Good Morning Everyone!
Today, we are going to resume our series from the book of Proverbs. We are in chapter 5, and the message this morning is entitled Avoiding Adultery.
In 2015, there was a massive scandal involving a website known as Ashley Madison. It was a premier site for married individuals seeking partners for affairs. The website's slogan was, "Life is short; have an affair.” It was supposed to be anonymous, but someone hacked their site and released the names and addresses of millions of people who had signed up. It exposed the names of about 30 million people who were cheating on their spouses.
What is surprising is that, in 2019, just four years after the hack, Ashley Madison website has amassed around 32 million new subscribers seeking extra marital affairs. Now, you may be thinking, “This is just a problem with non-Christians in society. It can’t be a problem in the church because the moral standards of Christians are higher.” Well, there is growing evidence that adultery is also a problem among Christians. You may be surprised that 25 percent of the Ashley Madison subscribers in 2014 were evangelical Christians. Brothers and sisters, adultery is rampant in the world today. Now, what is adultery?
Adultery is generally defined as sexual relation between a married man and a woman who is not his wife, or between a married woman and a man who is not her husband. So adultery is a direct violation of the marriage covenant.
In our passage today in Provers 5, we find three reasons why we must avoid adultery. Let us look at them one at a time. First…
Adultery is Destructive (vs. 1-14)
In vs. 1-14, we see that the father is asking his son to be cautious in his interaction with the adulterous woman. And he goes on to warn his son about the consequences of adultery. In v. 1, He begins with a familiar phrase, “My son, pay attentive to my wisdom.” He is basically saying, “Son, listen to me, and be wise.” Now, who is Solomon talking to? He is talking to his son who is married.
In v. 3 he begins his advise by saying that adultery begins with enticement and cultivation of physical desire: lust. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In vs. 4-6, Solomon cautions his son by saying that adultery will result in suffering, guilt, separation, and even death. What started out as smooth and sweet ends up bitter and poisonous. So, the young man should pay attention to the wisdom in order to avoid that path. But, if he follows after the adulterous woman, he will have to face the consequences.
Vs. 7-14, talks about the consequences of adultery. Solomon says, four things you will lose if you go down the path of adultery:
Your dignity (v. 9)
He began with dignity because there is a sense of honor that the person who stays pure can have. Adultery makes you lose your dignity.
2. Your wealth (v. 10)
In the modern world, many men know what it is like to lose their wealth because of adultery. It leads to divorce, alimony, child support.
3. Your health (v. 11)
People who commit adultery are open to the risk of venereal diseases. Even the stress of living a double, deceptive life is enough to take away one’s health.
4. Your Reputation (v. 14)
The person who commits adultery thinks that his act will remain secret, but it will be exposed. And it will be exposed in the midst of the assembly where his foolishness, betrayal, and lack of self-control will be all public.
Illustration: David’s Adultery
King David committed adultery with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah. Uriah was one of David’s loyal soldiers. But that didn’t stop David from committing adultery with Bathsheba. Sin took over and David betrayed Uriah. He ultimately plotted Uriah’s murder to cover up his adultery. David’s one sin led to another, and how quickly it went out of control.
What were the consequences?
David and Bathsheba’s child died, despite David’s prayers and fasting. Later on, the nation of Israel was torn apart by a bitter civil war. David’s own son Absalom fought against him. David’s other son, Amnon, raped his daughter, Tamar. And his son, Absalom, committed adultery publicly with David’s concubines. David’s few moments of pleasure changed the course of his life for the worst. He endured great trouble in his life and in his household as a result of his adultery.
Application
Brothers and sisters, adultery is indeed destructive! It can result in the squandering of everything important in your life, including your own life. First of all, adultery is a sin against God. In Exodus 20:14, God has made it very clear in His seventh Commandment, “You shall not commit adultery.” Secondly, adultery is a sin against your spouse and family. Adultery betrays the marriage covenant, and defiles the marriage relationship. And third, adultery is a shameful, dishonorable act. Why do people who commit adultery try to hide their act of adultery? Because deep down inside he/she knows it is wrong. So, brothers and sisters, we must avoid adultery because it brings not only physical, but also spiritual destruction.
The second reason why we must avoid adultery is because…
2. Marriage is Sacred (vs. 15-20)
In v. 15, Solomon reminds his son that he is married and God had provided a wife for him. Solomon initially refers to his son’s wife as a cistern. Then he enhances the image to a well, which contains fresh water from underground streams. Solomon says that the wife is not just a stagnant pool for desperate times; she is a source of fresh “flowing water.” In other words, she is the God-given source of physical intimacy.
