Mature Christians Build Each Other Up In Word and In Deed
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”
Oh yeah? Listen to this: An elderly man had serious hearing problems for a number of years, so he was constantly urged by his family to get hearing aids. Finally, he relented, and without the family knowing it, he went to the doctor and was fitted with a set of very expensive out-of-sight hearing aids that allowed him to hear one hundred percent.
A month later he went back to the doctor for a follow-up visit, and the doctor said with a smile, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” To which the old man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I’ve changed my will three times already!”
Folks: Words matter! We tend to remember for a lifetime words of affirmation and encouragement. On the other hand, I’m sure you would agree that we have a very difficult time getting over hurtful words.
We all know that words can build up or tear down. Christians prevail in the struggle for right vs wrong only when we maintain unity in “the family of God” by seeking to build each other up - in word and in deed – Ephesians 4:25-32 . . .
One of the first lessons converts to Christianity learn is: God expects us to rid ourselves of desires that lead us down the wrong path, and replace them with the desire to be more and more like Christ whose act of love redeemed us, and whose words of love guide us in right paths that lead to our heavenly home where we shall be with our heavenly Father forever.
Love for God plus love for others is the crux of Christianity, the emblem of which is the Cross. Remember:
The idea of sacrificial love was new to pagans whose conversions brought them in to this fellowship of believers - the Church.
The idea of “agape” (sacrificially seeking the highest good of someone other than oneself) was foreign to folks who had not seen Jesus in person and, therefore, had neither heard him nor witnessed his resurrection; they were hearing the Gospel for the first time. The more they heard about Jesus, the more they desired to be “one of His” . . . to be “like Him” . . . to be able to love like He loved.
Even we who have spent our lives following Jesus have to be reminded from time to time what Christian love really means – simply because it is so hard to conceive of loving someone so much that we would be willing to bear a “cross” for their sake. So, Paul brings the concept to our doorstep and applies it to everyday life in terms of “no lying” but “speaking the truth in love”.
Paul simply amplified what Jesus had said: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven” - and, if necessary, use words. However, when you speak, watch your language . . . use words that matter . . . build each other up. “Before opening mouth, be sure brain is in gear!”
Lest anyone take this phrase (no lying, but speaking the truth in love) to mean it’s okay to be blunt - saying something like, “Let me be honest with you,” then proceeding to give the person a piece of your mind in a negative sort of way, let us be reminded: “whatsoever things are of good report, think on these things”.
You might call it “the power of positive speaking” . . . ! Mama used to say: “If you can’t say something good about your friends, don’t say anything.”
Ever hear someone say, “Well, even if he or she were standing right here in front of me, I’d say the same thing”. Would you? My response: Still does not justify talking about others in a way we would not want others to talk about us!
Let’s cut thru the chase like Paul did and get down to the bottom line . . . “where the water hits the wheel”: Intense feelings of anger, if allowed to fester, poison one’s attitude to the extreme of “acting out” vindictively - which is why Paul declared, “Do not let the sun go down on your uncontrolled anger”- “a kind of anger” that, even though it may not lead to “assault with intent to murder”, does render the perpetrator guilty of “character assassination” . . . must be avoided at all costs!
If unhealthy anger is allowed to take root, there must be intervention that leads to resolution – but resolution will occur only if there is forgiveness on the part of everyone involved in the conflict.
Ponder for just a few seconds all the negatives Paul associates with an unforgiving spirit – a “welling up” of anger that precipitates wrath, bitterness, clamor, slander, malice! Who needs any of that? Why would anyone choose to be haunted by painful memories, when there is available to the forgiving person a cleansing of the heart, mind and soul?
There is no need for anyone to live day after day with the cancer of an unforgiving spirit that clings to the past!
Choosing to hold on to the illusion that “others” have caused our misery takes the form of a self-imposed bondage that is absolutely unnecessary. It’s sort of like an “acid” that eats away at the spirit within us and erodes our spiritual well-being.
How do we confront it? (1) Take it seriously. (2) Assume full responsibility for one’s own shortcomings. (3) If there is conflict between any one of us and another person, go or call or write - in an effort to settle the matter once and for all – but do so lovingly, peacefully and forgivingly! Lastly, even if your effort goes unheeded:
Forgive and forget - keeping in mind that: to forgive means to make a promise to God and yourself to no longer hold a grudge, a resentment, a hurtful word, a wrongful deed (whether of commission or omission) against the offender . . . to forget means to keep your promise, go on with your life, and leave the matter where it belongs – in the hands of God!
Folks, I have discovered that God blesses us when we choose to forgive others. He removes all the baggage of resentment and the ill-will that weighs us down - which opens the gate for His goodness and mercy to flood our spirits, so that our lives become as joyful and as fulfilling as He created them to be.
But, still, what about the person who committed the wrong but did not (could not) respond to my communication? Well, about all I can say to that is: God is righteous and just. The one who wronged another will answer to God.
Your responsibility and mine is to get our own hearts right with God and, with His help, to let go – owing no one anything except the debt of love that we all owe to our Lord and to our fellowman.
Remember: God is working in and through all things to bring about that which is best for those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.
In the book, “The Weight of Your Words”, the author tells of a young man who was asked to try out for a role in the operatic part of a school concert.
His audition was only mediocre, but his music teacher reacted as if she had just heard a heavenly angel – “just beautiful . . . you’re just right for the role to be played in this concert.”
When the time came for tryouts the next year, a new music teacher had taken the place of the former teacher; the young man, even though unsure of himself, decided to try out anyway; he felt that he would perform well; and he thought he did.
However, as he retold his story years later, he said, “I will never forget the words spoken to me on that day. When the audition was finished, the new teacher asked bluntly, ‘Who told you you could sing?’”
From the time those six words were spoken to that young man, he says it took eight years, and a whole lot of coaxing on the part of his fiancée, before he ever again raised his voice in song.
Deep in his heart, he cultivated the spirit of forgiveness and went on to become a renowned minister of music!
God heals the hurts and strengthens the resolve of those who find it in their hearts to forgive, and go on with their lives!
So, let us go on to maturity so that we may wisely choose words and deeds that build others up! Amen.
