SERIES: “WOW! WHOSE YOUNG DAUGHTER IS THAT? (PART 3) HOW TO GET OUT OF MARAH, THE LAND OF BITTERNESS”
1. Ruth 1: 1 In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab. 2 The man’s name was Elimelek, his wife’s name was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion. They were Ephrathites (Ephraim – “fruitful)) from Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to Moab and lived there. 3 Now Elimelek, Naomi’s husband, died, and she was left with her two sons. 4 They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth. After they had lived there about ten years, 5 both Mahlon and Chilion also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband. 18 When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. 19 So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they arrived in Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them, and the women exclaimed, “Can this be Naomi?” 20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. 21 I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.” 22 So Naomi returned from Moab accompanied by Ruth the Moabite, her daughter-in-law, arriving in Bethlehem as the barley harvest was beginning.
2. Ruth 2: 5 Then Boaz said to his servant who was in charge of the reapers, “Wow! Whose Young Daughter Is That?”
INTRO: SERIES – “Wow! Whose Young Daughter Is That: PT3 – Getting Out Of Mara”
SERIES: An Intro (God Can Change Your Story); Love Is More Than Kissing; Getting Out Of Mara – Dealing With Bitterness; Behold A Woman Lay At His Feet - Marriage Before Sex; Characteristics Of A Good Spouse; Here Comes The Bride; When The Honeymoon Is Over - How Satan Attacks Christian Marriages; What Do You Do When You Realize You’ve Married The Wrong Person; The In-Laws Factor; You Can Begin Again (About Divorce Or Death); Life Without A Spouse, Etc.
IN FAMILIES OR MARRIAGES - KINDS OF SUFFERING FAMILIES GO THROUGH
The Unseen Future: Example: Elimelech ("God is my king") marries Naomi ("sweet one"). A marriage made in heaven. "God is my King" & "sweet one" have 2 kids – Mahlon ("sickly") and Chilion (“wasting away"). Why were 2 sickly kids born to such wonderful couple? Why did famine come? Why does a hard worker lose his / her job? Why do kids die? Why are we disappointed though committed to relationships? Why does anyone face illness? Why do natural disasters occur?
GOOD BIBLE VERSES ABOUT SORROW
1. Eccl 3:4 A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.
2. James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
3. Psalm 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
4. Ecclesiastes 7:2 It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting...
5. Matt. 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Source Of Suffering Who’s Responsible Who’s Affected Needed Response
Avoidable Physical / Natural Disaster -
Earthquake, Hurricane Those Who Ignored The Fact Or To Take Precaution Most Of Those Exposed To The Cause Prevent, If Possible, Prepare If Cannot Prevent
Unavoidable Physical / Natural Disaster (Same) God, Satan Most Of Those Present On-going Trust In God’s Faithfulness
Your Sins (Murder, Theft, Lies, Pride, Etc.) Sinner And Others Who Allowed The Sin Probably Many Including Those Who Sinned Active Resistance To Sinful Behavior And Sinner
My Sins (Drugs, Adultery, Lies, Arrogance, etc) I Am Me And Others Repent, Confess, Accept Consequences
GOD WARNS US AGAINST BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT
1. Heb. 12:14-15 "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many".
2. Eph. 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you".
3. Rom. 12:14-21: "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse… Do not repay anyone evil for evil… If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord…"
Illustration: "As two monks walked along a river's edge, they saw an old woman sitting by the bank, upset because there was no bridge. They offered to carry her across, to which she agreed. So the two monks joined hands and carried her across. She thanked them and went on. After the monks had walked a mile, the 2nd monk began to complain about the pain in his back and the dirt on his clothes because of the woman. Again & again he complained: 'My back is hurting, I cannot go on. Why did I carry that woman?’ He asked the 1st monk: 'Isn't your back hurting?' 'Of course not,' replied the 1st monk. 'You're still carrying the woman, but I set her down several miles ago.'"
WHAT IS RESENTMENT / BITTERNESS?
