Janette George played the role of Corrie Ten Boom in the movie
The Hiding Place. She wrote an interesting book called Travel Tips
For The Reluctant Traveler. In it she tells of her 35th birthday.
That was the year she finally accepted the fact that she would never
play Peter Pan. But she expected a lot in life, and especially as she
woke that Sunday morning of her birthday. She laid in bed waiting
for the first telephone call to greet her with good wishes. But when
none came she reasoned that they were being thoughtful and waiting
until afternoon. She had expected something in the mail the day
before, but she just assumed the mail was late as usual. She got
ready for church and dressed in her very best dress because she had
a lot of friends at church, and she figured they might make
something special of her birthday. But her Sunday School class did
nothing to acknowledge her birthday. She thought that they
probably notified the pastor to say something from the pulpit, but
that did not happen either.
Persisting in her optimism she thought that they are probably
planning a special lunch, and so she lingered after the service
waiting for someone to invite her to this event. But no one said a
thing. She reasoned that her friends knew where she ate on
Sundays, and they would probably have a table reserved and would
be ready to surprise her. She went to her favorite eating place and
walked in prepared to register her surprise at the table full of
laughing friends, but there was no such table.
Most people would be facing reality by this time, but Janette
was an incurable optimist. As she ate alone she concluded that her
friends were probably waiting at her apartment to surprise her.
This, of course, proved to be mere fantasy like all her other
speculations, and she sat alone puzzled by the lack of response. She
knew the phone had to ring, for the man who wanted her to marry
him was out of town, but he would certainly call on her birthday.
Her mother was also a sure thing, but it never rang. Now listen to
her own words:
"By the middle of the afternoon, I accepted it. No one was going
to pop out of the closet with lighted candles on a walnut cake. No
one was going to arrive from out of town. My birthday meant
nothing to anybody! I cried a bit in moist self-pity, regretting every
card I have sent to others that year. I even wished I had back the
enameled earrings I had given my friend Margaret on her birthday.
Tearfully, I stammered a prayer thanking God for my health. (It is
one of the few things one can enjoy alone.)
"The I became angry. I wasn't going to go down without a
struggle. One person could still celebrate my birthday. Me! Still
crying, I marched into my bedroom and changed into the boldness
costume of youth I could find: a pair of shining pink stretch pants
and a silver-gray sweater. I put on makeup, jewelry, high heels, and
a blonde wing. Blondes may not have more fun, but they can
certainly look cuter in misery. I called out to myself in the mirror,
"Happy Birthday! You are still young and will have a wonderful
year. Happy Birthday, my friend!"
She then went into her living room and sat down and opened the
Sunday paper. What hit her was not the headlines, but the date.
She was still a week away from her birthday, and all her agony was
based on a miscalculation. Nobody remembered her birthday
because it was not her birthday. She had made a fool of herself, but
fortunately, she was the only one who knew it. This true story
illustrates a number of things:
The forgetfulness of the human mind.
The folly of false assumptions.
The fears we foist on ourselves.
The forsaken feelings we feel unnecessarily.
The one we want to focus on now is the fallibility of the female.
Paul has a high respect for women and the role they play in the
church. But he also recognizes that, like men, they make plenty of
mistakes and need to be taught all kinds of things that we sometimes
take for granted are just inherent in being a female. Not so says
Paul, for women are fallible and subject to error even in things as
basic as loving their husbands and children. They have to be
trained to do this well says Paul. This is necessary if they are going
to be good Christian wives and mothers.
Paul is saying that Christian education is to cover the most
practical aspects of life. Christian education is not making sure
young women grow up and know the books of the Bible, the names
of the Apostles, and hundreds of other Bible facts. All that is good
and valuable, but it is not very practical if they do not learn to be
good people, good wives, and good moms. Paul says that Christian
education is to teach Christian women how to live, and not just how
to think and believe. To believe all right and to behave all wrong is
to fail in Christian education. Nobody has a more practical
curriculum than Paul has right here in Titus 2.
Paul tells Titus to start with the older women, and they will then
become the teachers of the younger women. In Paul's idea of the
ideal church everybody eventually becomes a teacher of others.
