THE TRANSFORMING POWER OF "I AM SORRY"
"31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32.
Have you ever been hurt by someone you love? How do you cope after you've been betrayed, wounded, and heartbroken by the one who promised to love and defend you? Perhaps they have hurt you physically, verbally, financially, or emotionally. The truth is, we'll be hurt. Even if you fast and pray against it, it can still come. So the question is, how do we respond? When your spouse is constantly hurting you, what do you do?
"21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. 23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:21-24.
We all make mistakes; none is perfect. We hurt one another with the words we say and with the things we do or forget to do. There's no perfect relationship, except on social media. You may see the beautiful pictures your friends' posts on Facebook, but you didn’t hear the big argument they had last night. The truth is, every marriage will face relationship and communication problems. No marriage is perfect! You are not perfect, and your spouse is not perfect, either. Everyone has flaws! Even happy couples argue and sometimes they fight dirty. We fall short of expectations—and not just once or twice, but in many ways. Every marriage will experience difficulty because each one brings to the table individual's thoughts, feelings, personalities, wants, needs, family issues, desires, expectations, and habits. Sometimes we hurt each other on purpose, and at times we had no idea that we offended them. At times we allow pride to gets in the way of admitting we were wrong. So to have the perfect marriage you must invest daily in your relationship. It doesn’t just happen! Choose to work daily on your marital garden. The grass is not always greener on the other side! Tend to your marriage. You'll be amazed at how beautiful yours will be once you begin to water them. Disagreement will occur! When it does, don’t look for excuses. Promptly apologize. There’s a lot of work that goes into having a perfect home.
“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24.
Kind words are important to every marriage. It helps calm heated situations. Your words can bring healing to a bleeding soul. The words we speak to our loved ones are seeds that are planted and we'll surely reap the harvest. Are your words healing or hurting? Are you speaking words of love or hate? Pleasant words give strength. They bring life to a dying marriage. Hurtful words stir up, provoke, rouse, or cause anger to increase. But a soft answer extinguishes anger. Do your words seem to stir up trouble? You can end the conflict by calming words. You can end contentious matters peaceably by responding gently and kindly. You can use your words to uplift. Even when you're experiencing times of crisis at home, you can still speak kindly. Do not demean your spouse. Choose to speak words that encourage. “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Proverbs 12:25. Do you snap at your spouse, co-workers, or friends? Proverbs 12:18. Next time you're tempted to speak harshly, stop for a moment. Be slow to anger. Think before you speak; it will preserve your marriage! "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15 :1
WHEN IS IT RIGHT TO SAY "SORRY"?
Misunderstanding lingers between couples because no one wants to apologize. Saying sorry cannot undo what has been done, but it can help ease the pain. Saying "I am sorry" cannot change the past, but it can help to ease the heartache. A simple “I am sorry” can go a long way toward restoring peace and goodwill after an offense.
"4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;" 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.
To apologize is to admit you made a mistake. It is to accept responsibility for your actions. To apologize is to desire growth in your relationship. It is the gateway to a restored, loving, and thriving relationship. Saying "I am sorry" demonstrates a true awareness of the pain you’ve caused others. It seeks to make amends. The words "I am sorry" heal broken relationships and reconciles people in situations that seemed irreconcilable. It has the power to restore trust. Saying "I am sorry" means you have chosen your relationship over ego, pride, and selfishness. It helps to restore respect, communication, and understanding. Saying "I am sorry" helps to stay emotionally connected. It strengthens the marital bond. Yet some people see an apology as a sign of weakness or confirmation of guilt. They believe that if they apologize, the other person wouldn’t realize his or her faults. Some even think that the person who was offended deserves an apology first. But if we're interested in genuine reconciliation, saying sorry is a must. Until that barrier is removed, the relationship can’t go forward.
"Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs." Proverbs 10:12. When conflicts arise in your marriage, you should be quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness, even though you may not be totally at fault. Don’t let angry thoughts intensify. Refuse to be bitter. Release your spouse from what he or she did to hurt you. Be humble. Invite God in your home. He wants to bring healing to your marriages. It's time to walk in love.
WHAT TO DO?
1. Don’t procrastinate. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath," Ephesians 4:26. Choose to forgive right away. Don’t give bitterness a chance to take root in your life. Be swift.
2. Admit you made a mistake. The first step to a sincere apology is admitting you were wrong. Take responsibility. Don’t make excuses for your words or actions. Remove the words 'if' and 'but'.
3. Be humble. Pride keeps us from taking responsibility. Humility puts us in a position for reconciliation.
4. Repent. To repent is “to turn around or change one’s mind.” Without repentance, saying sorry is useless.
5. Forgive and allow God to heal you.
6. Choose your words wisely. Choose words that are soft, gentle, and sincere. Control your tongue.
7. Don’t harbor ulterior motives. Choose your relationship over rights or ego.
8. Don’t expect sudden change. More often than not, the person you hurt will need time to heal.
9. Begin to pray every day. Pray for your marriage. Pray for your spouse. Pray together as a couple.
10. Adjust your expectations.
11. Have faith in God. "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1.
12. Don’t try to control the others’ response. Allow them to express their hurt, anger, or disappointment.
13. Make an effort to repair the relationship. Do something to set things right.
14. Renew your mind daily with the Bible.
15. Stop comparing your marriage and spouse to others.
16. Begin again. Trust must be cultivated and nurtured.
“Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me” Psalm 51:2–3.
Each of us has fallen. Every one of us needs to be forgiven. When we come before God, deeply sorry for what we have done, He'll forgive, heal and restore us. So go to God today. He is waiting and longing for you to come to Him and confess your sins. He'll not judge you when you come to Him. His love conquers condemnation. So have you entered into a relationship with Jesus? Let me invite you to accept Him as your Lord and personal Savior. Today, you can express your faith in Christ by your confession: O LORD, I come to You now. I know I am a sinner, forgive me. Lord Jesus, from today, I accept You as the LORD of my life. Change my heart from a disobedient heart to a heart that will obey You. With my new heart, I believe that it is because of me that You came into this world; You died for my sins, take away my problems, fill me with Your Holy Spirit, write my name in the Book of Life, and make me brand new in Jesus name. Amen! You're now welcome to the family of God. Receive His forgiveness, healing, and restoration today. "He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy." Proverbs 28:13.
PRAYER POINTS:
1. O Lord, help me to humble myself and to admit wrong when I have failed, in Jesus' name.
2. Father, give me the grace to say "I am sorry", in Jesus' name.
3. O Lord, help me to rise out of my hurt and sorrow, in Jesus' name.
4. My Father, teach me to let go of all anger before each day ends, in Jesus' name.
5. O Lord, give me wisdom in resolving conflicts, in Jesus' name.
6. My Father, show me any areas where I may be harboring bitterness or offense, in Jesus name.
8. O Lord, help me learn to be quick to forgive and hard to offend, in Jesus' name.
