When asked on his fiftieth wedding anniversary about his rule for marital bliss and longevity, Henry Ford replied, “It’s just the same as in the automobile business, stick to one model.”(1) When he made this statement, Henry Ford was talking about commitment. I want to share a definition of commitment, relevant to our message this morning: “Commitment is the dedicated choice to give up other competing choices.”(2)
Today, we live in a divorce culture; which is a society that has lost the meaning of the word “commitment.” For example, “Recent research has found that approximately eighty-five percent of divorced couples indicated a lack of commitment to the marriage and to each other as their reason for divorce.”(3) This divorce culture is based on the premise of tossing the old and pursuing the latest model; and it can result in marital unfaithfulness, and ultimately divorce.
Today’s lack of commitment is fueled by American consumerism and disposability. Consumerism, driven by fancy marketing, creates dissatisfaction within people, so they will always be looking for the next great thing. Disposability, driven by cheap one-use products, has made obsolete the need to repair anything broken. Now, all a person has to do is toss the old item, drive to the nearest department store and pick up an identical one. We live in a “take-and-toss” society, and this behavior has translated into a mindset of divorce.
This mindset is penetrating every area of life, and it’s especially showing up in the realm of interpersonal relationships. For example, when an employee does not perform well, it’s easier to fire him and get another, rather than sit down and try to help resolve his issues; and it tends to be the same way with marriage. Instead of working through their differences, couples will opt for divorce and find a new partner. It is a lack of commitment that leads people to cut ties with anyone they don’t like, rather than trying to work things out.
In our message today, we will look at what the Bible has to say about commitment; because “commitment,” motivated by unconditional love, is the key to countering a divorce mindset and culture.
Many Have Hardened Hearts (Mark 10:2-5)
2 The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. 3 And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.” 5 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.”
Why did the Pharisees present Jesus with a question concerning divorce? Commentator Warren Wiersbe says that the question was motivated by a phrase found in Deuteronomy 24:1.(4) This particular verse states, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her,” that he may “write her a certificate of divorce.” The key phrase is “some uncleanness.”
The followers of Rabbi Hillel were quite lenient in their interpretation and permitted a man to divorce his wife for any reason, even burning his food. But the school of Rabbi Shimmai was much more strict and taught that the critical words “some uncleanness” referred only to premarital sin. [For example], if a newly married husband discovered that his wife was not a virgin, then he could put her away.(5)
The Pharisees were hoping that Jesus would agree with either the followers of Hillel or those of Shimmai; but Jesus did not choose sides. He was more interested in heart knowledge than head knowledge; and He referred them to the real issue at hand, which was a serious spiritual condition. Jesus said that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of their hearts.
Today, couples get caught up arguing grounds for divorce, trying to prove who’s right or wrong in a disagreement; and they wind up overlooking one crucial question: “How does God view our conflict?”
The Lord is not interested in division; for He is concerned with reconciliation. In 2 Corinthians 5:21, the apostle Paul said, “Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation.” The Lord desires for marriages and relationships to be reconciled; not broken and separated. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man put asunder (Matthew 19:6).
I wish to point out that it was Moses’ decision to permit divorce; not God’s, for He is against divorce. In Malachi chapter 2, the Lord declared, “Let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:15b-16).
There are many people today walking around with hardened hearts, dealing treacherously with their spouse and neighbors, and having their spiritual garments stained with violence and sin. They possess a divorce mentality, which is a mindset of division and strife; and the Lord says that He hates divorce. So how do we counter and combat this destructive mindset?
The Lord Called Us to Peace (1 Corinthians 7:12-15)
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
Paul spoke here about a believer being married to an unbeliever. Talk about two people not seeing eye-to-eye! Paul stated that a believer is under no obligation to remain married to an unbeliever (v. 15); nevertheless, he encouraged Christians to stick it out, and not divorce an unbelieving spouse if at all possible (vv. 12-13). He alluded here that the believer can actually have a positive impact on the unbeliever, and perhaps win him or her to faith in Christ (v. 14).
Paul also spoke of how marriage will provide a more stable environment for children, as they observe both parents working together, and witness their mutual love for each other. As parents put aside their differences, love one another unconditionally, and resolve to commit to each other; then this loving environment will help children to grow in holiness (v. 14).
