Discouragement
When our two kids John and Caitlin, who are now in their late twenties were only about three and four Sally and I bought them a book and we used to read it to them almost every night. Now, I know you’re probably thinking it was a Bible and we did read that too; but this one was called, ‘Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.’ Let me read a bit of it for you.
‘I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on my skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell, it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast Anthony found a Corvette Stingray car kit in his breakfast cereal box and Nick found a Junior Undercover Agent code ring in his breakfast cereal box but in my breakfast cereal box, all I found was breakfast cereal. I think I’ll move to Australia.
In the car pool Mrs. Gibson let Becky have a seat by the window. Audrey and Elliot got seats by the window too. I said I was being smushed. I said, if I don’t get a seat by the window I am going to be carsick. No one even answered. I could tell, it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
After many more unfortunate incidents Alexander ends his day by saying, my bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my marble went down the drain and I had to wear my railroad train pajamas. I hate my railroad train pajamas. It’s been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mom says, some days are like that, even in Australia.
Well, we’ve all had those days and sometimes those days can stretch into weeks and regardless of the quality of our spiritual lives, our personality type or even our financial status, all of us can get discouraged.
People let us down, our plans don’t work out and some things happen that are simply beyond our control. And if too much comes our way too fast or we don’t handle the disappointments of life properly, our discouragement can turn to depression and even despair and we’ll begin to feel like life has no meaning or purpose.
For instance, there’s a sense of depression that can come from criticism we receive that we feel is unjustified.
There was a man named Robert Fulton who invented the first steamboat but for some reason no one seemed to want him to succeed. The day he launched his boat people lined the river bank while the workers tried to get the engine started and everyone shouted, ‘it will never start, it will never start.’ And when the steamboat finally did start and began heading down the river they all yelled, ‘it will never stop, it will never stop.’
So, some people are going to criticize you no matter what happens. Criticism is something that will bring out both the best and worst in us. In criticism, there is something to either be learned about ourselves or someone we need to learn to stay away from. Benjamin Disraeli once said, ‘The worst wheel of a cart makes the most noise.’
A woman once came to her Pastor and said, ‘I only have one gift and that’s the gift of criticism’ to which he replied, ‘Then maybe you should do like the man who had one gift in the Bible, and take it out and bury it.’
Benjamin Franklin said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.”
There are times when the criticism can be really nasty but other times when there’s actually a kernel of truth in it. So, we need to listen carefully to see if there’s something we need to learn or someone we simply need to avoid. Here are five quick reactions we can make.
First, don’t respond as soon as you hear it. It might feel good to give someone a piece of your mind but there might be some truth in what’s said and it’s good to think it over. Time helps you to be objective. So, first, take your time in responding. It’s always better than having to go back and ask their forgiveness later.
Second, really listen to what’s being said. Are they criticizing you or are they just expressing some of their personal frustration? And from a personal standpoint, ask yourself, is something here that I don’t want to hear but that could help me to improve?
Third, keep in mind that the criticism isn’t always about you but sometimes the one who’s criticizing is upset over some obscure little thing and they’re either just having a bad day or not feeling well or releasing pent up emotions. Sometimes the best reaction is simply to listen and be quiet.
Fourth, you might ask a simple question to find out if there’s something you might do better. Like, how do you think I can improve? And if they don’t answer you can assume they’re just lashing out and it’s time to move on.
Fifth, remember that the critics words are often a reflection of their own perspective. I once read a quote where someone said, “people’s opinion of you is none of your business.”
So, what I want to do today is to direct your attention to a few biblical and historical examples of people who had reason to be discouraged and maybe even depressed and then see where they found the strength to go on.
The first one is Joseph and we’re all familiar with the story of Joseph’s coat of many colors. And we know that this coat wasn’t just the latest fashion trend but the coat indicated that he had been chosen by his father to inherit all the blessings that were intended for the firstborn. So, not only was he his father’s favourite but he had also received dreams from God and these dreams indicated that he would be a great leader someday.
Well, his brothers resented him because they not only saw him as his father’s favourite but were also bitter because they felt like his dreams were a put down.
So, we could say that both the love of his father and the promises of God were both the cause of his problems as well as the source of his strength in the years that lay ahead.
