“God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
“And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” [1]
Apparently, the music world works overtime to justify dishonourable acts. Elvis sang the words that Ben Wiseman wrote asserting, “It feels so right, so right. How can it be wrong?” Jeannie C. Riley warbled, “How Can Anything So Right Be So Wrong?” Ray, Goodman & Brown asked, “How Can Love So Right Be So Wrong?” Carly Rae Jepsen boldly asserted, “Wrong Feels So Right.” Long before any of these crooners asked their questions, Mr. Honky-Tonk, Earl Green, wondered, “How Can Anything So Right Be So Wrong?”
We often seem to forget that song writers simply mirror the attitudes of the world. During the course of my service among the churches, numerous people have approached me, asking me to officiate a wedding when I could not accommodate them. Young women, especially, seem to marshal their arguments for why they should marry a particular individual. And almost inevitably, the argument these young women present is that they will change him! That man may be a cad, a scoundrel, a womanizer, as unreliable as a man can be—but these young women “just know” they can change him! He wants nothing to do with God, nothing to do with the church, all he cares about is getting married. But she “knows” she can change him!
I have a rule which is inviolate—I will not marry a couple that are not members of the congregation I pastor. If they are members of a sister congregation, I will participate if their pastor invites me. I do this as a courtesy to a sister congregation and as a courtesy to a brother pastor. If they are members of another congregation, then it is proper that their pastor should officiate at their wedding. During the time I pastored in Jasper, it was not unusual that a couple might get off the train, walk to our church, and request that I marry them. I turned away multiple couples who were not interested in a celebration of marriage. Their sole concern was a wedding.
If a couple are not followers of the Christ, then I will not participate in their wedding. How can a couple who does not worship the Risen Christ take vows before a God whom they refuse to worship and honour? Such vows are meaningless at best; at worst, such “vows” are cynical and manipulative. Let those who do not believe seek out fellow earth dwellers to perform the rituals they deem to be so important, but they must not imagine they can make a mockery of the Living God by pretending to worship Him when they deny Him with their lives.
If one who follows Christ as Master is determined that she or he will marry an unbeliever regardless of Scripture, I question how they can make holy vows when one member of the proposed union refuses to worship the Lord. Scripture precludes such a union when the Word warns, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God” [2 CORINTHIANS 6:14-16a].
Numerous young women have sought to convince me that I’m wrong in my stance. Their argument almost inevitably culminates in the singular thought, “I can change him!” On multiple occasions, my response to that plaintive argument has effectively been, “Ain’t gonna’ happen.” If a man doesn’t want to change, he won’t change his refusal to believe—not even for love.
The tragedy is that we have now raised several generations of people who operate on the basis of feelings rather than acting on the basis of reason. An “Oprahfied” world has generally concluded that each person creates his or her own reality regardless of truth. Thus, young women are incapable of seeing beyond the immediate. They are willing to gamble that the future will not be what reality dictates it must be. They have convinced themselves that their “love” will transform the man they are determined to marry. And young men are utterly focused on gratifying their immediate desire without thought of consequences. The even greater tragedy is that parents refuse to risk intervening in order to introduce a measure of sanity, and the churches have long ago surrendered responsibility for insisting on holding parishioners accountable to the Faith. Pastors dare not call for righteousness, so they willingly suffer spiritual lockjaw.
Marriage, in the Christian understanding, is divinely instituted. Though the world focuses on the physical aspects of sex, we who follow the Saviour understand that marriage reflects the image of Christ and His people. Paul writes of this when he instructs us in the Ephesian Encyclical. Paul has written, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” [EPHESIANS 5:22-32].
We are taught that God has created marriage for pleasure and, not so incidentally, He also provided marriage for procreation. We also understand that God has created us so that we may witness His love for His people and the way in which His people are to respond to Him through witnessing the marriage relationship. Marriage should be a harbinger of Heaven, a picture of the love the Lord God has for His people and the love His people reveal for Him. Husbands are to love their wives, sacrificing themselves for their wives just as Christ has sacrificed Himself for His Bride. Similarly, wives are to respect their husbands, encouraging them and enabling them to become the protector and provider they were created to be. It is together that we reveal the fullness of Christ and His church through the manner in which we live in the married state.
In Scripture, we are told, “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
‘This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.’
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” [GENESIS 2:18-24].
Looking at what is written in the Word, it becomes evident that marriage has some requirements if it is to reflect the divine expectation. Thus, failure to honour the expectation of God, who gave us marriage, dishonours Him and ensures that we cannot reflect His will. Marriage reflects a divine pattern, and any deviation from the pattern distorts our perception of God who created us. Finally, marriage reveals the divine plan for people. Failure to hold marriage as given by God means that we obscure God’s plan for mankind.
