Illustration: Robert, a lonely grandfather, meets 80-year-old Martha at a nursing home. Robert likes her. One night he came to Martha's room and proposed to her. When he woke up in the morning, he forgot whether Martha said "yes" or "no" when asked to marry him. Embarrassed, he came to Martha's room again and asked Martha's answer last night. Martha shyly said, "When I woke up this morning, I remembered someone proposed to me last night. But I forgot who he was." I hope that tomorrow when you wake up from sleep, you will not forget the word of God that I preach today.
Today we will finish our sermon series on "Loneliness." We will look at the factors that can cause loneliness and how to deal with them. According to Dr. Leonard Zunin, a Los Angeles psychiatrist, humankind's biggest problem is loneliness. Mother Teresa said, "Loneliness is the most terrible type of poverty." On his sixty-fifth birthday, the science fiction author H. G. Wells said, "I am lonely, and have never found peace." The great English poet John Milton reminded us that loneliness is the first thing God said was not good. He is right. Genesis 2:18 states, "It is not good that the man should be alone." Last Sunday, we have learned that we don't need to feel lonely as children of God because first, we have God. Our God is Immanuel; Jesus and Holy Spirit dwells in us. Second, we have a spiritual family in Christ through His local church. Sadly, some Christians still feel lonely.
Loneliness is terrible for our health. Dr. Richard S. Schwartz, a Cambridge psychiatrist who has studied the problem of loneliness in America, notes that over four decades of studies have shown the devastating consequences of loneliness. Loneliness has been linked to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke and the progression of Alzheimer's. One study found that it can be as much of a long-term risk factor as smoking. In 2015, extensive research using data from 3.5 million people collected over 35 years found that those who fall into the categories of loneliness, isolation, or even simply living on their own see their risk of premature death rise 26 to 32 percent. But Schwartz also concludes that many people have a hard time admitting that they are lonely. He says, "Admitting you are lonely feels very much like admitting you're a loser. Psychiatry has worked hard to de-stigmatize things like depression, and to a large part it has been successful. People are comfortable saying they're depressed. But they're not comfortable saying they're lonely, because you're like the kid sitting alone in the cafeteria." (Adapted from Billy Baker, "The Biggest Threat Facing Middle-Aged Men Isn't Smoking Or Obesity. It's Loneliness.").
According to researchers and psychologists, there are six causes of loneliness:
1. Social causes. We live in a community and era where efficiency, productivity, and convenience have become more critical. There is less time for developing deep satisfying relationships. As a result, relationships are shallow. Fourteen years ago, Gary Collins, a Christian psychologist, wrote some factors contributing to social isolation: technology, TV, mobility, and changing demographics and lifestyles. With all of our advances in science and technology, we are much lonelier today than people were in past generations. TV, computers, games, cellphones - all of this technology - has not made us happier. It has made us lonelier. Albert Einstein said, "It has become as self-evident that our technology has exceeded our humanity." Columnist Ann Landers has said, "Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other." People put on the television and cellphones hour after hour. We no longer sit down and have a meal together as friends or as a family. We have almost forgotten how to have a conversation. We are too busy with our gadgets to talk to each other on a meaningful level! People plug a wire into their ears and pump music into their brains. So, what should we do? We should accept modern gadgets, but as I said last week, we must know how to use them sufficiently. They shouldn't replace our intimate fellowship with God and meaningful relationship with others.
The Bible tells us why the early church was so strong amidst social pressure and persecution. Let's read Acts 2:42-47 – "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Christians who spend time with God and attend a church with a fellowship like the early church will be strong and free from loneliness.
