Building A Christian Family
Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. - Psalm 127:1
I would like to start my sermon with a small family joke: A little girl asked her father, "Where did the human race come from?" Her father replied, "God made Adam and Eve. They had children. And we are the descendants of Adam and Eve." The next day, the girl asked her mother the same question. Her mother answered, "Many years ago, there were these monkeys. The human race evolved from the monkeys."
Confused, the girl went back to her father and told him what her mother had said. "I'm confused, Daddy," she said. "Which story is right?" Her father smiled and said, "It's very simple, sweetheart. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers."
Family is an important blessing God has given us. Family is full of joy, laughter, and love. But it is important to build up your family in the ways of the Lord. “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” - Psalm 127:1-4
If we want to have a strong and healthy family, the Lord must build our home! “Family relationships will either be dynamic and maturing, or stagnant and dying.” -Jack O. Balswick. (senior professor of sociology and family development at the Department of Marriage and Family School of Psychology, Fuller Theological Seminary) How is your family today? A part of our destiny as Christians involves our family life. God’s Word gives us several key points to building and having strong and healthy family relationships. Today, we will meditate on five of them– covenant, grace, empowerment, intimacy, and divine order.
I. COVENANT – NOT CONTRACT
“The logical beginning point of any family relationship is a covenant commitment, which has unconditional love at its core. Out of the security provided by this covenant love develops grace. In this atmosphere of grace, family members have the freedom to empower each other. Empowering leads to the possibility of intimacy.” (Jack O. Balswick).
What is a Covenant? A Covenant is “an unconditional commitment.” This commitment is demonstrated supremely by God as the role of parent. There are two examples of covenant mentioned in the Bible; found in Genesis 6:18 (with Noah) and Genesis 7:1-7 (with Abraham). God says to Noah, “But I will establish My covenant with you; and you shall go into the ark—you, your sons, your wife, and your sons’ wives with you. (Genesis 6:18)” God says to Abraham, “And I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you in their generations, for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and your descendants after you.” - Genesis 17:7.
But understand, a strong and healthy family must be based on COVENANT, not a contract. For a contract says, “IF you do this, THEN I will do that.” A contract can be broken. But a covenant is unconditional and unbreakable. God is a primary and superior example of holding a covenant. God loves us unconditionally and eternally, and He desires we do the same for our families.
A question many people argue with is: “What if I married the wrong person?” The answer: You didn’t. Once you marry someone, they become the right person. Of course there will be troubles in a marriage, but marriage is a working commitment. Each and every day, you are to work on your relationship, strengthen your relationship, and understand one another. Just as each and every day, you are called to work on your relationship with Christ. A relationship is not perfect in one day, just as family is not perfect in one day.
Notice also, that the covenant is not just between husband and wife – but is also for your children too. As parents, we must make a commitment to unconditionally love our children.
II. GRACE – NOT LAW
Children of God, family relationships are designed by God to be lived out in an atmosphere of grace, not law. “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.” - 1John 3:1. In God's family, there are no outsiders, no enemies. - Desmond Tutu. We see this principle also taught in Ephesians 4:32, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Understand that in a family relationship based on law, perfection will be demanded of each other. Rules and regulations will be strictly set up to govern relationships. This pressure can add guilt to the failures and eventually resentment. We, as Christian families, are called to grow our families in grace, not law. GRACE does not mean that you do not have rules in your family, but rather that you give your spouse and your children the freedom to fail and walk in forgiveness. We are to grow our families mirrored to how God grows His church, through grace and forgiveness. Yes, God has rules, and our families all have rules too. But never forget grace and forgiveness.
A little boy was asked by his father to say grace at the table. While the rest of the family waited, the little boy eyed every dish of food his mother had prepared. After the examination, he bowed his head and honestly prayed, “Lord, I do not like the food. I really do not like green beans, but I thank you for it, and I’ll eat it anyway. Amen.
III. EMPOWERING – NOT POSSESSIVE POWER
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6). As parents, part of our job is empowering our children. “Empowering is the active, intentional process of enabling another person to acquire power.” -Jack O. Balswick.
Understand, this world is changing. In many schools and colleges, it has become frowned upon to proclaim and stand for the values of Christ. We are called as parents under God to empower our children in the ways of the Lord. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy. 6:6-7).
