HAVE AN ALBATROSS MARRIAGE
Mark 10:2-12
INTRODUCTION
A. HUMOR: THE SHY PASTOR
1. A shy pastor greeted the wedding guests to the Chapel. He was very nervous and didn't say much.
2. As the couple approached the altar the pastor stepped up and gave the best speech anyone had ever heard. He was full of confidence, comfortable, and eloquent!
3. After the vows, the pastor was again extremely shy and barely said a word to anyone. Afterward, the groom approached the him and asked, "Why are you so shy? You seemed like a different person when you’re up at the altar!"
4. "Yes, I know..." said the pastor, "it’s because that’s my ALTAR EGO."
B. TEXT
2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied. 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” 5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’[Gen. 1:27] 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’[Gen. 2:24] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:2-12.
C. THESIS
1. The Jews tried to get Jesus to contradict Moses, asking if they could divorce “for any and every reason” (Matt. 19:3), the liberal interpretation to Deut. 24:1. Jesus pointed out that Moses’ allowance wasn’t God’s plan for marriage. God meant for it to be one man/ one woman, for a lifetime.
2. Jesus stated that Moses permitted divorce because of the “hardness of your hearts,” but that the only correct use of divorce was if there was marital unfaithfulness (Mt. 19:8-9).
3. We’re going to look at God’s original plan for marriage, the effect of hard hearts on marriage, and the 7 steps to save a troubled marriage.
4. The title of this message is “Have an Albatross Marriage.”
I. GOD’S PLAN: AN ALBATROSS MARRIAGE
A. AMAZING LOVE AFFAIR OF ALBATROSSES
1. Noah Strycker, in his book, “The Thing With Feathers,” says that Albatrosses may “have the most intense love affairs of any animal on our planet.”
2. This is not true of other birds. Jeffrey Black, in his book, “Partnership in Birds,” gives the divorce rate of various birds:
a. Flamingos...break up 99% of the time.
b. Piping Plovers...break up 67% of the time.
c. Nazca Boobies...break up 40% of the time.
d. Mallard Ducks...only have a 9% divorce rate.
e. Swans have a 5% divorce rate.
f. Albatrosses? 100% faithful!
3. According to Strycker, it can take 15 years for Albatrosses to decide on a partner, but once they’ve decided, albatrosses don't switch. "It will generally stick faithfully with its mate until one of them dies, which might not be for another fifty years."
4. The book details many wonderful facts about the development of relationships between the birds – and their relationship lasts for a lifetime! Maybe we can learn something from our feathered friends!
B. GOD’S PLAN: 1 MAN/1 WOMAN - FOR LIFE
1. The Lord Jesus, instead of wrestling with the details of Moses’ statement in Deut. 24, goes back to Genesis 1 & 2 – the “Book of Beginnings” to teach on God’s original plan for marriage. This is God’s ideal plan, the one we’re to aim for.
2. Adam couldn’t divorce his wife, because there wasn’t another woman on earth to hook up with! Someone said they had the perfect marriage: she didn’t have to hear about his mother’s cookin’ and he didn’t have to hear about all the other men she could have married!
3. Marriage is not the invention of men, but was engineered by God. Only with the Man-Woman combination can children be born. Children don’t reach physical maturity until approx. 21 years old. By that time, the wife is usually past childbearing age and the husband is too tired to start raising another group of kids for another 21+ years!
4. So the pattern is clear: we’re meant to be 1 man/1 woman for a lifetime. That’s how God meant it to be.
II. SOURCE OF MARRIAGE PROBLEMS? HARD HEARTS!
A. WHAT IS A HARD HEART?
1. Charles Finney, in his article, “Hardness of Heart,” defined it: “Hardness of heart is a voluntary state of mind: the will is committed, for the time being, to some form of selfishness. When the heart is in this state, it is stubborn, and will not yield to the truth, and prevents the intelligence and sensibility from perceiving, and being duly impressed by the truth.”
2. He went on to describe how, when our will is set in a direction, it effects our intellect to be biased against the facts that don’t fit the outcome we want. So we refuse to look at the situation fairly or openly.
3. The Jewish leaders saw the miracles of Jesus, but because they didn’t want to believe in Him or submit to Him, they concocted reasons to explain away His supernatural power, his godly life, and his wisdom from God. The same happens today. People like to sin, so they refuse to look at the facts that point to a supernatural origin of the universe and mankind, and the miracles that God does daily for people. If you’ve raised kids, then you know that if a kid wants to do wrong, any old excuse will suffice to justify it in their minds. Adults too; we’re just big kids!
B. HOW HARD HEARTS AFFECT MARRIAGES
1. One of the clearest examples of hard hearts is seen between husbands and wives. At first they love each other above all other persons on earth and pledge to love and cherish each other “as long as we both shall live.” But once there is a disagreement, or they feel slighted, all that changes.
