A FAILURE ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO COPE WITH, LET ALONE OVERCOME
“To better understand Baptist behavior, come over to the college and study human behavior.” Thus spoke Dr. George Christenberry, president of Augusta State University but also chairman of the deacons at Augusta’s FBC where I served at the time. He gave me his advice in response to my saying to him: “I have always understood Baptist beliefs but have never understood Baptist behavior.” I took his advice . . .
Having studied human behavior, practiced counseling, and observed human interaction as a counselor, I can tell you that there are folks whose failure to control their critical spirit is due to impairment . . . there are folks who willfully permit a critical spirit to dominate the way they see and speak of certain people.
If a critical spirit is allowed to prevail, the person on both the giving end and receiving end suffers damage . . . More often than not, a critical spirit represents a relationship failure of such magnitude that it is almost impossible to cope with, let alone overcome altogether!
When I came home one evening after having tried my best to reason with a counselee whose critical spirit made it difficult for family members and caregivers alike, Florence asked me how it went. I told her about all the negativity I had just been subjected to. Bless her heart, she wondered if I had tried hard enough . . . So I invited her to take my place next time and see if she could be the one person on the planet in whom my patient could find no fault. She declined my invitation . . .
Is there hope for folks whose critical spirit has become a part of who they are? For the clinically distraught whose minds have been negatively impacted by disease, yes, there is medication available for treating symptoms. And yes, family and caregivers can be taught coping skills.
For those who can help it, yet deliberately manifest a critical spirit out of selfish motives - even toward their biological family and oftentimes toward their brothers and sisters within the family of God - only a spiritual remedy has a chance of working.
Case study: We go to the Word of God to see how yet another relationship failure was dealt with by, and how it worked out for, servants of God who were forced to deal with a critical spirit among the people of God.
Once again, we are looking into the lives of dysfunctional family descendants of the Fathers of our Faith (the patriarchs). Fast forward to that period of migration from Sinai toward the Promised Land. Over and over again, it is said that the people complained and even rebelled against their rescuer! Moses had delivered them!
How painful to become the target of unjustified criticism of the kind that cuts deeply. Even more so, though, when close family members get in on the act!
Of all people, one would think that the sister who watched over Moses from birth, and the brother who stood by his side through it all, would be supportive of their dear younger brother - just when he needed them most! Not so!
Pride and prejudice from their past took its toll at long last not only on their relationship with the brother but also their relationship to God: Numbers 12:1-15 . . .
Why do folks find it “necessary” (as they see it) to compare themselves with others, knowing full well that they are going to conclude that they are better than or superior to whoever they compare themselves to?
We mature older folks I should think are committed to the New Testament principle enunciated by Paul (Galatians 3:28-29) In Christ, “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, (and, I might add, just as dysfunctional), and heirs according to the promise.”
Why I was called a “white” person puzzled me for a long time until I read an article in which it was reported that Crayola Crayon Company had put out a new color chart in which Caucasians are said to be “beige” – some more beige than others.
Well, Cushite and Midianite were terms used interchangeably to mean that these were nomadic tribes that had migrated from Ethiopia and whose skin color differed from that of the Hebrews. Be that as it may, most likely this sibling rivalry was due to Moses’ position of power as their “lord” or today we might say “POA”.
Here was a case of jealousy due to the sway that a “foreigner” had over the younger brother who owed his older sister and brother much appreciation for the watch care and nurture they had provided for him all these years!
However, this jealous twosome was “barking up the wrong tree” to think that Moses had anything other than their best interests at heart. And to make that pungent point, inserted into this dialogue is the oft-quoted reference to Moses as “the meekest man on the face of the earth.”
God’s servant was so disciplined, principled, and devoted . . . such a man of honesty and integrity . . . trusted by God and entrusted with the greatest task the world would ever witness, second only to Jesus, that God intervened immediately and urgently to get some things straightened out.
Folks, don’t ever anger God and have Him call you into a Family Conference of which He is the originator . . . the moderator . . . the only spokesperson! Why? Pure and simple: God rejects an unjustified, unfounded critical spirit!
Mama would have advised Miriam and Aaron: If you can’t say something good about someone whose mind you cannot read and whose heart you do not have insight into, keep it to yourself until you have the facts and know the truth, but even then be careful what you say and how you say it. As one wise old owl put it, “Speak the truth in love, and if necessary, use words.” Reactions borne of a critical spirit call for a disciplined response.
For the violator of God’s Rule, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you,” reactions borne of a critical spirit always carry with them consequences – maybe not as severe as Miriam’s (who turned chalk white with leprosy), and maybe not visible to others, but always known to oneself. Therefore, a practical cautionary rule to follow: “Before opening mouth, be sure brain is in gear.”
This is not to say “never open mouth” . . . “remain silent as if you were yellow” . . . “never offer an opinion”. God welcomes constructive criticism if it has to do with His Body of People as a whole - in terms of benefits and blessings to be derived from pooling ideas, suggesting alternatives, working together to achieve right solutions to right problems.
Get involved, and go for it! “I press on toward the prize of my high calling in Christ Jesus.”
“Workers together with God” became Paul’s mantra of honor and privilege which he sought to impress upon the minds and hearts of those who became his co-workers for doing good works - establishing new churches, spreading the Good News, being found faithful to the Cause for which he had been set apart, enduring to the end.
Keeping the flame of the Gospel burning so as to send the Light to all parts of the world needed a guiding principle, and this was it - working “with” not apart from or on one’s own! Working together with God and with one another!
Each servant of the Lord is accountable to God for any form of critical spirit that harms God’s Cause. If it ever becomes apparent that we have harmed rather than helped the Cause, we have to do as Aaron did – recognize God’s displeasure, respond in remorse, rededicate ourselves to helping rather than hindering.
Miriam was so loved that she was disciplined for God’s glory and her good. By God’s grace, her failure was not fatal nor final. God healed her in response to her brother’s powerful prayer! She was “brought” back into the fellowship which received her kindly. Once again, everybody was happy, and they moved forward!
Go forward, not backward, by claiming God’s restoration for yourself and by celebrating God’s restoration of others. Celebrate someone this week, even if it is yourself! Give God the glory! Amen.