2. Psychological causes. Psychologists state that human beings have a fundamental need for inclusion in group life and close relationships. In an early study of the causes of loneliness, psychologists Craig Allison concluded that three conditions must be met to avoid loneliness, namely the needs for attachment, acceptance, and adequate social skills. There's a reason we feel this way because we were made for a relationship. God created us for the community, and we have that need deeply wired within us. "For God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Gen 2:18). We each have a built-in need for deep, satisfying relationships. We seem to function best when this need is met, and it is easier to stay motivated, to meet the varied challenges of life. Loneliness also often appears in people who have low self-esteem, self-defeating attitudes, inability to communicate, lack of control, hostility, or fear. As believers, we shouldn't have low self-esteem because we know that God loves us and He created us uniquely. Therefore, we are valuable in His eyes.
3. Situational causes. Situational variables, such as moving to a new location, divorce, and the death of someone significant in a person's life, can also lead to loneliness. The other situation that can cause loneliness is the path we choose to walk. There are times in life when we have to take a stand that others will not understand and may even disagree with. That's the loneliness Jesus felt on the way to the cross. When He purposefully set His face toward Jerusalem, He knew it was a journey He would take on his own, and even those closest to Him didn't understand and tried to hinder Him.
4. Intellectual causes. The inability to discuss important and exciting things with other people can also cause loneliness. Those in leadership positions, people with power and influence often feel lonely.
5. Physical causes. Depression often causes people to withdrawal socially, which can lead to isolation. If this is the cause, we need to treat the depression.
6. Spiritual causes. Feeling that your life is incomplete and lacks meaning can cause loneliness. As I said last week, it is a void that the unfailing love of Christ can only fill. Illustration: In his book Facing Loneliness, J. Oswald Sanders talks about Henry Martyn, a distinguished scholar, as an example of what he is talking about. Martyn, a Cambridge University student, was honored at only 20 years of age for his achievements in mathematics. He received the highest recognition possible in that field. And yet, he felt an emptiness inside. He said that instead of finding fulfillment in his achievements, he had "only grasped a shadow.' After evaluating his life's goals, Martyn sailed to India as a missionary at 24. When he arrived, he prayed, "Lord, let me give my whole life to You!" He translated the New Testament into three complex Eastern languages in the next seven years that preceded his death. These notable achievements were undoubtedly not passing 'shadows.'
You need to know that Jesus can take your loneliness for you who feel lonely. In Matthew 11:28, He says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Jesus tells all who labor and are heavy-laden, those that have become weighted down by the frustrations of life and feel like they are all alone to come to Him. Only He can give us rest by taking the load off our shoulders. Jesus cares for those who suffer physically, emotionally, and spiritually. During His time on earth, Jesus spent quite a bit of time ministering to the isolated, the outcasts, the lonely, like the woman at the well. John 4 tells Jesus made a detour through Samaria. He purposely encountered a lonely woman who was an outcast of society. She had a bad reputation, was disconnected from social activities. She had five husbands, and the one she was with now was not hers. However, Jesus decided to deal with her and her loneliness, and she was so excited after the encounter that she ran and told everyone (John 4:29 - "Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ"?).
Jesus wants to bear your burdens, too. Your loneliness can end today. Revelation 3:20 says, "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." Today Jesus wants to take your loneliness and give you comfort, joy, peace. He wants you to cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. He promises in Hebrews 13:5 - "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Jesus stays with us when no one else will. His love penetrates deep into our hearts so that we never feel alone.
As we approach Christmas, many people feel lonely. They need Jesus! The cure of loneliness doesn't come from being surrounded by many people. Many people who live in big cities are lonely. It doesn't come from being involved in many activities or having a bunch of Facebook friends. People can have thousands of friends on Facebook or millions of followers on Twitter, but they are still lonely. Loneliness is not about having few friends or a lack of entertainment; it's a heart issue. Only Jesus can take their loneliness. We need to pray for them.
Besides that, God may also want to use you to bless them. Think and pray if God wants you to contact someone this Christmas, talk with them, and tell them about Jesus. And if possible, invite them to church so that they may hear the good news of God's love and forgiveness. May God fill our hearts with His presence that brings peace, love, and joy!
