One of the ways we differ from animals is our capacity to speak. Scientist and animal trainers have attempted to get monkeys to speak since the 17th century. Yet no chimpanzee has ever spoken. But I have several little monkeys, otherwise known as grandchildren, who talked before they walked.
We’re not the only ones that can make noises. Bird’s sing, pig’s grunt, and rodents squeak. The larger mammals have a wider repertoire of noises. They bark, moo, bleat, bray, roar, howl, growl, and many other sounds. They are rudimentary forms of communication. They use sounds to attract a mate in mating season, to announce a kill, or to warn an enemy from their territory. However, only humans can speak. We bear the image of God and He communicates to us by speaking.
The tongue is four inches long and weighs about 2 ounces. It is usually invisible and will be at this time unless you decide to be rude and stick your tongue out at me. It has several important functions. It helps digest our food. Our appetite is stimulated by the taste buds on our tongue. When you go to the doctor, he asks you to stick out your tongue. It reveals the condition of your health. It makes for a handy toothpick. Above all, it is the major organ of speech.
If you stick out your tongue and clamp it with your teeth, you will find that you are incapable of speaking. All you can offer is gibberish. One of the main reasons that animals can’t speak is that speech requires highly intricate muscular movement of the tongue. Animals simply don’t have the brainpower to pull it off (www.quodlibet.net, James Bohn).
The tip of the tongue is very sensitive to pressure and pain. I’m sure you already knew that. It is six times more sensitive than the back of the hand and 125 times more sensitive than the sole of the foot.
Though the tongue is small, the Bible warns us of the power of the tongue. James says its power is out of proportion to its size. A rudder is small compared to a ship, but you can guide that big ship across the oceans with the small rudder. A bit in a horse’s mouth is small, however, with it you can control this very powerful animal. A spark is small. It wasn’t that long ago that a million acres in Oklahoma burned and created a hay shortage for cattlemen across the state. Our tongue is small, but it has incredible potential for good or evil.
In Proverbs alone, there are over 100 verses pertaining to the use of the tongue. Proverbs is concerned with the wise use of the tongue. One of the principle lessons is the difference between the wise and foolish use of the tongue. Is the use of your tongue wise or foolish? How does a wise person use his tongue?
I. THE TONGUE OF THE WISE IS RESTRAINED.
The wise person knows the power of speech for good and evil. Therefore, they exercise restraint over the tongue. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is a time to speak and a time to be silent. The wise understand that there are times when we should hold our tongues. However, the fool is a constant talker. His words are rash and reckless. They tumble out of his mouth. They speak before they think whereas, the wise think before they speak.
You see this in Proverbs 15:28: The mind of the righteous person thinks before answering, but the mouth of the wicked blurts out evil things.
We all have an example where being impulsive led to mistakes and embarrassment. The wise person gives thought to his answer. He considers the words he uses, the tone of his voice, and the way he answers. He studies how to answer; but the fool is impulsive. He blurts out his answer before understanding the situation. The key to communication is understanding before answering. This requires listening and asking questions before giving a considered thought.
The words of the wicked reflect that his character and his advice are not for your good. His advice is contrary to the will of God. It is evil.
A father once told about the time his daughter turned sixteen. She began to treat her parents and siblings disrespectfully. She made lots of sarcastic comments and put-downs.
It came to a head one evening when she let fly some very inappropriate comments. Dad had had enough. “Little lady, let me tell you how life works in this house.” Then he went through a long list of reasons that he was sure would convince her to respect her parents. He mentioned all the things they’d done for her recent birthday. He talked about the dress they’d bought, the car she had the freedom to drive and the list went on and on. I don’t really have to paint this scene for you parents, do I?
By the time he finished, he thought she’d immediately repent, drop to her knees, and worship her parents. Instead, belligerently she said, “So?”
It infuriated dear old dad. Angrily he sent her to her room. He told her that he and her mom would discuss the consequences of her disrespectful behavior. She went stomping off and slammed the door. He was so angry that he was pacing back and forth.
Suddenly it hit him. He’d done nothing to try and understand. All he was thinking was of himself and her treatment of him. That caused a shift in his thinking.
In a few minutes, he went to her room. He apologized for his behavior. He didn’t excuse her behavior, but he took ownership for his own misbehavior. He said, “Look, I know something is going on here, and I don’t know what it is.” He conveyed that he really did want to understand. Finally, he was able to create an atmosphere where she was able to talk.
She told how she was feeling about being brand new in high school, the pressure she felt to make good grades, and make new friends at the same time. She was feeling nervous about driving the car and worried if she was going to be safe. She was uncertain about the new part-time job and her boss. On top of all that, she was taking piano lessons and giving piano lessons.
