In my last sermon, Actually wanted to talk about the entire family but in that, I was only able to speak about husband and wife. But today will try to wrap up the subject, parents and children.
As millions of people shelter at home during the coronavirus pandemic, cases of domestic violence are rising rapidly in Russia, the United States, and elsewhere. Activists say victims face an untenable situation as they are forced into self-isolation with their abusers. The link is given in the below description, you can click on the link for more details. https://www.rferl.org/a/domestic-violence-quarantine-coronavirus/30553224.html
Families are complicated and therefore, there is no simple answer to whether the coronavirus lockdown is actually leading to the strengthening of relationships or not. First, it is important to acknowledge that families are also not the same across the board. For some people, families are the primary triggers of their mental health issues while some others are part of deeply abusive families. Thus, this lockdown becomes extremely dangerous for such individuals. The link also is given below for more information. https://www.google.com/amp/s/theprint.in/talk-point/is-indias-coronavirus-lockdown-leading-to-stress-in-families-or-strengthening-relationships/395405/%3famp
Today I will be speaking about parents and children responsibilities for a beautiful family. You get all the solutions for your unhealthy family but seems like we are more depending on psychiatrists, lawyers and boarding schools but not on the scriptures.
Now, even for Christian families, the condition is the same and some times it's worse. Only very few families are living happily and the same applies to the so-called born again Christan families.
In India, so many migrant workers are choosing to walk back their home because in times of crisis you rely on your family. In spite of government request to stay back, still, they choose a family in time of crisis. This is an unprecedented situation, which makes you think about a lot of all that is important in life and if your family is that for you; one should make good use of the time we’re getting with them. They know during lockdown only the family can stand and understand them. To reach their families they are walking thousands of miles under a very hot sun. To reach the best place for them under this lockdown. Unfortunately, I can not say the same thing for Christian families, not all of them neither few of them. Many families are struggling.
But as I was trying to diagnose the unhealthy families, we have briefly studied the problems of husband and wife and now let us see parents and children and try to diagnose them and write some prescriptions. Maybe through this quarantine, God has given us the opportunity to settle things down. Children can clarify all their bitterness, unforgiveness, irritation, anguish and need everything, dear children, please speak up. Same way parents without neglecting more days speak to your children about all your worries.
Many children are disregarding and ignoring their parents in their old age is because they have never been taught the family importance, significance and greatness. The church is failing to teach them, school education though I feel ashamed even mention it. They have been taught how to get first in education and in career and also how to acquire wealth, property and savings. But never about valuing the relationships.
We are in mess because we messed the order and ordinance. Now let us analyse parents and children responsibility
Genesis 1:28
Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Before going deeper in the word let us looked to the Lord in prayer. ' Abba Father creator of heaven and earth and Creator of all the families, thank you for giving us one more opportunity to listen and correct and improve our relationships with each other in the families. Help us not only to be hearers only but also to be doers also, God we need your help, guidance and protection over our families. In Jesus name Amen.
Parents:
Then God blessed them - here them comprises both Adam and Eve, for they were going to be the parents of all mankind. First of all, God united them and institutionalised the marriage made it honourable. If the husband is the head of the family, the wife should be the backbone, knit together strongly. God blesses families, but he also will correct when you are failing in your responsibilities, commitments and obligations.
Let us try to sort it out one by one and write the prescriptions again
1) Be United not divided.
Mark 10:8-9
[8]and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
[9]Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
I think including me or any pastors if we survey the results will be 100% couples do not consider to be one flesh, one mind. The third parties will divert before the marriage, after the marriage, at the time of delivery, after the delivery, they dilute your relationship with traditions, with their own experiences, if you are serious to build a healthy family, stop listening to the third parties and start searching the scriptures.
But if you type ' in Google, what religion has the highest number of divorce rate'? It shows either it is Protestants or Evangelical Protestants 28%. As we Jesus never encouraged divorce and remarriage.
Matthew 5:32 'But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery'.
This separateness causes problems in a family. As a pastor, I come in contact with church members or believers who are angry or heartbroken and oftentimes feel defeated. This is a sense of pain and loss and is desperate to rebuild a parent-child relationship that is severely damaged or estranged. I also work with children and know a couple of them personally, who assert that they never want to see or speak with one of their parents again. In some worst cases, the children need to spend six months in the mother's house and six months in father's house. This situation is caused and whoever it is, behold the wrath of God waiting to consume the culprits.
You may have legally separated, but mind you the lawyer who fought for your divorce will be punished and the person who thought to be separated.
The UK and international research conducted over several decades through observations in the home, long-term follow-up work and experimental studies, suggests that from as young as six months, children exposed to conflict may have increased heart rates and stress hormone responses.
Infants, children and adolescents can show signs of disrupted early brain development, sleep disturbance, anxiety, depression, conduct disorder and other serious problems as a result of living with severe or chronic inter-parental conflict.
2) Children are the reward from God
Psalms 127:3 NKJV 'Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward'.
Our raising early and sitting late is useless if the Lord doesn't provide us with the food, children are a heritage and a reward but not a burden, if the Lord has given then the Lord will provide, Hagar gave Ismael in the hand of the Lord and God provided the water as a mother she could not able to do anything but sometimes handing over the situation in the hand of the Lord will experience a great miracle.
