"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!"
A few weeks ago, I did a sermon on opinions. My first point was about people who are opinionated. I talked about those who interject themselves into conversations they weren't invited in to offer their unsolicited opinion. When we do things like that, people might say, "who asked you?"
It's one thing to insert yourself into a conversation but what about when it's an argument? In this case, it's less likely you'll see someone get involved. But that doesn't mean we should automatically avoid it, either. We may get told to mind our own business but does that mean we should? What are we getting ourselves into when we do?
1) Like seizing a dog by the ears.
Prov. 26:17, "Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own."
Solomon makes quite an interesting comparison here, doesn't he? What happens when you seize a dog by the ears? I haven't done this myself but I can't imagine anything good comes from it. Grabbing a dog by the ears causes pain and injury...and the dog won't like it much either. You can almost picture the 'yelp', the growling, the twisting of the head to get loose and then the teeth latching onto one of your arms. Seizing a dog by the ears is going to provoke him and he will attack you.
Likewise, meddling in someone else's argument will likely cause one or both parties to respond like the dog-the sudden intrusion causes initial pain and anger and then you have the vicious, turn and attack reaction.
I remember walking nearby the church one day and I encountered a man screaming at a woman I assumed was his girlfriend or wife. He started to manhandle her and I intervened. Of course, he told me to mind my own business. I told him when he took it to that level it became my business. Then she gave him the business and it pretty much ended there; although I'm sure that wasn't the end of it.
But I remember a story John told me about how he did the same type of intervention and both the guy and the girl turned on him. I'm sure he wasn't expecting that type of response from her since he was there to try to help her out. But she was probably scared and now the guy was going to be incited even more so she was probably like, 'thanks a lot; now I'm really going to get it later'.
Does that mean John or I shouldn't have intervened? No, not in those cases anyway. But there have been plenty of times when I didn't get involved in people's arguments. Quite frankly, if I got involved in every argument I heard around here I'd be a whole lot busier. Part of the reason I don't get involved in them is because I know the reaction I'll likely get-like Solomon pointed out.
One of the key words in this verse is passer-by. Think about it-you can get a grab the dog by the ears type of reaction when you get in the middle of an argument between two people you do know. How much more of a firestorm are you going to ignite when it's between two strangers?
When two people are angry and yelling and you try to intervene, that anger is now going to be redirected at you. And if you don't heed the not-so-subtle warning to mind your own business and get out of there, you may be given a stronger warning that it would be best if you kept it moving.
But what about Jesus' words in Matt. 5:9, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Part of being a peacemaker would be trying to help people who are arguing to reconcile and make peace with one another.
Does Prov. 26:17 contradict what Jesus said? No. Prov. 26:17 is not saying don't be a peacemaker; it's just telling you what to expect if you try. You can attempt to bring peace to the situation but you better be prepared for some push-back. Not that it happens in every case, but in most cases the reaction will be to mind your own business.
Another key word in Prov. 26:17 is meddle. To meddle means to interfere, intrude, stick your nose in, pry. When we do things like this we can guarantee they won't be received very well. When you're a stranger who butts in to someone else's argument you should expect a harsh response. People don't like it when someone's intrusive.
But that doesn't mean you should never get involved and that you will automatically fail if you try. But it's important to use wisdom and discernment. Your approach, what you say and how you react to being told to go take a flying leap will make or break how things go from there.
And sometimes, it will be best to remove yourself from the situation. There are some situations where you can intervene and then there are those where it's clear that it would not be a good idea. Being a peacemaker is good, but that doesn't mean we need to get involved in every argument.
It can depend on how severe it is. If it looks like someone is about to get attacked, then some form of intervention will be needed. But most of the time when we encounter this type of situation, the best thing to do will be to mind our own business.
2) Why are you involving me?
Sometimes it's not a question of you getting involved in someone else's argument, it's someone else involving you in their argument. In Luke 12 there was an incident where Jesus asked someone why he was trying to involve him in a spat he was having with his brother.
Luke 12:13-14, "Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?”
This is a situation where instead of butting in and being told to mind your own business, you are telling someone else to take care of their own business and not involve you. So we have two brothers who approach Jesus and one of them felt he wasn't getting a fair share.
Typically, the eldest son received a double portion and the rest received a single portion. It appears the older brother was keeping it all to himself and not giving his younger brother his share for whatever reason. Another view is when he asked Jesus to tell his brother to divide the inheritance it meant he was trying to get Jesus to go against the rule of the eldest brother getting a double-portion and split it up evenly.
But when he brought the matter before Jesus to intervene on his behalf, Jesus makes it clear he's not going to get involved. Jesus makes it clear that no one had appointed him to be a judge or arbiter. An arbiter was someone who could settle a dispute or decide an issue. Although it seems to have been an acceptable practice for Rabbis to settle disputes, Jesus chooses not to do that here. Why?
Jesus had just finished teaching on some pretty heavy topics-warnings against the hypocrisy of the Pharisees, encouraging them to not be afraid of men but to fear God who had the power to throw them into hell; yet following that up with the fact that they were worth very much to God.
Jesus taught about the need to acknowledge him before others and that whoever disowned him would be disowned. Then he talked about blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Talk about some serious topics! If I was there I'd have been sitting there with my mouth open in stunned silence after hearing him say all this.
So to have someone come up to you right after this complaining about his brother not dividing the inheritance with him would've been appalling. If I was Jesus I'd be like, 'Are you kidding me?! After the seriousness of what I just spoke about you have the audacity to come at me with this? Were you even listening to me?'
