DEFINING DAD
For the Mother's day sermon I listed some characteristics that defined Mom. Now it's Dad's turn. I mentioned in my Mother's Day sermon that although these characteristics define Mom, that doesn't mean that Dad doesn't have those characteristics too, they're just more prominent in Mom. Likewise, the characteristics I'll be highlighting for Dad can probably be seen in some Moms too, but typically, these things are characteristic of most good Dads.
1) Provider.
A good Dad is a good provider. He may not bring home a six-figure salary, but he does his best to provide for his family. And he accepts this responsibility with pride; he wants to do this for the ones he loves. He doesn't want his kids to worry about the roof over their head or the clothes on their back. He doesn't want his kids to wonder where their next meal is coming from.
He will do whatever it takes to make sure his children don't have to worry about such things. If a Dad grew up in an environment where he didn't have very much, he will want his kids to have a better life than he did. But sometimes, circumstances put a family in a precarious financial situation where things are tight but the Dad who is determined to fulfill his duty as a provider will find a way.
During the Great Depression of the 30s, train hopping became a common occurrence. In an article by Lindsey Konkel, she writes, "It's estimated that more than two million men and women became traveling hobos. Many of these were teens who felt they had become a burden on their families and left home in search of work. Riding the rails—illegally hopping on freight trains—became a common, yet dangerous way to travel."
The article also stated that the stress of financial strain took a psychological toll; especially on men who were suddenly unable to provide for their families. It wasn't easy, but families found creative ways to make their dollar stretch further and used ingenuity and creativity to make things to save money.
In an article about the survival skills of the Great Depression, Ken Jorgustin wrote, "Perhaps the most learned skill during the Great Depression was frugality. Use and Reuse. People had no choice but to make do with very little. But they managed to survive. The things we throw away today or the things we take for granted would be treasured and used to its fullest back then.
Every scrap of food was consumed. Every part was used to its fullest potential. No waste. When clothes became too worn out, they were mended, patched up or sewn. (How many people can actually sew today?) When clothes became too worn to wear, the materials were used as rags, mops, whatever."
There were some inventions that came about during this era. After J.F. Cantrell noticed that only wealthy people and those that had electricity could use powered washing machines, he opened the first Laundromat in 1934. He charged people by the hour to use his machines. The game Monopoly was invented in 1935 after Charles Darrow decided to give people something to entertain them with all the sadness the Great Depression caused.
They say necessity is the mother of invention and the Great Depression provided plenty of necessities and reasons for people to become creative in their frugality. Some of these necessities may have gone by the wayside but what if we hit another '30s type depression again? I don't know we'd do but hopefully the Dads of today would still be willing to go to great lengths to provide for their families.
In fact, the bible has something to say about Christians who don't do this. 1st Tim. 5:8, "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." These are strong words. Apparently God cares quite a bit about the Father providing for his family.
Paul writes that the Dads who don't provide have disregarded their Christian duty, along with their moral duty; that's why he's worse than an unbeliever. Even an unbelieving Father knows he needs to provide for his family. So if a Christian father feels no obligation to be a provider he is dishonoring God and his family.
Tit. 3:14, "Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives." We Christian Fathers need to do our best to secure honest employment and work hard to provide the daily needs of our family.
Yes, we know that God is the provider of everything we have but he's not going to just drop it in our laps. That would actually not be helpful if he did that. It would make us comfortable and lazy. In biblical days there was no room for laziness. During the Depression there was no room for laziness.
Perhaps that's one thing the era of automatic everything has produced in us. Unfortunately, with modern conveniences doing things in half the time, we get to work less and lay around more. I'm not bashing progress or saying we don't deserve to have fun or relax, it's just easier to be be lazy.
Another thing that has hindered us from being more productive has been making government handouts more readily accessible. Getting back to the Great Depression article by Lindsey Konkel, she went on to write, "The New Deal programs of President Franklin D. Roosevelt meant the expansion of government into people’s everyday lives after 1933. Many Americans received some level of financial aid or employment as a result of New Deal programs.