MARRIAGE REQUIRES DIVINE PURPOSE — “God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth’” [GENESIS 1:26]. The union of one man and one woman in a covenantal relationship for life is not an accident of culture—it is by divine design that marriage is the lifelong union of one man and one woman who covenant together to complement one another. The union of one man and one woman in lifelong commitment is not a mere social construct that can be jettisoned without severe consequences for the whole of society.
The marriage ideal, the ideal of a covenantal union restricted to one man united to one woman is well-nigh universal in human experience. The concept of living together without benefit of commitment in the marriage relationship is the exception and not the rule. The idea of multiple sexual partners despite professed commitment to one person is an aberration in human experience. The dissolution of the marriage relationship for even trivial reasons is an aberration of our contemporary age. The historic standard is one man and one woman in lifelong union.
Let’s admit that our culture is broken—it reveals the paucity of what is when compared to what should be. We depreciate marriage because we have convinced ourselves that gratification of our sexual desires is the summum bonum of life. If we bother to get married, we believe it will last so long as we can get what we want out of the union. We can quit the marriage relationship anytime we want. Surely, there is a higher purpose for marriage than mere gratification of our urgent desires! Surely, men are more than a walking bundle of sexual urges! Surely, women are more than mere pieces of meat meant to be used as some man decides for his own gratification! Surely, the marriage union is more than a momentary convenience!
In the text, I note a significant truth that seems often to be neglected in this day. Mankind, created in God’s image, is meant to have dominion over all the earth. Of course, when I speak of “mankind,” I’m not excluding the distaff side of humanity, as some thoughtlessly imagine. When I use the term “mankind,” I am speaking of the two sexes—men and women. I am not using the confused lexicon of modern people who have rejected science, concluding against biological reality that men can have periods. When I speak of “mankind,” I am speaking of individuals who are male and female as the Creator made them. The marriage union is uniquely involved in mankind’s exercise of oversight in the creation. How is this possible? Is there to be a king and a queen over each portion of the earth? Let’s tease this fact apart to see if there is something of value to us in our own marriage relationships.
Any study of the concept of marriage must begin with acknowledgement that man and woman are the apex of God’s creative work. We are not merely animals of a more intricate sort. Those pitiful souls who attempt to reduce man to just another animal that has evolved in the world are at odds with the Scriptures. In fact, people are appointed to serve as overseers of all sentient life. And that appointment means as well that we are to serve as guardians of the entire creation. We are not eco-terrorists—we are eco-guardians. The creation was given to mankind for His benefit. In the broader sense, it is in the context of the stability introduced through the marriage union that we are enabled to exercise the divinely appointed oversight. Though many people appear prepared to jettison the ideal of marriage, God’s Word makes it obvious that it is the generalised acceptance of marriage that permits cultural advance and stability within society.
I understand that a young man likely believes he is sincere when professing undying love for the young woman who permits him to sleep with her. I also understand that his commitment will last about as long as it takes to have the first serious disagreement with the lady who has yielded to his urgent pleas. Angry, because she does not agree with him, he’ll teach her a lesson by accepting the flirtatious affections of some “sweet thang.” Without the open commitment before God reinforced by the society in which they live, that young man’s commitment means little. And that young woman wants to believe that his statements of everlasting love mean something. However, neither have much basis for commitment if they are unwilling to openly commit to one another in the eyes of the society in which they live. Those pledges made openly before those among whom we live have an impact in maintaining our commitments.
This raises the question of why we should encourage marriage? We read of the first marriage in the first book of the Bible. In that first chapter of Genesis, we read, “God blessed [the man and the woman]. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’ And God said, ‘Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.’ And it was so” [GENESIS 1:28-30].
God gave marriage for our pleasure, to be certain; but we seem often to forget that according to the Word of God, marriage was given to mankind for procreation, for partnership, and for proclamation. In our modern culture, we emphasise the pleasure that accompanies marriage, though we appear to ignore the divine instruction that marriage is for procreation. And because we are willingly ignorant of God, having excluded Him from our lives, it should not be surprising that we know nothing of the need for proclamation in our marriages. Allow me a brief moment to address each of these purposes for marriage as designed by the Creator.
In the verses I just read, we witness God speaking of children as the expected outcome of marriage. The man and the woman were divinely charged to “be fruitful and multiply … [filling] the earth [in order to] subdue it, and [having] dominion over” the whole creation. The point of this recitation is the reminder that procreation, the birth of children, is a major purpose of marriage. Perhaps it would be fair to say this is the primary purpose of marriage! It is a source of grief when a couple is childless because of biological complications. It is positively tragic for society when a couple is childless by choice. In that instance, the couple has declared by their choice that their personal pleasure is more important than any contribution they might have made to advance the race.
