What quarantine has done so far? The damage, devastation, loneliness, frustration than these are the symptoms of ecophobia or homophobia ( the fear of house and the family). If you are feeling these things during lockdown or quarantine, you also need to be treated Biblically. One side the good spouses are appreciating for having someone to face a dreadful future with. On the other hand, it may be really hard for some couples to cope up with each other.
During lockdown matrimonial lawyers have pointed to a spike in phone calls related to marital discord. They said many of these phone calls are from couples who have been married for over 10 years and are waiting for the courts to reopen so they can file for a divorce. Some other phone calls are said to be related to divorce settlements and maintenance amounts. Despite the lockdown, there have been requests for urgent personal meetings.
India Times Report
In China, more than a dozen cities reported a spike in filings for divorce during the lockdown, with a month-long waiting list reported in Shanghai in February. There has been speculation that Italy, which has a relatively low divorce rate, may see an increase in couples separating after the strain of enforced time together. www.telegraph. co.uk
Scary times have the potential to drive people together or apart.
As a Christian how are you dealing your quarantine? Quarantined, frustrated, baffled, isolated, disconnected or loving your quality family time.
If you feel yourself getting irritated or annoyed with your family and children, don't be too hard on yourself. This is a challenging time for lots of people and there are things you can do to help. Try following these biblical prescriptions and taking some time before reacting.
The families are broken today, the covenant is long broken, husband and wife spending thousands of rupees and dollars to be separated, children are in orphanages or child care centres. This sickness needs Biblical remedies, cures, therapies, medications so here are few prescriptions mentioned for the entire family, take them as guided by your creator Abba Father.
Let us try to understand what family is from a Biblical point of view.
Gen. 2: 18, 21-24
[18]And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Genesis 2:18,21-24
[18]And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
[21]And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place.
[22]Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
[23]And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman Because she was taken out of Man.”
[24]Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Before studying the word let us look the Lord in prayers, 'our most gracious heavenly Father, we humble ourselves and come before your feet, God you yourself have institutionalised the marriage and made it holy. But today we have defiled, violated and disobeyed your commands and broken the covenant we made to each other. Through today's sermon help us to come to our senses and restore our broken marriages. In Jesus name, we pray Amen'.
I know there are many more beautiful verses explaining this beautiful husband and wife relationship but it is where the institution has begun if we study the purposes of creating male and female we can figure out the therapies and medications.
By the way why these medical terms because we are really spiritually sick and so the relationship is unhealthy.
The modern world has created a lot of confusion and chaos regarding the roles, positions, responsibilities, obligations and functions of the husband-wife in the family, in the church and in the society. Most of the biblical principles and regulations of gender roles are considered outdated and unfashionable and it is no longer lived so the families are messed because we messed the responsibilities bestowed upon us by God. This is the dilemma that has led many couples to the courts, isolation, solitude, Psychiatrists but not to the Bible. But if you are seriously looking prescriptions for your unhealthy relationships. Instead of googling the best lawyers or psychiatrists in the city, search the scriptures, you will find vaccines for your spiritual problems and issues.
Satan has stimulated chaos, confusion, complications, barriers in a beautiful family.
Through self-centredness, unforgiving, suspicious, rudeness, dominant, stubbornness, Disrespect, cheating etc.
Husband and wife relationship can be best explained by only one relationship that is the Christ and the Church relationship. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word",
Ephesians 5:25?-?26
I think it should some up the beautiful relationship of husband and wife and set a benchmark, criterion or model for all the couples.
Let us diagnose, analyse and examine one by one member of the family and now let us first begin with husbands
Husbands:
First prescription 1) You are the head of your family, it is a God-given designation, no culture, no society, no person or no law can take that from you.
Ephesians 5:23
[23]For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Here are some checklists before going to sleep, if you fail in any of these you've failed in your responsibilities.
Take that leadership, because many husbands have failed and are neglecting, therefore the wife is forced to feed the family, household and obviously, she is stressed, depressed, frustrated, demoralised. Take the responsibility of the family and the church. You should be reliable and knows how to guide and lead your family to the right path. So your children see you as an example in the church. Take the responsibility of feeding your family.
