According to the Guiness Book of Records the last Emperor of
Morocco, Moulay Ismail, who lived 100 years from 1627 to 1727 was
reported to have fathered 548 sons and 340 daughters for a grand
total of 888. He would, no doubt, say amen to the brief poem of
Wilhelm Busch, "Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can
be rough."
This may be true for many and even most, but that fact is,
fatherhood is not easy for a large number of men in the Bible, and in
our contemporary world. We tend to think of the mothers who can't
have children, and we say poor Sarah, poor Rebekah, and poor
Rachel. This is legitimate compassion for these barren women, but
seldom to never do we hear the same compassion for Abraham, Isaac,
and Jacob. Abraham is the most famous father in all of history, but
he could not become a father for decades. The husbands of barren
women we now know may be the ones who are infertile. But
regardless of the cause, it is just as hard to be a non-father as to be a
non-mother.
We have many records of this in our day. Tom Holman, a
clinical psychologist, wrote an article entitled Becoming A Father The
Hard Way. Not only was he infertile, but his wife had endometriosis
and was forced to have an hysterectomy. After years of trying they
both had to give up their dream, but they couldn't let it die. They
finally flew to India where a 4 year-old girl Sumi was placed in their
care, and they became parents. Doctors, lawyers, pastors,
professional people, and blue-collar people of all kinds are going
through the struggle every day to make their dreams of parenthood
come true. It is seldom seen, however, as a father's struggle.
Michel Robinson, a teacher and associate editor of Nurturing
News: A Quarterly Forum For Nurturing Men, writes about his
wife's miscarriage. All of their friends used him as a mere conduit
through which messages were forwarded to his wife, as if the loss was
only hers, and he was a mere observer. It was a miscarriage of his
fatherhood as well, but nobody saw his loss, and nobody felt his
sorrow and anger. This is going on everyday around the world, and
we are all guilty of being insensitive to a father's battle to become a
father. We want to look at the father of the strongest man whoever
lived in this message. He was Manoah the father of Samson. His wife
was sterile and he had to live with a dying dream and the fear that he
would never get the chance to be a father. But God intervened and
promised he would have a son who was to be a very unique son. No
sooner is this biggest battle won and his fatherhood guaranteed when
we see Manoah expressing a second fear of fathers.
I. THE FEAR OF FAILURE.
The son is only a promise, but already Manoah is filled with
anxiety. He is overcome by his inadequacy to be a father. In verse 8
he cries out in prayer, "O Lord, I beg you, let the man of God you
sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be
born." This was pre-Dr. Spock days, and nobody had a book on the
market on how to raise a miracle baby as a Nazarite. Manoah was
feeling pre-father panic, for he had no idea of how to be a father.
This is a common fear of fathers. Most new fathers know more about
a car than a child. Being a father is so much trial and error, and
there are no erasers.
D. L. Stewart in Fathers Are People Too says that they teach you
in high school how to find the square root of pi, but not how to find
the key to the bathroom when your wife is out and your 3 year old is
locked inside with the water running under the door. In college they
teach you how to put together a term paper on 18th century
journalism, but nobody teaches you how to put together a 10 speed
bike as your 12 year old stands there expecting dad to know
everything. It is natural for fathers to fear failure, for you can be a
good man, a great man, and even a godly man, and still not know
much of anything about raising a child. Manoah was a man of God,
but his godliness did not give him confidence. He felt a desperate
need for instruction. Here is a father to be who is the hungriest
father I know of in all the Bible for knowledge and wisdom
concerning how to raise his son to fulfill the role God had for his life.
His fear of failure was not a defect, but it was an asset that
motivated him to seek for answers. His fear of failure was a big
factor in his being a successful father. It is not only okay, it is
wonderful to feel inadequate and fearful as a father if it moves you,
like it did Manoah, to seek for help in raising your child. Notice in
verse 12 that he asks the Angel of the Lord what is to be the role for
the boy's life and work. Here's a father that recognizes that he plays
a major role in what his sons future will be. He wanted to know what
to do to fulfill God's will for his son.
In the history of the Presidents of the U. S. we have the unique
record of a father who prayed and labored, and made many sacrifices
for the sake of his son that he might rise to a place of importance. On
the night of Aug. 2, 1923 this father woke his son in the night to
inform him that President Warren Harding had died and that he was
to now become the new President. Calvin Coolidge wrote of this
event: "My wife and I at once dressed. Before leaving the room I
knelt down and, with the same prayer with which I have since
approached the altar of the church, asked God to bless the American
people and give me power to serve them."