Bitterness & Resentment Are Two Sides Of The Same Coin. Resentment is the attitude people have toward someone or something. Bitterness is the accompanying inner feeling. Bitterness is defined as unpleasant, angry, hostile, sour, and resentful. A bitter person is hurting & angry and wants everyone else to feel the pain they feel. Thus they end up lashing out at everyone else, either passively or aggressively. Examples: The person who has been hurt by church people, whether true or not, may allow that hurt and pain to infiltrate their heart so that they lash out at all church folks – even the innocent. Some are bitter toward parents (estranged), a boss (workplace violence), a spouse (domestic abuse). Bitterness is like mystery illness that eats the flesh.
HOW WE PROGRESS TO BITTERNESS:
1. If We Don’t Deal With Offense, It Graduates To Hurt.
2. If We Don’t Deal With Hurt, It Graduates To Grudge.
3. If We Don’t Deal With Grudge, It Graduates To Bitterness.
4. If We Don't Deal With Bitterness, It Will Progress To Extreme Anger (Wrath).
5. If We Don't Deal With The Anger, We Start To Clamor (Demand) What We Want - Revenge.
6. If That Doesn’t Work, We Recruit Others To Agree With & Justify Our Feelings (Slander).
7. If That Doesn’t Work, We Desire To Cause Harm To Person We’re Bitter Against - murder.
SOME BITTER PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE
1. Man By Pool Of Siloam (John 9)
2. Haman Against Jews In Persia (Esther)
3. Gideon Against God (Judges 6-8 / Succoth)
4. Absalom kills Amnon – Tamar (2 Sam 13)
5. David’s Death Edict To Solomon (1 Kgs 2)
6. Prodigal Son’s Older Brother (Luke 15) 7. Rachel To Jacob “Give Me Kids” (Gen. 30)
8. Cain Bitter Toward Abel (Gen. 4)
9. Esau Bitter Toward Jacob (Gen. 27)
10. Joseph’s Brothers Bitter To Him (Gen. 37)
11. Pastor Bobby Davis, 2014, Bridgeport, CN, Miracle Faith Church; Died, sex sin confess.
CAUSES OF RESENTMENT
1. One-Sided Relationships: Individuals who are the primary givers and rarely the receivers in relationships are likely to form resentment over time. Taking each other for granted.
2. Little Things Become Big Things: Adjustment is an important task in the early stage of relationships. Couples must learn how to live together and accommodate each other. Everyone has certain little things they like or don’t like that the other person must respect. Do not minimize other at your own selfish desire.
3. No Room For Mistakes: Typically operating with strict rules for themselves and others. They tend to exhibit a form of rigidity and perfectionism. Allow some degree of individualism.
4. Unfulfilled Dreams: In the course of time together couples / families experience things that interrupt the pursuit of their dreams - loss of employment, bad spending habits, untimely death, chronic illness, addictions, or misplaced priorities, etc. Disappointments turn to resentment.
5. Exhibiting Bad Behaviors: In relationships, we lie, cheat, deceive, hide things, verbal or physical abuse, police involvement, damaging reputation, being vengeful, being mean, disrespect, dishonoring, selfishness, stubbornness, pride, lack of compassion or empathy, etc.
6. Envying What Others Have: We resent and become bitter because we do not have what others have. People like Cain, Saul, Pharisees, etc.
SOME SYMPTOMS OF BITTERNESS
1. You Feel God Has Let You Down. Since bitterness is tied to unforgiveness, many people will start to blame God for everything wrong in their life. They will feel that God has let them down.
2. You Are Replaying Tapes: You never forget the past.
3. Your Mouth Is Out Of Control: Romans 3:14 "Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness." There is connection between the junk that comes out of our mouths and the bitterness that takes root in our hearts. Do you get angry often? Are you critical, snappy, rude? Maybe sins committed with your mouth are extension of the bitterness you have allowed to grow in your heart.
4. You Are Sick Without Diagnosis: When harbored for a long time, bitterness may forecast physiological impairment that can affect metabolism, immune response or organ function and physical disease. Bitter people are much more likely to die of heart disease and other illnesses. Acts 8:23, Paul describes "gall of bitterness" - a bile is a bitter substance that sickens.
5. Your Clan Is Bitter: Heb. 12:15 says like all weeds, bitterness has a way of spreading. Bitterness grows. A man infects his wife. She infects her children. The bitterness spreads and soon the whole family is infected. Is your church & community filled with harsh & angry people?
