BITTERNESS
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Bitterness is defined as anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly. It is an attitude of intense and prolonged anger and hostility which is synonymous with resentment and envy. Often, it also involves feelings of resentment and a desire for revenge. It is the result of not forgiving someone, which makes hurt and anger to grow until the pain and resentment hurt the person’s view of life.
It occurs when we feel someone has taken something from us that we are powerless to get back. We hold on to the hurt in an attempt to remind ourselves and others of the injustice we’ve experienced in the hopes that someone will save us and restore what we’ve lost. Unfortunately, bitterness only makes our sense of the injustice grow. It does nothing to heal the wound caused by the injustice. In fact, it causes the wound to become infected with anger. Bitterness has the power to destroy us from within and can negatively impact those around us in many ways.
"Bitterness is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die."(John Ortberg Jr.).
Eventually, bitterness will kill us either physically - because it can contribute to physical sickness - or spiritually by not allowing us to experience the peace God wants for us. The more we hold onto past hurts the more we become drunk on our pain and the experience can rob us of the joy we can find in anything. Bitterness will affect you physically, emotionally, and spiritually because the fruit of bitterness is an acid that destroys its container.
Bitterness starts out small. An offense burrows its way into our hearts. We replay it in our minds, creating deep ruts that will be hard to build back up. We retell our hurts to any available listener, including each sordid detail. We enlist support, pushing us further into our resentment. We hear the offending person's name and cringe. We decipher the offense as intentional and our offender as full of spite. We look for other reasons, both real or imagined, to dislike our villain. With each new piece of information, we form another layer of bitterness. We fool ourselves into thinking no one will know but anger and resentment have a way of seeping into everything. (Reference - https://www.christianitytoday.com/)
One of the most well-known stories of bitterness in the Bible is the tale of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-8). Cain becomes consumed by bitterness for his brother and God, when he feels unjustly treated relative to his prosperous brother Abel. Cain damns God and kills his brother out of hatred and pity for himself.
Bitterness is the opposite of God’s way of thinking, and it can take us away from God. (Stephan M. Koenig) .Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled”.
It is a sin that can linger in our lives and separate us from God; which removes holiness and peace of mind from our lives. Romans 12:19 commands us not to seek revenge, but instead to let God avenge.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18). So how can we do that? How can we prevent bitterness from moving into our hearts? How can we deal with our feelings instead of letting them grow into bitterness? How do we know we have bitterness in our hearts?
Below are 7 signs that you have bitterness in your heart:
1. You feel anger every time you hear a particular person's name.
We've probably all experienced our muscles tighten and teeth clench when we hear certain people's names. Although that is expected when we've been hurt in a substantial way, it is a sign that we have not fully forgiven the person.
2. You replay a conversation or experience over and over in your mind.
Whether it's a conversation or an experience, you make something that's in the past come into the present every time you replay it in your mind. Jesus came to redeem our pasts, even the parts that are not a result of our sin. However, when we relive them, we're not allowing Him to do that. We must do what the Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 3:13, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead."
3. You're happy when someone else fails.
Celebrating other people's misfortune is malice and it is sinful. Malice shows that we are harboring bitterness in our hearts.
4. You have imaginary conversations in your mind with someone.
We're all familiar with the unending chatter, or clamor, that takes place in our minds when we're bitter towards someone. We rehearse what we want to say to them or what we wish we would have said to them. When you have imaginary conversations that do not cease, it's a sign that you are bitter.
5. You feel the need to slander someone to other people.
Making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation. You can be quick to go to friends and tell them about situations in hopes they'll tell you what you want to hear - that you’re right, that she deserves it, and that they don't blame you. Sometimes we can't get back at the person in a tangible way, so we hurt them indirectly by secretly slandering them. This is a red flag that you’re holding on to bitterness.
6. You don't behave naturally around a person.
When we're bitter towards a person it's hard to behave towards them as we normally would. We're not friendly or don't engage them in conversation. Not only does this let you know that you're bitter, but the other person knows it as well.
7. You complain often.
The first sign that you’re bitter towards God is when you complain often about your circumstances. “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."(1 Thessalonians 5:18). But what are we supposed to give thanks for? We can give thanks for the truth that God will use the circumstance for good. Nothing is wasted on God.
HOW DO YOU OVERCOME BITTERNESS?
Bitterness is a deep and continual feeling; therefore, it takes time to find a way to defeat it. There is no instant cure. But here are three steps to overcome bitterness:
1. Let God Reveal It. Sometimes people say, "I know my heart, there's no bitterness in me." Truth of the matter is you don't know your heart. God's Word tells us, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). A deceitful heart cannot diagnose a deceitful heart. You need to let God the Holy Spirit do radical surgery.
2. Let Grace Reveal It. A response of bitterness is never right when someone has done something wrong to you. You need to ask God to forgive you, and He will by His grace. If someone has wronged you, cut it down and forget it. By the grace of God, bury that hurt in the grave of God's forgetfulness. Justice is God giving us what we deserve, mercy is God not giving us what we deserve, grace is God giving us what we don't deserve.
3. Let Good Replace It. "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord."(Hebrew 12:14). You cannot be holy unless you follow peace with men. It is so worth it when you forgive. When you forgive, you set two people free and one of them is yourself.
FORGIVENESS
A person harboring bitterness needs to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean pretending everything is “OK.” It doesn’t mean forgetting the hurt either. It is the gift we give ourselves that enables us to stop picking at the scab and start making a plan for healing. It is also bearing the wrong or injury yourself and choosing to remember it no more. The one who forgives pays the price of the injury or evil that he forgives. In order for Christ to forgive us, He had to pay the penalty of our sins. This is why He died on the cross.
It is costly to forgive, but it is more costly not to forgive. Forgiveness is hard, but it sets us free. (http://ubdavid.org/)
We must take ownership of our situations and relinquish what is out of our control to God.
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)
WORKS CITED
1. "How to Deal with Bitterness and Resentment" by Anne Peterson
2. "Overcoming Bitterness" by Stephan M. Koenig.
3. "Turning from Bitterness to Forgiveness" by UB David
4. "Bitterness " by Heuristic Moment
5. Other sources from the Internet.
James Dina
Jodina5@gmail.com
21st July 2020
