We are coming to the close of our series on cultivating spiritual disciplines. We’ve got two more disciplines to talk about, and next week I will wrap up with what this all means in terms of a life of holiness. So let me just remind you where we’ve been. We are looking at eight habits we can develop in our life that will help us abide in Christ and bear fruit for Him (John 15). Four of those habits are things we engage in, things we say yes to, that help us remain close to Jesus. We’ve been calling those Habits of Abiding, and they are Bible reading, prayer, community, and accountability. You may remember that two of those are related to Loving God (Scripture and Prayer), and two are related to Loving Neighbor (Community and Accountability).
There are also four habits that involve us actively resisting or saying no to some things so that we can bear even more fruit. We call those Habits of Pruning, because John 15 tells us that “every branch in [Jesus] that does bear fruit is pruned by our Heavenly Father so that it can bear even more fruit. So God will lead us to resist some things, say no to some things—limit certain things in our lives so that we can be even more fruitful.
We talked about Sabbath—saying no to a day of work so we can learn to rest in God and His provision for us. Last week we talked about Fasting—saying no to food for a certain period of time so we can learn to crave God and feast on his will for our lives.
Just like with the habits of abiding, the first two habits deal with loving God. But the next two habits deal with loving neighbor.
How many of you have read the Harry Potter books, or seen the movies? Well, this may be a spoiler alert if you haven’t read them, but you’ve had, like, fifteen years since the last one came out, so I feel ok with telling you the ending.
Here’s the story: Voldemort is the evil wizard, and he’s obsessed with achieving immortality. And he’s found this ancient spell that allows him to split his soul into pieces and hide the pieces in various inanimate objects, which he then scatters throughout the world. Then, if anything happened to him, then one of his followers could just pull his soul out of any of those objects and bring him back to life. These objects are called horcruxes, and the entire last book of the series is about Harry, Ron, and Hermione trying to destroy these horcruxes so they can kill Voldemort. Because they realize that when someone divides their soul, it makes them vulnerable. Every time Voldemort created a horcrux, and put a portion of his soul into a nonliving thing, he became less able to show love or compassion or empathy for the people around him. In the end, he was barely recognizable as a human being.
Human beings were never meant to split their souls.
Why am I bringing this up? Because whether we want to admit it, we are really, really good at making horcruxes. Remember: a horcrux is an inanimate object into which we put a portion of our soul. And every time we split our soul, we are less “there” for the people around us.
You’re going, “That’s ridiculous. I’m not some evil dark wizard. I would never put part of my soul into an inanimate object.”
Really? Let me show you a few potential horcruxes: [show phone. Show TV remote. Show game controller]
If you don’t believe your son or daughter or husband or wife has put part of their soul into one of these, ask yourself what would happen if you took them away. And if you wonder if I’m exaggerating when I say that every time you pour your soul into one of these it diminishes your ability to engage with the flesh and blood people around you, go to a restaurant or a mall and just people watch for a little while. You’ll see whole families that are physically together at a table, but all of them are glued to their phones.
If we’re going to get our souls back, we need to develop some new habits. So today, I want to talk about cultivating the Habit of Withness. I know. You’re going, “withness? Is that even a word?” Actually, it is. Here’s how Webster’s defines “withness:” Withness is “the state or fact of being close to or connected with someone or something: close association or proximity”
Put another way, withness is the discipline of focusing your attention so that the person who is in front of you in that moment believes that he or she is the most important person in the world to you.
As with everything we talk about on Sunday morning, we go to Scripture. So where do we see “withness” in Scripture? I want you to turn to Exodus 3. The first person God says “I will be with you” to is Isaac, in Genesis 26:3. Jacob gets the same promise in Genesis 31:3. And then we get it again with Moses, about 500 years later.
God speaks to Moses from a burning bush to tell him that He has chosen Moses to lead Israel out of Egypt an into the promised land. And as you might imagine, Moses has some questions. In verse 11, Moses says, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” Look at God’s response:
He said, “But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”
The answer to the question, “Who am I” is “You are the person God has promised to be with.” “withness” defines our relationship with the Father. We are who we are because God is with us. We see it again after the golden calf episode. After the people fall to idolatry, God tells Moses in 33:3, “go on up to a land flowing with milk and honey, but I won’t go with you, because I might destroy you on the way.” But Moses won’t have it. A few verses later, he tells God, Look, if you don’t go with us, we don’t want to go! (verse 15). And underline verse 16: Moses says,
16 For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?”
God’s “withness” was what made the Israelites distinct from ever other people on the planet. This is huge! We aren’t God’s people because we’ve chosen to be with him. God’s people are God’s people because He has chosen to be with us!
