THE BEST GIFTS ON VALENTINE’S DAY
Eph. 5:25-28,33
INTRODUCTION
A. HUMOR
It's interesting to find out what kids think about marriage. When asked, "How do you decide WHO to marry,"
1. Kristin, age 10, answered; "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all, way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with!"
2. Alan, age 10; "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like sports, and she should keep the chips and wings coming."
3. "When asked to give the right age to get married, six-year-old Freddy said, "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."
4. When asked if it's better to be single or married, Anita, age 9 said, "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them."
5. When asked how to make a marriage work, Ricky, 10 years old, said, "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck."
B. THESIS
1. Today is Valentine’s Day! February is called “the month of love” and today is the day of the year most associated with romance! Wow! Today is our second in the Burly Series and this message emphasizes that God wants us to be strong in our marriages!
2. On Valentine’s Day lovers usually buy gifts for their paramour. Many stores set up outdoor tents to make flowers (the favorite purchase) easily accessible. Other preferred gifts are Valentine’s cards, jewelry, candy, scented gifts (perfume, candles), coffee cups, gift cards, massages, etc.
3. 38 years ago today I gave Angela an engagement ring and she cooked me a heart-shaped meatloaf! Ah, love.
4. But as good as all those gifts are, God has four gifts He wants you to give your loved one this Valentine’s Day.
I. REKINDLE YOUR PASSION
A. THE FEELING’S GONE
1. “Dear Abby: “Do all marriages go stale after 25 years? Ours has. My husband and I don’t talk much any more. We used to talk about our kids, but now they’re grown and out of the house. I have no major complaints with my husband but the old excitement is gone. We watch a lot of television. We read books. We have friends. But when we’re alone it’s pretty dull. We even sleep in separate bedrooms now. Is there way to recapture the old magic? Signed, The Song Has Ended.”
2. That’s sad. It makes me think of that old Righteous Brother’s song, “You’ve lost that loving feeling. Woah, that loving feeling. You’ve lost that loving feeling. Now it’s gone, gone, gone. Wo-Wo-ah.” In fact, Reader’s Digest reports that the number one question that people ask marriage counselors is “What happened to these feelings? Why don’t we love each other the way we used to? Why did this happen to us?”
3. What do you do when your marriage loses its spark? Is it something inevitable that can’t be helped? Or is there a way to light that fire again?
4. Part of it is that marital satisfaction varies over the life of the marriage, hitting a low spot when the kids are teenagers. After the kids move out it can climb higher than earlier.
[see the following graph of marital satisfaction:
https://www.chegg.com/homework-help/questions-and-answers/look-graph-marital-satisfaction-across-lifespan-understand-people-saw-graph-children-think-q39400542]
B. FIRST TIME IN YEARS
1. Do you remember how much attention you used to give your spouse before you were married? The hours you spent talking? The notes you wrote? The Friday night dates? The way you used to go out of your way to make her happy? You need to start doing that stuff again!
2. ILLUS. A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof and picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife were sleeping. By some miracle, the tornado set them down, unharmed, the next county over.
3. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don’t be scared, Martha," her husband consoled, "We’re not hurt." Martha continued to cry. "I’m not scared," she said between sobs. "I’m happy... this is the first time we’ve been out together in 14 years."
C. THE LORD’S SOLUTION
1. In revelation 2:4 Jesus tells the Bride of Christ (the church at Ephesus) that she has fallen out of love with Him. Like a grieving husband, Jesus asks, “Why don’t you love Me like you used to do?”
2. He says something like, “I know you’re faithful; I know you haven’t wandered. I know how you’ve worked. You’re still holding up your end of the deal, but you’re just going through the motions. The spark is gone from your eye and the excitement has left your voice. I miss the old days!” The Jesus gives the remedy: “Remember, Repent, Repeat.”
a. “REMEMBER” (vs. 5) – remember what it used to be like. Remember how sweet it used to be. Do you remember dating your spouse? Do you remember the sweet things you did and said to show your love to them?
b. “REPENT” (vs. 5) – “change your mind, your direction, to realign the priorities of your life. Instead of having an adversarial relationship, decide to make it a loving relationship!
c. REPEAT (vs. 5) – Date your spouse again. The same traits that caused you to love them the first time can be rekindled. Fall in love again.
3. PRAY & ASK GOD TO HELP YOU! God answers prayer, esp. prayers in His will. A woman’s hair braid appears to only have two strands, but that’s impossible. A braid requires three strands! The extra strand keeps the other two woven together. That’s what God does for us in marriage!
II. 2NDLY, BUILD UP YOUR SPOUSE
A. KEY SCRIPTURE
1. Eph. 5:25-28,33, “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
2. I don’t think wives would have trouble respecting their husbands if the husbands loved their wives like Christ loved the church and sacrificed himself for it. Amen?
