There was a study done in 2004 which found that the number of people without any close friends tripled since the last study in 1985. Nearly a quarter of the people surveyed said that they have no one in their life that they can confide in (America Sociological Review, June 1, 2006). We live in a lonely world and friends are a priceless commodity—a precious blessing from God. So, when we hear that Job had three friends who came to comfort him in his distress, we rejoice for him! (Peter Metzger) Unfortunately, this well-known saying applies to the companions Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar. “With friends like these, who needs enemies!” As we continue our sermon series on Job and ponder how to find peace on the unpredictable path of life, we want to learn how faith should intersect with friends who are hurting.
Just as we did when talking about Job’s wife in last week’s sermon, we do want to put the best construction on the words and actions of Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar. You love to hear how, when they heard about Job’s suffering, “…they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him” (2:11) The three men didn’t wait for an invitation. They took the initiative and went to Job. They understood that “being there” for someone doesn’t mean just saying, “Call me if you need anything.” No, Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar left their families, homes, and jobs to be present with Job. (Pete Metzger)
When they saw Job, they were shocked. They hardly recognized their friend. They wept aloud, tore their robes, and sprinkled dust on their heads. They wanted to share in Job’s sufferings, even if a little bit. Of course, following their lead might not go over so well in our culture. If you visit someone in the hospital and wail at the sight of them, it might seem as if you are saying: “Oh wow. You look really, really bad—much worse than I thought you would!” Perhaps you can skip the wailing and simply sit with them. Take their hand rather than shrink away from them. Assure them of your presence and your love.
What else is impressive about Job’s friends is that they sat with him in silence for seven days! Would you be able to do that—sit in silence for seven days? We’re uncomfortable with seven seconds of silence! But silence can be good. One grief counsellor described it as “sacred silence.” To share “sacred silence” means that we’re OK just being there with our friend and we don’t feel like we have to fill the silence with platitudes—like saying to someone who just lost a parent or grandparent, “Well, at least he lived a good long life,” as if the length of his life makes the death OK or less painful.
Sharing “sacred silence” is different than avoidance. Sometimes we can end up withdrawing from those who are in pain because it makes us feel uncomfortable to be around them. One pastor spoke about a parishioner who had been active in serving and helping others, but when his wife passed away, no one reached out to him. He sat at night wondering why his phone didn’t ring with people checking in on him. We can help others, even people we don’t know well, find peace on the unpredictable path of life when we reach out to them and show them that we are willing to walk with them and hurt with them.
Job’s friends made a good start in that regard, but as soon as they started to speak, they added to Job’s misery. It seems that they were reacting in shock to what Job said when he finally broke the seven-day silence. Job cried: “May the day of my birth perish, and the night that said, ‘A boy is conceived!’ 4 That day—may it turn to darkness; may God above not care about it… 11 Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?” (Job 3:3-4a, 11)
How do you react when people cry out in anguish like that? My kneejerk reaction is to tell them that they really don’t mean what they say—that what they’re going through isn’t THAT bad, or that with a little patience, they will get through it. But such rapid-fire responses are not helpful. It tells the suffering individual that I’m not trying to understand their pain. Instead, I’m downplaying their anguish and in so doing I’m dismissing the suffering individual.
This is exactly what Elihu did. Elihu was a fourth individual who spoke to Job. He was younger than the other three friends and so had remained silent, though just barely, while the others spoke. Elihu stated with pomposity: “It is not only the old who are wise, not only the aged who understand what is right… 18 For I am full of words, and the spirit within me compels me; 19 inside I am like bottled-up wine, like new wineskins ready to burst. 20 I must speak and find relief; I must open my lips and reply… 31 Pay attention, Job, and listen to me…be silent, and I will teach you wisdom” (Job 32:9, 18-20; 33:31a, 33b). Elihu comes off as a theologian who was going to set Job straight. (John Jeske)
To be sure, Elihu does share truths which the other three friends did not. Those friends had surmised that Job was suffering because he had committed some grave sin. (We’ll talk more about this perspective in a little bit.) The truth that God might have a good purpose in sending distress had apparently not dawned on the three friends. Elihu brought this perspective to the table—that torrential rains and winter blizzards may on occasion be a scourge, but they can also be a source of blessing (Job 37:13). Elihu also said: “God does all these things to a person—twice, even three times—30 to turn them back from the pit, that the light of life may shine on them” (Job 33:29, 30).
Elihu would add that there is method in all that happens in our lives—that there is a divine intelligence and a loving purpose for it all—truths that we’ll study in future sermons. While Elihu taught the way of God correctly, he offered the suffering Job no true sympathy, no compassion, no love. And that is his greatest fault. Elihu forgot that in ministering to human need, love must run ahead of logic. He failed to realize that the heart can open roads that the brain cannot. This may be the reason why Elihu walks on stage in the book of Job, speaks four times, walks off stage, and disappears. Job doesn’t answer him. God has nothing to say about Elihu, either—nothing to reprove, but nothing to praise either. (John Jeske)
Life-long Christians need to be careful not to be an Elihu. When we hear people get angry at God, we feel the need to jump to God’s defense. Yes, in time that may be necessary. But it’s much better to first feel with the suffering individual—to say something like, “Ugh, yes, this is causing you so much pain. You’re feeling abandoned by God, even punished by him...” Follow that with a hug and sacred silence. Be ready to listen more—to truly come to understand where the hurting individual is coming from before talking yourself.