And he is always with us. In the Psalms, David wrote,
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
Psalm 139:7-10
Don’t you love that? I love it because God’s character makes God’s presence a comfort. Imagine if God’s character was different. What if He was abusive instead of caring? What if He was angry instead of kind? If that were the case, God’s constant presence would be unbearable. What if he were emotionally needy, like Will Farrell in Elf?—I just want to be with you all the time! “Where shall I flee from your presence” would take on a whole new meaning.
But God isn’t with us because He needs anything from us. He’s with us because we need everything from Him. In Isaiah 57, He promises that he will dwell, not just in the
“I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. (Isaiah 57:15)
“Withness” defines our relationship with the Father. He is the master of withness. He is fully present, never distracted, never preoccupied. He never gets tired of us. He never loses His focus. When you are talking to God, you have His full, undivided attention. When you are bowed before Him in prayer, the immortal, invisible, only wise God treats you in that moment as though you are the most important person in the world.
Withness defined the ministry of the Son. Do you remember how the angel announced the birth of Jesus to Joseph? In Matthew 1:23, we read that one of Jesus’ names is Immanuel, which means “God with us.” The entire point of the incarnation was that the divine, eternal son of God would empty himself of everything about His deity that would separate Himself from us, make himself nothing, and take on a servant’s nature (Philippians 2). He would be found in appearance as a man, and would come to earth. He would be born in a manger, not a palace. He would surround Himself with fishermen, day laborers, and women, not priests and Caesars.
It was really interesting this week—I put out on Facebook that I was working on a sermon about what it meant to be fully present with someone and not distracted by anything or anyone else, almost all the comments I got back were stories from the gospels. Several people mentioned the story of Jesus and the woman with the issue of blood in Mark 5. Jesus stopped on the way to heal a synagogue official’ss daughter in order to heal this anonymous woman who reached out to him in the crowd.
Others talked about the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4. I love how my friend Michael Nunnelley put it:
She would have been so easy to pass over, she offered him nothing in terms of stature or resources, she is broken and not even a Jew. He offered her living water, and took who knows how much time to explain it. It's important to view it in the context of his short ministry. His time here was precious and limited. He has disciples to train, he feeds 5000 and 4000 who came to see him, but here he feeds one who didn't.
Others talked about Jesus with the two disciples on the road to Emmaus. I love that in Luke 24, two disciples are walking from Jerusalem to Emmaus. This was after Jesus was raised from the dead, but these two guys were in the middle of a conversation about Jesus’ crucifixion, when Jesus Himself comes up and starts walking with them. And He’s like, “Hey guys. Whatcha talking about?” And they’re like, “What rock have you been under for the last three days?”
And even though Jesus knows the story (For crying out loud—He IS the story!), He still walks with them. He listens. He explains. He reveals Himself to them. He helps them process their confusion.
Did you ever notice that the last thing Jesus said to His disciples was that He would be with them? Many of us are really familiar with the Great Commission. We know the part about “Go therefore and make disciples.” But sometimes we overlook the second half—“Surely I am with you, to the end of the age.” Matthew begins by calling Jesus Immanuel, God With Us, and it ends with the promise from Jesus that He will be with us always!
And the withness went both ways. Mark 3:14 says that the first part of the disciple’s job description was that they would be with Jesus. More important than preaching or casting out demons or healing the sick, the first thing they learned was how to be with Jesus.
And that brings us to our last point: Withness defines our relationship with the Father. It defines the ministry of the Son. And number three, withness defines the duty of the disciple.
When I put my Facebook poll out there, Debbie Johnson was the one that put Luke 7:36-50 out there for consideration. She didn’t give any comment, she just said, “Luke 7:36-50.” So I’d like you to turn there.
This is the story of when Jesus was eating dinner at the home of a Pharisee named Simon, and a woman who had led a sinful life came in and anointed Jesus feet with perfume and her own tears, and then wiped them with her hair.
And when I first read the story, I thought, “Good one, Debbie. This is another story of how Jesus was “with” someone who is marginalized and an outcast.
But I love that when Debbie responded, she just put the reference, without any commentary or explanation. And that led me to look more carefully at the story. And I realized that the story isn’t really about Jesus being with the woman.