Finally, dad said, “Honey, you’re feeling totally overwhelmed.” It was then that his daughter finally felt she was being understood. He said, “Then when I asked you to treat us with a little more respect, that just sounded like one more thing for you to do.”
“That’s right!” she said. “Another thing for me to do—and I can’t handle what’s on my plate now.”
Dad, mom, and daughter sat down and brainstormed ways to simplify the kid’s life. She stopped taking piano lessons and giving lessons. She changed jobs to a more suitable one, which eventually resulted in a promotion to manager. In the weeks that followed, the girl was like a totally changed person.
When dad took time to listen and understand, he was able to give thought to the situation. Notice how dramatically his words and tone changed. It resulted in him speaking with restraint. The outcome was good and not evil.
The story illustrates some components of the tongue that is restrained. First, wise people don’t speak without first listening.
Proverbs 18:13: The one who gives an answer before he listens— this is foolishness and disgrace for him.
It describes someone who jumps to conclusions. He doesn’t allow time for a fair hearing.
That seems so obvious, but how often do we violate this simple principle of communication. Seek first to understand before you are understood. James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Many of our misunderstandings could be avoided if both parties would listen before speaking. Notice that the proverb says “listen” not “hear.” To listen means you actively hear. You pay attention to the words, tone, body language all the while resisting the urge to immediately respond.
I guess this is a good place to use the quote from the Greek sage Epictetus, who said in 55 A.D., “You were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason, so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Listening is a powerful way for growth and love.
A component of a tongue that is restrained is that the wise don’t speak without first listening. A second component of a tongue that is restrained is that wise people don’t speak when they are angry.
Proverbs 12:16: A fool’s displeasure is known at once, but whoever ignores an insult is sensible.
He blurts out what he wants to say when he is angry and troubled. In contrast, the wise man ignores the insult. If we rush to our defense and demand an apology, Proverbs is saying, we are acting like fools. Wise people don’t do this. Wise people don’t allow insults to upset their equilibrium. They don’t allow insults to provoke them into hasty speech. Later, they may deem it necessary to answer, but they know that a “soft answer turns away wrath” (Prov. 15:1). The point is that they don’t blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind. Otherwise, they live to regret it.
Proverbs 17:27: The intelligent person restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a man of understanding.
A sparing use of words is a mark of calmness. The second half of the verse adds to that by saying a clear head is a calm head. Restraining his words gives him time to get his emotions under control. Having his emotions under control means he controls how people perceive him.
Proverbs 17:28: Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent, discerning, when he seals his lips.
You’ve heard the quote from Will Rogers, “Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt?” President Herbert Hoover said, “I’m never quoted for the things I don’t say.”
Silence conceals moral and mental deficiencies. When a person listens for understanding, he will have something to contribute when he speaks.
I heard a TV journalist being interviewed about a book that she had written. The book is about kindness. She determined she would be kind to everyone, all the time. She says her reputation for kindness is what promoted her to the national stage and not so much her resume.
She told about an incident when a male anchor bit her head off over a small matter. She was enraged and wanted to snap back, but she held her tongue. Later, she learned that he had just learned that his mother had died. I don’t know if she is a Christian, but she certainly is practicing the wisdom of Proverbs.
Another component of the tongue that is restrained is that wise people keep confidences.
Proverbs 11:13: A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but the trustworthy keeps a confidence.
One of the most despicable people in the Bible is the talebearer, the gossip. This word “gossip” is used in other O.T. passages to convey that the person is not simply being careless in telling matters; but instead, they are being hurtful and malicious. However, the wise know how to hold their tongue about secret things that would hurt other people if they were made known.
Proverbs 18:8: A gossip’s words are like choice food that goes down to one’s innermost being.
This person simply can’t resist circulating juicy bits of gossip. The Bible knows something that we may be unwilling to admit. We love gossip. We find it delicious.
We know tragedies have occurred because of gossip on social media sites. Children and youth ending their life because of gossip.
Did you know that gossip magazines like Globe, Star and Sun each have circulation numbers of nearly 1.5 million readers/subscription? We love to whisper. It is delicious.
We could learn a lesson from the oyster when it comes to gossip. We shut our mouths and resist all pressure to open them. We are not to speak about matters when we have promised silence, and we are not speak about matters that will harm and hurt others.
The wise use their speech wisely and not foolishly. How do the wise use their tongue? First, the tongue of the wise is restrained.
II. THE TONGUE OF THE WISE IS HONEST.
The whole value of speech depends on whether the people speaking to one another are telling the truth. If you don’t know if the person speaking to you is telling you the truth and they question if you are telling the truth, speech is immediately devalued in its benefit.
