Circle Check
Pt. 2 - Circle Component 1
I. Introduction
They are present in every generation since it was invented. Whether it was in black and white or in color they are the mainstay of our airwaves. Leave it to Beaver. Andy Griffith. MASH. The Brady Bunch. The Partridge Family. Good Times. Different Strokes. Welcome Back Cotter. Cheers. Saved by the Bell. Fresh Prince. The Nanny. Full House. Family Matters. Frazier. And now Blue Bloods. This is Us. Black-ish. The Last Man Standing. All of these shows have in common that they are sitcoms. However, there is also another shared characteristic among them all. Regardless of race, socio economic or occupation of characters. They are all similar in that these shows we watch revolve around circles. Circles of family members, co-workers, classmates, or friends. We can't escape the fact that our entire world revolves around circles. It invades our entertainment. Our athletics. Our government. Circles surround.
We instinctively seem to know that our circle determines our course. Our friends determine our future. We agree that those close matter most.
So, since we know this it is vital, critical, paramount for us to know how a circle is supposed to function. If we don't, then we either never fully tap into or harness the benefit of a circle or we exit or sabotage the circle available to us because we are unwilling to pay the price of transparency, vulnerability and submit to accountability that is necessary for the circle to be meaningful. The result is we either suffer in isolation while we call it independence, or we hop in and out of circles, groups, or churches looking for fruit that we so desperately desire and even envy. However, we never recognize that this fruit can only be obtained and secured through intentional and long-term investment of time. So, in time of need, distress, pain we blame everyone who doesn't respond for being shallow or uncaring or we silently wonder why our relationships lack the roots necessary to sustain us.
If we know function, we then have appropriate expectations and demands. There are some things we should expect from our circle and if the circle doesn't provide these things, then we must either demand and develop it in the circle or we need to do a circle check to determine if it may be time for a circle change.
So, I informed you that right in plain sight in Scripture there are 59 different "one another" statements giving us circle coaching. Then at closer examination, I discovered that all of these statements can be clustered into 6 components wrapped around one core component.
As we work through this, I want to encourage you to do a circle check. I caution you . . . the tendency is to ask this appropriate question . . . Is my circle doing this for me? However, if we are not careful, then we will fail to ask the equally crucial question . . . Am I doing this for my circle?
Last week, we declared that the core component around which the other 6 components orbit is . . . love.
17 different and distinct occasions out of the 59 statements is the instruction to love another. 28% of the list is a command to love one another.
I also told you that we would dive into this as we talked about the 6 orbiting components but let me tell you again that these other 6 are impossible if we don't first love one another with love that binds and motivates us. Even when we have the deep devoted love that Scripture declares that we need to have this will not be easy. Some of the folks we try to circle up with can't provide the rest of the components because those components originate in and spawn from the core component of love!
So, I figured we might as well start with what I believe may be the toughest orbiting component right off the bat.
The first orbiting component commanded in these circle coaching statements is . . .
Confess/Forgive
On 5 different occasions in this list, we are instructed to handle each other in our most fragile, broken and vulnerable situations. One of the best indications of whether your circle is operating effectively and in love is when you get to this instruction right here. Most relationship can barely handle the success of the other members of the circle much less deal properly with the faults and failures of a fellow circle member. Again, I remind you that 1 Peter 4:8 said that "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins"
So here are the coaching commands . . .
Romans 14:13 “…Stop passing judgment on one another.” So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.
Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
After listing sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry, anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips Colossians says You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived and then he says
Colossians 3:9 - “Do not lie to each other…”
He is trying to get us to be honest about the struggles we have with these old practices! He knew we would get together and try to fake it. Put on our masks. Put on a holy act and lie to make our other circle members think we are pure and perfect.
He immediately follows that up with this instruction . . .
Colossians 3:13 - Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Then we get to what I believe is one of the most cherry-picked passage of Scripture in the entire Bible. We like to quote this passage without including the stipulations that are also included in the passage.
Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. (We skip the next part and jump to) The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
James 5:16 - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
The writer understood confession heals us. If we don't confess, then we can't be healed. How can we pray in faith if we don't know you are sick? How can you be forgiven if your sin is hidden? How can our prayers be powerful and effective if we pray in ignorance?
James knew that in order for our circle to operate correctly it would require safety to be able to look each other in the face, unmask, forget about putting our best foot forward and confess our sins one to another. Like the man with the withered hand, we must be willing to stretch forth our brokenness in order for our brokenness to be healed. If we aren't able to confess to one another, then we will live the rest of our lives sick with shame, fear, looking over our shoulder, burdened and vulnerable to manipulation by the enemy. Our enemy is only disarmed when he has no ammunition to use against us! We disarm him by living openly and honestly in a circle.
The other benefit of confession is that it keeps us from sinning. The reason some of us continue to sin is that we won't confess our already committed sin.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a German Lutheran pastor who opposed Nazism. He was involved in plans to assassinate Hitler which got him arrested in April 1943 and executed in April 1945, just 23 days before the Nazis surrendered. Bonhoeffer said, “A man {person} who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person. As long as I am by myself in the confession of my sins everything remains in the dark, but in the presence of a brother the sin has to be brought into the light.”
Dallas Williard reminds us, “It is said confession is good for the soul but bad for the reputation, and a bad reputation makes life more difficult in relation to those close to us, we all know. But closeness and confession force out evildoing. Nothing is more supportive of right behaviour than open truth.” If you will be free from sin you have to take the risk.
So, my question is how is your circle doing? Is it safe enough and mature enough to handle confession? What if the people in your circle knew what you thought about last night? What if the people in your circle saw what you watched, saw what you did or heard what you said? Do a circle check. Is it full of forgiveness or full of judgement? Let's bring it home to you. As you move in your circle are you full of forgiveness or have you set yourself up as judge and jury?
Our ability to live free and to enjoy being forgiven is linked to our willingness to confess!
So, quickly let mention two practical ground rules for our circle. If the people you are circled up with don't operate within these ground rules, then you need to be looking for a different circle.
1. We must remain conscious of our own need for forgiveness.
We must remember that none of us have arrived. None are perfect. None are not susceptible to falling. It is imperative to remember, as the writer of Ephesians stated, that Christ has forgiven us. If we can remember that, then we can also follow his commands to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other.
We tend to forget that we have been forgiven much. We tend to forget that we haven't always behaved, spoken, and acted righteously. And our own arrogance causes us to become an adversary to our circle mates rather than an advocate for their healing. Our circle must become a place of grace! Not a place of willfully ignoring sin. We can't participate in or stand idly by while a circle member destroys themselves. We must also confront in love. Galatians 6:1 tells us "Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted."
So, our awareness of our need for forgiveness doesn't dismiss us from our responsibility to hold one another accountable. It does, however, dictate how and in what attitude we approach!
Richard Foster recognizes the challenge when he says, “Confession is a difficult discipline for us because we all too often view the believing community as a fellowship of saints before we see it as a fellowship of sinners.”
We must remain aware of our own need.
2. We must remain confidential and careful.
It isn't surprising to me that we have come to the place where we are comfortable talking to God, who we can’t see, about our faults and failures but resist talking to our circle, who we can see, about them. We often fear man more than God. I believe the reason for this and the reason that James 5:16 is ignored is because most of us have become so incredibly bad at keeping private information private. Instead, it is as if we take pleasure in having information that can and will be used against our circle members. We wonder why no one will be honest about struggles and sin and yet we have become a conduit of information rather than being confidential. If you want your circle to be effective, then you must be confidential. If they trusted you enough to share their life, then be trust worthy enough to keep your mouth shut! They just handed you the instrument for their own destruction. Handle that information carefully. This is why I told you that an effective circle requires a long investment of time. You have to vet these kinds of relationships. Dallas Williard explains that “Confession is one of the most powerful of the disciplines for the spiritual life. But it may be easily abused, and for its effective use it requires considerable experience and maturity…” We circle up with and carefully share and selectively divulge with very trustworthy people who know what to do with your story.