Having millions in the bank accounts millions of people are dying unprepared deaths or unnatural deaths. What matters is the memory you live behind, the legacy you live behind. If the Lord does not provide you with food, it is vain for us to rise up early in the morning, and sit late.
Many properties have no heirs to claim, they are ruined, their names are no more because they were building properties, wealth but not the family.
Many children are losing their childhood because of this adult - babies (spouses) quarrel in the family. Children and their passions and dreams are lost in parents' quarrels, unwanted disputes, feuds. Children behaved more maturely than the parents who gave them births.
One true incident that taught me a great lesson is that I had a brother in Christ in Goa, and he was really earning well here, childhood friends were here, it was his comfort zone and of course, hardly any people hate Goa, but suddenly one day he told me, he's living for Mumbai, I was shocked and I asked him, why? His answer was the best answer that I have ever heard from any father, he said my son needs me now more than ever, he's not listening to his mom, if I don't give him time now tomorrow he may go off the track, mind you at that his son was just 6-8 years old when he left for Mumbai, he was jobless for three months but there was s sense of satisfaction and joy in teaching and guiding his children, as I said our God is a blessing God now he's got the best job he ever had in his 50 plus years.
3) Start instructing them the earliest Deuteronomy 6:4-9 but I will read the verse 7 only quickly
Deuteronomy 6:7
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
Prov. 22:6 ' Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it'.
Teach them who God is, teach them how he led you so far, teach them how he helped you. Tell them that whatever you are today is just because of God. But instead, children are grown listening to their parents, this is my property, this is my wealth, I will not give you share, I earn more than you.
When you buy a property tell them that God has provided when you build a house God has built it, when you buy a bike, the car let your children know that it's from God. But sadly today father's or mother's dialogue is that earn yourself and speak. Obviously, that bitterness will grow in the heart of your children.
Now the most important prescription for parents.
4) Do not hesitate to correct their mistakes, in other words, don't ever entertain their bad doings.
Eph. 6:4 'Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord'.
* Do not provoke or make them angry
* Bring them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Related to this I remember one more true incident happened a couple of years ago. A child, about two and a half years or three had eaten mud full of his mouth, I saw it first then I told the child it's not good to eat the mud, then father entered the scene with full anger as if he's gonna beat the child, but by seeing the funny face of the child he started lounging he said, how can I beat him, brother, he makes his faces so cute that I can't help but smile. He's too young to be punished, isn't it? said the father and left me pondering if that age is too early for the child to be punished then I hear some other parents saying to pastors now he cannot listen he's all grown up. Then what was the age that they were waiting to teach? God knows.
Some very quick verses just I will read them but I will also fail if I don't mention these scriptures, and again I will also be failed as a counsellor.
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Proverbs 29:15
The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Proverbs 23:14
You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.
According to these verses, it's you who has to be blamed, criticized and condemned. You come and tell your pastors the problems that how your son and daughter is causing in the family, that's really very appreciative that you come to the pastor for counselling but are you listening to his guidance? No. The answer is big no. But instead, I hear, parents telling the pastors only, no pastor he's now 22 years old he/she doesn't understand and listen, for every advice and counselling, if you are not listening then why do you all come, I think surely the problem is with you. Please for God sake, take the advice, apply it at least for three months or six months accordingly then you see the results because God never fails.
The rod in these scriptures are surely a rod but it also can be any means of correcting your children. Correct them never give up and give excuses that it's out of control.
Now let us diagnose children's spiritual sicknesses
1) Honour your father and mother
Eph. 6:1 -3'' Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
No matter how much you think you are qualified, earning, knowledge and smart, never despise and hurt your father and mother, if you do God himself is going to take your life.
2) You are created fearfully and wonderfully
Psalms 139:14
[14]I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
Many children hate themselves because they think they are born in a poor family, not good in education, in physique, the more you compare with others, the more isolated and depressed you will be and you lose your beautiful childhood memories. Love yourself, love your parents, God never does mistakes surely he has a plan for you. The more you hurt yourself, the more you hurt your Creator almighty God, you are not an accident here, and those who tell you, you are a useless, that is the voice of Satan trying to bring you down, never compare yourself with others, the greatest happiness comes with small and little things.
3) Be in a good company, no matter what you do, you will be identified as one.
He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.
Proverbs 13:20
It becomes your identity and it's gonna become your personality soon. Avoid bad company and always walk with a good company based on their characters, not anything else.
Learn what is good, abhor what is evil.
Last and the important one for children
4) Take care of your parents when they are old. I Timothy 5:4
[4]But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.
Many Old age NGOs are showing artificial love, affections and concerns so that they may get 50,000 /- rupees for investing 500/- rupees on them. Their selfies and publicities are more important than your parent's actual feelings. They have all through their lives trying to feed you, educate you or even to make you what you are today. And now is the time they need you.
My sermons only intentions are to restore the broken relationships, not to hurt any sentiments and emotions, think that through this quarantine God has given us a chance.
Some solutions from my side
1) The family that prays together, stays together, have prayer sessions in the morning and evening ( mornings can be for just 10-15 minutes)
2) Families should have once in week gatherings especially to discuss the problems in the family, through the scriptures.
3) Always try to reconcile and compromise
3) Go out together at least once in two months.
Last but the important one
4) Bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” – Colossians 3:13
God bless you, In Jesus name Amen
For any prayers and family counsellings please feel to comment in the comment box.