Do not blame someone else for your family's mess, blame sabotages the bond, relationship, marriage and family.
Your wife missing you as a husband and companion, physically, spiritually, mentally and romantically.
Our text verse Gen. 2:18 also says It was not God's intention to see you alone, in the beginning, God created them male and female. Quarantine from the world during a pandemic is very much appreciated but not isolation and separateness from your spouse and family. Do not run away from your family obligations, commitments. Many are hiding from the family, running away from the family, like cowards who cannot protect their wives and children. Dear comrades do not give excuses of works and busy schedules, you can change the jobs, careers but you cannot change your family. The job which is not giving you time to spend quality time with your family change that job but do not change your family and have an extramarital affair, which will destroy more than one families.
Prescription 2) Ps. 4:8, 127: Have peace of mind.
Psalms 4:8
I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Psalms 127:2
It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep.
Having millions in the bank accounts millions of people are dying unprepared deaths or unnatural deaths. What matters is the memory you live behind, the legacy you live behind. If the Lord does not provide you with food, it is vain for us to rise up early in the morning, and sit late.
Many properties have no heirs to claim, they are ruined, their names are no more because they were building properties, wealth but not the family.
Many children are losing their childhood because of this adult - babies (spouses) quarrel in the family. Children and their passions and dreams are lost in these quarrels, unwanted disputes, feuds. Children behaved more maturely than the parents who gave them births. They understood their parents but parents merged in their own quarrels and egos that they forgot to see their children.
Prescription 3) Ephesians 5:25
[25]Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
Genesis 2:23
[23]And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman Because she was taken out of Man.” This verse is not to use when you are in a good relationship but when things are getting worse.
As I said before husband and wife relationship can be best understood by the relationship of Church and the Christ, Jesus died for his church so he can present Himself a glorious Church.
Your wife is looking for a love that is ready to sacrifice.
Prescription 4) Balance between work and family. 1 Tim. 3:4-5 and 12.
These are the verses for Bishops and Deacons, there are also several other qualities given for these two designations. But out of which one quality came with a warning that these two position holders should know how to rule their families well if, you fail in leading your family you are not fit for overseeing the church. I think many will agree that scarcely leaders are balancing good family and church commitments.
Healthier the family better the workplace.
Some daily checklists for husbands before going to bed.
- Did you meet your family needs today? v
- Did you meet your wife's expectations? v
- Did you lead your children, your wife one step closure to the Lord Jesus Christ? v
Ephesians 5:27, 'that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.' It's your responsibility to lead your family one step closure to the Lord.
Let us see the second person in the family
Wife:
Today women also have reached all the heights that men have achieved and succeeded, they are there in every bread earning jobs and businesses that at one point of time thought to be only a guy thing.
If the husband is the head of the family than the wife is the backbone of the family. If the husband is busy in earning the daily bread than the wife must be busy in making a beautiful family. Prov. 14:1 'The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down'. Choose which part of the verse you want to be. The problem with wives today is messing up with God's order.
Prescription 1) You are a helper to your husband.
That does not put anyone down, this is a responsibility given by God to run your family. This is the undivided truth from the Scripture. The modern world is manipulating and falsifying the scriptures. Do not heed to this perishing world. Cultures change, kingdoms change but the Word of God will remain the same.
If the serpent was the form of Satan in the garden, barrenness was the form of Satan in the life of Sarah and today modernization is the form of Satan, do not yield to him, twice he has manipulated and altered the command of the Lord and today also he has got hold of many women, blinded them from the truth. If you are really in need of a solution, antidote, then be a helper, not the head. This is the truth and reality, what the world is trying to teach you is an advice from the Satan from the beginning he's doing the same. Do not yield to him, turn from him, there's no point of arguing with his thoughts.
Young wives, please listen to your elderly ladies from the church that how they have put up with each other in their long married lives.
Titus 2:4-5
[4]that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
[5]to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
The older women should set an example in the church for young women to be homemakers.
If your husband is a leader or pastor of a church never interfere in his spiritual matters because that is more important than anything. You should be a help but never a distraction or troublesome. In this many women have brought reproach to the family.