First, he experienced the ultimate rejection from his brothers who planned to kill him but then sold him into slavery to an Arab caravan and then these Arabs resold him as a slave to Potiphar who just happened to be another Arab and for someone who was born and raised in a Jewish home this had to be a fate worse than death itself.
Psychologists tell us that our self-image is developed by the way adults treat us in our formative years and if there’s any merit to this then Joseph should have had the ultimate inferiority complex.
I mean, the best of families has problems but few of us will ever have to experience the emotional roller coaster Joseph lived on and yet he never allowed his experiences of rejection to ruin his life.
So, he went from being his father’s favourite to an Egyptian’s slave and as he was promoted to greater spheres of influence within Potiphar’s house he found himself faced with continual moral temptation which he continually resisted until he was finally falsely accused of doing the very thing he refused to do and ended up in prison. Now, he should have been discouraged. But, if he was, we have no record of it.
So, did the rejection bother him? I’m sure it did. Was he discouraged, of course he would have been; but I believe the dreams God gave him in childhood sustained him through the difficult times because he always had the hope; that God knew what He was doing and the assurance; that God was in control.
And yet, I’m sure he had plenty of time to reflect on the many turns his life had taken and he must have wondered what was going on. He had been sold into slavery for submitting to his father and for sharing what God had told him and now he’s sitting in prison for refusing to commit immorality.
I think Joseph could have written the book, “Why do bad things happen to good people” because everything that happened to him was the result of somebody else’s sin. He must have asked himself the question, if God rewards the faithful then why are my brothers home with my father and why is Potiphar’s wife still living in the palace while I’m stuck in prison. Why am I the one who’s suffering when everyone sinned?
At the end of the book of Genesis we read Joseph’s comment to his brothers on how he saw all the negative events in his life when he said, “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good.”
And because we know the end of the story when we’re reading about his traumatic experiences we assume that he saw the same thing but listen, Joseph didn’t know the specifics of the will of God; all he knew were his dreams, and yet, that was enough to keep him faithful.
You see, in spite of his trying situations he knew that God had a purpose for everything he went through and as Paul would say three thousand years later, “All things work together for good for them that love God.” And they did, in spite of the fact that from the time Joseph received his dreams and these dreams were fulfilled twenty-two years went by. But, it was his faith in the plan of God that kept him going.
As Victor Frankel wrote, “We can endure anything as long as we know there is a purpose for it.” And Joseph knew in his heart; God has a purpose for everything that happens. And listen, no matter what’s happening in your life, God had a purpose for that too.
I like how C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain.”
And then the second person I want to look at is David because he was certainly someone who had his fair share of discouragements and I can think of two experiences that must have almost broke his heart.
The first one would have been his relationship with Saul. Saul would have been an imposing figure to someone like David. The scripture says he was tall, handsome and for a while he was considered to be a war hero when he had first been crowned king of Israel. David as the youngest of Jesse’s sons had two opportunities to meet Saul and the first was when he had killed Goliath and then later when he would play his harp to soothe Saul’s troubled spirit. Saul had been a father figure, a mentor and a role model to David. And because he thought so much of him David was literally at his beck and call twenty-four hours a day. He ate at Saul’s table, married Saul’s daughter and he was best friends with Jonathon Saul’s son and as time went on David assumed more and more responsibility in his kingdom.
But; rather than seeing him as the loyal subject he was Saul began to see him as a threat to his throne and ended up chasing David all over the country trying to kill him. And during this time David was forced to live on the run and spent three years sleeping in caves and open fields and finally had to leave Israel and hide out with the Philistines, who were the enemies of Israel.
Now, was he discouraged? I sure he was. And how did he get through this experience? In I Samuel 23:16 it says, “And Jonathon Saul’s son arose and went to David in the wood and strengthened his hand in God” which simply means he encouraged him in the Lord. It doesn’t say how he did this; he might have prayed with him, they may have read portions of scripture together or maybe he just reminded him of how God had helped him in the past.
However, he did it, he built up his faith. David had the encouragement of a best friend to get him through times of danger and instability.
I think the darkest day in David’s life is recorded in II Samuel 15 where his son Absalom chased him out of Jerusalem with the intention of killing him in order to take control of the kingdom. And if that wasn’t bad enough we read in II Samuel 16:5-8, “Now, when King David came to Bahrium, there was a man from the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei the son of Gera, coming from there. He came out, cursing continuously as he came. And he threw stones at David and at all the servants of King David. And all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left. Also, Shimei said thus when he cursed: “Come out! Come out! You bloodthirsty man, you rogue! The LORD has brought upon you all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned; and the LORD has delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom your son. So now you are caught in your own evil, because you are a bloodthirsty man!”
