Circle Check
Pt. 1 - Circle Core
I. Introduction
Circles are everywhere. Roadways, signs, coins, cups, headlights, taillights, logos, jewelry . . . circles surround. When you get right down to it ... circles is another way to describe relationships. We begin to circle up at a young age. On the playground we gravitate to certain people. We mature and what we call these circles changes. We call them our tribe, our crowd, our people, our dawgs, our peeps, our homies, our ride or die. Still, they are circles. We are taught that there is safety in circles. There is strength in numbers. We are told to circle the wagons in times of danger. We are encouraged to partner swim. We are drawn to the stories about circles. 3 Musketeers, Friends, Seinfeld.
It appears that we instinctively know that whoever is in our circle determines our course and that our friends determine our future. We acknowledge that we will be who we are at the end of the year except for the books we read and the people we hang out with. We would agree that those close matter most. Out of this instinctive knowledge we begin to circle up.
We even approach church this way. Knowing that the writer of Hebrews contends that we should assemble, gather and draw strength from one another we walk in the doors and although aware that we are part of a larger group even in here we circle up. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact, in Scripture, we quickly discover circles. The triune God - God, Son, Holy Spirit circle in relationship. David had a circle of men and then an inner circle of mighty men. Jesus had a circle of 70, 12 and ultimately 3. One of my favorite statements about Jesus and His circle is Mark 3:14. We are told that He called 12 men to follow Him because "He wanted them to be with him"! This passage reveals the need and desire of God Himself to have close knit relationships!
We know we need a circle. Everyone here knows deep down that you need other people in your life! So, I don't believe the issue is knowing we need a circle. Instead, I believe the issue and the struggle we will face in this year is most of us don't know how a circle is supposed to function. Therefore, we either never fully tap into or harness the benefit of a circle or we exit or sabotage the circle available to us because we are unwilling to pay the price of transparency, vulnerability and submit to accountability that is necessary for the circle to be meaningful. The result is we either suffer in isolation while we call it independence, or we hop in and out of circles, groups, or churches looking for fruit that we so desperately desire and even envy. However, we never recognize that this fruit can only be obtained and secured through intentional and long-term investment of time. So, in time of need, distress, pain we blame everyone who doesn't respond for being shallow or uncaring or we silently wonder why our relationships lack the roots necessary to sustain us.
So, I began to question if, as we were challenged to do in January last year, we graduate from "me to we" then what does the "we" do? Why is the "we" important? Why can’t I get by with just me? What is the "we" supposed to provide for me and what am I supposed to provide for the "we"? The answers to these questions are how we are going to spend the first weeks of this year. Why is this an important discussion?
If we don’t understand how a circle is supposed to function, then we will accept dysfunction as normal which leads to abuse, abandonment, and unrealistic and unmet expectation. If function isn’t known, then misuse is inevitable. If we know function, we then have appropriate expectations and demands. There are some things we should expect from our circle and if the circle doesn't provide these things, then we must either demand and develop it in the circle or we need to do a circle check to determine if it may be time for a circle change.
Remember . . . your future is determined in large part by who is next to you and around you during your journey.
I began to look at this and discovered that in the New Testament the answers to these questions are plainly given. The answers are given in "one another" statements. Statement after statement dealing with how our circle is supposed to function. In fact, if you take out negative statements and the statement "greet one another with a holy kiss" there are 59 different "one another" statements giving us circle coaching. Then at closer examination, I discovered that all of these statements can be clustered into 6 components wrapped around one core component.
As we work through this, I want to encourage you to do a circle check. I caution you . . . the tendency is to ask this appropriate question . . . Is my circle doing this for me? However, if we are not careful, then we will fail to ask the equally crucial question . . . Am I doing this for my circle? I remind you that you reap what you sow. If we can identify these components and begin to sow them into our circle, then we may discover that we are in the right circle and unlock its full potential by investing these components that we are going to review.
You will not be surprised to discover that the core component around which the other 6 components orbit is . . . love.
The first one another statement we must understand, and embrace is to love one another.
John 13:34, 35, 15:12, 17; Romans 12:10, 13:8; Ephesians 4:2; 1 Thess. 3:12, 4:9; 1 Peter 3:8, 4:8; 1 John 3:11, 23, 4:7, 11, 12; 2 John 5
17 different and distinct occasions out of the 59 statements is the instruction to love another. 28% of the list is a command to love one another.
