Today, let’s talk about loneliness. We’ve all felt it…we’ve all experienced it at one time or another. It’s something that regardless of age, demographic, background – this feeling of being isolated and alone that can result in sadness and despondency…it effects all of us.
It is a certainty in life. I know this to be true because I Googled this week, “best lonely songs ever written” and there is one for every generation!
The 50’s – Hank Williams – “I’m so lonesome I could cry.”
The 60’s – Elvis Presley – “Are You Lonesome tonight?”
The 70’s – Eric Carmen – “All by Myself”
The 80’s – Whitesnake – “Here I Go Again”
The 90’s – Backstreet Boys – “Show me the Meaning of Being Lonely”
And they are continually being written today. As the saying goes, listen to any country song backwards and what you will get is your wife back, your dog back, your truck back – no more loneliness!
We love listening to music about being lonely because we can identify with it and it helps us cope with our own feelings of loneliness.
And what we are going to see in this message today is that while you and I may occasionally FEEL lonely and battle bouts of loneliness, as Christians - it is a FACT of life that we are NEVER alone.
I want to begin this message with a theological truth that has some MAJOR implications for our life. Consider this statement: We are made for relationships.
Let’s take it back to the very beginning. Genesis 1:26a, 27– “Then God said, “Let us make man in our image after our likeness…So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
The “Imago Dei” – the image of God. What this means is that we are created in his likeness. As a mirror reflects our image, so too when looking at humans we reflect the image of God.
Now, as it relates to loneliness, God has never been alone. In Genesis chapter 1 (v. 26), we have the first reference to the Trinity in all of scripture…look at it again:
Genesis 1:26a – “Then God said, “Let us make man in our image after our likeness…”
God has always been in a perfect relationship with himself – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He didn’t create man because he was lonely and needed to be in a relationship with someone. He was in a relationship with himself from eternity past – One God, in three distinct persons – God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit in perfect harmony, unity IN relationship.
And when he creates man BECAUSE we are made in his image, we are made FOR relationships! A relationship with him AND a relationship with others.
It’s in our core make-up…
It’s a part of our DNA…
It’s what it means to be made in the image of God…
Listen to what pastor and author Tim Keller writes about this whole idea of being made in the image of God as it relates to loneliness:
“Adam was not lonely because he was imperfect. Adam was lonely because he was perfect. Adam was lonely because he was like God, and therefore, since he was like God, he had to have someone to love, someone to work with, someone to talk to, someone to share with. All of our other problems – our anger, our anxiety, our fear, our cowardice- arise out of sin and our imperfections. Loneliness is the one problem you have because you’re made in the image of God.”
We are made in his image and therefore we are made for relationships. This is why after God creates man in his image, he looks upon him and states according to Genesis 2:18 – “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.”
So, right out of the gate, let’s underscore this idea that we are establishing: we are made for relationships because we are made in the image of God!
When we think about this from a theological standpoint creation and redemption centers on this idea of relationships. God creates man in his image and instead of living in a perfect relationship with God and others, Adam and Eve choose to sin and therefore the image of God is distorted and that brings dysfunction in their relationship with God and with others.
And so, the whole of scripture points to Jesus coming…and this is the beauty of the gospel! Because he is God in the flesh, he is the only one who could die for us…in our place…and what does his death accomplish?
A: Our salvation – i.e. a restoration of our relationship to God which then enables us to have right relationships with others.
Boil it all down and that’s what this entire book (The Bible) is about! We are made for relationships:
A relationship with God…
And relationships with others…
And THIS is why feelings of loneliness can cause so much sadness and depression…it’s because we are hardwired for relationships…for connectivity – both vertically and horizontally.
Illus. Jeff Young – Legos – designed to connect! And to connect in an appropriate way. Again, it’s sin that causes dysfunction and prevents us from connecting in the right way.
Once we deal with the sin problem, we can then begin building and connecting with others in a way that is healthy.
Now, before we get into some practical application of what we are to do when we feel lonely, let me offer a brief word regarding being alone.
Being alone and being lonely are two different things! Sometimes, we need to be alone – the Bible calls this solitude. And all of us could probably do a little better at practicing solitude.
Solitude takes place when we get alone, without distractions for extended time with the Lord that is quiet and reflective.