Some of you will remember Kenneth Lay and the accounting firm Enron. They are remembered for the biggest bankruptcy in the U.S. up to that time. They lied about their profitability. In the year 2000, their stock sold for $90/ share. By November of 2001, it sold for $1. Billions were lost and thousands of employees lost their entire 401k retirement. I know retired people who had to go back to work because of the economic turmoil of their lie and deception. The entire U.S. economy suffered. It resulted in the Federal government passing a law that required businesses to verify they were reporting accurately in a certain time limit. Lying can devastate people’s lives and a country’s future.
When it comes to honest speech, Proverbs speaks negatively of the false witness and the flatterer.
The false witness is described in Proverbs 12:17, 19, 22:
(17) Whoever speaks the truth declares what is right, but a false witness, deceit.
According to verse 17, a man’s words are worth what his character is worth. If a man is honest, you can believe he is telling you the truth. If he is a deceiver, you best question what he tells you. Ronald Reagan said of the communist Soviet Union, “Trust but verify.” Keep that in mind when you deal with communists today.
(19) Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue, only a moment.
Another difference is found in v. 19. Truth will endure but all lies must fail. I can prove this with just the mention of a few key names. First, “Watergate.” Eventually, that lie failed. Second, “Monicagate.” These words proved to be a lie; “I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.” On the endurance of the truth, we are still repeating the wondrous testimony of those early disciples, “He’s alive!”
For a follower of God, one of the strongest motivations for not lying is that God detests lying. Some translations use the word “abomination.” It’s disgusting and a sure way to experience the judgment of God. Look at v. 22:
(22) Lying lips are detestable to the Lord, but faithful people are His delight.
An implication of verse 22 is that we choose whether we want to know God or offend Him by our choice of not telling the truth.
There are many ways to lie. Gossip, slander, silence, exaggeration, manipulation, hypocrisy, and faithlessness are ways people lie. God detests all lying.
A person is never more acting like the devil than when they are telling a lie. A lie in the Garden plunged us into sin. The witnesses at Jesus’ trial lied about Him. Peter lied three times about his association with Jesus. Annanis and Sapphira lied to the Holy Spirit in Acts 5 and it cost them their lives. God will judge liars.
Maybe you’re familiar with Machiavelli. His name is synonymous with lying and manipulation to get what you want. He wrote a famous book called The Prince. It contained examples of violence and treachery to support his belief that rulers were justified in using these methods to maintain power. He said that a man who must be honest in all his actions will go to ruin among so many that are dishonest.
The book was never meant for publication. He wrote it for a tyrant in a city in Italy as a personal handbook for how to retain power. When the book was let loose on the world in 1532, five years after his death, it took Europe by storm. In five years, it had been translated into every European language and became the statesman’s bible.
What was the outcome of this man and his book that promoted lying? He died in exile, dishonored and distrusted. The book inspired Thomas Cromwell in his unscrupulous service to King Henry VIII. He was hung on the gallows. Napolean was inspired by the book. He ended his days exiled on St. Helena. Hitler followed its advice. He committed suicide. Stalin believed that it supported and justified his duplicity and atrocities. People remember him as one of history’s great monsters.
Maybe you think I’m being overly dramatic in my illustrations, but remember the Bible says that lying is disgusting to God. He will judge the liar.
The tongue of the wise is honest, but the tongue of the fool speaks a false witness. The tongue of the wise is honest, but the tongue of the fool speaks flattery.
The flatter is described in Proverbs 28:23: One who rebukes a person will later find more favor than one who flatters with his tongue.
Proverbs repeats that constructive criticism is better than superficial and misleading praise. It’s likely to get a negative reaction; but afterwards, there will be gratitude. Proverbs would have us cut through the pretense and get to the truth of a matter. This proverb is about giving an honest assessment.
In the past, I became aware of a situation that needed to be confronted. Reluctantly, I removed the person from their position. This person got mad at me, left our church, and joined another. Some years later he thanked me. It contributed to him seeking counsel and producing many good benefits for his family.
The problem with flattery is that it is hypocritical. There is a place for expressing gratitude for people, providing it is genuine. We are encouraged to affirm people if we can do it with integrity. The purpose of flattery is to buy popularity with deceit and dishonesty.
The false witness speaks evil of people and the flatterer speaks well of people insincerely. False witness and false praise are the ways of the fool, but the tongue of the wise is honest.
We are called to use our speech wisely and not foolishly. A wise use of speech is to practice restraint and to be honest. Lastly, a wise use of our tongue is to be helpful.