So, instead of neglecting what God had given, he should renew his gratitude and focus upon what God has blessed. When God formed Adam and Eve, our first parents, he initiated the marriage relationship. It is a relationship in which ‘a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh’ (Gen. 2:24). So, adultery is the violation of this one-flesh relationship.
In V. 17, it says, “Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.” Here the image changes, and the idea is that Solomon’s son should understand that his wife is only for him, and he is only for his wife. Husbands and wives are not to supposed be shared with strangers.
Then in V. 18 Solomon alluded to God’s plan for marriage, even if he did not follow it himself.
God’s plan for a man is to marry a wife in his youth, and for him to rejoice with her for the rest of his life. So, the most basic way to fight the temptation of adultery is to strengthen their marriage. The question is…
How can a couple strengthen their marriage?
Dr. Willard Harley in his book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage provides some answers. He says that marriages that fail to meet a spouse’s needs are more vulnerable to adultery. So, he suggests that couples should understand and meet each other’s needs in order to strengthen their marriage.
What are Her Needs?
1. Affection.
To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. Husbands can show affection by giving cards, flowers, dinner out, holding hands, phone calls etc.
2. Conversation.
Wives need their husbands to talk to them and to listen to them. They need lots of two-way conversation. The husband who takes time to talk to his wife will have an inside track to her heart.
3. Honesty and Openness.
A wife needs to trust her husband totally. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her sense of security.
4. Financial commitment
Wife needs financial support. No matter how successful a woman might be, she usually wants her husband to earn enough money to allow her to feel supported and to feel cared for.
5. Family Commitment
A wife needs her husband to be a good father and have a family commitment. Wives want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to commit themselves to the moral and educational development of their children.
What are His Needs?
1. Physical Intimacy
For husbands, physical intimacy is the number one need. So, the wives need to understand their husbands need for physical intimacy.
2. Recreational Companionship
A husband needs his wife to be his companion in his interests and hobbies. Wives should join their husbands in recreational activities.
3. Attractive Spouse
A man needs a wife who looks good to him. It is not enough to have inward attractiveness, outward attractiveness is equally important.
4. Domestic Support
A husband needs peace and quiet at home. He feels supported if his wife is able to mange home. So, he needs his wife to “take care of things” at home.
5. Admiration
A husband needs his wife to be proud of him. Wives need to learn how to express the admiration they feel for their husbands. Honest admiration is a great motivator for men.
If any of a spouse’s five basic needs are not met, that person becomes vulnerable to the temptation of adultery. Therefore, the best way to keep marriage sacred is by meeting the needs of our spouses.
Now, the third reason why we must avoid adultery is because…
3. God is Watching (vs. 21-23)
In v. 21, it says, “For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord.” That means He sees everything we do. So, adultery is never done in private. He sees what you do, where you go, who you go with, even the thoughts you think. So, it is important for us to lead a careful and God fearing life. At times, we tend to forget that God is watching, and we live as our flesh desires. We even justify our sins by saying, ‘this is acceptable in the world’ or ‘this is just a small sin.’ Slowly, those seemingly small sins become a habit.
Brothers and sisters, adultery is a sin that entraps and destroys. It brings death, not life. It is always self-destructive. It will never bring happiness in the long run. Most people who go after unlawful pleasures, think they can give them up whenever they want. But, sin repeated becomes customary. Custom soon becomes habit. And habit in the end becomes necessity. That’s how “the evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast.” So, Solomon reminds us that God sees all our ways, and before Him no sin is hidden. God is always watching us.
Illustration - Joseph and Potipher’s Wife (Gen. 39)
The story of Joseph is an example of how we should avoid the trap of adultery. Joseph was a servant in Potipher’s house. He was well-built and handsome. So, after a while Potipher’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” Joseph refused it. He said, “How can I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” But, Potipher’s wife continued to speak to Joseph day after day. One day, she caught him by his clothes and said, “Come to bed with me.” But, Joseph left his clothes and ran out of the house. He was faithful to his master who had trusted him with all the responsibilities in the household. But, more than that, Joseph was faithful to God who was watching him always.
Conclusion
Brothers and sisters, adultery ruins our life, it ruins our marriage, and it ruins our relationship with God. So, let us ask these questions to keep ourselves accountable so we can avoid adultery:
What am I reading, viewing and listening to in a regular basis?
Are there any relationships in my personal life that is weakening or damaging my marriage?
Brothers and sisters, we must avoid adultery because…
1. Adultery is Destructive ( vs. 1-14)
2. Marriage is Sacred (vs. 15-20)
3. God is Watching (vs. 21-23)