Illus. Celebration of Discipline – One of the first books I was assigned to read in college in my Bible courses was Richard Foster’s classic, Celebration of Discipline.
It’s a book on the spiritual disciplines. He lists twelve spiritual disciplines (one for each chapter) and he breaks them up into three different sections – what he calls:
The Inward Disciplines (mediation, prayer, fasting and study)
The Outward Disciplines (simplicity, solitude, submission and service)
The Corporate Disciplines (confession, worship, guidance and celebration)
I haven’t looked at this book in years, but knowing I was writing this message on loneliness I wanted to recall what he wrote on the discipline of solitude. And I opened up to Foster’s chapter on solitude and here is the very first sentence:
“Jesus calls us from loneliness to solitude.” – Richard Foster
Now, Jesus knew solitude…he would oftentimes break away from the crowds and even the disciples to get away and get alone to what the scripture calls a “desolate mountain” and pray.
There are some here that choose to deal with your fears of loneliness by refusing to ever be alone – and that can be as big a problem as actually feeling lonely….numbing your loneliness with activity and busyness and noise!
Tell me it’s not true! There are some that will do whatever it takes to NOT be alone…especially be quiet and alone!
Turn the music on…
Make sure the phone is out so texts can come in…
Get up and out of the house…
Go somewhere with someone…
I think a lot of spiritual growth is stunted because of a refusal to be alone…to be quiet…to sit before God in silence, with an open Bible and an open heart – with NO distractions. If Jesus needed solitude, so too do we!
“Blessed are the balanced”, right? To go to one extreme and isolate ourselves so that we are NEVER with anyone – that isn’t healthy! And to go to the other extreme and ALWAYS be in a crowd, with people and NEVER alone – that isn’t healthy either!
For some, our personalities are going to determine where we float most often, I’m just bringing it to our attention today that we make sure to understand that there IS a difference between being lonely and being alone. And we need to be alone sometimes!
And just a word to our singles out there and I’ll move on from this point: It is NEVER wise to get married because you are lonely. One lonely person plus another lonely person does not equal one fulfilled marriage.
Make sure when you are dating and getting married that you are in the relationship because God has brought you together and is calling you to mutually serve one another, NOT because that person seems to be curing your lonely heart in the moment.
And how can you know this…determine this? Solitude – being alone with God in prayer.
So, let’s return to our outline. We’ve established the fact that we are made for relationships. Let’s discuss now, what we are to do when we feel lonely…because we can ALL FEEL this way from time to time.
Americans are among the loneliest people in the world. (Gallup Poll 2019)
Half of Americans, especially young people, feel lonely. (Cigna Health 2018)
43% of senior adults feel lonely on a regular basis. (Health Resources & Services Administration 2019)
So, what do we do when we battle feelings of loneliness…let’s get real practical here:
Reflect on the presence of God.
Remember what Holly said in the video. She’s running from God and struggling with feelings of loneliness and she makes a decision to turn to God and she said, “he was right there the whole time”.
And she is right! We have in God according to Proverbs 18:24b – “…there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
One study I looked at this week stated that 1 out of 10 adults say they do not have a close friend. Think about that! 1 in 10 don’t have someone they can:
Cry on the shoulder on…
Call in the middle of the night if there was a problem…
Celebrate with when something good takes place in their lives…
And I just want to tell you that if that is you and you feel like you don’t have anyone, I know it sounds so simple, but it is a powerful truth – you have God! He is there for you!
And if you are a Christian…you know Jesus in a personal way, while you may FEEL all alone – the TRUTH is you are NEVER alone! Jesus is with you and he is IN you by his Holy Spirit.
Illus. The Spirit of Christmas message series
This may sound contradictory, but the answer to loneliness is what we talked about in solitude…it’s getting alone with Jesus and letting his word and his very presence comfort you like nothing else can!
If nothing else, get alone and pray for a realization of the presence of God in your life! I mean really reflect on it and its implications for your life – God is present with you! Immanuel – “God with us!”
Illus. Ron Kelley (pray!) – focused prayer helps us realize the presence of God in our life.
A second action we should take if we are feeling lonely and battling bouts of loneliness is to:
Rest in the promises of God
We have talked about this entire series about NOT living off of our feelings…our feelings can deceive us. As Christians we live off of the truth of God’s word. Another way to say this is we live off of the promises of God.
