ILLUST> In the movie Shall We Dance, John Clark is middle aged Chicago estate lawyer who loves his family and his wife Beverly but their combined hectic lives and schedules have left him feeling unfulfilled and empty. Like we talked about last week he is a man who has lost heart. So he decides to pursue ballroom dancing, probably initially anyway for the wrong reasons, the beauty of a certain instructor. With all of the time that he spends away Beverly suspects that he might be having an affair. In the end, his pursuit of dancing re-ignites his heart and his heart for her. He dresses up in a tux, buys her flowers and shows up at work to dance with his wife. You have to love her response. Now, it would be easy to conclude that there it is on display, the heart of a woman. If you want to understand and get through to her heart just follow suit and do that. Nothing could be further than the truth, there is so much more to the feminine heart than just that. That’s why we need to spend some time together today talking about that.
Before we jump in and do that good morning and welcome to DCC, so glad that you are here. 3 quick essentials before we get started this morning. All of your story is safe is welcome here regardless of how it reads, you belong with us regardless of what you believe, and you are in a room full of people who are just like you, not people who used to be like you or have learned to put up with people like you, people I promise you who are just like you. So I hope that you feel safe and wanted here today because you are and that you have a great experience and want to come back hopefully even next week. So special welcome from all of us to you, and to all of our friends watching online right now too.
So we are in this series called Ransomed Heart and last week we talked about the heart of a man, the masculine heart, which brings us to today and the heart of a woman. So let me start with this. I kinda feel like I am walking through a minefield today with a blindfold on. My only sibling is a sister, I have been married for almost 32 years, and I have four daughters ages 24-14 and yet the tagline to the book Captivating still rings true to me…unveiling the mystery of a woman’s soul. While I have more clarity and understanding than I did 30 years ago even 10 years ago, the truth is that much of the feminine heart and soul still remains a mystery to me today and there are dozens of women in our church who could lead this journey much better than me. So, I am hoping that you seek them out after today because despite my best efforts, I still struggle to speak girl.
Let’s jump back in by going back to Proverbs 4:23. Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Which is great, but in order to guard them we must first understand them. That’s what we are after in this series. So what about this feminine heart? John and Stasi Eldredge in the book Captivating suggest that most women feel unseen, even by the people closest to them, unsought, that no one has the passion or courage to work through the messiness and pursue them, and uncertain, uncertain of what it even means to be a woman or be feminine, uncertain if you are or if you will ever really be. What if that is true? What is at the core of every woman’s heart? What are her desires? What did she long for as a little girl? What does she still long for in her life as a woman today? Let’s take this journey today together and see…
If you have a Bible we are going to be right back in Genesis chapter 1 today. If you don’t have a Bible we would love to give you one. They are back on the back tables that you can grab right now if you would like if you close or on you can always grab one on your way out. As always you can hit our app or the You Version app too. Or you can ignore all of that and read along with me on the screens. So, here we go let’s start right where we were last week in Genesis chapter 1 beginning with verse 27…
27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
Okay, so the exact same passage that we read last week with Adam and Eve dropped into a great adventure and both, male and female created in the very image of God. We get a little more detail in chapter 2. Check this out, here we go, verse 18…
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
So God says it is not good for man to be alone and after parading all the animals by when no suitable helper is found, he creates this helper Eve from Adam’s rib. We read that part last week. Now, my guess is that the word helper stirs some less than positive thoughts in the minds of many of the ladies in the room today. If so, I get that. Maybe this will help, the best translation of the Hebrew here is life giver. Ladies you were created to be a life giver a source of life to those around you which happens to line up beautifully with one of the core desires that God has placed in each of your hearts. So, here we go, deep within the heart of a woman lies the desire for…
AN IRREPLACEABLE ROLE IN A HEROIC ADVENTURE I want to talk about this one first because I believe that this is the one that we most often overlook, miss or dismiss, especially in this thing that we do called church. The church has historically not been a big help here. Let’s be honest. Our message to women in the church has been we built two spots in this building with you in mind, the nursery and the kitchen. Now, not here, not in this place, I am talking about the capital C church. Don’t get mad at me or send me nasty emails. We have a few very talented women leaders on our staff leadership team, 1/3 or our team to be exact and many more on talented women leaders on staff. Some of them choose to work with our kids and that is great but I wouldn’t tell any of them you belong in the nursery. That just would not go well for me, but that has often been the message in the capital C church. God created you to serve in the nursery, in the kitchen, as a helper, in your home and at the PTA. Women in the church are taught to be sweet, helpful, kind, put their hair in a bun, wear a lose fitting dress, and to stay busy helping in the nursery and in the kitchen. This is not about equal rights and political correctness. The problem is that in doing that we have missed the very essence of their feminine hearts.