III. THE TONGUE OF THE WISE IS HELPFUL.
The wise use speech to build people up. They are helpful and constructive with their speech.
Proverbs 12:18 say, “There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise [brings] healing.”
Words can either wound like a sword or heal like medicine. All of us could tell stories of someone’s cutting words, and we no doubt have hurt others by our words. The number one most requested program for 2006 on James Dobson’s Focus on the Family was the testimony of Sherrie Rose. Sherrie was 42 when the recording was made that played on Focus on the Family. She told of an incident that occurred to her in high school when she was around 17 years old. In high school, Sherrie was very overweight. One of the most popular and handsome guys in school asked if she was going to the beach party for those who were graduating. When Sherrie said yes, he said he thought that would be an appropriate place for a whale. Twenty-five years later, Mrs. Rose could tell that incident and quote those cruel words in detail.
Isn’t it deeply convicting to know that we have said awful things that cut so deeply into people’s psyche that it never heals or if it does, it leaves a permanent scar? A wise person knows how deeply wounding his words can be. Not all our words weight the same. Those words from the most powerful boy in high school hit her like a ton of bricks. Dad’s, I don’t understand why, but your words weigh the most to your kids. Husband’s, you carry similar weight with your wife. Men, please consider your words.
Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.”
In Hebrew psychology, the bones represent the core of a person. Pleasant words are words of encouragement, praise and love. Like honey they are good.
Nathaniel Hawthorne, a contemporary of Abraham Lincoln, was one of America’s most influential writers. He is the author of The Scarlet Letter and many other well-known short stories. He lost his job at a customs house in Salem, Massachusetts. If you’ve ever lost your job, you can understand how beaten and discouraged he felt. When he told his wife Sophia, she did not belittle him nor express fear over their lack of security. Instead, she went and got pen and paper, set them before him, and said; “Now you can write your book.” It was that day that he began writing The Scarlet Letter. It was a success financially and praised by the critics.
Hawthorne would tell later that his success was due, in large part, to a wife that spoke words of encouragement to him at a time when he had lost confidence in himself. He described her as “that flower lent from heaven to show the possibilities of the human soul.” In other words, the tongue of the wise is helpful.
Abraham Lincoln carried with him a newspaper clipping stating that he was a great leader.
I’ve known some men whom I have wondered what they could have become or accomplished if they would have had a wise mate who used her tongue to help him instead of hurting him. I’ve wondered how joyful and confident a woman might have been if her husband spoke to her tenderly and positively and not harshly and negatively. What would it have been like to live in that home? My greatest sadness is reserved for the children who’ve been criticized, disrespected, and never praised. Everyone of them has mind-blowing potential, but it is shattered by parents who are more insulting than encouraging. That is the way of the fool. It is not wise.
Of course, the most helpful use of the tongue is to tell others about the saving message of Jesus Christ. Another great use of the tongue is to use it to worship Christ. When Jesus Christ is on our tongue, our tongue becomes a fountain of life. As God gives you opportunity to put in a good word for Jesus, don’t be tongue-tied or silent. Pointing people to Jesus is the most useful thing you can do with your tongue. The wise use their tongue to point others to Jesus.
CONCLUSION
We sing in our church, “O for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer’s praise, the glories of my God and King, the triumphs of his grace!” But if we had a thousand tongues would we really be telling others about Jesus? The answer to that question can be found by the use of the one tongue we do have.
Jesus said that it is out of the abundance of our heart that the mouth speaks (Matt. 15:18-19). Our speech tells us what the condition of our heart is. If we want new speech, we must have a new heart. Jesus said first make the tree good and then the fruit will be good.
If our speech lacks restraint, honesty or helpfulness, it reflects the condition of our real character. It may be helpful to establish some new habits, but what really needs to take place is a brokenness and repentance over a God-dishonoring tongue. The wise know the power of the tongue. They submit themselves to God, so that they use it wisely and not foolishly.
INVITATION
Ivan the IV was the first Czar of all Russia. He was so cruel they called him “Ivan the Terrible.” He married seven wives and abused them all. He was immoral and violent. He used to throw animals off the Kremlin walls just to watch them die. When he died in 1584, historians recorded that they shaved his head and dressed him for burial in the robes of a monk. The hope was that God would think that Ivan the Terrible was a monk and allow him into heaven.
Is that how you get into heaven—by disguising yourself and hoping to deceive God into thinking you are someone else? Of course, that is absurd.
Romans 10:9-10: That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
Words that honestly reflect trust in Jesus as Savior and Lord result in salvation of the sinner. That is a wise use of the tongue.
(The idea for the sermon came from a John Stott sermon.)