God is so good to give us his promises. And when we FEEL alone, we can take these promises to heart and there is great power and empowerment in believing them.
If you are here today and like me, can sometimes feel alone even when you are in a room this size, let me read you some promises from God and let his Word minister to your soul.
Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
Psalm 23:4 – “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Isaiah 41:10 – “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 49:15-16a – “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.
16 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…”
Matthew 28:20b – “… I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
John 14:16-18 – “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”
Romans 8:38-39 – “ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
I’m telling you, I read these verses and in the middle of my study just started writing out prayers of thanksgiving to God. How we need his promises!
And if you struggle with loneliness, I encourage you to write out these verses on a note card and carry them with you…memorize them…think on them often…and most of all, rest in them!
It’s why God gave his word to us – to give us confidence and strength and courage!
Run to the people of God
If you are battling loneliness, I know everything in you wants to isolate yourself, but what scripture calls for is to insulate yourself.
Illus. insulation – It’s getting cold outside now…and if your home is well-insulated it will keep the warm air in better…your house will be warmer. The better the insulation, the warmer the house.
If it’s not well-insulated, you’re going to be cold and the heating bill is going to get high – it’s going to cost you!
Think of the community of God…the people of God…the CHURCH as insulation to loneliness. The more insulation you have (the more community you have) the less lonely you will be prone to feel (still feel it!). And if you don’t have it, it will cost you!
1 John 3:1a – “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are…”
Look around you…these are not strangers…even though you may not know them, if they have trusted in Jesus for the forgiveness of their sin and you have done the same, these are brothers and sisters in Christ…we are family! And God is our Father.
As you look within, you may struggle with loneliness that finds its root in a home that you grew up in where a mom and dad abandoned you…and I’m just here to tell you:
Psalm 27:10 – “For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.”
This is a word for some of you! He’s your Father! You have a family!
Psalm 68:5-6a – “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. 6 God settles the solitary (translated elsewhere as lonely) in a home…”
We’ve said it here before…everyone needs three kinds of home:
A heavenly home…
A earthly home (CHOSEN)…
A church home…
I praying today that you will find your church home here at Prestonwood…we’re not a perfect church by any means, but no family is!
Hebrews 10:24-25 – “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Protect yourself and keep yourself from the cold air of loneliness by having good insulation and the MORE you have, the warmer you will be.
Illus. ABF – best insulation we can provide!
So, if you are lonely and battling bouts of loneliness. Practically…you can do these right now…put it in action today:
Reflect on the presence of God
Rest in the promises of God
Run to the people of God
If we do these three things, it will have a cumulative effect in our life. And it will lead to this fourth action that will help win the war against loneliness and that is we will begin to:
Recognize the purposes of God
Two purposes for our life. These purposes were present in the Garden of Eden and they are still present today. Our job…our responsibility of those who name Christ as Savior is two words, two purposes.
We are to: Worship and Work
When we worship him, we get lost in him! The purpose of us gathering together like this and seeing praise songs to him, praying to him, listening to the preaching of his word is for him to be magnified.
In the magnification of Christ, guess who gets de-magnified! You and me! And that’s a good thing!
See, worship is a perspective-changer. And oftentimes, we are lonely because we are fixated:
on ourselves…
our situation…
our struggles…
our losses…
What worship does is causes us to have a little bit different perspective of what is going on and it elevates our mind, heart and longings toward God.
A great remedy…perhaps the best remedy for loneliness is worship. The second purpose we must recognize is our work!
Where worship is getting lost in God, work is getting lost in giving…in serving…living life on mission!
Miriam Stark Parent (Ph.D in Counseling Psychology) – “The best remedy for loneliness is to focus one’s energies on serving others who are in need. Doing so will distract a person from his or her problems and help others in the process.”
And to that I say, “Amen.” One of the best things we can do for a lonely heart is to serve…to work in Christ’s name.
We have people all over our church who are doing this.
They have recognized the purpose of God for their life and living on mission for him…working for him.
Let’s go back to the beginning: We are made for relationships.
A relationship with God – this is where it starts!
And relationships with others…
? – Do you know Jesus in a personal way? I want to invite you into a relationship with him today so that you will never ever have to feel alone again.
Let’s pray.
(If you have a moment, check out my new book, THE ALWAYS GOD, available now)