SOME RESULTS OF BITTERNESS
1. Bitterness Will Divide Relationships & Fellowship: God has been good to us. If you want God to withdraw His Hand, then begin harboring bitterness for others. We’re all humans and will offend at times. You’re not the first to get hurt in church. Grow up and get over it.
2. Bitterness Will Deprive You Of A Blessing: You’ll bring that negative, critical spirit to church with you. You won’t come looking for a blessing, you’ll be looking for what’s wrong… and you’re sure to find it! Example: Michal Was Barren Till Death.
3. Bitterness Will Change Your Name: Marah is a bitter situation. It’s a time when people forget you’re real and call you by the situation you are facing. Example: Naomi
4. Bitterness Makes It Difficult To Achieve & Maintain Relationships: Resentment creates a gap between people that only the resentful party can fix.
NAOMI IS A BITTER WOMAN
While Orpah Did The Wrong Thing For All The Wrong Reasons, Naomi Does The Right Thing, But In The Wrong Spirit. Naomi's decision to return to Israel had nothing to do with love, commitment, faith. She returned out of necessity & duty. Let’s Learn From Her Mistakes.
1. NOTICE THE BURDEN SHE CARRIED - 1:5-7
No One Would Suggest That The Pain, heartache, and disappointment that Naomi felt were illegitimate. Nor would we minimize the burden she carried. She certainly felt overwhelmed when her life in a distant land began to completely unravel.
Consider What She Lost In Ten Years’ Time: [1] her husband – 1:5, [2] her children- 1:5, [3] her security, [4] her possessions – 1:21, [5] her status – 1:19, [6] her reputation – 1:19, and [7] her closeness to God - 1:13. Before we judge Naomi too quickly we should try to imagine how we would respond in her circumstances. By Ruth 1:6, she bears a heavy burden. When she heard that things were better in Bethlehem, she returned because she had nowhere else to turn. But that is not bad in itself. Her burden drove her back to where she belonged.
2. NOTICE THE BITTERNESS SHE HARBORED - 1:13, 20, 21
Emotional Pain That Goes Untreated Can Poison Even The Strongest Christian. They may wear a smile at church, but harbor bitterness deep down. And eventually, bitterness infects every relationship. Naomi freely admits that she had grown bitter over time [Ruth 1:20a]. Naomi means "pleasant one." But now she desires to be known as "Mara", which means "bitter one."
Two Observations About Bitterness From Naomi's Experience (Typical):
a. Bitter People Tend To Blame Others For Their Trouble: At the risk of sounding insensitive to her trials, we must ask, "Who created her problems?" Answer: She and her husband. When Elimelech moved to Moab they moved outside of God's will for their lives. Surely, she shared some of the blame for that disobedience. But she primarily blames God. Notice 3 Phrases:
? Ruth 1:13 "The Hand Of The Lord Has Gone Out Against Me!"
? Ruth 1:20 "The Almighty Has Dealt Very Bitterly With Me."
? Ruth 1:21 "The Almighty Has Afflicted Me?"
By using "Almighty" (El Shaddai), Naomi suggested that "He who is self-sufficient took the supports of my life." People Typically Blame God For One Or More Of Misplaced Reasons: [1] We don't know whom to blame. [2] We expect God to override the consequences of our personal failures. [3] We expect God to fix immediately what we have taken years to progressively damage.
b. Bitter People Tend To Vent Hostility On Others. Bitter people are easy to spot. They are critical, insensitive, negative. They seldom care for those whom they hurt intentionally or unintentionally - the result is the same. Subtle Ways Naomi's Bitterness Manifests:
? She Offered Poor Advice – Ruth 1:8: Her advice was based on her experience. She was so distant from God that she suggested that they "return" to their false gods.
? She Was Insensitive To Ruth & Orpah's Grief – Ruth 1:12-15: She thought her situation was more desperate than theirs. Maybe it was, but do not diminish their loss or pain.
? She Considered Ruth & Orpah As Carnal As She Was – Ruth 1:15-16: Ruth is placing her faith in Jehovah, but Naomi thinks that Ruth is only concerned with worldly matters.
