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24When she had weaned him, she took him up with her, along with a three-year-old bull,* an ephah of flour, and a skin of wine. She brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh; and the child was young. 25Then they slaughtered the bull, and they brought the child to Eli. 26And she said, ‘Sir! As you live, Sir, I am the woman who was standing here in your presence, praying to the Lord. 27For this child I prayed; and the Lord has granted me the petition that I made to him. 28Therefore I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives, he is given to the Lord.’
There she is little child in hand. It’s the ancient middle east. Perhaps he is four or five or six. “You are big boy now. You don’t need mummy’s milk any more, and now Samuel you have got to be brave.”
(1 sam 1:24-28)
Tears in her eyes she waves goodbye to little Sammy as she leaves him at the shrine.
The last few years have been such a joy. He is a miracle child. She was infertile. While that other woman her husband slept with dropped baby after baby she could not conceive. He told her he loved her more. But she couldn’t conceive
Then the miracle. The answer to prayer
Motherhood.
And now she must trust God and wave goodbye to little sammy.
She’ll only see him for visits
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Summer 1939 Jewish Parents in Germany are telling their children “you are big children now” as they put them on the train for the Kindertransport
“Mum and dad hugged and kissed me,” writes Anne “then whispered that I should look out the window at the next station, but one. There were my parents, on the platform, waving to me as if their hands would drop off. That was the very last time I ever saw them.” (1)
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March 2021
Barbara is interviewed in the Express -
“It’s absolutely fantastic. I would love to give her a huge hug but I can’t and we can’t sit too close either, but to hold her hand is fantastic – I think I’ve been squeezing a bit too hard.” (2)
For the first time in 12 months barbara has been allowed to hold the hand of her elderly mum Joan in the care home she is in. A year ago without warning - lockdown. Carehomes were sealed. they were cut off from their 87 year old mum. No proper goodbyes. She was alone and afraid in the home struggling from Dementia. Like Hannah, they felt so helpless, handing their loved one over to someone else’s care. Like Hannah, trying to hide the tears in her eyes. Occasionally they were allowed to wave through the window at Joan. Joan didn’t understand. The Dementia was cruel. The Pandemic was crueler. Would they have lost their last twelves months with? Would that be it.?
For many sadly it was. For Barabara, thank God, not
March 8th the doors of the home open. As the one designated family member she is allowed in, masked up, but she can hold Joan’s hand
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Another family. Another time, before lockdown, before Covid
Their mother is lying there dying
I have been called by the family to the hospital bed. Three times in the last few days. They are crowded into the little hospital room - the room with no other patients, that bittersweet family privacy awarded to you when they know you have not got long to go. The daughter,the son, three grown upgrandaughters - they sit there. Silence. They don’t know what to say. “hearing is the last sense to go.” I encourage them to share stories “Do you remember when” says one. They talk about her cooking. “If you stopped by the house even for five minutes there would be a plate thrust into your hand piled with cakes” one explained to me. You could’t come into her sitting room without her wanting to feed you up. I became a useful stooge as they talked about her. Her Eccentricities. Childhood holidays. Christmases. “mum always used to”. They love their mum so much. I encourage them to speak to her not just about her.
I pray with her, “I lift up my eyes to the lord - from whence does my help come” - the oil anointed onto her forehead in the sign of the cross.
It is beautiful. Hand held. Sometimes she becomes conscious and says a word or two. They will never forget this. Painful but joyful - these precious last few days with their beautiful mum
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3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, 4who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.
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Jean (not her real name) is pregnant. She is so excited. She has been longing for a baby for so long. The indignities of IVF. She is so excited - but she is also nervous. She lost her last baby really late. But now she is pregant again… until she isn’t.
Until the horrible day when the bleeding starts.
She doesn’t know what to say.
I can’t describe her emotions, None of us who haven’t been through it can.
She IS a mother, And yet she has no child.
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Terri hated her mother. She can’t say it. Especially not on Mothering Sunday as the posies of daffodils are handed out. And then at the compulsory lunch at the parental home. Obligation. She looks around the church at the happy faces. Mothers and children so happy to be with them. She is glad for their happiness. Terri imagines that happiness Hannah in the bible reading must have had, holding her little baby Samuel in her arms. She hopes it will be like that when her own child is born. One of Terri’s earliest memories - she’s a toddler. She doesn’t remember what she had done “I wish you had never been born - you have ruined my life” her mum screamed at her. All through her life it has been like this, and all through her life Terri has had to put on a brave face. You are meant to love your mum. Even if the congregation don’t understand she takes comfort in the bible reading - “the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us” - perhaps he God will be the Mother she never felt she had. But certainly she is going to do it differently when her baby is born
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Another family
Sarah loved being a mum. It gave her purpose. It gave her meaning. But more than that it gave her her gorgeous little boy. But now he is little no longer. She walks past the empty room. Callum is at University. She is so proud of him. He is the first one in their family ever to go. She is so proud. But the room is so empty. She wonders how Hannah thought as she walked past Samuel’s empty bedroom…..
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Another family
This very week
Christian is excited. Its his first week back at proper school since lockdown. He is 7 years old and he loves seeing his friends again. He has learning difficulties and he has really struggled with online schooling. It is so good to be with his friends again.
On Thursday his teacher tells the class they are making mothers day cards.
Christian is confused.
He knows he is special because his two dads chose him.When he was sitting in the children’s home and nobody wanted him because of his learning difficulties, his two dads came and adopted him.
But now he feels abnormal because everyone is making a mummies day card.
Both his daddys love him but no mummy wanted him.
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3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, 4who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.
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I first met Jess Whip around the time she turned 80. She ran the parish office with a rod of iron when i first turned up at Holy Trinity. She was dedicated, committed, gave all she had. She was also angry. Angry with God. Ten years earlier when he was just fifty - her only son had died. She found Mothering Sunday really really hard. She would talk to me about it. She asked me lots of questions. She was always faithful. But the pain. “A son shouldn’t die before his mother - its not the way it is meant to be”. She would say this often - even on her death bed 8-9 years later she would say the same thing. asked me lots of questions. She was always faithful. But the pain. “A son shouldn’t die before his mother - its not the way it is meant to be”. Her words could echo those of Mary.
Our Lady’s eyes cannot see through the tears. There on the cross is her son. Her amazing grownup son Jesus who everyone looked up to, her little boy with the cute smile who played on her lap - there he is on the cross. John holds her as she tries to be strong for him. Three days later joy will burst back into her life, but she knows none of that...
Meanwhile, standing near the cross of Jesus were his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing beside her, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, here is your son.’ 27Then he said to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home. (John 19:25-27)
And from the sky a heavenly Father looks down on his beloved children in every century, seeing their pain, longing to gather them in his arms and tell them that one day it will all be alright
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, 4who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ are abundant for us, so also our consolation is abundant through Christ”
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(1) https://jewishnews.timesofisrael.com/kindertransport-child-80-years-on-we-said-goodbye-i-never-saw-them-again/
(2) https://www.expressandstar.com/news/health/2021/03/09/