As parents, we are to teach our children about the Lord. The Bible says, “Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters.” (Hebrews 2:11). This is the amazing promise God has made to all of us. We, who believe, are all part of God’s family, because Jesus saved us, and God is proud of us. Being included in God’s family is the highest honor and the greatest privilege you can receive. Nothing else comes close. Whenever you feel unimportant, unloved, or insecure, remember to whom you belong. Let this empower you. Let this empower our youth and children. Let this empower your family members who do not know Christ.
It is our responsibility as family to empower each other in the ways of God. Some of the ways we do this is by taking our children to church, doing daily devotions, encouraging them to read their Bibles, and praying with them daily. We tell our family members who do not go to church, about God, about His loving kindness, and His miracles. But understand, empowerment is not done by force, or possessive power. You cannot force someone to love God, for this will only break your family. Show them the ways of the Lord, and lead and empower your family into discipleship with God.
When you teach and empower your family to walk in discipleship, you also help them to grow and mature and become firm in God. Even when the world stands against God, you will have empowered them to stand with Christ and the ways of the Lord.
IV. INTIMACY – NOT DISTANCE
God loves family, and He created you to be a part of it, which He planned before you were born. The entire Bible is the story of God building a family who will love Him, honor Him, and reign with Him forever. Because God is love, He treasures relationships. His very nature is relational, and He identifies Himself in family terms: Father, Son, and Spirit. When we place our faith in Christ, God becomes our Father, we become His children. Other believers are our brothers and sisters, and the church becomes our spiritual family. Our families on earth are wonderful gifts from God, but remember, they are fragile. A family needs to be treasured and loved, like God treasures and loves us. As children of God, our families must be built on intimacy and love.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. -1 Corinthians 13:4-8
In the modern era, the divorce rate has skyrocketed. Many families are broken. Spouses are separated, children have abandoned their parents, and siblings never look at their brothers or sisters. The world has been corrupted by so much hate and greed that it has distanced the family. We have distanced ourselves from the people God has placed in our lives to love. God wants us to be intimate with our family. Listen to your brothers and sisters, love your mother and father, and be intimate with your children.
How do we experience that intimacy? Through communication, understanding, patience, selflessness, love, and God.
V. PRACTICAL APPLICATION: DIVINE ORDER
Building our families according to God’s plan: “Submit to one another in the fear of God. Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:21-33).
Wives are to submit to and respect their husbands. Husbands are to unconditionally love and protect their wives as Christ loved the church. A marriage is built on respect, love, and understanding. Understand dear brothers and sisters, when you say your vows of marriage, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:4). You are both one in unity under God. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9). This is the divine order that God has instructed upon you, as husband and wife. To love and respect each other and to live in unity in the name of God. This is how God wants the family to be built, in mirror to Christ and the church.
Furthermore, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:1-4).
God calls upon the children to obey and honor their parents. This is the divine order given by God to the children. When you follow His command, He will bless you and your future.
CONCLUSION
In conclusion, build your family through covenant, not contract. Because just as God loves you unconditionally and eternally, God wants you to love your family unconditionally and eternally. Therefore, sustain your family through grace, not law. Because God wants you to forgive one another, just as He has forgiven you. And let your family grow in the Word of God through empowerment, and not possessive power. Understand, you cannot force someone to love God or to follow your way of life; for that is not love. Encourage them and empower them to follow God through His love, His teachings, and the example you sent before them. When you empower your children to walk in the ways of God, they will be able to stand firm against a world that rejects God. And remember to strengthen your family with intimacy, not distance. Family is a blessing from God. You are called to love those, who God has given in your lives, not push them away. Forgive and love them, just as God continuously forgives and loves you. And lastly, put into use the practical application of God’s divine order on how to structure a family. Wives, love and respect your husbands, for he is the head of the household like Christ is the head of the church. Husbands, love and protect your wives, just as Christ loves and protects the church. And dear children, listen to your parents for this is blessed in the sight of God.
Dear brothers and sisters, family life teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding, perseverance, and a lot of other things you wouldn't need if you stayed single. But family is a blessing from God. God does not want you to be alone, but He wants you to love and be loved. Family is not perfect, and it is not built perfect in one day. Family is a continuous, relational commitment, like our relationship with Christ. Amen.
