The other day, I was in the grocery store, and I noticed a lot of gloomy faces. I began thinking about my mother, who a year ago lost my father, her husband of over 60 years, and she seemingly has been in a funk ever since. I have tried cheering her up, but her mood stays the same.
Now, I know that loosing someone is not an easy thing to get over, as I said, I lost my father a year ago. But, what I also know is that our moods and attitudes can and does become systemic.
Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines attitude as: A manner of acting, feeling, or thinking that shows one’s disposition, opinion, etc… Something else we must add and understand.......attitudes are a choice, and they are both; habit forming, and infectious.
Unhappiness. Downcast. Grumbling. Contentious. Worrying, depression, Anxiety. Despair. Defensive. Complaining. Feeling defeated, lingering disappointment, sadness and anger, etc… The list goes on. These are all negative attitudes that do directly affect your person, your relationships, your circumstances, your family, your life.
Your attitude represents your disposition, your outlook, your very character. The Word of God says in Prov. 23:7; "For as a man (or woman) thinks in his or her heart, so he/she is..."
The word heart is the Hebrew word nephesh (neh'-fesh); which translates soul, which refers to a person’s inner desires, passions, appetites, emotions. And, as a man “thinks” is the word shaar (shaw-air'); meaning to calculate or reckon, which actually is, what a person considers, imagines, feels or regards.
So, what this tells us that what a person considers, feels or regards in and to themselves is to their character and reflected in their attitude.
It is a person’s attitude more than their words that demonstrates their character. A person’s words are often used to conceal, misrepresent, or to counterfeit their feelings. But, we all universally, discern the essence of a person’s character in action by their attitude.
A person’s attitude is more important than what most people think. Our attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. Attitude will make or break a marriage, a family, a friendship, a company, a church... etc.
We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. But, the remarkable thing is we do have a choice of our attitude, each and every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
Let’s Proceed!
Ephesians 4:23 KJV tells us, “And be renewed in the spirit of your mind”; which is better translated in the (NIV) as “Be made new in the attitude of your mind.”
Clearly, God cares about our attitudes. What Ephesians 4:23 really speaks to is our natural ability to change from one condition to another condition. The word mind is "nous"; which is not mind our mere intellectual capacity, what and how we think; nous is our reasoning, feelings and volition or will combined. Nous is our temperament of character. Our attitude!
Your attitude represents your disposition, your reckoning, your outlook, your very character. And, your attitudes always become actions or reactions.
Jesus said, in Matt. 15:17-20, “17Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated? 18But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. 19For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. 20These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.
Our attitudes come from within us, and they speak much louder than words. Our attitudes tell people what we are really like. When I have a negative, nasty, critical attitude that’s the real me and when you have one that’s the real you.
We don’t have an attitude just because we had a bad day. The reason you have a bad attitude is because you have a bad attitude inside of you.
Like a jar of water that has a loose lid on it. When you shake the jar, the water comes spilling out. Someone may ask me, “why did the water spill out of the jar?” I answer, because the lid was loose, and when I shook it the water spilled out.”
No, the reason the water spilled out is because the jar was filled with water. What’s on the inside is what comes out when it’s shaken. That’s what Jesus tells us. What’s on the inside spills out. Like the jar of water with a loose lid, a bad attitude is eventually going to spill out into some negative actions - destructive words and deeds. All a bad day can ever do is shake the jar. What’s in the jar will spill out.
In Numbers 12:1-11, we read about 2 brothers and a sister. One brother Moses, had a good attitude. The Bible says that "Moses was a humble man, more humble than anyone on the face of the earth." In other words, Moses treated people as he wanted to be treated. The other brother Aaron and the sister Miriam had bad attitudes – which eventually spilled out. Miriam seems to have had the worst attitude and infected her brother, Aaron.
In verse one of Numbers 12 we read, "Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife.." Here they are, family members whom Moses thought he could count on and trust, going around behind his back, criticizing him, stirring up trouble among God’s people against their leader, their own brother Moses, because of his Cushite wife.
The fact that Moses had married a Cushite wife was not the real problem - it just shook Miriam’s jar. This was just a symptom, an excuse for the real problem of Miriam’s longstanding bad attitude that stemmed from jealousy of her brother Moses and him being leader. It was out of her own poor self-esteem she allowed herself to become critical and choose to cause trouble. And, Aaron went along because of his bad attitude of jealousy.