Chances are he probably wasn't. It seems his purpose in being there was to wait to talk with Jesus so he could ask for his intervention. I can picture him thinking, 'C'mon, c'mon, finish this up so I can talk to you about something really important'.
So I can understand why Jesus reacted the way he did. Jesus wanted this person to realize that he wasn't there to settle everyone's disputes; otherwise he'd be spending his time putting out fires instead of teaching, preaching and healing.
But what's interesting is that another definition for arbiter is: someone with great influence over what people say, think or do. In the following verses Jesus sets out to do just that.
Luke 12:15-21, "Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’
“Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.” ’
“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’ “This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.”
It's as if Jesus said, "you want me to arbitrate? Ok, listen up because I'm about to give you a lesson on greed." So we see although Jesus responded strongly to this man, he still chose to be an arbiter and teach a valuable and hopefully influential lesson to the brothers and anyone else who had ears to hear.
I like how Jesus handled this. Instead of taking up a lot of time listening to these guys go back and forth or simply give his ruling on the matter, he teaches a lesson about what was really important.
How often have families been ripped apart over money and greed? Siblings fighting over the inheritance and then not speaking to each other for decades. Jesus wanted these brothers to realize there was something more important than material things. Jesus didn't want to get involved in the judicial side of it, but he did want to involve himself in the spiritual side of it.
And think about this: had Jesus chose to listen to the brothers argue their case, a lot of the people there would've dispersed, not bothering to listen in because it was none of their business. Instead, everyone got to hear a lesson they could all take something away from.
Have you ever been brought into someone else's dispute? Sometimes, we may choose to listen and try to help. But then there are times when it will be better to not get involved. Or if we do, instead of listening to them go back and forth, we get beneath the surface to deal with the underlying issues and get to the heart of the matter. Doing so will give them something to think about so they can mind their own business and resolve it.
3) Mind my own business? No problem.
Even though I talked about the need to mind our own business, many people don't have a problem doing that. They understand the truth of Prov. 26:17 and have no desire to grab a dog by its ears. They simply want to mind their own business and not get involved. "I've got enough of my own issues to contend with, I don't need to complicate my life by getting involved in yours." But is that how I should be?
Sure, that's what the bible says to do. 1st Thess. 4:11-12, "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."
See, Paul's telling us we should not get involved in anyone else's business and just mind our own business. Well, not so fast. We have a situational issue here. After these verses Paul goes into talking about Jesus' return. It's believed the Thessalonians thought Jesus was coming back soon so some of them decided it wasn't worth it to stay busy with the toils of life and try to get ahead when any day now they were going to be leaving for heaven.
So Paul needed to address this problem. And we see from his second letter what this problem was producing. 2nd Thess. 3:11, "We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies."
People who are idle don't remain idle for long; they get busy doing something. I can either be busy with productive things or destructive things. Because these people were not busy with life's business or the church's business they decided to get involved in someone else's business. Being a nosy rosy and prying into other people's affairs is not going to win people's respect.
However, though leading a quiet life, doing my work and minding my own business is respectful, Paul isn't saying I should never get involved in someone else's affairs. The difference is motive. Being a busybody carries a motive of gossip. Being a peacemaker has the motive of trying to get two people to reconcile.
A busybody is focused on pleasing self. A peacemaker is focused on serving God and helping others. A peacemaker doesn't go around seeing who's business he can get in. A peacemaker is one who chooses to intervene when they come across a situation they feel they could help with.
However, that involves us using wisdom and discernment regarding which situations we should put ourselves in and which ones we shouldn't.
Another thing to consider is the topic of the argument. 2nd Tim. 2:23, "Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels."
Sometimes you hear people going back and forth about something senseless or trivial. If you feel compelled to get involved in an argument like that you should leave it alone.
Once there were these two fish who were best friends. One was a high-strung bass the other a laid-back carp. One day they were swimming around talking about girl fish and enjoying each other’s company when suddenly, a worm dropped in front of them. The bass said, "hoo, boy, dinner is served." The carp yelled, "lookout, it’s a trap!"
"It looks alright to me", said the bass. "It's got a line and a hook attached to it," the carp replied. "I'll just get a nibble." After which, the bass said, "Mmmm, that's the stuff!" "I'm telling you, leave this one alone." But, the bass didn't listen and soon the hook was set and the fisherman reeled him in.
That's how it can be with certain people-they can't resist the bait. When we get ourselves involved in stupid and foolish arguments it leads to fights and possibly ongoing bitterness and resentment. Since the argument was senseless to begin with there was nothing to be gained by getting involved. The only reason to get involved in someone's stupid and foolish argument is to explain to them that it's not worth it and they should end it before it goes too far and becomes disastrous.
But that doesn't justify us never getting involved in any argument; we just need to pick our battles. If two strangers are arguing in their yard as you walk by-we need to seriously consider whether or not we should get involved. But if two people start yelling at each other in the church it's a no-brainer-step in and get involved. But we need to remain calm, be impartial and keep a level head.
So if you see an argument taking place or someone asks you to help settle a dispute and the Holy Spirit compels you to get involved but you respond with, 'nope. I'm just going to mind my own business' then consider this: being a servant of God means his business is your business. So in that regard you're right, you do need to mind your own business.
One day when he was walking down a street in Chicago, D. L. Moody went up to a complete stranger and asked, “Sir, are you a Christian?” “You need to mind your own business” came the reply. Moody continued, “This is my business.”
When the Holy Spirit moves us to get involved in someone else's business, we need to obey. It might be like grabbing a dog by the ears and we may get told to mind our own business but because we've decided to make God's business our business we're willing to take those risks and see what develops.
So, get out there today and mind your own business!