I am well aware that cultural elites ridicule the concept of being fruitful and multiplying; these brilliant people are more focused on their own pleasure and have no time to think of benefitting the race. We are trained in contemporary society to focus on ourselves. Society has trained us to seek our benefit rather than seeing that we are responsible to seek to advance the whole of mankind. Biblically, we should seek to benefit others. Dominion over the creation is to ensure order and benefit rather than promoting a culture of ecological rapine and plunder.
We admire the young man or the young woman who commits himself or herself to serve as a physician in some area that is needy, but few parents want their children to actually engage in such work. We admire the scientist who invests years of study followed by years of research to advance knowledge in some esoteric field, but our admiration is often focused more on the idea of rewards gained than it is focused on benefitting mankind.
God created marriage for partnership. The poet has captured the essence of what is a primary purpose for marriage when he wrote,
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith "A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!'' [2]
Husbands and wives who invest their lives in one another grow together. Decades of sharing life commonly results in husbands and wives cultivating the uncanny ability to complete one another’s sentences. Couples will have lived together and worked in concert so long that they think in unison. They have grown to trust one another through years of dividing labour for the household and through encouraging one another in their respective roles. Husbands and wives will truly be partners in life.
Lemuel, writing in the Proverbs, speaks of the partnership of husband and wife when he writes,
“Who can find a wife of noble character?
For her value is far more than rubies.
The heart of her husband has confidence in her,
and he has no lack of gain.”
[PROVERBS 31:10-11 NET BIBLE]
God created marriage for proclamation. Refocus attention on the issue of marriage, which, not so incidentally, flows out of God’s creation of mankind as male and female. Marriage exists for God’s glory. In order to explore this thought, I must redirect attention for a brief moment to something written many centuries after Moses wrote the words of our text. Reading Scripture, we discover that ideally, marriage reflects God’s view of the church. Marriage was instituted by God; and as result He meant us to discover completeness in marriage. Beyond that, our Creator was providing a picture of Christ and His church.
In the Word of God Jesus is portrayed as the great Bridegroom of His church. We who believe on Him are portrayed in the collective sense as His bride. We who profess to know Christ are expected to reveal the relationship of Christ to His church through our own marriages. The church does not dictate to Christ how He is to serve us, but instead the Bride of Christ willingly and graciously submits to Him. Likewise, an awesome responsibility is placed upon each husband to reflect something of the beauty of Christ’s love for the church through giving himself for his wife. Listen to the Word of God.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savoir. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” [EPHESIANS 5:22-33].
I suspect that the major difficulty with marriages in this day is love of “self.” This shouldn’t be surprising as our culture trains us and encourages us to adopt precisely such a view. Others are responsible to contribute to my sense of well-being, to foster my sense of self-worth, to serve my goals and to bolster my ego. Unfortunately, this attitude, detrimental to Christian faith and inimical to God’s glory, has infiltrated the church. Though we say that we love others, we are constantly told that we deserve something better—and we believe this blather! Without thinking, we continue to love ourselves and we continue to justify loving ourselves.
According to Paul’s teaching in the Ephesian letter, husbands are to demonstrate their commitment to and love for their wives through serving them—through seeking the best for their own wives. A husband is responsible to love his wife, surrendering himself for her benefit. Likewise, wives must love their husbands through demonstrating a gracious spirit of submission. A husband serves his wife through building her up, leaving his father and mother to live exclusively with his wife. A wife serves her husband through encouraging him and by respectfully submitting to him as the head of the home. Husbands and wives learn to serve one another through fellowship with Christ who served us by “taking” upon Himself “the very nature of a servant,” [3] assuming human likeness, and humbling Himself and becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross [PHILIPPIANS 2:7].
MARRIAGE REFLECTS DIVINE PATTERN —
“God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.”
[GENESIS 1:27]
God created man and woman in His own image. It is essential to note that He created the man and woman to complement one another. Man is made complete in the marriage union; and woman is the one who completes man, just as she is completed in man. Children delight to tell riddles to stump their parents. A child may ask her father, “What is most like half of the moon?” Of course a wise father will play the game with his child. So, he will say, “Half of an orange?” The child will giggle and say, “No.” So, the father will guess again, saying “Half of a basketball?” This should bring the child to the point of grinning and laughing as she responds, “No.” So the father will guess again, “Half of an Edam cheese?” The child will be shouting her delight in stumping her father, and she will shout, “No.” At last her father will confess, “I give up. What is most like half of the moon?” And the child, clearly delighted that her father didn’t answer her riddle will shout with pure delight, “The other half of the moon!”