Most women in the church today are very busy, very disciplined, very dutiful, very composed. But do you know what else they are…they are very tired, worn out and exhausted which makes sense when you think about the impossible standard that we hold them to. Here it is, I think I found it honey, I just stumbled across this in my Bible study, this sounds good, the Proverbs 31 woman, just be that. Have you ever really read that? Stacy, my wife, cross-stiched it about 25 or so years ago and it hangs by the back door in my house today. Here it is. But it scares me a little bit because who in the world can possibly live up to all of that? She is so busy. When does she have time for friends, to take a walk, to take a bubble bath, to read a good romance novel? She doesn’t. It suggests that something is wrong with you if you don’t have, can’t have or don’t want kids or if you aren’t or don’t want to be married. For some, it is not only proof but Biblical proof that they don’t measure up and are failing as a woman.
It’s like a very Christian version of June Cleaver. Here you go. I grew up watching Leave it to Beaver. Really? I don’t know if June was a Christian I do know that no one dresses like that to clean house. Come on. These images leave women feeling like they are not only failing at what they do, but at who they are, and who they are supposed to be. In some ways it’s a bad image. I could be wrong, but I think, this desire that God has placed in your heart for an irreplaceable role in an adventure looks more like this…
******ROLL LORD OF THE RINGS VIDEO************
I love that. Beautiful, yeah she is that, but so much more than that. If you want him, come and claim him. I see that in my wife Stacy and in each of my girls too. In other words, bring it on, Arwen is fierce. She has found her irreplaceable role in a heroic adventure. It is a deep desire in the heart of every woman. See I think this image of June Cleaver that might be more accurate. How about this? When I really think about it I think about it I cannot remember one single person ever who has ever come to our house commenting about the Proverbs 31 woman hanging on the wall. What they most often comment on hangs in our front room, it’s my favorite, it’s this…
ILLUST> When my daughter Spence was about 6 or so she played in an all boys basketball league back in North Carolina. She was the only girl in the league. During a game that I was unable to attend a boy stole the ball from her and took off to the other end of the floor. Spence took off after him, not to guard him or try to steal the ball. She caught him and shoved him in the back as hard as she could. After the game a grandmother of one of the boys approached Stacy to tell her how much she enjoyed watching Spence play. This grandma gets it. It is not her not acting like a lady, it points to something else that is deep within her feminine heart. Last Saturday we had several good friends come to watch her play a high school game. During the game one of our friends Jean said “I want Spencer’s arms”. I remember thinking me too. She is strong, cut, leane and ripped and absolutely beautiful. Here’s the thing. Those things can go and do go together.
One of the coolest things I think about the book The Shack is that God is portrayed as a woman. I am not saying it is theologically true, don’t email me, I am saying there is something in that. Ladies you were created in the image of God. Don’t miss all that means. The strength, passion, fierceness, fierce devotion, courage, and power that you possess, the mama bear that we see in women who become mom’s, all those things in your heart are a direct reflection of the heart of God. So, don’t miss that and don’t miss this, you not only want a role in a heroic adventure you want an irreplaceable one. You want one that no one else can possibly fill but you. I continue to learn this in my life every day more and more with Stacy. I am not often good at making sure she feels it. She wants to be right beside me in this story that we call DCC. To be my wife is not enough. She wants to know what is going on, not to be the last to know, to be right beside me not behind me in this story, not just a role and irreplaceable role. Okay, so let’s step a little deeper into the minefield. Chapter 3 verse 1…
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” 2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” 4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
Adam is standing right beside Eve the entire time. So why does Satan speak to her? It is not because she was closer to him, weaker, or more susceptible. Satan goes after Eve because of her beauty and that continues today. Ladies the core desire of your feminine heart that is most attacked and assaulted by the enemy today is your desire to…
TO UNVEIL BEAUTY Last week I talked about how a woman’s beauty leaves a man totally and completely undone. My understanding from talking with women who lead Captivating is that this is the core desire that gets pushed back on the most by women going through it. Something inside of you has trouble believing and receiving that you are beautiful. Most men doubt that they really have strength, and most women struggle to believe that they are beautiful. There’s a reason for that. Check this out…Ezekiel 28. Just a few verses…verse 12…
You were the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty….verse 17…Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth; I made a spectacle of you before kings.
God is describing Satan there. He was the most beautiful of all of God’s creation until of course ladies God created you. He was cast out of heaven and now his heart for revenge is to assault you. Ladies he most especially hates you. He hates you because you are beautiful, you are captivating, uniquely glorious and he cannot be. You are the incarnation of the beauty of God, which is so much more than skin deep.