Prescription 2) You are worth far more than rubies. Prov. 31: 10
Every evening when the husband is coming to the house from his job he should think that he is coming towards his incredible treasure on earth. But seems like women are forgetting their worth and behaving like a quarrelsome wife. Prov. 21:9, 19 'Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife'. That is why your husband must be sequestering and isolating himself from you. Keep your worth in your husband's sights.
Proverbs 18:22
[22]He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favour from the Lord. When he marries you, he should feel like he has found favour from the Lord. But sadly many husbands are cursing their lives for marrying their respective wives. Wives should be a blessing to their husbands. Obtains favour of the Lord; obtains her not by his own wit, or art, or diligence, but by God’s good providence towards him, which orders that and all other events as it pleases him.
Prescription 3) Talk less 1 Cor. 14:34-35; I Timothy 2:11-12
[11]Let a woman learn in silence with all submission.
[12]And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.
The way to keep peace, truth, and order in the church is to seek that which is good for it, to bear with that which is not hurtful to its welfare, and to keep up good behaviour, order, and decency.
I know this verse is greatly misunderstood and debated by beloved women and many out there breaking the command.
First came the problem than God gave them an order or an ordinance through apostle Paul. Today please obey his command do not follow the crowd there may be many successful women out there by breaking this command, there were also many false prophets who were more successful, accepted by people than the true God chosen prophets Elijah, Isaiah and Jeremiah, etc. today I beseech you my sisters stand among the crowd and learn to be silent.
It is continual talk with Satan that led to the woman to eat the 'forbidden fruit', Eve didn't know when to stop and how to stop the conversation, it was that long pleading of Sarah that created problems among Abraham's descendants
It is God's law and commandment that they should be under obedience (1 Corinthians 14:34); they are placed in subordination to the man, and it is a shame for them to do anything that looks like an affectation of changing ranks. Our spirit and conduct should be suitable to our order. The natural distinctions God has made, we should observe. Those he has placed in subjection to others should not set themselves on a level, nor affect or assume superiority. The woman was made subject to the man, and she should keep her station and be content with it. For this reason, women must be silent in the churches, not set up for teachers; for this is setting up for superiority over the man.
These were some of the very very few spiritual sicknesses, illness and diseases, I know these points might have not touched many of your family problems. It's only because I know the list can go on, I have chosen only a few matters being a pastor I came across in family counselling and even there are many others but just focused on these only. Do not find solutions in the court, secular counsellors, or any psychiatrists, follow these prescriptions for healthy family life.
As partners please cross-check at least once in a week or if possible twice a week but not once a month not more than that.
1) Was God the centre of our family?
2) Are we as a couple growing spiritually?
3) Am I as a husband/wife did my responsibilities?
4) Have we as a couple led our children one step closure to Christ?
5) Was there anyone or thing more important than my spouse?
6) Did we trust the third party more than each other?
Here are my solutions to separating couples who are finding the solutions to restore but do not know how to do it.
Read these verses before following the steps
James 1:19-20
[19]So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;
[20]for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
1) In the New Testament, God hates separating couples and he really hates divorce. Matt. 5: 6-12. No divorce, no remarriage.
2) Always have intentions to reconcile but not estrangement
3) It may sound silly but seriously do it. Toss the coin to know who should talk first. Talk for 10 minutes without interruptions remember the formula Swift to hear slow to speak.
4) Never ever listen to the third party no matter how much truth he or she is speaking. Trust one another.
5) Always find solutions from the Bible
Everyone you marry has a weakness. So if you focus on your spouse's weakness you can't get the best out of his or her strength. When you get married or you want to get married stop digging into someone's past. What matters most is the present life of your partner. Old things have passed away. Forgive and forget. Focus on the present and the future. Every good marriage has gone through its own test of blazing fire. True love proves in times of challenges.
Marriage is an incredible journey ordained by God. Keeping Him at the centre of your marriage is important, and that’s why these Bible prescriptions about husbands, wives, marriage, and love are crucial medicines for your healthy family.
So today let us pray for our marriages and ask God to help us where we are lacking in our marriage.
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” – Romans 12:9 ESV
In Jesus Name
