We all have conflict in relationships. Whether these conflicts are with our husband/wife, kids, other family, friends, church members, co-workers or boss, there are some steps we can take to improve the situation.
Here you will find:
— Suggestions for dealing with anger
— Precautions about sharing your feelings with others.
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1) Accept Christ as your Savior
When you accept Christ as your Savior, you become a new creature.
You put off the old man and put on the new man.
Put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old man with his deeds and have put on the new man,
Colossians 3:8
Put on mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another.
If any man has a quarrel against any: forgive even as Christ forgave you.
And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
And let the peace of God rule in your hearts.
Colossians 3:12-14
Notice some of the words we should “put on”
- Truth (do not lie)
- Mercy
- Kindness
- Humility
- Forgiveness
- Love (charity)
Notice we are called to “put off”
- Anger
- Malice
- Lying
2) internal adjustment.
Pray for the one who has made you angry.
If you make an investment in a person, your heart changes toward them.
You have heard that it has been said,
Love your neighbor and hate you enemy.
But I say to you,
- Love your enemies,
- Bless them that curse you,
- Do good to them that hate you,
- Pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you;
Matthew 5:43-44
If you love only those who love you, what reward do you have?
Don’t even the publicans do the same?
And if you greet your brethren only, what more do you do than others?
Don’t even the publicans do so?
Matthew 5:46-47
3) External adjustment
Look for opportunities to help that person.
Your helpful attitude could change his/her heart toward you.
If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. Proverbs 25:21
It could also give you an opportunity for witnessing,
when the person realizes you are not like others in their lives.
4) If you are angry about something someone is saying TO you or ABOUT you, examine yourself.
Is there truth in what has been said?
Are there changes you need to make in your life? In your attitude?
Let a man examine himself...
For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.
1 Corinthians 11:28,31
5) Look for gestures of reconciliation from the person.
Make yourself approachable to that person.
Be ready to accept reconciliation when it is offered.
6) Realize you cannot control that person's behavior. You have to give it over to The Lord.
7) Confrontation may be necessary.
During confrontation, you may want to consider ways to alleviate a tense situation.
— Only enter a conformation with the intention to reconcile your differences.
— Control your mouth.
A soft answer turneth away wrath:
but harsh words stir up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
— Humor
— A calming presence/someone you both trust
For example, if you find it necessary to confront your boss,
an assistant manager might be a good person to have present.
8) Be ready to admit you could have misunderstood some things and even exacerbated some situations.
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Sharing feelings of anger with a third party:
1) Might damage the other person's relationship with the person who is the focus of your hurt or anger.
2) The other person tends to continue to bring up those feelings and prevent you from letting go of the anger.
3) Other person may continue to have harsh feelings toward the person even after you have reconciled.
The only way to prevent these pitfalls with the third party:
1) Only share these situations with a Christian.
2) Purpose to tell only the truth, distinguishing between fact and feelings.
3) Only share these situations with the goal of receiving advice on reconciliation.