He at once examined the Constitution and discovered that his
father as a notary republic was qualified to administer the oath of
office. And so in a small farm house room lit with a flickering
kerosene lamp with only his wife and a senator Dole, who happened to
be only a few miles away, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as President
of the United States by his father. He wrote, "I do not know of any
other case in history where a father has administered to his son the
qualifying oath of office which made him the chief magistrate of a
nation." He was a unique father indeed, and he died 3 years later
with his son in office. There are parallels with Manoah, for he was
the key person who prepared Samson for his role as leader of Israel.
If you read the whole story, you see the personal interest Manoah
showed in Samson all through his life. He also died while Samson was
in office. Judges 16:31 says that after Samson led Israel for 20 years
he was brought back and buried in the tomb of Manoah his father.
Here is one of the great father-son stories of history. As a
sidelight it is a of interest to note that in that same verse of 16:31 that
Samson had brothers, and so once there was a breakthrough Manoah
and his wife had a good size family. Fear in moderation is a
motivation that helps fathers become what God wants them to be.
Fathers should fear they will not know how to raise their children
right. This motivates them to read, listen, and seek for wisdom to do
so.
Almost all fathers fail to praise their children enough. We tend
to be the disciplinarians and so we develop the eagle eye for what they
do wrong, and we neglect seeing what they do right. How often do
you catch your children doing something right and then reward them
with praise? If you seldom catch them doing something right, you
will all to often catch them doing something wrong. We do not have a
record of how Manoah raised Samson, but we know Samson was
never to drink alcohol of any kind, and so Manoah had to be an
example to his son.
I read a true but terrible story of a father who had to witness the
scene of his daughter's death in car accident in which she had been
driving after drinking. He was so angry that he wanted to kill the
person who gave his daughter alcohol.
When he got home he went to get a drink himself and found a note
from his daughter instead of his bottle. It said, "I know you would
want me to have a good time tonight daddy, so I borrowed your
bottle." The do what I say and not what I do formula is not very
effective. Your children will become what you are, and not what you
say. Manoah's fear of failure to raise his son properly made him
become the example that his son needed.
Ten thousand young people die each year in alcohol related
accidents, and many thousands more take their lives because of
alcohol. These terrible statistics can be traced to the fact that too
many fathers do not have enough fear of failure in raising their
children. Manoah was no perfect father, and his son was far from a
perfect son. He was a major problem to his parents and his God, but
the fact is, he did fulfill his major purpose in God's plan because he
had a father who cared desperately that he fulfill that plan. His fear
of failure made him more successful as a father. Next we see that he
had to face the most dreaded fear of all fathers-
II. THE FEAR OF FREEDOM.
I do not know how strong Samson was as a boy. Maybe he was
taking Manoah down in arm wrestling when he was only 4. But the
real problems began when Samson became old enough to make his
own decisions about life. This is really scary when children come to
the age of freedom, and you loose control over their lives. The best of
fathers face this with fear, for their sons and daughters are then free
to make the biggest mistakes of their lives.
Samson had excellent parents and good godly training, but we
read in chapter 14 that he impulsively fell in love with a young
Philistine woman, and he wanted her for his wife. They tried to
reason with him and point out all the young girls among his own
people, and how foolish it was to seek a mate among the
uncircumcised Philistines, but it was all in vain. He wanted this girl
and no one else. Fathers and mothers have to endure this kind of
scene over and over as their children fall in love with people they
would not choose. Seldom can a father accept right away the free
choices of his children to marry people that seem to be unfit for their
child's mate.
R. G. Le Torneau in his famous autobiography God Runs My
Business told of how his father was opposed to his getting involved
with Evelyn Peterson. They met in Sunday School and liked each
other. His father came right out and said, "Look here, my lad, that
girl is not for you." Her father was equally opposed to the
relationship. After several years of hassle these two lovebirds took
matters into their own hands and eloped. They went to Mexico and
got married. Their fathers tried to get the marriage annulled, but
they could not do so, for it was perfectly legal. It took 6 years before
there was reconciliation.