Let's look at the details. The first thing they need to be taught is to
be reverent in the way they live. We usually think of reverence as an
attitude of respect we are to have in the presence of God. But Paul
says that it is an attitude the older women are to have in all of life,
and not just when they come to church.
Paul recognizes that there are few things in life that have a
greater impact on this world than a reverent woman. The Catholics
learned this centuries ago, and that is why the exalted Mary to the
level they did. The holy virgin has touched millions through the
centuries and around the world because there is something unique
and truly special about a holy woman. A truly Christ like woman is
one of the most beautiful people that can be conceived. She is a
work of art that brings glory to the ultimate Artist. Such purity
does not just happen. It has to be taught, and older women are the
most likely to be the first to learn how to live a reverent life in such
and irreverent world.
Paul writes, "Older Christian women should behave in a way
that is proper for priests." The Greek word here means proper for
priests. Older women in the church have the same high standards as
the clergy. Nobody is ever going to call you Rev. Mrs. Brown, but
the title is not important. It is the behavior and life style that
matters, and Paul says older women are to live on the same level you
would expect from one who is ordained to the ministry. Luther says
here, "Paul says this in opposition to old women who adorn
themselves as though they were girls of 15, which is a sign of
frivolity and lust." Older women are to act their age, and live with a
dignity that reveals that they have arrived to where their highest
goals are to please God and not the world.
Paul then gives some specific ways in which this reverent
behavior is to be displayed. How a woman uses her tongue is the
primary way that she demonstrates her holiness, or lack of it. Paul
says to teach the older women not to be slanderers. This was a very
serious sin, and it was one where women were more susceptible
apparently. Any sin is common to all people, but some are a greater
temptation to the female sex. When the Bible deals with lust its
primary focus is on the male, for that is where they are most likely
to be tempted. When it deals with the sins of the tongue its focus is
on the female, for that is where they are most likely to be tempted.
Is this being sexist? It is if you do not recognize that females are also
lustful, and males are also slanderers. It is not sexist if you are just
aware that one sex is more likely to be weaker in some areas than
the other sex.
Paul only uses this word three times in his letters. He uses it here
and then in I Tim. 3:11 where he says to the wives of deacons, "In
the same way the wives are to be women worthy of respect, not
malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in all things." Not
malicious talkers is the same Greek word. Then in II Tim. 3:3 Paul
uses the word in a more general way to cover all people, for slander
is one of the signs of the last days. All people will be terrible with
their tongue. The Greek word is translated devil 35 times in the
New Testament. It is possible for a Christian to let his or her tongue
become an instrument of the devil, and the most likely way for this
to happen is by slander. The devil is the father of slander, and so
when we let our tongue be used in this way we are tools being used
for his purpose.
A lot of bad stuff has been preached about women based on our
text. Both John Calvin and Martin Luther are very negative in
their preaching on this verse. But they both point out something
that we should mention. They both say that the older a woman gets
the more likely she will become a slanderer. Older women tend to
become more judgmental. They feel that no one is good enough,
beautiful enough or pure enough, and so they become accusers of all
who are younger than themselves. This is an easy sin to fall into, for
as the times change and you see younger people doing what you
never did it is so easy to accuse and injure the reputation of others.
If you find yourself being judgmental and putting other people
down, do some self-examination for there is a good chance that you
are being used of the devil to harm rather than help other people.
The devil is the great accuser, and if you tend to do this, you are on
his team no matter how righteous you feel about your accusations.
The world is filled with people it is easy to slander, but if you take
the Bible seriously, you will do a lot of tongue biting and refrain
from this activity that is one of the most dangerous you can practice.
You might reason that if someone is obviously wrong that you
are free to slander their name. But this is not what God has
revealed to us. We read in Jude 9, "But even the archangel Michael,
when disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not dare
to bring a slanderous accusation against him, but said, the Lord
rebuke you." Then he goes on to say that men are not so wise as
Michael. They speak abusively against all sorts of things they do not
understand, and by this folly they bring judgment on themselves.