Well, that is the correct answer, for sure. In a similar fashion, we might ask, “What is most like a man?” The answer is, of necessity, “A woman.” Likewise, should we ask, “What is most like a woman?” the response must be, “A man.” Men are woman are different, and as the French might say, “Vive la différence.” Men and women are different, but they are also more alike than any other creature in all creation. [4]
A man can form a deep friendship with another man. Warriors who share the experience of combat will often form deep friendships as result of those shared experiences. Men engaged in dangerous occupations—police, firemen, even truck drivers—often feel a strong kinship because of their shared experiences. However, men are not created to complement one another as men and women complement one another. Women can form deep friendships because they build on shared experiences of growing up female, of bearing children, of mothering. However, women don’t complement one another as women and men complement one another.
We think of God as our Father because He presents Himself to us in the masculine gender. When Jesus taught His disciples how to pray, He taught them to call on God as their Father. Here is the biblical account of that prayer. “Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, ‘Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.’ And he said to them, ‘When you pray, say:
‘Father, hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread,
and forgive us our sins,
for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
And lead us not into temptation.’”
[LUKE 11:1-4]
Apparently, the disciples had forgotten what Jesus had taught at an earlier time. As Jesus spoke during the Sermon that He delivered from the side of a mount, He taught those who heard Him speak to address God as Father. It is not only appropriate, but we are also encouraged to address God as our Father. Refresh your mind by recalling that earlier statement Jesus delivered. “When you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then like this:
‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.’
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” [MATTHEW 6:7-15].
In practical terms, God has chosen to present Himself as male; He chooses to present Himself as our Father. And yet, having said this, recall what is said of the creation of man and woman in our text.
“God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.”
[GENESIS 1:27]
Whether female of male, each of us is created in the image of God. In some specific way, the distinct sexes of male and female reflect the image of God. Woman and man in some wonderful manner reflect the Person of the Living God. Our mutual dependence reveals something of the character of the True and Living God. This is especially true when man and woman have united their lives in the marriage union. Whatever else may be true, it is evident that it is the will of the Lord GOD that marriage be a union of a male and a female.
Throughout the whole of creation male and female is the divine pattern. Among vertebrates, asymmetrical reproduction is so rare that it may be declared as unknown—a male and a female are required for reproduction. Asexual reproduction (a kind of parthenogenesis) has been reported in rare instances in isolated cases among some fishes, but it is the exception and not the rule. Throughout the entirety of nature, reproduction is sexual, requiring a male and a female. Nothing differs in the sphere of humanity. People maintain the divine pattern of male and female for reproduction. Therefore, marriage is between a man and a woman. All the linguistic Terpsichore we might attempt will not change reality.
MARRIAGE REVEALS DIVINE PLANS — “God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth’” [GENESIS 1:28]. God’s blessing was pronounced over the first couple. The blessing was not what many in this day imagine to be a blessing; the Creator blessed them by speaking of children to grace the home and of the couple holding dominion over all other life forms on the earth. That blessing extends to each marriage to this day.
I find no evidence of the popular concept that God micromanipulates our lives, that He has a specific plan for who we marry. To be certain, God is sovereign—He can do as He wills and no one can challenge Him to change His mind. Nevertheless, it is common that young men and young women reveal that they wish God did micromanage their lives as they agonise over who they should marry. Youth will often ask older individuals for advice on this matter.
The Lord does direct us, but it is always within broad parameters that give us latitude. For instance, when Paul is discussing marriage in the First Corinthian Letter, he instructs those reading this letter, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” [1 CORINTHIANS 7:39]. The principle is that one must marry “in the Lord.”
This position is emphasised when the Apostle writes in a later missive to this congregation, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
‘I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.’
Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God” [2 CORINTHIANS 6:14-7:1].
In general, we know that the will of God for each of those who follow Him is holiness. Paul writes to the Thessalonian Christians, “This is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you” [1 THESSALONIANS 4:3-6]. Purity, especially purity in sexual matters, is critical to a holy life that is pleasing to the Lord. Such emphasis flies in the face of contemporary mores, but it cannot be denied that the Lord seeks holiness in those who name His Name. Sexual purity is essential to a holy life pleasing to God.
In a previous pastorate, I delivered a message that occasioned a serious incident in the assembly. I related the biblical account that tells how Isaac had just met Rebekah, the women who would be his bride and companion for life. Abraham’s servant, Eliezer of Damascus, had had been dispatched to Mesopotamia, to the city of Nahor from which Abram had first ventured as he followed the Lord GOD. In that city, Eliezer found Rebekah, who was living in her father’s house. The servant of Abraham did bring the young woman back, just as Abraham had instructed him. Then, after the long, arduous journey back to where Abraham had settled, the caravan with the young bride-to-be was at last about to arrive in what would be her new home.
