A. I like the story about a man who joined a monastery where the monks were only allowed to speak two words every five years.
1. At the end of five years they were given an audience and could utter their two words.
2. At the end of the man’s first five years, the novice monk simply said, “Bed hard.”
3. At the end of the tenth year, the same monk said, “Food bad.”
4. Then at the end of the fifteenth year his two words were, “I quit.”
5. In response, the head monk said, “I’m not surprised you’ve done nothing but complain ever since you came here.”
6. For the most part, complaining is seen as a negative habit, and nobody likes complainers.
B. Those of us who have been studying the Bible and trying to walk with the Lord for a long time know that Scripture usually does not put complaining in a positive light, and so it is something we have tried to avoid.
1. In Numbers 14, we see how angry God was with Israel because of their grumbling and complaining.
2. In Philippians 2:14, Paul wrote: Do everything without grumbling and arguing.
3. So, if you have been paying attention in the first two sermons in our series on grief, or if you noticed the title of today’s sermon “Bring Your Complaints to God,” you may be wondering how can some complaining be bad and other complaining be good?
4. What is the difference between bad complaining and good complaining?
5. Well, maybe on the surface not much, but as with many things in the Christian life, it boils down to what’s going on inside the heart.
6. Bad complaining is about you being right and about getting things off your chest, but good complaining is about God being right and the desire to share with Him your struggle.
7. A devotional called, “Journey to the Cross,” puts it this way: “Lament is not about getting things off your chest. It’s about casting your anxieties upon God, and trusting him with them. Mere complaining indicates a lack of intimacy with God. Because lament is a form of prayer, lament transforms our cries and complaints into worship. Walter Brueggemann says that undergirding biblical lament is ‘a relationship between the lamenter and his God that is close and deep enough for the protester to speak in imperatives, addressing God as ‘you’ and reminding him of his covenantal promises.’ Anyone can complain, and practically everyone does. Christians can lament. They can talk to God about their condition and ask him to change things because they have a relationship with him. To lament is to be utterly honest before a God whom our faith tells us we can trust. Biblical lament affirms that suffering is real and spiritually significant, but not hopeless. In his mercy, our God has given us a form of language that bends his ear and pulls his heart.”
C. So, with this understanding in mind, I want us to explore the next part of learning to lament.
1. For the past couple of weeks, we have talked about the reality of grief and suffering in our lives, and how we need to learn to lament in order to move through grief in a healthy and helpful way.
2. Last week, we explored the first step in the process of lamenting, and it is turning to God in prayer.
3. Last week, I emphasized how important it is for us to keep talking with God.
4. When we experience disappointment and suffering, loss and grief, we might be tempted to turn away from God and give God the silent treatment, but we must overcome that temptation.
5. If we cut off communication with God, we will cut ourselves off from God’s help and blessing.
6. Last week, I shared Mark Vroegop’s four simple words to summarize the four parts of lament: (1) turn, (2) complain, (3) ask, and (4) trust.
D. Today, let’s dive into this second part of lament – complain.
1. Mark Vroegop begins this chapter on complaints with these words uttered by his wife Sarah, “God, I know you’re not mean, but it feels like you are today.”
2. Mark and his wife were sitting in their car outside the doctor’s office and they were devastated again.
3. Their previous appointment was to confirm a pregnancy after their daughter Sylvia’s death.
4. Now it was two years and multiple miscarriages later, and they were finally beyond the time frame of their prior failed pregnancies.
5. So they had been filled with guarded hope as they went to the doctor’s appointment that day, only to leave the appointment with the crushing news of another failed pregnancy.
6. Mark says that they were numb as they walked to the car - they got in and closed the door.
7. They needed to pray, but what do you say in that moment?
8. This is what led Sarah to say: “God, I know you’re not mean, but it feels like you are today.”
9. Sarah’s prayer was a complaint – an honest and blunt conversation with God.
E. When we read the psalms of lament, we discover a lot of creative complaining.
1. These complaints are expressions of sorrow and fear, frustration and confusion.
2. Todd Billings explains: “Writers of laments and complaints in the psalms often seek to make their ‘case’ against God, frequently citing God’s promises in order to complain that God seems to be forgetting his promises. They throw the promises of God back at him.”
3. Learning to express our complaints is an integral part of learning to lament, but for a number of reasons, lamenting complaint is foreign to many of us.
4. And because it is foreign to us, we often do two other unhelpful things when we walk through suffering.
a. One unhelpful thing we do is allow anger with God to turn into silent bitterness toward God, which either hinders our relationship with God, or eliminates it altogether.
b. The other unhelpful thing we do is to deny the pain and suffering we are experiencing with a kind of Christian stoicism that projects an air of contentment that “everything is fine,” but you know it isn’t.
