Every one of us have been influenced by various factors from our past, and these have shaped our lives. Most of these are from our childhood, and therefore were beyond our control. These include our place of birth, our parents, siblings, extended family, school, society, church and other environments that we were exposed to. There are other aspects of our lives that we chose later on, as grown-ups, some of which might have been beneficial to us, and some detrimental to us as well.
We are often not aware of the amount of baggage we carry with us, but this becomes evident later in life, mostly in close relationships. For instance, if we grew up in an environment where we experienced love, acceptance, patience, positivity, encouragement, fairness, security, tolerance, faith and godliness, it would be quite easy for us to relate with others the same way. On the other hand, if we grew up with negativity, separation, hurts, abuse, mistrust, criticism, hostility, ridicule, shame or trauma of any kind, relationships would then become an ordeal.
Then there are those emotional, mental, physical scars we carry from hurts that people have caused us, adverse circumstances or wrong choices that we had made in the past. While some of these things could be set right, there are many that could linger on, and if ignored or not dealt with, they would surface later in life, and often ruin other relationships, especially those that are most intimate to us.
The bible gives examples of people who failed, but also tells us how they dealt with their failures.
The way David dealt with his failures
Think about King David, the man about whom God gave this testimony as recorded in Acts 13:22, “But God removed Saul and replaced him with David, a man about whom God said, ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart. He will do everything I want him to do.’ ” (NLT)
Nonetheless, at one point in his tenure as king, we see that David really messed it up. He lusted after Bathsheba, who was Uriah’s wife, committed adultery, lied, deceived, manipulated and even had Uriah killed in battle. David thought he could continue this way, and felt no remorse whatsoever, until the Lord confronted him through the prophet Nathan.
Here is how David accepted the rebuke of God, and this is a summary of his prayer for repentance as written in Psalm 51. David begged God for mercy, sought God for a total cleansing from deep within, recognized His sinful rebellion, acknowledged that his sin was against God, accepted God’s judgement, pleaded with God to not remove His Holy Spirit from his life, and requested that the Lord restore back to him the joy of His Salvation.
Yes, David sinned and displeased God big time, but when he repented, he was totally forgiven and restored back in his relationship with God.
The Samaritan Woman
In John Chapter 4 we read about the encounter that Jesus had with a Samaritan woman. It seemed like she had secluded herself from everyone else, and was probably hiding her life of immorality. During the course of her conversation with Jesus, when she realized that Jesus knew all about her past, the fact that she had had five husbands, and was then living with one who was not her husband, she had a complete change of heart. When she realized that Jesus was indeed the Messiah who was to come, here’s what she did.
We read in John 4:28-30, “Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, ‘Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?’ They came out of the town and made their way toward him.’” (NLT)
The woman who was probably alone and in hiding, ran back into the town to tell people that the Messiah had come to their town. She did not seem to care anymore about her past, because she had found the One who would love and accept her in spite of her past. No longer was she afraid to mingle with others for she experienced a sense of release, and knew that Jesus had freed her from the shackles of her sinful past.
What happens when we do not get over our past?
There are several things that can happen when one does not get healed of the past. There is a sense of guilt that weighs heavily on them, and this hinders them from having healthy and normal relationships with others. Past experiences and hurts begin to dictate how we handle present relationships. If we have not allowed God to deal with these issues from the past, they will surface every now and then, and make our close relationships burdensome. A past that is not healed will either make some isolate themselves, while others will throw all their hurts and negativity on those closest to them.
It is therefore of utmost importance that we recognize all those areas from the past that need to be healed.
Below are some guidelines from God’s word on how to overcome them.
1. God is willing to forgive us of our past.
Here’s what the Lord said in Isaiah 1:18, “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” (ESV)
We are also assured in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (ESV)
No matter how dark and dreary our sins from the past may be, if we come to the Lord, He is willing to make us ‘white as snow.’ The blood of Jesus can cleanse us from all our sins, if we are willing to confess them to the Lord. We have a faithful God who will forgive us, and cleanse us from all our unrighteousness.
2. God will not hold our sins against us
These are the words of the Lord in Hebrews 10:17, "I will not remember their sins and evil deeds any longer." (GNB)
We also read in Psalm 103:12, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” (NKJV)
The forgiveness that the Lord offers us is unfathomable. God extends His manifold grace and mercy to those who repent, and not only does He forgive, He also does not remember our sins and evil deeds any more. You may have heard some people say, that they can forgive others but cannot forget their wrongdoings. This is totally in contrast with God’s nature; for not only does He not bring to remembrance our sins, but He also removes our transgressions far away from us.
It is Satan’s job to keep reminding us of our past and burdening us with the sense of guilt. The Lord, on the other hand, will never bring to remembrance our sins from the past, that He has forgiven. Corrie Ten Boom said this so aptly, “When God forgives, He forgets. He buries our sins in the sea and puts a sign on the shore saying, ‘No Fishing Allowed’”
3. Jesus makes all things new
Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (ESV)
There is good news for everyone who is struggling with getting over their past. The Lord Jesus came into this world to take on Himself, all of our sins, and when we believe on Him, and surrender our lives to Him, He brings about wonderful transformation. When we enter into this personal relationship with Christ, He begins to transform us from within. Jesus is able to make all the sins of the past fade away, and He makes all things new in our lives.
4. Accept God’s forgiveness and forgive others
There are those who are filled with remorse over the past and are hard on themselves, unable to accept the forgiveness that Jesus offers. Accept God’s forgiveness and remember that God is gracious to the repentant sinner. Another important aspect is to extend this forgiveness to anyone who has been the cause for the hurts of the past.
Paul says it this way in Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...” (ESV)
We also read in Matthew 6:14, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (NIV)
Often, we do not receive forgiveness from the Lord, because we are holding on to grudges and are unwilling to forgive those who have wronged us. Someone said it this way, “Offering forgiveness does not always heal the relationship, but offering forgiveness always enables God to heal your heart.”
5. Forget the past and press on toward the goal
We read in Philippians 3:13-14, “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (ESV)
Here’s the best way to move forward. With total dependence on God, we must forget all that lies behind us and press on towards the goal that Christ has set before us. We must be reminded that God’s call for us is an upward call, and also, that there is a reward that we will receive after we run this race of life well, as God wants us to.
Let me conclude with these comforting words of the Lord in Jeremiah 30:17, “For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the LORD,” (ESV) Be encouraged to know that when God heals and restores you, He brings you out better than you were before, and you will find that relationships will become beautiful.
