do not have to fly off the handle.
• The other thing that will help is us is if we will give our hurts over to God.
• That is one thing that helped me overcome my anger issues.
• The anger was an outward sign of deeper hurts.
• Let's turn to 15:1
Proverbs 15:1 (CSB)
1 A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
Dealing with anger requires you to:
II. Control your words.
• Failure to control one's words has caused a lot of issues over the years.
• When we get into the heat of the battle, we can do great damage when we do not control our words.
• Bernice Haliburton is credited with saying, "The strongest words are usually used in the weakest arguments." McHenry's Stories for the Soul, 2001, p.17
• Controlling one's words is tied to controlling one's emotions.
• When we are hurt or losing the battle, or as Ms. Haliburton said, our argument is weak; we resort to saying things that end up damaging or destroying other people.
• Proverbs 15:1 tells us that when someone comes at us upset, a gentle word will turn away anger, but harsh words will stir up wrath.
• Harsh words are a translation of the phrase: Word of pain. They are words that cause pain.
• For a fire to burn, it needs fuel.
• It needs something to consume.
• The US Department of the Interior explains, "Anything that can burn is fuel for a fire.
• Therefore, all kinds of plant material can act as fuel during a wildland fire, including grasses, shrubs, trees, dead leaves, and fallen pine needles.
• As these burnable materials pile up, so do the chances of catastrophic wildland fire.
• In the right conditions, excess fuel allows fires to burn hotter, larger, longer, and faster, making them more difficult and dangerous to manage."
• To protect against catastrophic fires, management of fuels is necessary.
• This can be done by managing carefully controlled fires before the fuels become excessive, thinning trees in forests, clearing brush and grasses, and using herbicides ("Fuels Management," Office of Wildland Fire, US Department of the Interior, https://www.doi.gov/wildlandfire/fuels).
• When someone is upset, you firing off hurtful words will only fuel the fire.
• Wrath is unsettled anger; it is on-fire hot anger!
• Verse 1 implies that our speech is perhaps the most accurate indication of whether one is wise or foolish.
• A gentle response is one given without anger or harshness.
• Proverbs 24:26 and 25:15 stress the importance of kindness and respect in the use of speech.
• When we do not or cannot control our emotions, our ability to control our words is inhibited.
• These failures are often a result of deeper hurts.
• We hurt, and we want to make the other person hurt no matter what.
• I see this in marriages far too often.
• Instead of treating one another with kindness, love, and respect, they shoot each other in the head with words.
• Abraham Maslow is credited with stating, "It takes nine affirming comments to make up for each critical comment we give to our children." Abraham Maslow McHenry's Stories for the Soul, 2001, p.8
• I have seen parents destroy their children with harsh words.
• I wonder if it takes more for your husband or wife to recover?
• Turns away translates the causative form of a verb meaning "to turn back." The thought is that the anger of the first speaker can be set aside or calmed by a gentle response. (UBS Handbook: Proverbs)
• We have examples in Scripture where gentle words turned back wrath.
• Abigail's gracious words to a murderously angry David in 1 Samuel 25.
• Daniel's words before Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 2:12-14 and 27-45.
• The adage sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me is the biggest lie ever told.
• LET'S TURN TO VERSE 18 FOR OUR FINAL OBSERVATION.
Proverbs 15:18 (CSB)
18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but one slow to anger calms strife.
Dealing with anger requires you to:
III. Control your response to all situations.
• We have to learn to control our responses in all situations.
• This point ties back to both one and two.
• When we find ourselves in a volatile situation in which people are getting angry, the best thing to do is to treat it like a fire and try to remove the fuel from the situation.
• The best way to do that, according to Proverbs, is to listen and be quiet.
• Proverbs 15:18 states that by being slow to anger, we can help calm down the situation.
• So often, when people disagree, they seek to respond rather than seek to understand.
• The wise path is to understand the other person's point of view, which is best achieved by listening to them.
• This is why the apostle James's words sound so similar to Proverbs. In James 1:19, he states that we are to be "quick to hear" but "slow to anger."
• When we are quick to listen and slow to speak, we can understand someone better and diffuse a situation.
• As followers of Jesus, we are called to be peacemakers.
Matthew 5:9 (CSB)
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
• A hot-tempered person is a person of wrath.
• This is the opposite of one who is slow to anger.
• The Word for anger in Proverbs, as already mentioned, is aph.
• This Word can also be translated as "wrath."
• When something happens that makes us angry; it can be easy to want to punish the other person.
• But it's helpful to remember what God did with his wrath toward sinful humanity.
• He took the punishment himself and forgave us our sin.
• When we become angry, it's so easy to lash out; but instead, consider the one who was lashed for our sins and by whose stripes we have been healed.
• Remember how God handled his anger toward us.
• Stop, breathe, listen.
• Give some space to the conversation if need be so that you can cool the fires of runaway anger.
• Even if restoration of the relationship isn't possible, forgive the other person.
• We can either create dissension or be the one who calms the storm or puts out the fire.
CONCLUSION
• I have a first-hand understanding of how hard it can be to deal with anger issues.
• Take it from someone who struggled with it; you can do it if you allow Jesus to do a work in your life.
• I am thankful to be free from being controlled by anger.
• Life is much better, and it feels good to know how powerful my God is.
› Application Point: When you experience anger, slow down, breathe, listen, and remove yourself from the situation if you need to cool the fires of anger.
› As far as possible, extend mercy and forgiveness to the other person, remembering how God handled his wrath against sin.