? She Depreciated The Value Of Her Relationship With Ruth – Ruth 1:21: No introduction of who Ruth was to her relatives and acquaintances.
? Notice The Barrenness She Experienced – Ruth 1:21: How did Ruth feel standing there and hearing of her non-existence?
3. NOTICE THE INDIRECT EXPRESSION OF THAT BITTERNESS (RUTH 2:2):
After Sharing Her Bitterness With The Women At Bethlehem and blaming God for her sorrow and poverty, we see that when Ruth asked permission to go to the fields to glean, all Naomi said was, “Go, my daughter” (v.2). No words of encouragement, not even the promise of prayers.
CONCLUSION: GOD WORKED THROUGH RUTH TO RELEASE NAOMI
The God Naomi Blamed For Her Trouble Had Already Taken Steps To Filling The Void In Her Life. The God who "works all things together for good to those that love Him" (Romans 8:28) intended to use Ruth to transform Mara back into Naomi. Healing would take time.
Illustration: Charlotte Elliot of Brighton, England, was a bitter woman. Her health was broken & disability hardened her. "If God loved me," she complained, "He would not have treated me this way." A Swiss minister, Dr. Cesar Malan, visited the Elliots to help Charlotte. During dinner, Charlotte lost her temper and spoke against God and family in a violent outburst. Her embarrassed family left the room. Dr. Malan stared at her: "You’re tired of yourself, aren't you?" he said. "You are holding to your hate and anger because you have nothing else in the world to cling to. Consequently, you have become sour, bitter, and resentful." "What is your cure?" asked Charlotte. "The faith you are trying to despise." As they talked, Charlotte softened. She said, "If I wanted to become a Christian and to share the peace and joy you possess, what would I do?" "You would give yourself to God just as you are now, with your fightings and fears, hates and loves, pride and shame," he answered. "I would come to God just as I am? Is that right?" Charlotte did come just as she was. Her heart was changed that day. As time passed she found and claimed to John 6:37 as a special verse… "he who comes to Me I will by no means cast out." Several years later, she wrote a poem and it was printed and sold across England – now the most famous invitational hymn in history. “Just as I am, without one plea, But that Thy blood was shed for me, And that Thou bidd'st me come to Thee,O Lamb of God, I come! I come.”
DEALING WITH BITTERNESS / CURE FOR BITTERNESS
1. Know That Life Can Get Bitter: Jesus said that offenses would come (Luke 17:1). Life can turn bitter with little or no notice. Life is a winding and troubled road. Death, Loss of job, relatives, health, relationships, unmet goals, etc. Blame others/God.
2. Admit Your Resentment: Don’t minimize or justify it. Resentment is not something others give you. You choose to be resentful. Admit it and you have taken the first step in finding the cure.
3. Acknowledge How The Resentment Is Harming You: Who is being harmed by your resentment? Does it rob you of enjoyment? Does it keep you up at night?
4. Be Content When Disappointed: We perceive ourselves as being entitled to having all our wants and desires fulfilled. When that doesn’t happen, we become “victims,” we whine and complain and grumble.
5. Seek The Face Of God: Resentment is hard to let go. It attaches itself to us like leech. But we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. We get no satisfaction from Drugs, Alcohol, Marriage, Singlehood, Money, Recognition, Work, Materialism, Religion, etc. - only in God.
BIBLE VERSES ON RESTORATION
1. Psalm 23:3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
2. Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
3. Amos 9:14 I will restore the fortunes of my people Israel, and they shall rebuild the ruined cities and inhabit them; they shall plant vineyards and drink their wine, and they shall make gardens and eat their fruit.
4. Malachi 3:11 Then I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of the ground; nor will your vine in the field cast its grapes," says the LORD of hosts. And I will restore to you the years that the caterpillar has eaten, the locust, and the cankerworm, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.
INTERCESSORY PRAYERS
1. Every bitterness programmed into my joy must become powerless in the name of Jesus.
2. Every disappointment assigned against my life must die now in the Name of Jesus.
3. Every yoke of bitterness in my life break apart now in the name of Jesus.