Job’s first three friends didn’t take that tact. They treated Job like he was an insect on its back with legs flailing and they were trying to figure out what was the matter with the thing. Actually, it was worse than that. These friends thought they knew why Job was suffering and they weren’t shy about sharing it. Perhaps because he was the oldest, Eliphaz began: “Your words have raised up people who were stumbling, and you have given support to buckling knees. 5 But now that this has happened to you, you grow impatient. This strikes you and you are disturbed” (4:4-5). Translation: “You talk big Job when other people are suffering, but when you’re hit, you can’t take the heat.”
Eliphaz continued: “Shouldn’t your piety give you confidence? Don’t your blameless ways give you reason to hope? 7 Now remember this: Who has ever perished if he was innocent? Where were the upright ever erased? 8 This is what I have observed: Those who plow evil and sow trouble will reap the same” (4:6-8). What’s Eliphaz getting at? He makes it painfully clear in later words to Job: “Is not your wickedness great? Are not your sins endless?…you stripped people of their clothing, leaving them naked. 7 You gave no water to the weary and you withheld food from the hungry, 8 though you were a powerful man, owning land… 10 That is why snares are all around you, why sudden peril terrifies you” (22:5-8, 10).
Eliphaz wasn’t alone in his assessment that Job’s suffering was caused by his sins. Bildad, the second to speak, drove home this dagger: “When your children sinned against [God], he gave them over to the penalty of their sin” (8:4). As if that wasn’t bad enough, the third “friend” Zophar—all hobnailed boots and heavy-footed (John Jeske)—piled on when he added: “God has even forgotten some of your sin” (11:6b). Translation: “Job, you’re a sinner, and so were your kids. You all did something to deserve what you’re getting because God doesn’t ever make the lives of the righteous difficult. In fact, God is probably even going easy on you! You have no reason to complain but every reason to repent!”
We might not be as crass as Job’s friends, but we can be judgmental of others, can’t we? We think (if we don’t actually say) things like: “If they would be better parents, they wouldn’t have all the problem with those kids.” Or “They’re always complaining about how busy they are but if they wouldn’t be so materialistic, they wouldn’t have to run around maintaining all their toys.” It’s easy to be smug when others are struggling and figure that God is teaching them a lesson—a lesson that we don’t need because, after all, we’re not the ones in dire straits.
But Job’s friends had it wrong. Suffering isn’t always tied to sin just as a slowdown on the highway isn’t always caused by someone’s careless driving; it could be the result of road construction and highway improvements. That’s what Jesus told his disciples when they wondered why a certain man had been born blind. Jesus said, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him” (John 9:3). Jesus then healed the man and then witnessed to him so that he was also cured of his spiritual blindness when he confessed faith in Jesus as his savior.
I hope all this is helpful to you. If you’re suffering, it doesn’t mean that God is angry with you. Even if your suffering is a direct consequence of sin. For example, if you stole from the company and so were fired, you still can be certain of this: that suffering is not punishment but chastisement. It’s meant to teach and train—to warn you away from future sin. But God’s love is still with you because he punished Jesus for that sin and so you have God’s love and his forgiveness.
If others are suffering, don’t assume it’s because God is trying to teach them a lesson. It might be simply so that God’s glory will be revealed through that individual’s patient endurance, just as trying to smash a diamond with a hammer will prove that the sparkling stone is indeed real when it refuses to break.
What we’re learning is that there are many reasons, often working together, as to why we suffer. When you are so close to the suffering as we often are, it’s hard to make sense of what you’re experiencing—just like it’s difficult to make out the words of a book if you hold the pages right in front of your eyes. Likewise, it won’t be until we view our earthly lives from the comfort and safety of heaven that we will be able to make sense of everything.
For now, I want you to think about what happened when Job’s suffering ended. God directed Job to pray for his friends as they offered sacrifices for their sins in what they said about Job and God. Isn’t that interesting? While Job had every right to be angry with his friends and to say something like, “In your face, Amigos! I told you God would prove me right,” God invited Job to be their mediator.
Doesn’t that remind you of Jesus’ role in our lives? Although our sins caused Jesus great suffering, he prayed and still prays for us (even as he prayed for Peter when Satan wanted to “sift him like wheat”—and isn’t it interesting that Jesus prayed that Peter would withstand the temptation, he didn’t pray for his Father to remove the temptation, for the experience would somehow serve Peter in a positive way!). More than “just” praying for us, Jesus offered himself as a sacrifice for our sins! Because of Jesus, things between God and you are secure. God loves you even if it doesn’t feel like it because of what you are enduring. Like Job did, keep reaching out to this God of love through your cries. But then keep listening to him to speak to you through his Word so that you may be assured of his love and your standing in his family. We’ll do just that next Sunday, so come back! Amen.
SERMON NOTES
What positive examples can we learn from Job’s friends: Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar? List at least two.
What was wrong with Elihu’s approach to Job?
Job’s first three friends misdiagnosed the cause of Job’s sufferings. How so?
How are we guilty of often sinfully judging the suffering others endure?
Fill in the blank. Then explain the illustration.
Suffering isn’t always tied to sin just as a slowdown on the highway isn’t always caused by someone’s careless driving. It could be the result of _______________________.
At the end of Job’s story, God calls on Job to pray for his friends. What similarities and differences do you see between Job and Jesus in this regard?