F. Biblical lament offers an alternative.
1. Through godly complaint we are able to express our disappointment and move toward resolution.
2. Lament is how those who know what God is like, and what God can do, address their pain.
3. God is good, but life is hard; therefore, enter complaint.
4. Stacey Gleddiesmith gives this helpful explanation: “A lament honestly and specifically names a situation or circumstance that is painful, wrong, or unjust – in other words, a circumstance that does not align with God’s character and therefore doesn’t not make sense within God’s kingdom.”
5. Lament, therefore, is the language of a people who believe in God’s sovereignty but live in a world with tragedy.
G. So, if we are going to learn how to lament, and if we are going to discover the grace that comes from it, we must learn how to complain the right way.
1. Let’s again turn to the psalms to help us learn this second step of lament.
2. Let’s start with Psalm 10 which begins with two strong complaints: Lord, why do you stand so far away? Why do you hide in times of trouble? (Psalm 10:1).
3. The problem of unresolved evil and injustice are the themes of this psalm.
a. We don’t know the specific background or the settings in which this was written.
b. Some lament psalms were written because of a national crisis.
c. Other lament psalms were written because of personal problems.
4. It appears that this psalmist is dealing with injustice, but he is also wrestling with God who appears to be allowing it to remain unchallenged.
a. “Lord, why do you stand far away?”
b. The psalmist is deeply troubled that God seems like he’s too far removed from what is happening.
5. The name the psalmist uses for God is “The Lord” – Yahweh – the personal name of God.
a. It is the name God gave Moses at the burning bush – it means “I AM.”
b. It was the name of God who proceeded to deliver His people from the Egyptians.
c. Yahweh was their deliverer who divided the Red Sea and led them out of slavery.
6. Yet, at this moment, Yahweh seems to be “far away.”
a. Do you feel the tension?
b. God’s people are in trouble and need the Lord, but it feels that God is distant.
7. When was the last time you felt like that?
a. I am sure that all of us know not only the pain of suffering and loss, but also the struggle with God’s seeming distance.
8. The lament psalms teach us that these feelings should not be dismissed as invalid or sinful, rather they are part of the journey and an aspect of genuine faith.
H. The second question is even more pointed: “Why do you hide in times of trouble?” (Ps. 10:1)
1. This complaint moves to an accusation of active disinterest.
a. It’s not just that God seems distant, but that God is actually hiding himself.
b. The word “hide” can mean secret, hidden, and concealed.
c. But it can also have more emotional meanings, such as withdrawn or ignoring.
2. Does this kind of accusation toward God make you feel uncomfortable? It should.
a. The psalmist is basically telling God that he feels as if God is not being God-like.
b. If you are completely comfortable with this, then you probably don’t understand what is said here.
c. The psalmist is deeply struggling, and not just with his pain; he’s struggling with God.
d. Injustice from humans is one thing, but God’s lack of intervention is a deeper pain – one that creates lamenting complaint.
I. This second step of lament – the complaint – is helpful because it speaks to something familiar.
1. All of us eventually discover that life is filled with unfairness.
2. We have all been wronged and treated unfairly by someone, but what makes the situation even more challenging is when the perpetrator seems to get away with it.
a. The lack of consequences or resolution can be maddening, but complaint allows us to give voice to our hard questions.
3. Think with me about the variety of ways that suffering and sorrow may enter our lives.
a. It can come in the form of unfulfilled longings, loneliness, and ailing body, or an unfair supervisor or boss at work.
b. It can come in the form of job loss, financial struggles, a broken engagement, or ongoing conflict or dissatisfaction in marriage.
c. Our hearts can groan under the weight of infertility, cancer, failed adoption, an adulterous spouse, or wayward children.
d. Suffering can also come from being persecuted for our faith.
4. The longer we live, the more pain we will see and experience.
5. But then add to all that the fact that God could intervene in any or all of these things, but there are times – many times – when God chooses not to.
6. That is what creates the tension of the complaint portion of lament.
J. Let’s notice how God is often addressed in complaint language in other lament psalms.
1. Frequently it is connected to questions of “why”:
a. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me…?” (Psalm 22:1).
b. “Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord?...Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?” (Psalm 44:23-24).
2. Then there are the complaints connected to the “how” questions:
a. “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1).
b. “How long, O God, is the foe to scoff? Is the enemy to revile your name forever?” (Psalm 74:10).
c. “How shall we sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land?” (Psalm 137:4).