So, David had been rejected by his own son and many of his subjects and now one of Saul’s descendants was walking along yelling that God was punishing him for taking the throne from Saul which was the very thing David was careful not to do. And there’s a real sense of injustice in his words because not only would David not lay a hand on Saul but he went out of his way to protect Saul from those who would have killed him.
Can you sense the weight that must have been on David’s shoulders? His son wants him dead, his subjects have rejected him and now he’s being publicly humiliated for something he would never have done.
His reaction was to cast himself on the mercy of God. He knew God wouldn’t punish him for something he didn’t do. Nonetheless’ the harassment would take an emotional toll on him and his friends. II Samuel 6:14 says, “Now, the king and all the people who were with him became weary; so, they refreshed themselves there.” And this tells us, they simply sat down together and caught their breath. Fellowship with those who share your faith in God particularly when the going gets rough is a great anti-dote for discouragement.
I don’t know how many times people have met me at the door after church and said, “Thanks I really needed that.” And sometimes they may have been referring to the message but often they were simply refreshed by the fellowship.
And then the third example of depression is Elijah and Elijah was a classic example of what we’d call burnout because he was threatened by Jezebel and he physically pushed himself beyond his human limitation by running about 110 miles in the heat of the desert.
I was filling my car with gas the other day and I saw the strangest thing. Someone had spilt gas on the pavement in the next aisle and while I was standing there a cat came along and started licking up the gas like it was milk. Then all of a sudden it took off running down the road like it was shot out of a cannon. It ran about a half a block then fell over sideways. The sight was so bizarre that I walked down to take a look at it. First, I thought it was dead but as I got a little closer I realized, it was simply out of gas. And there are people who move so slow you might think they’re dead but they’re just out of gas. It’s called burnout.
Here are some symptoms of burnout; increased fatigue, feeling tired after a good night’s sleep, losing interest in your work, and a pessimistic’ critical spirit often accompanied by withdrawal, depression and a feeling of futility and a loss of meaning and hope.
The cure most doctors would recommend would be something like this; exercise regularly, get plenty of rest, take a vacation and reorganize your priorities. And after God gave Elijah the rest and nourishment he needed He met him on a mountain top where He established that it was He and not Elijah who was in charge. He gave him a new ministry and sent Elisha along to serve and accompany him.
The fourth example of discouragement comes from history rather than scripture and it’s in a man by the name of John Wesley who was the founder of Methodism. Wesley was both a pastor and evangelist and yet his marriage was something else altogether. A story is told that one night he woke up and saw the devil standing at the foot of his bed. Satan said, aren’t you afraid of me. And Wesley answered, “Why should I be afraid of you, I’ve been living with your sister all these years?”
It’s been recorded that his wife stole and burnt many of his writings. She would agree with his opponents about anything they said. At one time, she left without warning and didn’t come back for three years. One of their friends entered a room unannounced and saw her dragging him across the room by his hair. She even accused him of adultery with both their housekeeper and his sister-in-law even though both of these accusations were unfounded. In the end, they separated and even though she wanted him to take her back she ended up dying alone.
If anyone had a marriage that would be a cause of discouragement it would be him. And yet, he was described as someone who was hardly ever down emotionally and they also said he couldn’t stand to be around people who were. They said it was his walk with God that gave him the strength to stand before men and preach regardless of the pressures that surrounded him.
My fifth example of someone who lived with discouragement is Charles Haddon Spurgeon who was known as the prince of preachers and yet we’re told that Spurgeon suffered in ways that few have ever realized. He experienced emotional problems and would wrestle with depression weeping by the hour and couldn’t explain why. He comforted himself with the realization that his depression equipped him to minister more effectively.
He suffered from gout from the age of thirty-five until the time of his death and this was compounded by a chronic inflammation of the kidneys. His physical pain was so bad that at times he would lay on one side for a week and when several would shift him to the other side he’d ask to be moved back again because the first position wasn’t quite as bad.