ILLUST> This week I spent 3 days back in Louisville with my friend Dave who is like a brother to me. On Monday morning I went with him for his 4 hours of chemo. He is in a fight for his life with one of the rarest, worst, and fastest spreading types of Cancer. As we were sitting there waiting he told me that he hoped Erin or Sarah would be his nurse that day because they were his favorites. He was jazzed when Erin walked into the room and quickly introduced me. She was young, in her twenties I would guess, in her scrubs, with her haired pulled back in a pony tail, with a sports headband thing on. She didn’t have a perfect complexion but didn’t have on a bit of makeup at all. It didn’t matter she was a beautiful girl but the real depth of her beauty became apparent throughout the next 3 hours or so as she cared for my buddy Dave. She was tender, kind, loving, merciful, and caring. She was a beautiful girl beautifully reflecting these other qualities of the heart of God. It is written on your heart too. Your beauty is so much more than skin deep.
You have a beauty that you desperately want to unveil. The problem is that the enemy has used this air-brushed make believe world that we live in to convince you that you don’t. So let me remind you of this, God saved the best for last. You are the crescendo, the final astonishing work of God, the crown of all creation. You fill a place in the world that nothing and no one else can fill. The whole vast world was incomplete without you. Creation reached it’s finishing touch in you. The last thing in the world that the enemy wants is for you to believe that and step up and into that. You are the incarnation of the beauty of God. The enemy hates you with a jealousy that you can only imagine and will stop at nothing to keep you from unveiling your beauty…from stepping into this core desire of your heart. This is your story. Let’s finish this, so after the fall and Adam and Eve hide, listen to what God says to Eve when he finds them…v. 16…
16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
So as a result of the fall, not only does childbearing bring pain, some of the desire that you have for the relationship that you have with the man in your life will not be met. Instead of the great romance set in the midst of the great adventure of the garden, man will now have to work hard to provide for his wife and his family. Now, something new, something else will demand much of his attention. The relationship will now often feel more like a business relationship, a partnership, a master/slave or a boss/employer relationship. She will often feel like she is not a priority to him. Does any of this sound at all familiar? Of course it does. What God is speaking to here is the last desire of the heart of a woman that we need to talk about today, specifically, you have a desire…
TO BE ROMANCED So we have come around full circle to the scene that we opened with today. Deep inside your feminine heart there is strength, power, courage, fierceness, dignity, tenderness, mercy, beauty, that is inviting, captivating, and alluring. But there is also a deep desire to be seen, to be wanted, to be desired, to be pursued, to be enjoyed, a desire to be romanced.
ILLUST> Shortly after I got home from Louisville on Wednesday afternoon my daughter Spence got home. When I played basketball in high school I would come home on game days and listen to classical soundtrack type music to prepare myself for the battle that was coming that night. After Spence and I talked for a bit there she was, my warrior princess, with her muscular arms, plopped down on the couch watching tv. She likes action movies, it wasn’t that. She desires an irreplaceable role in an heroic adventure, it had nothing to do with that. She was watching one of her recorded girl shows. The show she was watching was speaking into her deep desire to be pursued wanted, desired, pursued and enjoyed, to be someone else’s priority, her desire to be romanced. It is a big part of her young feminine heart.
These questions linger, am I lovely? Will anyone fight for me? Will anyone pursue me? You wonder why the man or the men in your life struggle so much with answering those for you. Maybe this will help…
***********ROLL JOHN ELDREDGE STORY VIDEO**** That is what the men in your life are up against. Your enemy is not just after shutting down the desires of your heart, he is after the heart of your man too, with messages like “back off”, “leave her alone”, “you really don’t want to go there”, and “if you do, it will not go well for you”. So we do exactly that, we back off, we run away and we do not pursue and the questions linger. Am I lovely? Do you see me? Do you want to see me? Are you captivated by what you find in me? These are your questions. In the movie The Last of the Mohicans Nathaniel says to Cora. “I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far I will find you.” You are my priority, I will find you. Music to every woman’s ears.
ILLUST> My wife Stacy grew up in a family of 9 kids. She got lost in the mix. The message she has received over the course of her life is you don’t really matter, you are the second or third choice, you are not a priority, you are not enough. Over the course of our lives together I have done some terrible things to reinforce that message “you are not enough” very loud and clear. I worry about how my daughters have been wounded by that. I worry that because of what their dad has done and the pain that they have watched their mom experience that they will be afraid of men and unable to trust them. That they will expect to be hurt and wake up one day like their mom did to hear once again that they are not enough. They like every other woman here want to feel desired and wanted, to be pursued and fought for. Sometimes I just do a really crappy job of that. The good news is this. Even when I drop the ball, God is there to pick it up.
You are not unsought, you are not unseen, and you don’t have to be uncertain. You are sought after, pursued, romanced, and the passionate desire of Jesus. Your heart cannot continue to be last on the list of priorities in your life. Captivating is not just another study, it is who you are. You are dangerous in your beauty, life-giving in your power, and you are needed. You were made for so much more and you know it. Something is still missing and I hope that you will take this journey so that you can begin to find it. Let’s pray.