3. Michael Jinkins, in his book In the House of the Lord, reminds us that God can handle our struggles: “The psalms of lament open us to the greatness of a God who not only can hear, but also can handle our pain, our self-pity, our blame, and our fear, who can respond to our anger, our disillusionment in the midst of oppression and persecution, under the boot of tyranny and our sense of God-forsakenness in the face of life’s most profound alienations and exiles.”
4. The lament psalms give us permission – even encouragement – to lay out our struggles, even if they are struggles with God Himself.
K. Asking God questions is not the only aspect of biblical complaint, and so Psalm 10 also shows us the value of telling God our frustrations.
1. Look at verses 2-4: 2 In arrogance the wicked relentlessly pursue their victims; let them be caught in the schemes they have devised. 3 For the wicked one boasts about his own cravings; the one who is greedy curses and despises the Lord. 4 In all his scheming, the wicked person arrogantly thinks, “There’s no accountability, since there’s no God.” 5 His ways are always secure; your lofty judgments have no effect on him… (Psalm 10:2-5)
2. The psalmist is outraged with the wicked actions of the proud.
3. He is frustrated that there seems to be no justice.
4. It appears that the proud and oppressive person only experiences success.
5. Nevertheless, the psalmist turns his powerless position into a platform to call out to God.
6. His blunt complaint is an opportunity to redirect his heart.
7. Rather than allowing painful circumstances to rule him, creating bitterness or despair, he lays out his frustrations to the Lord.
8. The frustrations expressed in lament push him further toward God, not away from God.
L. What I hope we learn from this second step of lament is that the step of complaint is more than expressing a series of grievances, it is a path for reorienting our thinking and our feelings.
1. The first two steps of lament - turning to God and laying out our complaints – then lead to the last two steps – asking and trusting.
2. So, as we try to get comfortable with this second step of lament, I want to give us a few principles to guide us as we learn to lay out our complaints to God in the best and right way.
M. First, let’s come humble.
1. We must approach the Lord with a humble heart.
a. We can ask pain-filled questions with a humble and broken heart.
2. We must avoid approaching God with a proud heart that demands answers with a heart that believes that God owes us.
a. We can come to God with our pain, but we must not come with our pride.
N. Second, let’s be honest.
1. Biblical complaint doesn’t work if we aren’t being honest with God about our pain and our fears, our frustrations and our disappointments.
2. Let’s keep in mind that we are talking to a heavenly Father who loves us and knows us, and let’s keep in mind that we have a Savior and Mediator who understands us.
3. Jesus talked with God with honest complaint while on the cross – “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” (Mt. 27:46).
4. I like a story told about a 16th century reformer and prayer warrior named St. Theresa.
a. One day she found her carriage mired in the mud on one of her journeys.
b. She cried out to God, “If this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you don’t have many.”
c. Now we know that she wasn’t struck by lightning, but somehow got out of the mud and continued to walk with God.
5. God can handle our honesty – and He is not surprised by our struggles and our feelings.
6. So, let’s tell God all of it, humbly and honestly.
O. Third, let’s pray the Bible.
1. We can use the lament psalms to give us the words to say, and they can act as a biblical boundary that helps keep us on track.
2. God has given us the lament psalms to help us, so let’s employ them to aid us in the complaint step of lament.
3. It’s hard to go wrong if when we approach God and speak only using Scripture for our words.
P. Finally, let’s make sure we move on to the next step.
1. Skipping or avoiding the complaint step is not healthy, but neither is getting stuck there.
2. The complaint step is not meant to be an end in itself or a place to stay.
3. If we never move beyond complaint, then lament loses its purpose and power to help and heal.
4. The complaint is central to lamenting, but we must never complain just to complain.
5. Instead, we bring our complaints to the Lord for the purpose of moving ourselves toward Him.
6. We use the honest opening of our souls in complaint as a doorway to requesting God’s help and expressing our trust that God will help us.
7. And so, complaint is a turning point in our lament, so let’s be humble and honest with God, even if it is messy or embarrassing.
8. If we effectively bring our complaints to God, then we will be ready for the next steps of lament, that Lord willing, we will continue working on it next Sunday.
Q. Let me finish with this short powerful quote form A.W. Tozer who lived and ministered during the first half of the 20th century.
1. Tozer wrote: “Honesty is a vital element of true prayer…Prayer will increase in power and reality as we repudiate all pretense and learn to be utterly honest before God as well as before men.”
2. We can’t fool God, so why try?
3. Let’s be honest with ourselves, be honest with God and be honest with others, in prayer and in everything.
Resources:
Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop, Crossway, 2019.
Excerpt from devotional “Journey to the Cross” https://restorationchurchdc.com/2013/03/difference-between-complaining-and-lamenting/
Michael Jinkins, In the House of the Lord: Inhabiting the Psalms of Lament, Collegeville, MN 1989.