Before you wander, where I get they were jealous of Moses, we see in 12 verse 2, Mariam and Aaron speaking jealously against Moses and the Lord heard them. Vs. 2“Has the Lord spoken only through Moses?” they asked. “Hasn’t he also spoken through us?” And the Lord heard this. 3(Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)The Lord saw their bad attitudes of jealousy.
Verses 4-15
4At once the Lord said to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, “Come out to the tent of meeting, all three of you.” So the three of them went out. 5Then the Lord came down in a pillar of cloud; he stood at the entrance to the tent and summoned Aaron and Miriam. When the two of them stepped forward, 6he said, “Listen to my words: “When there is a prophet among you, I, the Lord, reveal myself to them in visions, I speak to them in dreams.
7But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house. 8With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?” 9The anger of the Lord burned against them, and he left them. 10When the cloud lifted from above the tent, Miriam’s skin was leprous a —it became as white as snow. Aaron turned toward her and saw that she had a defiling skin disease, 11and he said to Moses, “Please, my lord, I ask you not to hold against us the sin we have so foolishly committed. 12Do not let her be like a stillborn infant coming from its mother’s womb with its flesh half eaten away.”13So Moses cried out to the Lord, “Please, God, heal her!”
14The Lord replied to Moses, “If her father had spit in her face, would she not have been in disgrace for seven days? Confine her outside the camp for seven days; after that she can be brought back.” 15So Miriam was confined outside the camp for seven days, and the people did not move on till she was brought back.
Our attitudes WILL:
1. MAKE OR BREAK US
2. HEAL OR HURT US
3. Make FRIENDS or ENEMIES
4. HAPPY OR MISERABLE
5. SUCCESS OR A FAILURE
Bad attitudes do dictate to our feelings and thoughts.
However, Believe it or not, we do have a choice with our attitude. WE CAN CONTROL OUR ATTITUDES
Nehemiah 8:10
This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.
The phrase “do not grieve” or "atsab" (aw-tsavv') refers to fabricating or fashioning; (in a bad sense), worry, pain, sadness or anger. For the joy, gladness of Yahweh/Jehovah is our strength or maoz or mauz (maw-ozze') meaning our place of safety, protection, refuge, stronghold, defense.
What this passage tells us, is that we have the option to choose to either fabricate or fashion worry, pain, sadness, anger and a whole set of emotions and attitudes within ourselves or, we can find refuge, protection and defense in the Lord.
Many times are problems are real, and we are not just fabricating or fashioning bad, hurt, painful or angry feelings. But, where the fabricating and fashioning comes in, is how we choose to deal with them, create more out of them, add to them and continue on in them.
We all know the saying, “hurt people hurt people”. But, what if I choose no longer to hurt, but give my hurt to the Lord and ask Him to take those hurt feelings from me? He does, and I no longer hurt, so I no longer hurt anyone else. My strength was in the Lord, my refuge, my defense about my hurt feelings. You get the point.
Bad attitudes steal our joy and puts us bad mood with bad feelings, and we take our eyes off God, which is all the more reason we should bring our bad attitudes to the Lord in prayer. Psalm 34:17–18 says, “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
But is it really possible for me to change a bad attitude into a joyful one? God’s word tells us it is, Eph. 4:23 ““Be made new in the attitude of your mind.” Though, you may have to battle yourself to get in the right attitude, it is nothing more than cultivating the right attitude within.
How Do I Develop A Good Attitude
1. Identify and Repent of Bad Attitudes
Acts 8:22 "Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you."
The word thought is "epinoia" (ep’pean'-noy-ah); which means the design or intent, and heart "kardia" (kar-dee'-ah), which is not the organ that pumps blood, but means inner-self or character. Epinoia (ep pean'-noy-ah) "kardia" is the intent or design of your inner-self, character or personhood. Or, your attitudes, your moods, your disposition as a person. We all know those people who always seem to be angry, depressed, sad, contentious, jealousy, worry, anxiety, in conflict, troubled, problemed, striving, etc…. And, if your one of those people; it’s the water in the jar with a loose lid. And, shaking the jar is not what makes the water spill out. It’s the water in the jar that spills out when shaken.