Prior to the Great Depression, most Americans had negative views of welfare programs and refused to go on welfare. While attitudes toward government assistance began to change during the Great Depression, going on welfare was still viewed as a painful and humiliating experience for many families."
Fast-forward to today, and welfare has become easier to accept. It has even become a generational thing for some families. It can create a situation where fathers become less willing, and less desperate, to look for a job. When a father has a government that is willing to continue to feed his family and he doesn't have to work in order for it to happen, it's not likely that he will go out of his way to change that.
I appreciate the Dad who decides they're going to honor God and their family by doing his best to work hard and provide for them. He may still need some help, but it won't be because he's too lazy or too proud to take that honest job and pay his own way.
It's not shameful to take the help when you need it, but it is shameful when you could be working but you choose not to because you can do better on the taxpayer's dime. Christian fathers need to set the example for others to follow by not falling into that degrading trap.
2) Disciplinarian.
Not that moms don't discipline, but traditionally, it's Dad who does the main disciplining in the house. Heb. 12:7 even makes the statement, "and what son is not disciplined by his father". Obviously this can be a touchy subject if your father was one that went overboard with the discipline.
But when it's appropriate and done correctly, a Dad's discipline is a good thing. It establishes and enforces the rules, teaches valuable lessons and keeps the kids in line. Did you ever hear your mom say this, "You wait until your Father gets home!" Moms are tough but most kids will push mom's buttons more readily than they dare to push Dad's. Why? Kids are typically more afraid of their fathers than they are their mothers. That's the way it's supposed to be. Dads need to present themselves as threatening when the situation calls for it.
Most of the time I'm that laid back, playful kind of father with Shaun. But when it's time to be serious I'm different. I can be patient and tolerant but when the time comes when I'm done messing around, Shaun knows it. Kids with autism are pretty sensitive to facial expressions and changes in tone. So most of the time, all I need to do is give him the look and he knows I mean business. Sometimes, though, I need to speak in a stern voice to get him to move. And the few times he saw me get out of my seat, he sprang into action.
As much as I would like him to do what I ask without it getting to that point, (and most of the time he does), having my son possess an element of fear isn't a bad thing. He needs to know when he's crossed the line. Perhaps especially now since he's a teenager-and we know how teenagers can behave.
Even though fear can be a good motivator for obedience, we strive to have our kids obey us out of love, not fear. When a father's discipline is over the top the children obey him but only out of fear, not respect. The one who disciplines correctly will develop children who obey out of love and respect because they know that what their father is trying to instill in them stems from his love for them.
That's the kind of relationship we need to have with our heavenly father. He's loving, kind, generous and approachable, but it's in our best interest to not push his buttons. We need to have an element of fear that respects his boundaries and is reluctant to cross the line and suffer the consequences.
Deut. 8:5-6, "Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you. Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in his ways and revering him." We should expect to be disciplined by the Lord when we disobey just as children should expect to be disciplined when they disobey their fathers.
The bible says no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. That's definitely true for the recipient but it's also true for the deliverer. You've heard the phrase, "This is going to hurt me more than it will you". When you're a kid you thought that was ridiculous. But that's because we were only looking at it in regards to the physical pain.
But emotionally, it hurts Dad to have to discipline his kids. But we know it needs to be done or else things will get worse. Dads know it's in their child's best interest to carry out the discipline, even though they don't enjoy it. It shows love. Prov. 13:24, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."
The use of the word, hate, here is not to be taken literally but it's an extreme term meant to emphasize a great lack of love for not disciplining. Modern society would say this is backwards. If you spank or strongly discipline you don't love. So, how is that showing love? By trying to correct harmful behavior. We don't spank out of anger but with a desire for correction. If discipline causes my child to stop bad behavior then they can be spared from more pain and suffering down the road.
Prov. 5:22-23, "The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly."
Here we see the results of a lack of discipline. Where discipline is absent, so is structure. If a child is undisciplined at home, they enter into the world thinking they can get away with anything. If I'm not held accountable for my actions at home, I'll think that I won't be out in the world. When I get away with being disrespectful at home, I'll feel I can talk to people however I want.