He warns those who misuse their tongue by being grumblers and
fault finders that they will suffer severely in the judgment. This is a
scary letter for those who do not learn to control their tongue.
Slander is so popular in our culture that I fear many Christians
never give it a thought that God may hate what we so easily accept.
Paul is telling Titus to teach older women to avoid this serious sin
that comes most easily to them.
The next thing Paul says older women are not to be is, addicted
to much wine. We have already dealt with this issue, for it is one of
the requirements of elders that they be not given to much wine.
Here is an area of life where the temptation to indulge seems to be
equal for both sexes. Alcohol is a drug that both sexes have used
and abused all through history. The Greeks and the Romans loved
their wine, and the older people tended to abuse it more. The
doctors in that day denied it to the young but prescribed it freely for
the older people. Alcohol has always been a crutch for people to use
in order to cope with life's loneliness and poor self-esteem.
Lillian Roth, the actress, has a testimony that fits tens of
thousands. She said, "I always felt inadequate....I never liked the
person I was, and later, I found alcohol helped me run away from
myself." In a fallen world there are a lot of things everyone wants to
escape, and wine is an aid to escape, and so it is a temptation even to
Christians. Paul makes it clear that no Christian is to use alcohol in
such a way that it damages their dignity, or causes anyone to lose
respect for them. An older woman would lose respect rapidly if she
was a loud mouth accuser and a heavy drinker. Some Cretan
women were living this kind of life, and they needed to be taught
that this is not acceptable behavior for a Christian woman.
They are not only to stop doing these bad things, but they were to
become teachers of what is good. It is hard to teach what is good if
you are being bad. How can you teach others to be loving and kind
if you use your tongue to belittle and defame others? How can you
teach others to live a life of respect and dignity if you are getting
drunk and making a fool of yourself? Paul expected older women
to be teachers. I have heard if often over the years as older women
say, "I have taught children for many years, and so now let the
younger women do it." This may be valid, but for an older woman
to say she is through with teaching is folly, for she cannot help but
be a teacher, for by her attitudes and actions she is teaching all the
time.
Paul says her focus is to be on the younger women. The primary
focus he says is to, "Train young women to love their husbands and
children." You would think this would be just natural, but let's face
reality. The reason the divorce rate is so sky high in our culture is
because young women never get this training. Wives do not know
how to love their mates automatically, and nobody trains them, and
so the failure rate is enormous. Loving husbands and kids is no easy
task. It takes much wisdom and skill. In our day there are
thousands of books and magazines to give young women the
guidance they need. Paul did not have this in his day. Now we even
have a vast number of videos, tapes, and libraries filled with aids to
help wives love their husbands and children, but with all of this
there is more failure than there was before we had it all.
What is the problem? The problem is that you cannot get
experience out of a book, video, or tape. Paul's way is still the best
way. The older women have been able to survive years of the ups
and downs of marriage. They know how the male mind and body
works. They should be the best resource for knowing how to love a
man. This personal wisdom from an older woman is the best kind of
practical education. Paul puts a high priority on experience. He
does not say, get young wives to read their Bible and all will be well.
You cannot learn to love your husband by reading the Bible. You
need the counsel of an older wife who knows what the battles of
marriage are all about, and who is a veteran who has survived them.
Not all older women are good teachers of young wives. I know
of older women who hate sex and who tell the younger women that
men are beasts, and they fill their minds with terrible advice. I have
counseled many of these victims myself. Older women can be a
curse to younger women by passing on the foolish and harmful
information of their own mistakes. But happily married older
women are the best resource for younger women to learn from when
it comes to marriage. Wise is the younger woman who has an older
woman for a teacher.
You will notice that Titus is to teach everyone that Paul
mentions except these younger wives. The implication is clear. Paul
is dealing here with sex education that older women need to pass on
to the younger women. Times have changed radically, and school
girls now get information in school that even older women do not
know. The fact is, however, that it will never happen that there will
be a better way to teach than to have a wise experienced person
share what they have learned by their years of experience.