2. They harden their hearts toward one another. Each of them begin to assume that they’re right; that they have been disrespected, and they set their will to humble the other person and get their way in the situation.
3. They no longer love and honor their spouse, but despise them. There’s often bitterness and desire for revenge. They become stubborn, unyielding, selfish and would rather destroy their reputations, finances, & children than to give in.
4. This is what hardened hearts will do to 2 people who were once very in-love with each other.
III. TIPS TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE
A. GOD’S DIRECTION IF THERE’S MARITAL TROUBLE
1. 1ST, KNOW IT’S GOD’S WILL TO STAY TOGETHER
a. Wait; don't rush into anything. Something this important deserves extra time; you spent years preparing for marriage – don’t abandon it prematurely.
b. It's also NOT God's will for you to separate for a lengthy time. Try to stay in the same residence (1 Cor. 7:10-11).
c. Don’t consider divorce as an option. The word “divorce” should never be threatened in arguments. It should be considered the worst cuss-word in the English language.
2. THERE’S USUALLY NO BETTER OPTIONS ELSEWHERE
a. You had for years looked through all the available options before you settled on this person. You felt there was no one better, or you would have married them.
b. Now you have found out their faults. But all the other persons you might later hook up with, also will have faults that will anger you, and their faults could be worse. Better the faults you know about than the ones you don’t know about yet!
c. Like the woman said, when asked at the wedding if she took him for better or for worse, “Well, he won’t get any better and I don’t think he can get any worse, so I guess I’ll take him ‘as is.’” Remember: the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, but you still have to mow the grass when you get over there!
B. 7 STEPS TO FIX A BROKEN MARRIAGE
1. BACK UP & START OVER. You must hit the “reset button.” When our computer or phone begins messing up, we don’t throw it away, we restart it. This takes it back to its original programming, because it has developed glitches.
2. STOP THE CYCLE OF ATTACK & RETALIATION. Call a truce. Sit down together, acknowledge the problems. Tell them you’re ready to renegotiate your marriage contract. Make lists of the problems; prioritize them; list steps necessary to solve the problems. Start with the biggest ones and change your words and behavior.
3. HAVE FAITH THAT YOUR MARRIAGE CAN BE RESTORED. Do you believe God had a hand in you two meeting and marrying? Then it’s STILL GOD’S WILL, which is more important than our will. Jesus told the church at Ephesus (Rev. 2:4) that they had left their first love, but He also told them they could get it back again: so can you!
4. WORK TOWARD RECONCILIATION. Seek help and advice; go to a counselor; an objective viewpoint is usually necessary. Find each other's unmet needs and resolve to meet them; discover your unused strengths. Do the loving things; the feelings will usually follow the actions
5. FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE. Hang on to what you have until God changes their hearts. Often a spouse’s restlessness is only temporary and after a time they will settle down again.
6. REALIZE THAT ALMOST ALL MARRIAGES HAVE DIPS. Almost all marriages go through a dip in “marital satisfaction” when the kids are teenagers, and later that satisfaction comes back up. Hang on and ride it out, like a ship in a storm. If they’ve been unfaithful to you, forgive them and forget it. If you're going to stay together, you must put the past behind you (Isaiah 43:18). God made you tough enough; you CAN do it; His grace will be sufficient. God never said it would be easy to serve Him. This is your challenge from God.
7. DO IT FOR THE KIDS. Kids need their real Mom and Dad. Any sacrifice is worth it to protect their hearts/spirits from devastation. Studies show kids would rather their parents stay together and fight, than to split the marriage. Kids & grandkids need an example of staying together in spite of difficulty, of not quitting. We said as kids, “Quitters never win.” That’s true of life and marriage.
CONCLUSION
A. ILLUSTRATION: THE OPERA SINGER
1. Maybe you heard about the guy who fell in love with an opera singer. He hardly knew her, since his only view of the singer was through binoculars—from the third balcony. But he was convinced he could live “happily ever after” married to a voice like that.
2. He scarcely noticed she was considerably older than he. Nor did he care that she walked with a limp. Her mezzo-soprano voice would take them through whatever might come. After a whirlwind romance and a hurry-up ceremony, they were off for their honeymoon together.
3. She began to prepare for their first night together. As he watched, his chin dropped to his chest. She plucked out her glass eye and plopped it into a container on the nightstand. She pulled off her wig, ripped off her false eyelashes, yanked out her dentures, unstrapped her artificial leg, and smiled at him as she slipped off her glasses that hid her hearing aid.
4. Stunned and horrified, he gasped, “For goodness sake, woman, sing, sing, SING!”
B. THE CALL
1. Sometimes we find out, after the wedding, that our spouse has some defects, but there are also good qualities about them – and those are the ones we ought to focus on.
2. Let’s pray for marriages tonight. Maybe you have a good marriage – why not make it even better? A little more sweetness and thoughtfulness will mean a lot to your special person. Let’s pray and ask God to show us how we can have an Albatross Marriage.
3. PRAYER.