And the result of that is I'm in for a rude awakening. So when I allow my children to go through life undisciplined I am setting them up for pain and suffering in the real world. A loving father disciplines his children appropriately so they can live a good life.
3) Leader.
Dads are the leader in the home. They make decisions, give instructions, follow up and follow through to make sure what needs to be done gets done. He does his best to make sure things go as smoothly as possible. However, if he's smart, he realizes that he doesn't do it alone. When God made Adam, he knew Adam needed a helper, so he gave him Eve. And Eve wasn't given to Adam simply because he needed help populating the earth. He needed her help in many other ways too.
The description of the wife and mother in Prov. 31 is a testimony to that. And notice what the Father does. Prov. 31:28-29, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things but you surpass them all." This husband recognized the value of his wife. He knows that she made it easier for him to be the leader of the family. A good leader respects and values the crew.
One of the best things a Father can provide as a leader is a good example. Have you ever heard the expression, "Do as I say; not as I do"? This is not setting a good example. The dad who sets a good example says, "do as I do". Jesus dealt with this issue. Matt. 23:2-3, “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach."
The religious leaders were the authority figures but they weren't setting a good example. What they were teaching may have been correct but the problem was they weren't practicing it themselves. That was a poor example and Jesus called attention to it. Contrast that with Jesus' example and you have the one who spoke with authority and backed up everything he said by following it himself. If we want to be the best example to our kids then don't tell them to do something that you're not practicing yourself.
Setting a good example can be especially true when it comes to sons. Dads know their sons are looking up to them. They want to be just like Dad. And Dad likes that. They like to hear, "he's a chip off the old block" or, "he looks just like his Dad". Many times Dads who have a business want their kids to carry it on when they retire. They beam with pride when the sign above the business reads, "and Son". They are thrilled when their children follow in their footsteps.
But even if that doesn't happen, Dads still want to give their kids the best opportunities to succeed in life. So, Dads teach their children how to do things and show them what they've learned along the way.
In a young child's eyes, dad is Superman. Not that we need to present an unrealistic image of perfection for our kids but knowing how much they look up to us should prompt us to do the best we can to show them how a real man acts, talks and behaves.
What about when it comes to church? According to LifeWay Research Group, Father's Day is the holiday with the single lowest average church attendance. This is interesting, considering Mother's Day tends to be the day with the third highest church attendance, after Easter and Christmas.
According to data collected by Promise Keepers and Baptist Press, if a father does not go to church, even if his wife does, only 1 child in 50 will become a regular worshiper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of what the mother does, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their kids will attend church as adults.
Another survey found that if a child is the first person in a household to become a Christian, there is a 3.5% probability everyone else will follow. If the mother is the first to become a Christian, there is a 17% probability everyone else in the family will follow. However, when the father is first, there is a 93% probability everyone else in the household will follow.
A Dad’s impact on their children's faith and practices is huge. Dads, we set the tone as leaders. Being the leader of our homes includes being the spiritual leader in our home. As much as it would thrill us to see our kids follow in our footsteps and take over the family business, it should thrill us infinitely more to see them follow in our spiritual footsteps.
Prov. 23:24, "The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him." A father's proudest moment should be when their kids choose to follow their example and follow Christ.
Though the Apostle John wasn't speaking of his literal children, what he said in 3rd John 1:4 definitely applies to dads and their kids. "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." That's what it's all about. The best reward from being a good spiritual leader is helping to lead your children to Christ and see them walk in the way of the Lord. Amen!
All of these traits, being a good leader, disciplinarian and provider, they all include being a dad who's involved in the lives of their kids. A good dad is a present one; one who's willing to be interrupted from what they're doing to be with their kids; knowing how quickly they grow up.
Show your kids how important they are. They're looking for your time more than they are your dime. You can't buy their love and respect. You want them to miss you when you're not there. You want them to come to you when they have a problem or when they need advice on something. Be a dad who is defined by how much they love the Lord and their family.