I picked up the story at that point, reading, “Now Isaac had returned from Beer-lahai-roi and was dwelling in the Negeb. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening. And he lifted up his eyes and saw, and behold, there were camels coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel and said to the servant, ‘Who is that man, walking in the field to meet us?’ The servant said, ‘It is my master.’ So she took her veil and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death” [GENESIS 24:62-67].
I commented on the fact that the marriage ceremony was simple—“Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her.” I then contrasted this simplified ceremony with the marriage ceremony observed in Jewish culture during the Gospel period. Little did I know how my illustration would be distorted in an attempt by a young man and a married woman to justify living together without thought of openly committing to one another through marriage.
It was only a matter of weeks after this message had been delivered that it came to my attention that a member of the assembly, a nineteen-year-old man had set up housekeeping with a married woman. To be sure, this woman was separated from her husband, but she had not even made an effort to obtain a divorce from the man to whom she had been married. Now, this young man and young woman had decided to live together as husband and wife.
Together with my associate pastor, we visited this couple to plead with them to turn from their course meant to please their flesh and cease dishonouring Christ. They argued that they loved one another and they were committed to one another. The pleas made by my associate and myself were of no avail. At last, the young man pulled out a tattered copy of the message I had delivered a matter of weeks before and informed me that I must surely approve of what they were doing since I had cited the passage in Genesis which described the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah. I attempted to point out the fallacies in his argument, but he would have none of it.
After several attempts to seek repentance and reconciliation, we were left with no alternative except obedience to the teaching of the Master, putting the couple out of the fellowship. They had already ceased attending services, so our action was but formalizing what the couple had already determined. Though the young couple reluctantly accepted this action, some within the congregation were outraged that a couple of young people in love would be put out of the fellowship. How could I be so needlessly cruel? I was accused of only wanting to make an example of the couple. In reality, I sought their repentance and restoration, visiting with them on multiple occasions to urge them to marry.
Soon, word came to me that the young woman was pregnant. The couple moved to Edmonton where the child was born. Within three months of the birth, the young man left the relationship to which he had averred his commitment and moved home with his parents. He never returned to the assembly during the time I pastored there.
I relate that incident to point out a transformation that has taken place in my lifetime. Young men and young women are increasingly depreciating the formality of marriage, justifying their rush to the bedroom by appealing to specious arguments. I heard of one young man who dismissed the need for marriage by saying, “I don’t believe in government marriage.” My immediate response upon hearing that drivel was, “Well, neither do I.” I continued that conversation by stressing to that young man that I do believe in propriety for Christians. I believe there are benefits to open, public avowal of commitment when a man and woman determine that they will be married. Marriage is not merely a license to go to bed without fear of social censure. In a very real sense, formal marriage is a social compact that invites all society to acknowledge the mutual commitment of a man and a woman to create a home. It is a means of strengthening society itself.
Marriage, open, public marriage strengthens society and encourages couples to assume a place within society itself rather than seeing themselves as unresponsive and unaccountable to the greater society. Marriage provides opportunity for a couple to reveal the love which Christ has for His church and the love of the church for her Lord. Marriage is intended to be a harbinger of heaven itself. And the longer a couple invests in growing together, the more they should reveal the love of God through their walk together.
I’ve spoken of the love of Christ for His church and the love which the church has for Him, but if you have never been born from above and into the Family of God, then this is mere theory. Your great need is to be saved. God has provided for you to be forgiven all sin and to have a place in His Family. You assume your place in the Family of God when you confess Christ as Master over your life. We invite you to do this, even today.
You have heard how Christ Jesus, the Son of God, was born of a virgin. He walked among men and testified to the grace of God the Father. When He was grown, Jesus gave His life as a sacrifice because of your sinful condition. However, He didn’t remain in the grave. Jesus conquered death, broke the bonds that tie us to that unseen realm and rose from the dead. Now, risen and ascended to the right hand of the Father, Christ invites you to believe Him and be forgiven of all sin. Believe Him and be saved. Amen.
[1] Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2016. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
[2] Robert Browning, “Rabbi Ben Ezra,” (poem), public domain, Rabbi Ben Ezra by Robert Browning - Poems | Academy of American Poets, accessed 5 February 2021
[3] NIV (1984)
[4] This illustration is taken from James Montgomery Boice, Genesis: An Expositional Commentary (Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI 1998) 131