But, we can and should repent, and pray that God changes our design, our intent, our inner-self, helping us overcome these negative attitudes, help give us a changed attitude, one of joy and gladness in Him.
Many years ago, I learned to start my day off by speaking Psalms 118:24 each morning; "This is the day the LORD has made. (I) We will rejoice and be glad in it." This helps me start my day with a better attitude before being bombarded with all the day’s events.
2. Submit Your Attitudes to God
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 "(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..."
Strongholds are beliefs built up in our minds, our reasoning and feelings that we have fortified within ourselves. The power of our thoughts and feelings are where strongholds begin. Those thoughts and feelings, if meditated on, produce strongholds, which are faulty reasoning, that is reflected in our attitudes! Prov. 23:7 says, “for as he thinketh in his heart, so is he”.
The battle is in the “argument” or in the KJV “imagination”. The word argument or imagination is logismos, which means “hostile reasoning.” We must battle against faulty reasoning; such as feelings and emotions that want us to live to bad attitudes towards something or someone. For example:
Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22). Jesus answer to Peter of the number of times “seventy times seven” is only symbolic. Forgiveness is not a matter of counting times, but an attitude of the heart. People can say they forgive, but yet still argue or imagine in themselves the wrongs that person has done to them, and still carry ill feelings and emotions towards that person. It’s the attitude, not what is said. One must cast down the arguments, those imaginations, those feelings within themselves about how this person did this or that to them, with Godly reasoning of compassion, grace and mercy to the understanding of forgiving that persons wrongs against them.
We are to bring our attitudes into obedience of God’s Word. Apply discipline to your thought life — submit your thoughts to the attitudes of Christ’s. A good attitude bolstered by faith, disregards feelings, and has a determination to embrace God’s outlook and disposition on a matter.
3. Equip And Feed Your Right Attitudes
Prov. 23:7 “for as he thinketh in his heart, so is he”.
It’s like having two dogs who fight all the time, but you feed one and starve the other. Which one do you think will win all the fights? Obviously, the one you feed will always win out. The same is true about our attitudes. The more you equip and feed a negative attitude, the more you fortify it in your character, and the harder it is to get rid of it. But, you can always teach a dog a new trick.
As it tells in God’s word — those good and virtuous things think on those.
Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy; meditate on these things."
Bad attitudes—The best way to get rid of a bad attitude is by making the decision to have a good attitude, and rejoice, whether we feel like it or not.
It is always easier to talk negatively, to criticize, but you can change that and create the atmosphere in which you live by the words you speak. When your words are positive you produce a creative, loving, accepting, positive environment. When you speak negative words you create suspicion, mistrust and a can’t do anything right atmosphere.
Eliminate words that hurt and tear down. LOOK FOR GOOD in every situation.
A positive person doesn’t refuse to recognize the negative, he or she just refuses to dwell on the negative, but chooses to see the positive in every situation. The classic, cup halve full or halve empty. We can see giants or we see a land flowing with milk and honey. It’s a matter of perspective, choosing how you will look at it.
4. Make A Choice to Be Content. Learn to have joy in all circumstances.
Phil 4:11-13
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Develop the habit of looking for the best even from the worst conditions... And the fact is that when you look for good you will find it. I can choose to dwell on the bad, the pain or I can focus on what good I see.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (Phil. 4:4)
START SPEAKING POSITIVE WORDS to yourself. Though, it may not come naturally, you can learn to speak positive words. Notice, I said learn.
REPLACE:
1. Anger with Love
2. Fear with Faith
3. Complaining with Gratitude
4. Bitterness with Forgiveness
5. Judgment with Acceptance
6.Feeling sorry for yourself with helping someone else.
These are sure ways for gaining victory over negative, bad attitudes.
Learn to pray out your negative emotions and attitudes. Learn to cry them out and pray them out until you pray through to victory.
Dear Lord,
Please forgive me for entertaining my bad attitude. Lord, I give you my disappointments, fears, frustrations, rejections, sorrows, hurts, angers, prides and all other ones I have, because I’m tired of thinking about them and tired of trying to figure out how to respond to them. I choose to trust you even though my heart feels heavy. In fact, I give all my griefs to you now, and I apologize for not giving them to you sooner. I know you will turn all these things around in me, and give me joy. In Jesus Name Amen!
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