B. ARE YOU “ME-CENTERED” OR “SPOUSE-CENTERED”?
1. There’s 2 main Greek words for love:
a. Phileo - self-centered, conditional love, based on feelings.
b. Agape - Unselfish, unconditional love, based on commitment to the other person’s good. Which do you have?
2. Marriage is "An Unconditional Commitment to an Imperfect Person." The goal of our marriage should be to maximize our spouse’s transformation into the image of Jesus.
3. Leighton Ford said, “It’s said that marriage is a 50-50 proposition. Don’t you believe it. A good marriage includes giving in and adjusting to each other. But at heart marriage isn’t a 50-50 deal, it’s 100 percent both ways! How much did Christ love us? 50%? 75% No! He gave Himself 100% for our salvation. So must we to our spouses!”
III. THIRD, COMMUNICATION
A. COMMUNICATION: THE LIFE BLOOD OF MARRIAGE
1. The Lack of communication is the #1 problem in marriages. 2/3 of divorces were attributed to communication breakdown. Most couples both work, have parenting problems, house chores, community involvement, etc. And men aren’t usually very good at expressing their thoughts.
2. HUMOR. One Vermont farmer was sitting on the porch with
his wife. He was beginning to realize how much she meant to him. It was about time – they’d been married 42 years, and she’d been such a help, a hard worker, and so loving. He said, “Honey, you’ve been such a wonderful woman, that there are times I can hardly keep from telling you!”
3. With communication, any problem can be solved. Without it, every molehill becomes an unscalable mountain.
4. One woman said, "Sometimes I feel like I live on one island and he lives on another island, and neither of us can swim."
5. Many couples who, when dating, could talk for hours on the porch, the phone, or the car, find after 20 years of marriage that they no longer have anything to say to each other.
6. MEN, we have a responsibility, according to Deut. 24:5, to “...stay at home and bring happiness to the wife which you have married.” We need to open our hearts to share our feelings with our wives. Take walks; go out to breakfast; riding bikes -- "break the monotony."
B. DON’T LET DISAGREEMENT BE DESTRUCTIVE
1. Don’t follow the world’s pattern of giving your spouse the silent treatment, bitter criticism, hurling insults, or assuming you already know what they're going to say.
2. In a fruitful argument, each partner explains why he or she is upset while the other one listens -- with respect. Long-term happy couples tend to argue calmly. Loss of control -- yelling, sobbing, etc. -- seldom resolves problems.
3. Couples whose relationship survives have learned to keep the lid on arguments. They work to de-escalate anger.
4. HUMOR. Often in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
5. Guys, try praising your wife once in a while, even if it scares her at first. You should say 5 positive things for every negative thing you say.
IV. FOURTH, BE A GENEROUS FORGIVER
A. SURVEY RESULTS
1. In a survey of 65 couples married 50 years or more, Ralph Harris asked them to relate a fault of their spouse which aggravated them. 25% left it blank and 22% said, “None.” One wrote, “Love covers a multitude of sins.” So 48% had learned to overlook their spouse’s faults. A good marriage requires two
good forgivers.
2. WE NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE PROBLEMS. Some couples will act like nothing ever happened after a big blow-up. They’ll come in happy & talkative, like nothing ever happened. The subtle clue is, “Don’t bring it up!” Or they try to make up for it by with a gift or doing something special, but won’t apologize!”
B. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FORGIVE?
1. Letting go of anger; attempting not to repeat the offense; offering acceptance. Someone has to do the Christian thing; let it start with you. Humble yourself. If you lose, you win.
2. ILLUS. One little girl said to her mother, “What do people say when they get married, Mother?” “They promise to love and be kind to each other.” The child said, naively, “You’re not always married, are you, mother?”
CONCLUSION
A. ILLUSTRATION
1. Suleyman Guresci, of Izmar, Turkey, divorced his wife of 21 years after a bitter six-year court battle.
2. In an effort to find the ideal woman, Guresci turned to a computer dating service. Ironically, from a list of 2,000 prospective brides, the computer selected his former wife as the best choice for him.
3. He responded to this information by deciding to remarry his wife just nine months after their divorce.
4. He said, "I didn't know that my ex-wife had been the ideal counterpart for a marriage. I decided to give it another try by being more tolerant toward her."
5. The ideal mate might just be the one you're already married to!
B. THE CALL
1. Let’s make a new commitment to our spouses today to rekindle our passion, to build them up, to communicate, and to forgive.
2. How many of you are willing to do this? Let’s all stand and ask for God’s help to do it. Would all couples hold hands as we pray this? PRAYER.