Love must identify and verify.
Jesus weighs in to talk about this circle core and states in John 13:35 that this is the thing that will identify and verify us as one of His. "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
We talk about how this identifies us to the world, but I think we often fail to realize that it is our love that also helps believers identify believers as well. Remember Jesus tells us that everyone who says Lord, Lord isn't necessarily a true follower. In fact, in Matthew 7, Jesus is addressing false prophets and He lets us in on an important piece of information when He says that "by fruit we know people". True for false prophets but also equally true for true believers. Love is the fruit that separates us and validates us as circle worthy!
Some of the folks we try to circle up with can't provide the rest of the components because those components originate in and spawn from the core component of love!
If this core component is missing, then we have no chance of circling up effectively.
Does how you talk, react, interact, post communicate love? Does it identify and verify? What does our fruit reveal?
Love is the core because . . .
Love must bind.
Love is the glue that is stronger than differences or distractions. Every circle has differences. Every circle will be challenged by distractions.
Romans 12:10 (NIV) - Be devoted to one another in love. (Love each other like the members of your family.)
How devoted are you? Word means concentrated on or to pursue.
Love must bind us together enough that we can be real, vulnerable and available. It is love that makes a circle safe!
1 Peter 4:8 (NIV) - Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
This is a deep love. How deep? Love at the level that brings about the forgiveness of many sins. Does the love in your circle cover sin and cause the offender to seek forgiveness or does it crush and cast out?
FYI - Not talking about liking one another. Think about the disciples a moment. I am very confident that they may not have always liked one another. A doctor and a fisherman. A tax collector and taxpayer. A meek and mild and a loudmouth. What we see exemplified for us is that love is more important than like! That differences and distractions can be overcome. Our like is about preference while our love is being bound to one another!
I think in this day and age we have allowed our like to become more important than our love. We need to flip the script. We must love one another!
Love is something we choose to do. We love in spite of. We love no matter what.
A.W. Tozer said, "The Bible teaches us that love is a benevolent principle and is under the control of our will. Love is the will to, the intention. By that definition, it is possible to obey the divine command to love our neighbor. We may not in a thousand years be able to feel the surge of emotions toward certain neighbors, but we can go before God and solemnly will to love them, and love will come. Love is the love of willing, not the love of feeling!"
There will be times you won't feel like loving those in your circle. The question is not feeling, it is are you willing?
Are we willing to love at this level? Love that binds. Deeply. We fight against division rather than participating in it. Believing the best rather than the worst.
Love must motivate.
Love must motivate us to exert intentional effort to provide what the circle needs. I will show you this in the coming weeks but on several occasions as the other components are mentioned they are mentioned by saying "do this in love". The only way we can live up to the demands of the circle, to give the time necessary to participate in the circle is if we love. If we don't love, then we won't work. If we don't love, then we won't try. If we don't love, then we won't sacrifice. If we don't love, then we won't extend ourselves.
Without love we will settle for relationship with no fellowship or fellowship with no relationship. (We rub hearts but never rub elbows or vice versa.)
I remind you that when Jesus was 12, He leaves His parents and goes to the temple. Jesus' parents didn’t even know He wasn’t with them. They were in relationship, but not in fellowship.
It requires both.
I mention that because only love will cause you to give up time on an evening. Only love will cause you to forgo something you wanted to do in order to do something with someone else. Love must motivate us to more than relationship but also fellowship. Love must motivate us to more than just fellowship but also relationship.
Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love;
The fellowship our spirit finds
Is like to that above.
Before our Father’s throne,
We pour our ardent prayers;
Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one—
Our comforts and our cares.
We share our mutual woes;
Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear.
When we asunder part,
It gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart,
And hope to meet again.
From sorrow, toil, and pain,
And sin we shall be free;
And perfect love and oneness reign
Through all eternity.
Before you check the circle . . . check your core. Do you love? Does like mean more to you? Separate you? Isolate you? Are you motivated to work for a properly functioning circle? Before you point fingers at your circle let's check our own love level first. Once you determine your love level, then and only then begin to examine the fruit of those who are close to you. Are they circle worthy?