It’s about a sinful woman being with Jesus. Look carefully.
37 And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, 38 and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.” 40 And Jesus answering said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he answered, “Say it, Teacher.”
Side note: When Jesus is around, you can’t really say anything to yourself. I love that this prideful, self-righteous Pharisee thought something snarky and judgmental, and he thought he was keeping it to himself, and Jesus answers him! Jesus tells him a story about two men that owed a moneylender money, and when the lender forgave the debt, which one would love the moneylender more? And Simon says, “I suppose the one who had the greater debt forgiven.” And Jesus says, “Bingo.” (that’s in the Greek). But skip down to verse 44:
44 Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. 46 You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. 47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”
Remember our definition of withness? Withness is when you focus your attention so that the person in front of you at that moment believes that He or she is the most important person in the world to you. So between Simon the Pharisee and this sinful woman, which one was better at “withness?” It was the sinful woman.
Now, you might be thinking, “Well, duh. Of course that’s how we treat Jesus. Jesus really is the most important person in the world to me. But you can’t really expect me to treat other people like that, do you?
Two things: first off, is that really how you treat Jesus? Do you really give Him your full and undivided attention? Do you honor Him with your focus? Or do you find yourself distracted by everything else going on in your world. You know, there are days when I wonder if having the Bible on my phone is a good thing or a bad thing. I love having instant access to the Word in every translation and language known to man. I love all the Bible reading plans and my memory verse app and my prayer app.
But I don’t love that on the same device is my email, and my text messages, and facebook, and CNN, and Fox News and YouTube and Instagram and, well, all the rest of planet earth. And all of them want my attention. All of them interrupt me with notifications and beeps and vibrations and banners. And the devil knows me well enough to know that if he can get my attention, even if it’s just for a few seconds, there’s a really good chance he’ll have me for the rest of the day.
And I’m not just talking about with porn and ungodly temptations. It can be a silly argument on Facebook. For crying out loud, it can be cat videos! And the whole time I can imagine Jesus saying, “Hey, weren’t we in the middle of a conversation?”
I think if we are being honest with ourselves, we might have to admit that Jesus doesn’t really get the best of our focused attention.
Second: if this is how God treats us, why should we not treat one another the same way? If we can’t develop the practice of giving flesh and blood family members and friends our full and focused attention, then we are going to have a hard time developing that practice with Jesus. 1 John 4:20 says that he who does not love his brother [or sister, or son, or daughter, or wife, or husband] whom he has seen cannot love God, whom he has not seen.
So how do we cultivate withness? What are some disciplines we can develop. Here are your baby steps for the week.
1. Own your devices, not the other way around. Jesus said in Matthew 6 that no one can serve two masters. He was talking about God and money, but he could just have easily been talking about God and Siri. So learn how to own your phone.
• Try turning it off for the first hour that you get home at the end of the day. Not just putting it in the other room. I mean totally turning it off.
• Turn off all notifications for a week. After a week, turn the ones back on that you realize you really need.
• Ban all electronic devices from the dinner table. When you are at a restaurant, keep your phone in your pocket. Don’t put it on the table.
2. Honor the image of God in others. You are never going to meet anyone for whom Jesus did not give His life. And if they are Christ followers, every single one of them has the Holy Spirit dwelling in them. So treat them that way. Listen: the person that is sitting across from you deserves to feel like they are more important than whatever is on your phone. Go back to the woman who anointed Jesus feet, and compare that to the parable of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25. The punchline of that story is that when we tend to the hungry, the sick, the lonely, the oppressed, Jesus says, “Inasmuch as you’ve done it for the least of my brothers, you’ve done it to me.”
3. Share yourself. People know that they are valued by you when you are willing to be open and vulnerable with them. Paul told the church in Thessaloniki that,
We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. (1 Thess. 2:8)
So here’s how this fits with treating other people like they are the most important people in your life. I know there are times when you have to take a call. With my mom being sick, I’m not really in a season where I can turn off my phone or my text notifications as easily. So if you have to take a call, explain why. Apologize when you do. And get up from the table. You are actually honoring the person across from you more if you walk away than you would be if you were trying to divide your attention between them and whoever is on the phone.
We were never meant to split our souls. Let’s identify the Horcruxes in our lives that are robbing us of the ability to be fully with the people we are with. Let’s pray.
[INVITATION]