Robert and Evelyn went on to have 5 boys and 1 girl. One of
their boys died at 4 months, and another as a young man. But their
family made one of the biggest impacts on American Christianity of
any family in our history, and the impact goes on yet today. The
point is, fathers can be totally opposed to the free choices of their
children, but it is wise to see that once a free choice is made, parents
need to cooperate with their children, for it could be God's will even
if it seems like a mistake to you. That is what chapter 14 says of
Samson's seemingly stupid choice for a wife. God willed it for
judgment on the Philistines. Manoah hated it, but we see him going
with Samson and cooperating in the decision.
I have known of Christian fathers who have rejected their child
for marrying someone they did not approve of. I cannot see any
biblical basis for this. The Christian father always has an obligation
to love his child and work with them to bring good out of any
situation. It is frightening that a child has the freedom to choose to
follow a foolish path in life. It is terrible that a father has to give up
control and let them be free to do so. A child can use their freedom
to do all sorts of stupid and sinful things, but a wise father will not let
his fear of freedom make him forget that he also has freedom as to
how he will respond to choices he feels are foolish. God chose to
respond to the foolish use of freedom by His children by providing a
way for them to be forgiven and restored to His fellowship.
Manoah choose to respond to Samson's unwise choice by
maintaining fellowship with him, and 14:10 says that he went down to
see the woman. He was open to cooperation even though he did not
life what was happening. Many parents face this choice. To fight the
free choice of their children, or to cooperate to try and make the best
out of a situation they do not approve of. This is the wise way, for it
keeps the door open to let God work for good even in the most
negative settings. Parents need to remember that when a child makes
a bad decision they are still free to make other good decisions.
Chapter 14 reveals that Samson was a very thoughtful and caring
son even as they traveled to see the woman he wanted to foolishly
marry. He scooped honey out of the caress of a lion and shared it
with his parents. There was a good and harmonious relationship even
though Samson was doing what they hated. Manoah was a father who
did not demand one hundred per cent to be pleased with his son.
Samson made some bad choices with his freedom, but he also made
some good ones, and Manoah was pleased with the good ones.
Mark Giorgino tells of the father who reminded his son of the
best Father's Day gift he ever gave him. It was when the son was 10
years old and his father was in the store. The son picked up some
cigars and stuffed them in his pocket. The father said, "I knew you
had no money and I felt bad when I realized you were going to run
out of the store without paying. But then I saw you pull out the cigars
and put them back. The next day you stayed out playing all day
because you had no gift for Father's Day. You thought I would be
hurt, but you were wrong. When you put those cigars back and
decided not to steal, you gave me the best present I ever received
from you.
Freedom is a fearful thing, but it is also the most delightful thing,
for it is by freedom that good is chosen as well as evil. Samson made
some bad choices in life, but he also made some good ones that
accomplished God's purpose in Israel. A good father may fear the
freedom of his children, but he should also treasure it and keep in a
good relationship with his children so that their freedom can always
be a potential asset as well as a liability. The Prodigal's father never
shut the door to his foolish son, even though he used his freedom for
folly. The result was that the Prodigal also used his freedom to come
home and make good choices that led to happiness for both father
and son.
Conrad Hilton, the multimillionaire of Hilton Hotel fame, tells in
his autobiography of over sleeping one morning and waking up to
hear his father saying to his mother, "Mary, I do not know what will
become of Connie. I'm afraid he will never amount to anything. He'll
sleep his life away." Hearing of his father's fears concerning him
threw a fear into him, and he seldom over slept again for the rest of
his life. He learned to enjoy work like his father did. It took him
some years, but he came to the point where he understood his father's
concern for him that often made him resentful. But he did come to
that point, and that is why fathers and sons need to be like Manoah
and Samson. They need to agree to disagree where they differ, and
not let the lines of communication go dead.
People who want one hundred per cent or nothing will usually get
nothing. They expect more than God does. They have over reacted
to the fear of failure and the fear of freedom. They refuse to accept
the reality of failure and freedom, and the result is they guarantee the
very things they most dread. Manoah gives us a wiser example. He
feared failure and freedom like all fathers, but he faced his fears and
decided that no matter how real they were he would not let them rob
him of his freedom to go on relating to his son in love, no matter what.
The result was that Manoah and Samson were a father and son team
who lived together and lie buried together-united in life and in death,
and this in spite of differences and a father's fears.