Then he experienced the burden of a large ministry because he pastored a church of over four thousand members, he had an orphanage, he published a monthly magazine and answered over five hundred letters a week. On top of that he was the constant object of criticism by other pastors. He said these attacks caused him more pain than anything else he had to experience.
In the end, he would say of his suffering, it is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one who is weary. Spurgeon saw his suffering as God’s means of molding him into a better minister. He said, “The way to a stronger faith usually lies along the rough pathway of sorrow.”
Like Joseph he knew God had a plan for his life, like David he strengthened himself in the Lord and like Elijah he recognized there were limitations to his physical strength. And in the end, God used his suffering to mold him into a sympathetic and fruitful servant.
Conclusion
Listen, nobody was meant to handle problems all by themselves but everyone needs the strength that comes from God and the support that comes from fellowship with His people.
A.J. Gossip was a pastor whose wife had died at the age of twenty-five. He preached his first service about a month after her funeral and his title was, “When life tumbles in, what then.” And in his message, he made this statement, “You people in the sunshine may believe the faith but we in the shadow must believe it. We have nothing else.”
Someone said, “Most of us are in the midst of a crisis, we’ve just come through one or we’re heading into one.” Listen, we who live in a troubled world are not without our troubles. But, what do you do with your troubles? Even Bible believing Christians are no better off than non-Christians if we don’t know enough to bring our troubles to the God who cares.
As I close please allow me a few minutes to address this idea of depression because Christians are just as susceptible as anybody else.
Depression has been called the “common cold” of mental disorders. There are eight major causes of depression. (1) Biological factors, (2) Learned helplessness (sense of being trapped and unable to remedy an intolerable situation), (3) Parental rejection, (4) Abuse, (5) Negative thinking, (6) Life stress, (7) Anger, (8) Guilt.
It's not a character defect, a spiritual disorder or an emotional dysfunction. Asking someone to “try” not being depressed is tantamount to asking someone who's been shot to try and stop bleeding.
We all accept the fact that our bodies wear out and run down and are susceptible to disease. We can even accept the fact that our brains can be ravaged by diseases such as Alzheimer’s. But some Christians will not accept the fact that clinical depression also has specific biological causes. They’d rather categorize depression as a "bad attitude" or "lack of faith.".
If you suffer from depression, there are some things you can do. First, know that Jesus understands our thoughts, feelings, doubts and discouragements and He even understands our depression. There are times when this is a signal that we need to be more disciplined and start reading our Bibles regularly, start attending church more than once a month and really having a set time of prayer. Not four or five hours but simply praying for your family members, your pastor, a missionary and a few friends. That’s a start.
Second, if you feel your depression is deeper than that consider an appointment with a professional Christian counsellor and determine to be honest. After all, this person is there to help you, not condemn; and the more you tell them, the more they can help. Sometimes, just talking to someone can cause the gloom to lift.
And then third, we all need to lived a balanced life and that means getting enough rest, having a proper diet, having some regular exercise and keeping a balance between work, ministry and family time.
Everyone has problems in life and we all need to know where to take them. The hymn writer wrote,
Jesus knows all about our struggles
He will guide till the day is done
There's not an hour that He is not near us
No night so dark but His love, His love, His love can cheer us.
Listen, God knows you and loves you anyways. He knows who you’ve been and who your going to be. He knows all about your failures and successes and there’s no way you can impress or depress Him.
A businessman once told the story of a warehouse property he was selling. The building had been empty for years and needed repairs. Vandals had damaged the doors, smashed the windows, and strewn trash around the interior. As he showed a prospective buyer the property, he took pains to say that he would replace the broken windows, bring in a crew to correct any structural damage, and clean out the garbage. "Forget about the repairs," the buyer said. "When I buy this place, I’m going to build something completely different. I don’t want the building; I want the site."
God loves you, and no matter how desperate you become, he wants to take away that darkness and fill it with light. He wants to take away the emptiness and fill it with life. He wants to take away the void and fill it with purpose. He will do it, if we will allow Him to. That is God’s desire for every one of us. To become a new Creation i.e. to begin a new life in Jesus Christ is as simple as ABC. A - we must admit that we are lost and need God. We must admit that we have messed up our lives without Him and have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. B - we must believe that God loves us and sent Jesus Christ to die for our sins. We must believe that through Him, we can have newness of life. C - we must confess our faith in Jesus Christ. We must confess that He alone is our Saviour and our Lord.