I have a pile of books on the computer, but I can learn more in a
few minutes with a person of experience than I can learn in many
hours of reading those books. Give me the person of experience for
my teacher. Paul's way is still the best, but we are deceived by the
radical changes of culture. We think that because of all the
knowledge available through modern technology we can forget the
personal communication learned by experience. This is a trick of
the devil that has become very effective. Older women no longer
teach younger women because it seems unnecessary. We are
reaping the harvest of this mistake. We need to get back to the New
Testament idea of discipleship where an older Christian gives
guidance to a younger Christian.
We need to keep in mind that many wives in biblical days did
not chose their husbands. Their marriages were arranged by their
parents, so they did not love the man they married. They needed to
learn to love them in marriage. Love then is not just a feeling. It is
a matter of choices. Love is what you do, and these younger women
were to be trained so they would do what was loving to their
husbands and children. The by-product would be the good feelings
that we call love.
Jesus chose to die even for those who gave Him very negative
feelings. His love was not a matter of emotion, but it was a matter of
the will and the choices He made. Being a loving wife and mother is
likewise a matter of choices, and these choices can be learned. You
can learn what choices to make when your husband is neglectful and
your children are disobedient. When everyone you care about is
being a pain, you can make wise or foolish choices. Learning the
wise ones is what Christian education is all about. Learning to make
loving choices is what love is all about. Love is the most practical of
all the virtues. Helen Marshall put it in poetry:
Reason faces up to life,
And sees things as they are;
Hope sees things as they ought to be,
And wishes on a star;
Faith dreams of miracles to come
That only God can do;
Love to goes to work with patient hands
To make those dreams come true.
The point is, love is not how you feel or dream, but it is what you
do. Love chooses, and love acts, and the loving choices in acts can be
learned. The trained Christian is one who can ask in any situation
in life, "What is the loving thing to do in this situation?" And then
they can make that loving choice. The untrained Christian will act
on emotion or cultural forces that often are not the loving choice. If
young mothers go by their feelings, they are going to be unloving
and abusive to their children, for children provoke a lot of negative
emotions, and so can husbands.
You will notice that Paul says in verse 5, right after the being
trained to love husbands and children, that they are to be
self-controlled. This means they are not being controlled by their
emotions or cultural values which may not be biblical. They are to
be in control so that they make the choices as to how they respond to
their husband and children. Again, the whole point of Paul in all of
this letter to Titus is that being a Christian is a matter of learning
and training. You need to learn the right choices to be a loving
Christian wife and mother. If you don't learn the right choices, you
can be a child of God with the hope of eternal life, but you will not
be a Christian in behavior, and you will not be an example of what
Christ can do in this life through a person who is submissive to His
Lordship.
Why are Christians so often un-Christlike? We are all so often
making choices based on self-centeredness and cultural
conditioning. Christians can be awful people to deal with, and as
sinful as their attitudes and actions as any lost person. It is so
because we have not learned how to make the loving choices. We
have not learned to ask, "What would Jesus do in this situation?"
And then we have not chosen to do what we know He would choose.
This is the goal of Christian education, and because we have not
pursued this goal we all short of being like Christ. A young
Christian woman cannot even love her husband and children
properly if she is not taught the choices she needs to make to be
loving.
The older women are not to be slanderers, but to teach what is
good. Wives tend to slander their husbands often, and this is always
an unloving choice. The damage this does to any relationship is
great. Typical is the wife of the movie star whose husband went off
fishing and left her alone. When someone called asking where he
could be found she said, "Just go down to the bridge and look
around until you find a pole with a worm on each end." The issue is
not whether he was a worm or not, but rather, was this a loving
choice to make or not? Maybe he was a worm to her because she
talks to him and about him in a slanderous way. A different choice
on her part could make a world of difference in their relationship.
Someone wisely said, "No man ever told a woman she talked too
much when she is telling him how wonderful he is!" This works
both ways, of course, but the evidence indicates that women are
more likely to bad mouth their husbands than husbands their wives.
Older women who are mature Christians need to help younger
women learn the power of loving words and choices that produce
strong relationships. May God help us find ways to implement
Paul's advice, for in essence he is saying that the key to happy and
healthy Christian families is in the Christian education of women.