The reason Paul gave as to why we should strive to remain married is because, “God has called us to peace” (v. 15). Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:9). A peacemaker is one who works toward reconciliation. In Colossians 1:19-20 we read that it pleased the Father by Jesus “to reconcile all things to Himself . . . having made peace through the blood of His cross.” Remember, that God has given us the ministry of reconciliation and peacemaking; or rather, the ministry of working things out, and resolving to stick together.
Bearing One Another in Love (Colossians 3:12-15)
12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.
Paul said here that we should be “bearing with one another” (v. 13). A synonym for “bearing” is the word “enduring.” For example, in the midst of a setback or problem, you have likely heard someone say, “Please ‘bear’ with me.” What this statement really means is, “Hang in there; and please do your best to endure this inconvenience. We will get through this problem soon, I promise you.”
What is it that drives us to “bear” with others and endure them, and what is it that promotes unity among people? Paul said, “Put on love, which is the bond of perfection” (v. 14). Love is what compels us to bear with others, even when they are unbearable; and love is what enables us to continue in our calling of becoming one body (v. 15). “We are one in the bond of love,” as the hymn declares; and as we strive to love others, we promote the peace of God within the body of Christ and within our own hearts (v. 15). In Ephesians 4:1-3 Paul said,
I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Paul said that we should be “endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit” (Eph. 4:3). That word “endeavoring” says a lot. It means, “to exert oneself” and “to make an effort.”(6) In our society today it seems as though many people are too lazy to exert themselves, especially when it comes to marriage and relationships; but we must make unity our “endeavor” if we wish to see relationships restored, and peace within the body of Christ.
If you will notice in Colossians 3:12, Paul mentioned some qualities of love: tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, and longsuffering. Do any of these traits ring a bell from elsewhere in the Scripture? In 1 Corinthians chapter thirteen, which is known as “the love chapter,” Paul said,
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
If people could just learn these traits of unconditional love, and put them into practice, we would not see husbands leaving their wives for a newer model; we would not see friendships dissolving over one squabble; we would not see managers firing employees over tiny mistakes; we would not see churches going through new pastors every few years; we would not see parents disowning their children when they disappoint them; and the list could go on.
Love begins working toward reconciliation as we think of others first; whether that be considering the feelings of others, or taking the time to understand their point of view. In Hebrews we are admonished to “consider one another in order to stir up love and good works” (10:24). In Galatians, Paul said, “Through love serve one another” (5:13); and Peter declared, “Above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without grumbling” (1 Pt 4:8-9).
Love leads us to make the first move toward reconciliation. We discover this truth from observing the way that God acted on our behalf as He sent His Son to die for our sins. John said, “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). The Lord made the first move. He loved us first, and He sought us first; and what did John continue to say in the next verse? He admonished, “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11); and we see the same thing mentioned in Colossians 3:13.
Time of Reflection
The Bible says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). The Lord definitely made the first move. God did not wait for us to begin seeking Him; He did not wait for us to attend church; He did not wait for us to start keeping the Ten Commandments; and He did not wait for us to initiate doing good deeds for our neighbor. In fact, none of these things can ever earn His love. Why? Because He already loves us unconditionally, even when we are still in our sins.
The Lord is working to restore you unto Himself through His Son, Jesus Christ; so you can have a relationship with the Creator of the universe. In Ephesians we read,
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish (Ephesians 5:25-27).
Jesus loved you so much that He gave His own life for you. Jesus died on the cross for your sins, He took your sins to the grave, and He rose victorious over death and over your sins. He did all this in order to present you unto God as holy and without blemish, because He wants you to one day rise into heaven victorious over sin and death. I want to ask you this morning, have you accepted His love and received His forgiveness? I wish to encourage you to receive Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, and by His love be reconciled unto God.
NOTES
(1) Sermon Illustrations: http://www.sermonillustrations.com/a-z/d/divorce.htm (Accessed January 11, 2012).
(2) The Two of Us: http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/why-commitment-matters/index.aspx (Accessed January 11, 2012).
(3) Ibid.
(4) Warren Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, vol. 1 (Wheaton, Il: Victor Books, 1989), p. 144.
(5) Ibid., p. 144.
(6) Dictionary.com: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/endeavoring (Accessed January 11, 2012).
